Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 July 1901 — Our Man About Town. [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town.

Discusses Sundry and Other Matters.

Ab J stood at the depot dun--day watching the excursionists depart for Chicago, my attention was called to several persons who were thus squandering their money, or rather other people’s, who owed bills they had forgotten to pay, some of which were of several year’s standing. One fellow was pointed out to me that was said to be owing fifty dollars for groceries furnished to his family, and several others were singled out, that, it was alleged, owed bills of various amounts. We eVen noticed some that owed their «newspaper. Merchants should adopt the plan that southern merchants use with the worthless niggers of that sec tion. During the summer months every coon that can dig up a “biled” shirt takes in the cheap “scursions,” but when the winter winds blow he immediately applies to the authorities for food and clothing, or to use a southern phrase, they “get on the town.” It is then that the bucks are reminded of the cheap rides they took when the gentle zephyrs blew and are advised to take a freight for a potter clime. * *

This reminds us of a chap a few years ago who wanted to go to a circus that struck town. He had no money, but that cut no figure. He simply went down to Mr. Starr’s and bought a dollar’s worth of sugar on time. This he sold at a liberal discount and there he was, with money for both the circus and side shows. The groceryman no doubt is still carrying the account. * » * The following is the heading of the list of marriage licenses in an Indiana exchange: Infant Industries. - The following parties will have a “warm time” this warm weather. » * • # Lawyers say if you want a client to do a thing tell him not to do it and he will be dead sure to do it. Tell him to do it and you couldn’t drag him to the task with forty yoke of oxen. • V They tell it on Harry,|the bootblack, that he was so busy last Sunday that he went with one of his shoes blacked and the other unblacked, all day. *** i ;i This is a true story of a Rensselaer preacher, or at least we suppose it is true, as he tel's it himse'f. A week or two ago he was called out to Parr to officiate at a wedding. He needed a new pair of trousers and invested a couple of dollars in a pair just before starting out on his drive. In his burry in dressing he failed to notice that the trousers were about three inches short. On the way to Parr he got caught in a rain and the pants began shrinking. When he stepped into the house he glanced toward his feet, when horror of horrors, he discovered the condition of his pants. They did not reach to the top of his shoes. Putting on a brave front, however, he proceeded to business and soon had the happy couple tied up In a knot' that he hopes will be permanent. A five dollar fee helped to restore his equanimity and also to replace the trousers with a longer pair. As he has no bqys he is at a loss to know What to do with the short pair.

Here is the way to make Hmburger cheese, as given by one of the habitues of Fendig’s drug store: “Take two gallons of sour milk and set it in the stove until it begins to froth. Put in a half dozen eggs (eggs which are racked and torn with trouble are best.) About this time throw in a little assafoetida, stir well and if you have any decayed vegetables around the house, slice them up and put in. After it has acquired strength take it out in the barn four or five days and ten nights. Then place out in the boiling sun until it dies, after which it may be served, and then great care should be taken in approaching.” A traveling man was in Warner’s hardware store a few days ago and happening to look at a case containing some fine revolvers, told the following story: “Some time ago,” he said, “I was in the south traveling for a dr> goods house and selling to the general stores scattered around in

forsaken places of that country. One day I was traveling along a semi-de-serted road just as the evening shadows were beginning to fall. Suddenly I was commanded to halt and a rough looking citizen poked a pistol in my face. Of course I threw up my hands and he relieved rrfte of all my valuables. And then, gentlemen, I was very glad that I didn’t have my revolver with me.” A chorus of “whys” went up then as visions of a sanguinary contest flitted through the brains of his listeners. “Because he would have taken that, too,” was the answer, and the silence that ensued for the next five minutes could have been (Shopped with an axe, *»* One of the hottest days last week a little girl was on the train and carried a little hand sled. The jokes made

about it would fill a good sized book. • » A man in this town who has many things to remember, disconnects his chain from his watch and leaves it thus until the errand is disposed of, as a constant reminder.