Rensselaer Union and Jasper Republican, Volume 8, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 February 1876 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—Drawing dividend! from the earning! of a .newspaper doe* not mate » * Journalist any more .than dfrawlng dlv|. dends from aetreet rallroitJ makes a ran* a mule. — If. T. Worlf —The striped stocking may be traced back to the days of Noah- When loading his ark ho ignored no anlntyd, an'* « course, had to take somo'siriped slock tn. —BruimHeJc (Mo.) News. —“ What shall we <lo,” asks the Buffalo Express, “ that our bonds maybe savedf” Bonds T Oh, to be sure. Pmut three in a hill, and go through them sometime in June with a cultivator.— Rochtotor Chronicle. —lt is an excellent plan to have some place where we can go to bft quiet when tilings vex or grieve us. Thefeaw a good many hard times in this life of ours, but we can always bear them if we ask beipin the right way.— Mis* Aieott. | w * v, —When a man detects a missing button after getting on a elean shirt, no one m the house is aware of the fact. He takes off the shirt and putt on another, qnietly smiling all the while. He never, n?ver speaks of it to a soul.— Danbury News. —A Chinaman in California, whose life was insured for a large amount, was seriously hurt by falling trom a wagon. There was some doubt of his ever getting better, and at length one of his friends wrote to the insurance company: “ Charley half dead; like half money.” — l There is a maiden of eighty-two at Taunton, Mass., who has never seen a train of cars, dresses in Centennial fashion, reads her Bible by taliow dips, keeps warm by the side of a monster fire-place, and has not called on her neighbor in five years. She is going to die Centennial, however. —A fastidious English lady, on hei travels, stopping temporarily at the logcabin of a literary trapper, In Oregon, and seeing the Essays of Carlyle and Macaulay on the table, asked the frontiersman what he thought ot those authors. “ Oh!" said he, “ them fellers is some. They kin sling ink, they ken, now I tell you!” —“ Arrah. Pat, an’ wiiv didlmtuxyjya,'ttieselTthat's had to maintain ye iver since uie blessed day that Father O’Flanmgun sint me to yer home.” “ Swate jewel,” replied Pat, “ an’ it’s myself that hopes that! may live to see the day you ’re a Widow waping over the cowld sod that kivers mi—thin, by Bt. Pathrick, I’ll see how ye git along widout me, honey.” —We read, with patriotic emotion, that Mr. Jewell has coutracted lor the carrying of the letters between tho Centennial grounds and the Philadelphia Postotfice in five new painted wagons and by ten horses, live of which are to be bays, and live dapple grays. Then w* we to have a Centennial stamped envelope, properly illustrated, to be used here exclusirely.— t>pringfi*ld (Matt.) Republican.

—A Colorado stock farmer was recently visited by a pedantic college friend, who interlarded his conversation with Latin quotations long forgotten by bis friend. But one day the granger got even with the pedant. “ You ve had good luck in stock raising," said the visitor, pointing to a large herd of young cattle. “Yes,” said the farmer; “it’s owing to my luck that I can say: Hint ilia lachry:na.' ” “What?” asked the confused visitor. “ Why, don’t you see? ‘ Hence these steers.’ ’’ —Flowers for the hair are assuming the shape of the old-fashioned full wreath. Wreaths of roses without leaves encircle the head, resting against the high chignon,, not put too far forward on the bead. The old fashioned cachc-peigne of twenty years ago i 9 also coming in. It consists of large, flat bunches of flowers, covering the back of the head, with trailing branches falling on the shoulders. For the present, feathers and flowers combined are very much worn; young girls wear only a small bunch of flowers or an aigrette on one side of the hair .—St. I.ouit Globe-Utmocrai.

—“ You see,” said the despondent man on the pickle barrel addressing the grocer, who was spearing the top of a crackerbox with the cheese knife; “yousee, some people has good luck and some people has bad luck. Now, I remember once I was walking along the street with Tom Jellicks, and he went down one side of it, and I went down the other. We hadn’t gone more’n half way down when he found a pocketbook with $261 in it, and I stepped on a woman’s dress, and so got acquainted with my present wife. It was always so,” said he, with a sigh: “that Tom Jellicks was the luckiest man in the world, and 1 never had no luck.” —The other day a stranger entered a Detroit wine shop where fourur live men w r ere drinking, and in a loud voice inquired for the proprietor. That person came forward, and the staanger said: “I’m hard up and I want to sell you 8 recipe. For two dollars I’ll show you how you can make a gallon of best Catawba wine out of twenty cents’ worth of drugs and. whisky.” “ Would you insult me?” cried the dealer. “I liavv none but pure wines here! Get out of my place, sir!" The man got out, but hadn’t gone a block when a boy came running after him and said: “Come around to the back door if you want to sell him that recipe.”— Detroit Fret Press. —The barrels of the little toy-guns are made out of old sardine-boxes. The kitchen utensils are manufactured from the sweepings of tin-shops, and wornout roof-sheatings, and from discarded gutters. The doll boots and shoes are made from the scraps left from making portmonnkies and pocket-books. The wheels of the rabbit drummers are nothing else but the round pieces of wood cut off the top of liquor stands. The doll actors of toy theaters are dressed in scraps which are abtained from the costumerooms of the great theaters of Paris, from the grand opera down to the Theater de Belleville. The principal workman in this line is an old man who was onde an actor of some repute. The lead soldiers come from Nuremburg, and it is whispered that the lead used in their manufacture w obtained from broken coffins disinterred from the ancient and disused cemeteries.— Paris Cor. Philadelphia Bulletin.

An Italian journal, favoring the abolition of capital punishment, remarks that tlie severest agony to be indicted on any brigand is condemning him to be hung to death and then kept a whole year in pickle for the hanging ceremony. Dante himself, quite fertile in expedients of torture, never suggested, it further says, anything harder for the human frame to bear than the thoughts which criminal under stick circumstances must find themselves under the necessity of thinking over. —The Nagasaki Biting Sun says the Buddhist religion is fast declining. In Yamashima Ken alone it is said that seventy-one Buddhist temples have been turned into dwelling-houses and made use of in other ways since 1873, and during the lost six years between 600 and 700 temples have been converted to other purposes than those for which they were originally intended. The amount of business done by the leading oyster firms in New York is estimated by a writer in the New York Dispatch at from. *BO,OOO to $120,000 per month, er from $1,000,000 to $1,200,000 per annnm. v ■ ~y ——— A BALTisfOHS paper advises all women to carry a police whistle.