Rensselaer Gazette, Volume 3, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 May 1859 — Soliloquy of a Low Thief. [ARTICLE]

Soliloquy of a Low Thief.

“My name is Jim Griggins. I’m a law thief. My parents were ignorant folks, and my advantages for gettin’ an eddycation was limited. I’ve been to the penitentiary once afore, and served out my time like a man. I went for priggin’ a watch. Now I’m locked up again tor-stealin’ two or three ornery over-coats. I’m to stay here three years. I shall alsvays censure my parents for not eddyc.atin’ me. Had I been eddycatad, I could with my brilliant native talents have been a big thief—l believe they call them ‘defaulters.’ Instead of confining myself to prigging over-coats, watches, and sich like, I could have plundered thousands and thousands of dollars and the law would never tech .ne, for I should be smart enough to get elected State Treasurer, or have somthia’ to do with banks, and perhaps ■ little of both. Most likely I should. The two bizinesses seein to be one and insufferable. Then, ye see, I could ride in my carriage, live in a big house with a free-stone frunt, drive a fast team, and drink as much gin and sugar as I wanted to. An investigation might be made, and the noosepapers would come down on me heavy; but whnt would I care for that, having previously taken precious good card of the money! Besides, my ‘party’ would swear stout that I was as innercent as a new-born bal e,ana a great many people would wink very pleasantly and say,‘Well, Griggins understands what he's about— he does!’ But having no eddycation, I’m only a low t! iel—a stealer of over-coats and watches—a ornery cuss any how—and the law puts me through without mercy. It’s all right, I s’pose, and yet I some times think it’s hard to be shut up here, a wearing checkered i clothes, a living on cold vitties, a sleeping on ; iron bedsteads, a looking out upon the world j through iron sketer-bars and pounding stone j hke thunder, day after day, week after week, I und year after year, while my brother | thieves—for between you and I there ain’t j no difference between a thief and a default- ! er, except that the latter is forty times j wuss—who have stolen thousands of dollars to thy one cent, are walking out there in the bright sunshine, dressed up to kill—store clothes on their backs and piles of gold in their pockets! But the law can’t tech defalters—not any. Who was that said there wasn't no difference ’tween tweedledum and tweed'edee! He lied in his throat like a villain as he was. I tell ye there is a tremendous differene! Oh, that I had been liberally eddycated!”