Rensselaer Journal, Volume 10, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 March 1901 — Picked Up Around Town [ARTICLE]

Picked Up Around Town

We heard of a man the other day of whom it is said that he will tell a lie on nine month’s time when he might just as well have the cash for the truth. $ -£■ * We have heard that there is a widower in this town who has so far strangled his grief as to be able to “line up” at church on Sunday evening and imagine that ne is young again. -*• ¥ MWe heard of a man the other day who reckoned among his assets his prospects. When asked wnat they were he said: “Well, me and my wife expects to inherit about SSOOO. apiece when the old folks die.” And he added as if he were discussing the tariff treaty: “They are getting quite feeble.”

A man in this town is noted for tenderness for his wife. He does many odd jobs about the house to make life easy for her. A few days ago, he scrubbed the walks around the house for her. When he was done he would not soil the walk by walking on it, but he tried to climb around it by the way of a grape arbor that was between him and the house. He tripped and fell on his nose and skinned it, losing at the least calculation thirty cents worth of pelt, and there is no market for it whatever. There wasn’t any more skin on his nose than he wanted, anyway, and now he looks like a rooster that has been in a fight with a superior prize fighter. Which seems a high price to pay for being considerate of your wife. * » * A traveling man tells this story. He cam 6 to town carrying a grip. He met a boy eight years old. The boy asked him what he was selling. The traveling man being a truthful man, said: ». “I am selling mill dams. Don’t you want to buy one?” The boy replied, “No, not today.” “Why not,” asked the man of the grip, ever ready for a “josh” or a trade.

“O, I haven’t the money now.” “That cuts no figure. Buy now and pay when you get ready.” The same old story, you understand. “No,” piped back Young America, “I’ll pay cash and take the discount,” and the traveling man said he was actually stumped. Did you ever see a traveling man in that condition? V Several gentlemen were engaged in some Sort of business transaction. They were not given to flying “off the handle” as the saying goes. They got into a misunderstanding. Even reputable and sedate men of business will do that. They did not quarrel. Boys quarrel. One of the gentlemen got tired of the bickering, and waxing hotter, tie got up and stalked out of the room. The other business man who was in the altercation shouted to him: “Say, you blankety-blanked old fool, where in blankety-blank-blank are you going. Come back here and act as if you had at least half sense.” The effect was marvelous. The speech acted like oil upon the troubled waters. The offended gentleman turned on his heel and rejoined the conference. But he remarked: “It is a mighty good thing you apologized or I would never have come back.” And thus it will be seen that it is not always a soft answer that turneth away wrath. * * There was a fire in a neighboring town the other night. It was not a

valuable house and being unoccupied it was not a serious loss, yet it seemed a pity that the house was burned. But it could not be helped. The fire had too big a start before the fire company got to it. Besides being Panhandle railroad property, there were no tears shed. was not a damp eye in the crowd, unless someone got smoke in his eye. If the house had belonged to any individual, no odds how much of a scalawag, there would have been at least some regret expressed But not a word of regret was heard. It was only a railroad company and railroad companies are legitimate prey for the fire fiend and for the jester. People would say sarcastically, “What a pity for the poor railroad. It seems such a pity that the poor railroad should lose a cent. And they are so poor, too.” Someone else would ask if it was insured and if anyone volunteered the information that it was not, there was a sham sigh of regret heard on many sides, but still no one cried his eyes out. All of which convinces one that this is a queer world. How would you like to be a railroad company?