Rensselaer Union and Jasper Republican, Volume 8, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 April 1876 — A Proposed Lady Washington Tea Party. [ARTICLE]

A Proposed Lady Washington Tea Party.

Thet were going to get up a Lady- . Washington tea-party for the benefit of their society. It was to come off' on the night df the 22d. And of an afternoon a few days before, several ladies met at the house of one of the .number to perfect the arrangements. It was determined to give a grand affair—something especially designed to transcend the tea party by a rival organization last year. To this purpose it became necessary to devote the most careful thought to all the details, and this was done. In fact, it would tie difficult to find a more conscientious committee in a hamlet the size of Danbury. When all the particulars were arranged, and the various stands and minor offices assigned to the ordinary piembers of tliri' society—who were -net-present—the - tni~ portant question as to who should take the leading character was brought up. With a view to do without the delay and feeling of balloting, the President kindly offered to do Lad.y Washington herself. She said that she del t it, was not a favorable selection,'mit she Was willing to take it, so that there need be no discussion or illfeeling. If ' she thought she had not placed a sufficiently modest estimate upon her qualifications for the post, she was presently set at rest on that head. Her offer'whs received with silence. t‘Whftt do : you think?" she asked. •‘ I’m willing to do it.” “ Lady Washington never weighed 250 pounds,” nmiuously hinted a thin lady, mith very light eyes. “ She kad fat enough on her to grease a griddle. Which is more’n some folks can clafrri,” retorted the President, with anything but a dreamy expression to her face. The tall lady’s eyes grew a shade darker, and her lips shaped "themselves as if they were saying “ hussy,” but it is probable they were not. “As our two friends are so little likely to agree,”, observed a lady whose face Showed she was about to metamorphose herself into a barrel of priine oil, and precipitate herself onto the troubled, waters, “ I would suggest that I take the character.” • “ Humph!” ejaculated the President. “ Is there any objection to my being Lady Washington?" said the new party, facing abruptly the President, and emptying out the oil and filling up the barrel immediately with a superior grade of vinegar, I don’t know of any, if some one will demonstrate that Lady* Washington had a wart on her nose,” replied the President, with unblemished serenity. “Am I to be insulted ?” hotly demanded the proprietor of the wart. “ Tire truth ought not to be insulting,” replied the President. . ‘‘l s’pOse 'our President thinks she Would lie a perfect Lady Washington,” ironically suggested a weak-faced woman who saw her chances for taking the char, actor dejectedly emerge from the small e«d of the horn. •“ I dop’t know as 1 would be perfect in that role.” replied the President, “ but as there will be strangers present at the party, I shouldn’t want them to think that the nearest approach Danbury could make to the dignity of ’7O was a toothless woman down with the jaundice.” And the head officer smiled Serenely at the

peiling. .“ What do you mean, you insinuating thing?” hoarsely demanded the victim of the jaundice. “ Kbep j our mouth shut uhtil ybu are spokon ttoo, then,’.’advised the President. “I’m, not to be dictated to by a mountain of tallow,” biased die chromatic delegdte, flouncing out of the foOm. “ F think we’d better get another President before we go. any farther,” saida sharp-faced woman, very much depressed by the outlook for herself. .‘.‘.lt..i6sPt-k«rdlytitneforyou'yet,”-ob-served the President, with , a sigriifleant ■look atjhe shnrprfaced woman wjll hdve to a'irabge for Lady Washington and Georget Washington before we will he#d tiiAikaithet.'’ r - . • • —-2.. ThL* sharp-faded lady Snatched up her mutl without the impost hesitation and rushed out doors to get her breath; She Vas immediately followed by the proprietor of the wart, the thiu lady disastrously connected with a griddle, and the toothless case of jaundice. This left but the President and a little woman who had yet said nothing. i ' “ Has it occurred to you that you'would like to he Lady Washington?” asked the President, concentrating both of her eyes omawen just under the email Woman’s left ear. “Oh, no,” gasped the small woman, impulsively, covering up the excrescence , with iier hand. . “'Then I guess we’ll adjourn sins die,” said- the /President, and;/ pulling 'on her gloves, sEe cpmposedly tqok ■ her, departure. ' ~ 1 And the tea-party became the fragment of a gloomyMemory.'— Danbury New. A fARE of i chess-playing extraordinary is mentioned in the London Spectator by Mr,. B,’B. James, wh» says that some years ago his brother and the fate Dw Pears, of 1 Kepton, played a game of chess on the top of a Dorsetshire coach on a dark night and without a board before them. As the Brooklyn Ea&le once said, in describing a man who had beaten his wife while on a spree: “The quality of mind here exhibited defies analysis ancibaffles description.”