Rensselaer Gazette, Volume 3, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 October 1859 — A Topers Forlorn Hope. [ARTICLE]

A Topers Forlorn Hope.

For the bite of a rattlesnake whisky is su'd to be a sovereign cure. An old.tdper, in a state of impecuniousity, lately devised a new plea to obtain that beverage. He called at a saloon, and with well dissembled fright, stated that he had been bitten by a snake, and wanted some whisky to preserve his valuable existence. The barkeeper doubted the statement, and told him that he might have “snakes in his boots,” but he could get no whisky. Finding that his ruse would not succeed, he changed his tactics, and pleaded for liquor on the ground that 110 might get bitten by a rattlesnake; but the scarcity ol those reptiles in these parts rendered the bar-keeper incredulous and obdurate, and to- toper Went cry.— Buff. Com. in Post Offices are generally pretty well posted up in political matters, but a case happened recently which is rather amusing. Lx-Pft'sid. nt Fillmore was stopping at a small place, and had occosion to send a letter by his servant to the village post office. It was franked; all Ex-Presi-dents have that privilege. The bearer dropped it in, but the official caught it up, and glancing at the frank, exclaimed, “Who the deuce is M. Fillmore!” “Why; he’s the Ex-President,” replied the messenger. “P’raps he is, my friend, but I’ve voted for all the Presidents since General Jackson, and I'il be hanged if I recollect any such a name. I guess you’ll have to try it on some other place, for we read history down here, wc do.” What is fame! Qfj".\n acquaintance of ours wishes to become a farmer, and says lie understands and can perform all kinds of farm Work except mowing, pitching and raking hay, building fences, driving team and taking care ot stock, plowing, hoeing, planting;, harvesting, and other similar labors. The truth is, lie wants a farm with a large orchard, a fast team and a rich “old man,” so that he can slcigh-ride with tiie girls when the moon shines, and when it don’t, sit before a good fire winter evenings and cat apples, drink cider, and toll stones! In the summer season he would attend to the gunning and fishing department, (pff? 1 he t rothvillu Debating Society was considering the propriety of purchasing a burial lot, and it was used by an argument in its favor tuat one oi the u;em!:ers had expressed the wish that, when he died, he might lie laid in a lot owned by the Society ho esteemed so much. “How do vou get along with your burial Jot!” was asked of oiu' wile wiie immicai to the purchase. “Oh, it's all settled,” was the reply; "‘it is to be purchased, but ttie man who agreed to be buried in it has backed out!” OFy'An unfortunate woman limlersentenco of death, in England, had so many tracts and. religious publications sent to her. that she was anxious to be hanged, in order to cscapq tlie miserv of residin'! them

(Common Pleas Court meets next Monday. - 0O”We see it stated that John C. (better known as “Candle-box”) Calhoun is dead. i- • The boys had the fourth wolf hunt last Saturday, and, as usual, brought the ! “varmint” to town in triumph. Bowman has moved his tailor shop to the building formerly occupied by • Mr. Spangle, opposite this office. i J would suggest to those who desire to pay their subscription in wood, to } bring it in now before the roads get bad. f- ] Thompson & Son have just j ■ set up a hay scale. It is an “institution” j i which our citizens have long been in need of. I ° j Otr We learn by the last arrival from i Europe, that Hon. John Y. Mason, Ameri- ; can Minister at the Court of France z is'! i dead. j Warner has removed into his t new blacksmith shop. It is large and commodious, and gives evidence that the Captain is prospering in business. See his ad--1 vertisement. v. . — L — . Friend Goetz is putting up a new shoe shop on the corner opposite Spitler’s j I store. He is going on the. low-pressure sys- j . tern. See this advertisement, headed by a 1 train of boats and shoes going by steam. \ Rifle -Company turned out last Wednesday night to salute the successful candidates, and were regaled by the candidates with abundance of oysters and other refreshments. On Thursday night the Brass Band: serenaded the candidates, and : they, too, enjoyed the hospitality of the offi- : cere elect. The boys, also, had their fireworks on Thursday night, which had been postponed from the previous night on ac- »■> count of the rain. 07!7“We are indebted to Win. Shortridge for a jug of superior sorghum molasses; to Joseph Williams for the premium squash on exhibition at the Fair; to William Burns for <> a bucketful of very large and nice apples; to Jospeh V| Tatman for a couple of Sweet Potatoe pumpkins; and to John E. Comer {or a cabbage head too large to go into a . half-bushel, j Our friends, one and all, will accept the tjianks of the printer for their remembrance.]