Rensselaer Journal, Volume 10, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 May 1901 — Picked Up Around Town [ARTICLE]

Picked Up Around Town

A man who had not paid much attention to his soul’s salvation in an active manner took down sick. He was not a bad man, but rather indifferent, some folks thought, especially concerning his own salvavation. So when he took down he was seriously ill, and it was not at all unlikely that he might pass in his checks. He was not what an ortho dox minister of the gospel would call prepared to travel the golden stairs, and on that account a very venerable preacher with long gray locks, a tremelo voice and an apostolic look that would have made the fortune of a confidence man, called on the sick man who was hovering close to the brink. He asked him if he was afraid to die. He said he did not think he was afraid, although he was not expecting to pass ud just at that time. “No, but I mean,” said the preacher, “have you made your peace with God?” The sick man replied that he never had any quarrel with Him. “I mean,” said the good man, “are you afraid to meet your God?” “No.” said the man of weak lungs, “I never saw anybody yet that I was afraid of and I do not think the Lord has it in for me.” The man of the gospel left him in chagrin, but the sick man got well.

A woman went into a store to buy some wash goods. She asked one of the clerks if the goods she was examining was fast color, to which he replied that he was not positive, hut he thought it was. And he said it with an air of innocence and candor that would have befitted a cherubfaced babe. To which one of the other girl clerks said to the clerk selling the goods, “That’s a lie,” but said it in German, which was supposed to be a dead language to the customer. The woman said: “I guess I will not take any of this.” And she walked away smiling significantly. Which shows that you can’t tell by people’s looks what they can talk or understand. * * * There are more cranks on religion than on any other line of human conduct. People otherwise rather sane and sensible may be “bughouse” on religion. The other day on the train was a man who probably imagined he was one of the apostles. He probably had it figured out that he was John the Baptist if not an apostle. He wears all sort of Biblical inscriptions on his clothes. On his hat he had a label saying, “Blessed are the pure in heart.” He was so dirty that if you had thrown him against the side of the car he would have adhered to it from sheer dirt. He writes on the fences, “Flee from the wrath to come,” yet he is so unsavory looking that one should think he wonld need to flee from the raggedy man. He says, “Now is the accepted time,” but be hasn’t had a bath since he was born. Yet, no doubt, he thinks he is honest and upright and walking in the fear of the Lord. And he ought to be afraid, as filthy as he is. * * * A woman in this town, who is so slowthat she is always doing last year’s house cleaning this year, was very much disappointed that she could not go to call on a sick friend of hers. She told a neighbor about it and it took her just an hour and three quarters by the watch to tell her troubles. It would have taken her fifteen minutes to make the sick call.

A doctor in this town says the people who do not pay their doctor’s bills are the hardest to please when a doctor treats them. * * * A preacher went into a butcher shop the other day and asked the price of liver. He was told by the accommodating man behind the block that it cost five cents a pound. He said: “Cut me off a half pound.” Do you suppose preachers buy in proportion to their salary? * * * A woman came to visit here and her complexion was the most beautiful our citizens had seen in a long time. It was hand made and was perfection. Everybody looked when she walked along the street. The friend she visited also wears a complexion that is a drug store product and is put on by hand. The boys call One the mummy and the other the ghost.