Rensselaer Gazette, Volume 2, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 February 1859 — MR. BROWN'S MISHAPS. [ARTICLE]

MR. BROWN'S MISHAPS.

Mr. Eliphalet Brown was a bachelor, of j thirty-five, or thereabout; one of those men who seem to be born to pass through the world alone. Save this peculiarity; there was nothing to distinguish Mr. Brown from ' the multitude of other Browns who are born, grow up and die in this world of ours. It chanced thaj. Air. Brown had occasion to visjt a town some fifty miles distant, on matters of business. It was his, first visit, to the place, and lie proposed stopping for [a day, in order to give himself an opportuni- ' ty to look about. I Walking leisurely along the street, he j was all at once accosted by a child of five, ; who ran up to him, exclaiming: i “Father, I want you to buy me somt> ■ more candy.’’ . “Father!” was it possible that he, a bachlelor, was addressed by that title! He would . not believe it! , “\Y ho were you speaking to, mv dear!” i he inquired of the little girl. “1 spoke to you, father!” said the little one. surprised. - Really, th.light Mr. Brown, this is embarrassing. “I am not your father, my dear,” lie said, “what is your name !” The child laughed heartily, evidently thinking it, a good joke. •“What a funny father you are,” she said; "but you are to buy me some candy.” "Yes, yes, I 11. b«y»—yt>ii a pound if’voti iVon’t call rue father any more,” said Brown, ! nervously. .. j The little, girl clapped her hands with delight. The promise"was all she reujem- ; bered. Mr. Brown proceeded to a confectionerv store, and actually bought a pound oi camJv which he placed in the hands of the little girl. , In corning out ol th ■> store they encountered the child's mother. “Oh, mother,” said the little girl, "just ’ .see how much candy father has bought for! i me.” I “You shouldn’t have bought her so much i at a time, Mr. Jones,” said the lady; “I am afraid she will make herself sick. But how i did you happen to get home so quick! I did , not expect you till night.” ■ “Jones—l—madam,” said- the enibarras- | < setl Mr. Brown, “it’s all a mistake; I ain’t Jones at all. It isn’t my name. lam Eli--1 phalet Brown, of W . and this is the first time I ever came into this city.” ( “Good Heavens, Air. Jones, what has put this silly tale into your head? You have I concluded to change your name, have you! Perhaps it’s your intention to change your wife.” °

Mrs. Jones’ tone was now defiant, and , this tended to increase Mr. Brown's embarassment. “I havn’t any wife, madam; I never had any. On my word as a gentleman, 1 never was.married.” “And do you intend to palm this tale oil' upon me!” said Mrs. Jones, with excitement. “If you are not married! I’d like to know who Fam?” “I have no doubt you are a most respectable ladyj”“"Said Mr. 'Brown, “and 1 conjecture, from what you have said, that yo r name is Jones; but mine is Brown, madam, and always was.” “Melinda,” said her mother, suddenly taking her child by the arm, and leading her up to Mr. Brown, “who is this gentleman!” “Why, that’s father,” was the child’s im- ! mediate reply, as she confidingly placed her ; hand in his. j “You hear that, Mr. Jones, do you! You hear what, the innocent child, says, and yet. you have the unblushing impudence to deny ■ that you are my husband! The voice of riature,speaking through the child,should overwhelm you. I’d like to know, if you are not her father, why you are buying candy' for her! 1 would like to have you answer that. But I suppose you never saw her before in your life.” “I never did. On my honor, I never did. I told her I would give her the candy if she vvouldn t call me father any more.” “You did, did you! Bribed your child not to call you father! Oh, Mr. Jones, this is.

i infamous! Do you intend to desert me, sir. | and leave me to the. cold charities of the .j world! And islhis your first step!” Airs. Jones was so overcome that, without j any warning, she fell back upon the sideI walk in a fainting fit. Instajjtly a number of persons ran to her assistance. “Is your wife subject to fainting in this way!” asked the first coiner of Brown. j “I don’t know,” said Brown,“she isn't my | wife. I don’t know anything about her.” “Why, it’s Airs. Jones, ain’t it?” I "Yes, but I’m not Al". Jones.” “Sir,’’, said the first speaker, sternly, “this :is no time to jest. I trust that yoij are not [the cause of the excitement which must have | occasioned your wife’s fainting fit. You had. | letter call a coach and carry her home diI rectly.”

Poor BroAvn was dumbfounded. 1 wander, thought he, whether it’s possiI ble that I’m Mr. Jones without knowing it. Perhaps I’m really Jones, and have gone ! crazy, in consequence of which I fancy that my name is Brown. And yet I don't think IFm Jones. In spite of all, I’ll insist that ; my name is Brown. ■ “Well, sir, what are you waiting for! It is necessary that your wife should be re- : moved at once. Will you order a carriage?” • Brown saw that there was no use to protract the discussion by a denial. II”. there- ! fore, without contesting the point, ordered a . hackney coach to the sp >t, j .Air. Brown accord high- lent a.n arm to 1 Air.-. Jones, who had somewhat, recovered, i and-was about to close the door upon her. I “Why, are you not going yourself!” i “Why, no; why should I!” i “Y our wife should not go alone; she has I hardly recd’ ered.” Brown gave a' glance at the crowd around him, and deeming it useless to I make opposition where so many seemed thoroughly convinced that he was Mr. Jones, followed the lady in. “W'liere >hall’l drive.”’ ■I-—l—l—don’t know,” saii Air. Brown: '“where would you vvish to be harried !”’ “Home,: of course,” nturmnred ?«Irs. Join.,. “I do not know—” said Brown. “No If street,” said the gentletleman already introduced, glancing conteptuously at Brown. “Will you help me out Mr. Jones!” said the lady. “I am not fully recovered from j the tainting fit, into which your cruelty drove me.” ; “Are you quite sure that l‘m Air. Jones!’ asked Brown, with anxiety. “Of course,’ - ’ said Airs. Jones. ■•Then,” said he, resignedly, “I suppose I am. But if you will believe me, I was firmly convinced this morning that my name was Brown, and, to tell the truth, I havn’t : any recollectiop of this house.” Brown helped Airs,'Jones into the parlor, but. good heavens, conceive the astonishment of all, when a man discovered,

seated in an arm chair, who was the very i lac simile of Air. Brown in form, feature,and every other respect. “Gracious!” exclaimed the lady; “which — which is iny husband!” An explanation was_ given—the mystery cleared up: and .Mr. Brown's pardon sought for the embarrassing mistake- It was freely acco ded by Mr. Brown, who was quite delighted to think that after all he was not Air. Jones, with a wife and child to boot. Air. Brown has not since visited the place where this “Comedy of Errors,” happened j He is afraid of foseing his