Rensselaer Union and Jasper Republican, Volume 8, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 February 1876 — A Gloomy Negotiation. [ARTICLE]

A Gloomy Negotiation.

Ms. Phipps, as the firm of Phipps & Hodge, the Danbury undertakers, was sitting in his shop Saturday afternoon ' ruminating gloomily upon the dull times, when the door opened and in came a stranger. The visitor was a slim-faced man, dressed in a dun-colored suit of rather tight fitting clothes. He looked clear around the room, carefully avoiding a glance at tire undertaker until the circuit was completed. \ ’ Then he looked curiously at him, and said: “Is the boss in?” “Yes, sir; lam one of them. Is there anything I can do for you, sir ?" “ Well, that’ll depend on how we kin deal, I reckon," replied the stranger, in a tune of subdued shrewdness. “I have just had to shbulder a pretty heavy affliction. My old woman went under yesterday.” He paused and looked interrogatively over the coffins and caskets. ‘tYour wife is dead?" inauired Mr. Phipps, with professional anxiety. .“ You’ve hit it square, boss,” . replied the stranger, with an approving nod.. “ What time yesterday did the sad event occur?" .'"'"'lS'’“About five p. m., as near as we kin reckon.” • “ Pash away peacefully?" “Lil out without a grcan," explained the bereaved. She’d .been sick off an’ on for about two',years an’ better. Not right down sick ai[ihat iime, but then ! don’t think she dortfe a square day’s work in two years. It’s been a great expense all through, hut 1 don’t howsumever. I came in to-day to see about flxin’ her up.” “Ah, yes; you jsish to secure a burial case. We have, as you see, Various kinds.

You will want something rather hlce, I fancy?” said Mr.,Phippf»*.. “ Well, yes, I want something that will show considerable grief and forrer, but nothing thafk going to upset folks, you know- We are plain people, boss, an’ at a Urac like this—with a great affliction shouldered on us—we don’t feel like riling up the neighbors. If it was a huskin’ bee, now, or a barn raisin’ even, I’d calculate to make their eyes prance right around in their heads. But,” and he sighed heavily, '* this is a boss of another color.” “How would this do you!” suggested Mr. Phipps, indicating a plain rosewood. “What's the price of that! You see, boss, we live over in Baxter Plain. It’s a small plfiWf’ta’ there ain’t much style. We don’t want to go in too heavy, you know.” —; “ Certainly not; but this is a very neatlooking article.” “Yee,” coincided the widower, “it does seem as if one needn’t feel uneasy with that coffin in the front room, an’ the room full of people.” “I can let you have that for forty-five dollars.” “Forty-five dollars! Oh, I couldn't Why, ybukin get a wagon in two colors for that money. You see, boss, this is a plain country ftmeral. an’ not a torchlight procession,” feelingly exclaimed the widower. “ How will this do, then!” next inquired the undertaker, hastily,pointing to another article ot common wood, slightly stained. “How much is that!” “ Only eighteen dollars.” “Eighteen dollars, hey! Well, that’s much more like it. Still, don’t it strike you that eighteen dollars u pretty steep for these times?” r? • - “Not for an articlelike that, sir. I can assure you that such a coffin could not have been bought for a cent less than twenty-two dollars one year ago.” " It may be cheap, as you say,” ruminated the bereaved, “yet eighteen dollars is a good big pile of money.--I want something nice, of course, but I don’t want to jump in so mighty heavy as to make people think I never had a funeral before. You get what I mean!” “ Oh, yes, perfectly. You want an article that will look respectable ana in keeping with your circumstances, but yet you do not wish to be too demonstrative in your sorrow.” “ By jinks, I guess you’ve got it square on the head,” said the pleasea sufferer. “ Now, this is an article that just answers the purpose, in my judgment, and I have had years of experience.” “ Yes, yes, you must ’sv tucked in a heap of ’em,” said the stranger, in a tone of unqualified respect. “ This is a sound one, 1 suppose,” he continued, tapping the sides. “ Perfectly so; we use the veiy best kinds of wood,” explained Mr. Phipps. “Just see here a minute,” exclaimed the stranger, suddenly and impressively drawing the undertaker to one aide. “You say that coffin is sound as a nut, an’ you wtat eighteen dollars for it! Now I anything small about fs, an’ that I’v® got just as much respect for the dead as any other man living, I don’t care where you snake him front. But winter is coming on, you know, an’ we owe a little to the living as well. That’s a sound coffin, an’ a sound coffin does well enough in the rifflst place; you know; but I want to ask you as • man of experieuco in these things, and understanding what grief is, if you ain’t got a box of that pita tern that’s got some sort of a defect in the wood, Which you cottld knock off ty little o»?” . “I haven’t, sir!” “ Just think a minute, please,” he anxiously resumed. “Nothing a little jotted!” The undertaker shook his head. “ With a worm-hole or so in—l don’t mind a dozen!” suggested the sorrowing one. “No.” “Or a little sappy! Don’t answer too quick. Take time. Just a little sappy where if won’t be seen by the public, you know!” “ I haven’t such a piece of woofl in the establishment. We use none that is laiperfect.” “Eighteen dollars it is, then!” sighed the afflicted. ’ ’ “Yes, sir.” , ~ " I must take ft, I suppose,” he observed ; “ but whefi the neighbors see that coffin they’ll swear old J — has struck a gold mine. Now, mark my words.” And he passed gloomily ont.~*2tanta«y