Rensselaer Union and Jasper Republican, Volume 8, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 February 1876 — VARIETY AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

VARIETY AND HUMOR.

—A mania for the antique la fashlmis is noticeable. J —Although th!* is leap year, it is not tee fashion for The gentleman to wear the engagement ring. —“ It’s a lovely doll, dear grandpa and grandma; bufi—bat— I’d been hoping it would be twin*!’’ —lt is a thin excuse for a young lady to lie abed until gtae o’clock in the morning because this is sleep year. —The saucy Detroit Free Preu m»n says: “Okies baa a bell thirteen feet across its mouth. Beats the Chicago belle." —The Sultan is said to be a great pigeon fancier. Il Is not to be presumed though thfit he has admitted pouters into tee harem.—Wathington Chronicle. —The small boy is now saving his pennies in order to purchase a horrible caricature valentine to send to his big brother’s best tfrl.—Jfoc7i«ter Democrat. —Oooper’s novels—new casks.— Boeton Trateller. Firmly bound—in fact, a staving edition. Here’s a chance for the rest of you fellows. Hoop ’em up!—Cincinnati Tima. —Street-cars of a heavy, unwieldy kind are run in Constantinople. Each car Is preceded by a hMf-n*ked Turk, who shouts or blows a hora to warn the people to get out of the way. —What ailed the Overland Monthly was lack of capital. The man who expected that the bear on the first cover of the Overland would support the pages behind him now admits his error.— Detroit Tribune. —The New York Tima pronounces this startling opinion: “Men and women of sixty or seventy years of age are generally much younger in appearance, and much more robust, in sash Ilian tbcjtJSftMs ■AWikteij ui almU ligU. —ln spite of the hard times in Canada, a gentleman in Toronto who offered a dollar a day for two laborers to shovel eartli off one of the wharves, could not get a man to undertake the job. Thirty starving men said that was not the kina of work they wanted. —One of the theories of the prosecution in the Landis case was that the surgeons were the real murderers, having clone the deed with their little probes, but that Landis was an accessory before tire fact because he made the hole for the surgeons to put the probes in. —Prof. Proctor is going about telling that our sun is much Inferior to other great lights of the universe. As if It were not enough for poor, down-trodden man tc know that his gas is a failure, he has been taunted with the fact that even his daylight is far from being the genuine article. No wonder so many ot us keep going out and committingself-destrucfion.— Courier. Journal. —The “hanging” question is being investigated in Great Britain in the interests, not of the condemned criminal alone, but of humanity. Prof. Haughton, of the University of Dublin, who has given the subject a good deal of attention, reprobates very strongly the use of any method which fails to produce instantaneous dbatii, and recommends a long drop with** the knot under the chin —lt is universally tho subject of remark that the dressing, this season, is more magnificent than has ever been the case before in Washington. Individual instances may be cited es toilets heretofore seen that have fully equaled those now adorning our salons, but rich attire is more generally adopted now than it was in the past. The sole reminder of hard times is the fact that our season has now nearly passed its second week, and no entertainments have as yet been given or announced comparing with the ball which gave such eclat to our social life three and four winters ago.— Waehington Star.

—lt might naturally be expected when people are found surviving the effects of a bullet in the brain ,that a broken neck would come to be regarded as a trifling disorder, and we are not -at all surprised, therefore, to hear ofa case where a man who has sustained such an injury is expected to “be around” in a few days. The case comes from Omaha and is as well authenticated as any tiring can be from that locality. All the physicians in the place pronounce the case one -of actual fracture of “ the bone connecting the head and body” and warn the patient that if he moves his head a hair’s breadth he will perish. If he lies perfectly still they promise him restoration in two months.— Detroit Fret Preee.

—Mr. Hubbel came home late at night, and Mrs. Hubbel received him at the door in her night-robe. “Henry,” shescreamed, “where have you been until this time of night?” “Been to the -club arranging for the Centennial," said Henry, dropping into a chair. “ But, sir, what makes your face sored, sir?’' continued Mrs. Henry. “ Well, I*ll tell you, Kate, I stopped to see ’em jilay poker, and the fellow’next to me kept holding a heart flush, and the chandelier kept casting the reflection into my face, and I stood It until—until ” and here he burst into tears and buried his face in his hands, and offered to play a game of eucher to see who should get up first and kindle the fire in the morn-, ing.—Norwich (Conn.) Bulletin.

—A young lawyer of this county made his maiden speech in defense of a man charged with hag-stesling. A gentleman who was present giviUß tins ae a Eleral report of the speech: “ Gentlemen of the jury: My client is no more guilty of stealing that hog than a frog ain’t got no tail. I thank you for your attention.” Of course the man was acquitted. A gentleman of this county who waa elected a Magistrate last May, and who was not altogether familiar with legal terms, had the following proceeding in his first court: Two attorneys, representing opposite parties, had agreed to have their case dismissedso that it might be brought np again, if found necessary. In accord Mice with this agreement, one of the attorneys addressed the Court, asking that the case be “ dismissed without prejudice.”. The, Court replied: “ Certainly, sir, certainly; that was what I was going to do, for I have no prejudice against either one of the parties.” “But, Judge, you don’t understand me. 1 want”— “ Yes, Ido understand yon. I dismiss the case, and assure yon that I like one of the parties just as well as the other.— Wayne County (Ky.) Pantograph.

An ingenious Californian proposes to avoid the principal objection to employing steam-engines on common roads—the objection that they Brighten horses—by constructing his engine in the form of a horse. Judging from the description, however, which is given of this metallic, beast, it will be far more likely to frighten, horses than the prdjnary locomotive. The only part of it which is like a horse is the head, the legs being wheels and the rear portion a cab for the engineer. The idea of deluding an animal as intelligent as the horse with such a monster is simply preposterous.

—The cause of the great number of feeble churches in the United States is much discussed of late years. The Advance (Chicago) thinks that it is partly “ sectarian competition, which has organized three or four times as many churches as can be sustained. All denominations (it thinks) have sinned in this matter, and mast retreat to a bettor position.” Mr. John HatcHt of California, has spent many years in making a collection of the precious ores of the Pacific slope, Mexico, Central and South America, Australia, China and Japan. His collection numbers between 12,000 and 15,000, and he is preparing them for exhibition at the Centennial. , ».