Rensselaer Journal, Volume 10, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 April 1901 — Picked Up Around Town [ARTICLE]

Picked Up Around Town

A farmer in this county asked a stock buyer to come out to his farm and see a fine lot of fat hogs. The stockman being ready for a bargain any day went with alacrity. He was invited in to dinner and enjoyed it. After dinner, they went out to look at the porkers and they were good ones. They were fat and worth the top notch price. After thoroughly looking them over, he said: “Well, what is your price on them?” “My price? O, I am not ready to sell,” remarked the man of the soil. “I merely asked you out to see them.” The stock buy er was so astonished at the farmer’s nerve that he fell over in a faint and it took a quart of hard cider to bring him around again. We heard of a man the other day who is a great trader. He is dickering and trading around from year’s end to year's end. He is always making excellent trades. He is a shrewd dealer and not many ever get the advantage of him. He has made thousands of dollars trading. Indeed, he has made more than one fortune at it. The only drawback is he never quite completes a deal and therefore he is still a poor man. But it is not his fault. The other day on the street we heard a woman discussing her son-in-law, who had mistreated his wife, who was her daughter. If there is anything that will make a woman hate a fellow and denounce him in language more forcible than polite, it is to have a worthless pup of a son-in-law. That will make a member of the W. C. T. U. feel like swearing whether she does or not. The woman said the parents of her son-in law mistreated her daughter and shejusb told them they might “go straight up to hades.” Which is the first time we ever heard that purgatory was in that direction. *** We heard of a man the other day who is so beastly stingy that it makes him terribly mrd at himself because he has to eat. He begrud es himself every bite he eats. There is a girl in this town who has a beau. There are several who have beaus, of course, but not like this one. She likes her beau. Hardly any of the girls in this town do like their beaus. We know they do not, for didn’t they tell us they do not? We reckon we know when a girl means it. This girl however, is different. So every time they are out in the evening, she has a little luncheon and she gets such good things to eat that it costs her more to teed him than he spends on her to go to shows and entertainments. * * * A girl of our acquaintance went to visit in another town. When she got there, she found that she had not read a great deal, and she felt a little inferior when folks went to discussing literature and things about which she knew absolutely nothing. She made up her mind to know more the next time, so when she got home, she went right straight to a book store and bought “Barriers Burned Away,” in order to become a literary person. J # * We know a man who gets up in the night many times and eats a lunch, so he can sleep. He gets hungry and can’t sleep until he eats something. *...* A gay young blade of this town, who thinks he is a ladies’ man, asked seven girls to te true to him and go with him to a party. All refused till le got the seventh one, She promised to go. Meantime, she found out that he had asked six girls before he did her, and then she backed out and refused to go.

Still, that was hardly sufficient cause. Second choice may be undesirable, but seventh is good enough for almost anyone. A little girl in a neighboring town had a double. They lived on opposite sides of the street and frequently one was taken for the other and one would be corrected for the misdeeds of the other. Finally, one day the little girl we are discussing, got tired of the constant mistaken identity and said complainingly to her mamma, “I don’t see what God made the little girl across the street for. I don’t see what He wanted two little girls just alike.” But she did not think to wonder why God had made her. And how like grown up folks that is!