Rensselaer Journal, Volume 10, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 April 1901 — HUMOR OF THE DAY. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The Girl “Are you contemplating marriage?” The Bachelor—“ Yes; at a safe distance.”—Syracuse Herald. **Why have humorists never organized Into clubs?” “Because the law doesn’t require any man to incriminate himself.”— Chicago Record. Mrs. Bubble—“Oh, Mr. Cadleigh told me he thinks I sing beautifullyr Mlsa Digg—“lsn’t he too sarcastic for anything?”—Ohio State Journal. He was hired as piano soloist, For that was his vocation; But he found himself only accompanist For society’s conversation. —The Smart Set. Bill—“ What would you call a short acquaintance?” Jill-“ Why, Gill; I tried to borrow a quarter from him, and he didn’t have it.”—Yonkere Statesman. “Say, mamma, how much am I worth?” “You are worth a million of dollars to me, my son.” “Say, mamma, couldn’t you advance me twenty-five cents?”—Time. Sappy—“l think I shall—aw—nevah have to stwuggle for gweatness. Aw, I was great, doncherknow?” Crusty—“By Jove! How you must have shrunk!”—Tit-Bits. “That waiter Is either a dunce or a humorist, I’m not sure which.” “What’s the matter?” “I asked him for some extract of beef and he brought me milk.”—Philadelphia Press. “Is he a young man of brains?” inquired an o'd gentleman respecting a swell youth. “Well, really,” said his daughter, “I don’t know. I never met him anywhere except In society.” A woman is a paradox That certainly seems queer, She screams at mice, and yet will face A dentist without fear. —Philadelphia Record., "We should try to keep our dally record pure and white. It is hard, but ” “Oh, no; that’s easy. I haven’t written a word in my . diary since January 2.” —Philadelphia Bulletin. Blobbs—“The girl young Bjones Is engaged to is quite intellectual. Isn’t she?” Slobbs —“Yes; they say she never writes him a love letter without having it copyrighted.”—Philadelphia Record. “Now that you have found the north pole,” queries the faithful comrade, “what will you do with it?” “Do with it?” echoes the distinguished explorer, his face aflame with the joy of discovery, “I shall syndicate it”—Chicago Tribune. “Marry me,” urged the nobleman, “and I’ll pledge my honor to make you Tiappy.” The proud beauty tossed her head scornfully. “Haven’t you anything else to put In soak?” she queried, for she had an eye to the financial end of the transaction.—Philadelphia Record.