Rensselaer Journal, Volume 10, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 April 1901 — HUMOR OF THE DAY. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE DAY.

“All the while the cashier was burning the candle at both ends.” “And keeping it dark! Well, I declare!”— Detroit Journal. ■“Oh, May! how did you get your hair arranged so beautifully?” “I did it up carefully, and then played two games of basketball.”—Puck. He (on short acquaintance) “You have divine eyes.” She—“ And I must say you have sublime cheek to tell so.”—Philadelphia Bulletin. “No doubt yoti think me heartless,” Said flirty Miss Devine. “0. no!” said he; “how could I, Since you have stolen mine?” —Philadelphia Record. “Did you hear Vognerlist execnt" that Beethoven Sonata?” “Yes, I knew it was a case of horrible assault, but I didn’t know that he had killed the piece.”—Kansas City Star. “I think,” says Mrs. Starvem— On this subject she’s a crank—- “ That the man who jumps his board bill Should ba made to walk the plank.” —Philadelphia Press. Toucher (after having watched the angler for a long time) “Say, I just admire your wonderful patience. Wouldn’t you like to lend me five dollars a little while?”—Fliegende Blaetter. “There’s just one trouble with your flannel cakes,” remarked the jovial boarder. “What’s that?” inquired the landlady. “They may be all wool, but they’re not a yard wide.”—Philadelphia Record. “O, no; she’s not at all what you would call a really feminine woman. She affects masculine ways.” “How?” “Well, for instance, yesterday I saw her give a streetcar conductor a nickel when she had five pennies in her purse.”—Chicago Post. “Do you read a novel as most women?” asked Ardent Admirer; “read the last chapter and then the rest of the story?” “Oh,” said the Loveliest Girl, “that sort of thing is out of date. We now read the last chapter and then go to see the dramatization.” —lndianapolis Press. “My dear,” said the meek Mr. Newliwed, “I don’t like to complain, but this omelet you made ” “What’s the matter with it?” she Inquired. “Well—er —it’s rather hard to cut, and man would send me tough eggs. I’ll stop dealing with him.”—Philadelphia Press. “Good evenin’, ma’am,” said the tramp, presenting himself at the back door, hat in hand. “Oh, you’re after somethin’ to eat, I suppose?” said the lady, wiping her chin with her apron. “No, ma’am; you’re wrong, lady; I want nothin’ to eat All I want is the privilege of sleepin’ in your barn overnight. Since these kidnapers have been about nobody can feel safe outdoors.”—Yonkers Statesman.