Rensselaer Union and Jasper Republican, Volume 8, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 February 1876 — He Offered a Substitute. [ARTICLE]

He Offered a Substitute.

The gallant Col. Wintersmith was walking up the avenue one day, accompanied by Mrs. W. and another lady. The sidewalk was icy. Just in front o! them perambulated a perfumed attache of the French legation. Suddenly the high diplomatic bootheels struck upon a particularly smooth spot of ice; there was a flash of feet in the air, and a whack of a heap, with hair parted in the middle, upon the cold and unfeeling bricks; then a frantic getting up and a hasty glance around to see who was laughing. It happened that the risibilities of the ladies who accompanied Col. Richard Wintersmith were excited. The furious Frenchman produced a delicate piece of pasteboard from the pocket of his silk vest, and proffered the same to the martial Kentuckian. “ Sare, ze ladies you have ze honare to protect have offer me le gross insult. I sail look to you for ze satisfaeshong.” The Colonel bowed with that peculiar grace and empressement which would drive the late Eari of Chesterfield mad with envy, a hundred times a day, were be alive to witness them, and responded: “My dear sir, I am very sorry that you take that view of it; but if you insist on satisfaction, permit me to make a suggestion which I have no doubt will commend itsejf to your judgment. My wife has two brothers, eitber of whom she could spare more conveniently than she could me, for I am the only husband she has, and she never could get another like me if I should be slain. It it is all the same po you, please hold one of Mrs. W.’s brothers responsible in this matter!” And the Colonel bowed another of his overwhelming bows and passed on, leavingthe astonished little Frenchman absorbed in a blank stare at the nearest lamp-post.— Washington fitter.

Lumbermen at Whitefleld, ty. H., are working for $6 a month and board. A good teamster, with four horses, sled aud chains, all equipped for logging, gets $2.35 per day, and has to pajr for bis own repairs at mat. Woodmen get all the way from $8 to sls and board, with here and there an extra hand at S2O, or foreman at S2O.

A single grain of wheat, accidentally dropped in a .garden in Hovt-ringham, England,/last spring, produced sixty-three ears and more thah 3,000 grains of wheat; probably the largest yield ever known, but Showing what good- soil and good cultivationcqn accomplish. . ji