Rensselaer Gazette, Volume 2, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 November 1858 — A Race With a Widoaw. [ARTICLE]

A Race With a Widoaw.

( 111, meiciful J.-hosopliat ami big onions, what , a time I've had with .that widder.. We chartered an omnibus tor two; on Christma-., ami started. Wid.l.r, said 1. where shall we go to? She ' blushed and said she didn't like to say. 1 tolif, her she must say. „ “Well. Jehuel, if you insist upon if, and I am to h ive my choice, IJiad rather go to church.” i “Wnat for. widder ’” said 1. “()h, Je'nuel, liowiean you ask me ?” “Cans I want to know,” said I. “Well—(blushiud redder than beef), oil, J"hti"l, 1 can't stand 111” - “t)h, pshaw, wiihi r, spit it out; what do you mean?” - Tne widder rilled. She biled right over like a ' quart of milk on the lire, and burst out with—“ll you can't understand me, you're a heart- I less brute, so yot'i are!” I -‘Hold your horses!” said I. “Wliat’s all this i about? I’m not a.brute, nor never was, and if I a muifcalh-d me that, I’d boat him sure,” Ami then I biled right over, and unbuttoned my coat coller to keep me from bustin’ oil’ my ; buttons. The widder saw Iw .s going to-explod" or else collapse my wind-pip", and siie tiling her , arms around my. neck, put her lips to mine, and ! then cooled right down'. “Jehuel, dear,” said she in an insinivatin’ way, and a voice as sweet as a liand-organ, “Jehuel, honey, I wanted to go to church to get. mar—no, 1 can't say it all you finish tl|o word, Jehuel, sweet.” « “What word marm?” i “Oh, you stupid Jehuel, dear. I mean .the . AV ord married love.” “Married, widder!” said I, “did you mean I that'.”’ i ••Indeed I did, Jehuel, love!” “Look here marm, my name isn’t Jehuel Love, nor J--hue! Dear, nor Jehuel Sweet. I'd h ive you to know. And L won't get married to nobodv but one, and you arc not the she!” Oil, pewter pennies, Imt didn't she rave! She inade une dash at me; 1 dodg'd, am! sue went mitt up against the upper end of the omnibus. Crack went iu-r comb, and snnisli went tiiat bran new lionm-t that 1 didn't buy for her, and down she went with her face in the straw. But in a moment she rose again, ami m ule one more dash ' at me. I dropped, she ivmt over m", and butled’J th" door of th.- onmibusß The strap broke and out she went—her gait, r boots higher than her' Head as site struck Im- p ivenient. “Drive on!” 1 yelled to the driver. “Woman overboard!” cried a’pas.siiig sailor. | “Stop that white coat—breach oi promise—reward—//er«Zd—publish! ! !” shriaked the widdi*r, in tones o! mo'rtal agony, while tears' of | blood streamed from her beautiful pug nose, 1 “Drive on! drive on!” I shouted. “Where to?” asked the driver. I “To Harlem—to Macomb’s Dam—anywhere, •o w« •scape matrimony and the widder,”

He started, as did the widder, and then we had it up the avenue, the buss having the start of about a hundred yards. I-'oot by foot the widder gained- Thinks I Jehuel, you are a gonner. So first I hove overboard thq straw. Still she gained on me. Then overboard went the cushions. But still she gained. “More steam, driver, for mercy’s sake'”’ I yelled. “VVe are going faster than the law allows now,” he answered. “Thirteen miles an hour.” Jeliosophat, how the widder did run: she hove oft’ her bonnet, and' camo up hand over hand. A thought struck nie, so I oil’ with my coat and flung it right down in her path. She sprang upon it like .a she panther, and tore it to pi-.-ees. i( )h, how they flew. I wept to see it go, but li'fe is sweeter than a coat, ami m\ tailor is maki iug me a new one. \‘> r e gained full t v-j hundred I yards, but on she came again. Once more I j ceil Id sei- the green in her eyes—merciful Mos-ua j how I felt. “Driver,’’ Sai-1 I, “kill th-ma hors-s t>r get another mile out of them ” “Will you ->:iy for ’em’” he said. “Y'es, yesj” said I, “only save me from the widd-.-r.” By cracky, we did slide, the widder no longer gained, but she held her own b.-.iiitifnlly• Thus we had it— : o.ut past the Red House—through Harlem—where Captain Graham with thremounted -policemen, in vain attenipted to-caten us, he probably supposing th it we were ranging away with some bank funds. .My only hope was in r<-m-hi,.g Degroot’s ahead oi her, for I knew they would hid-- ip". We were on tie- b'idg-, ami oil, Aiosi-s the draw I was up. ami a sloop going thro igh. “Driver." id 1. -‘jump that bridge, ami 111 j make vour fortune .'for lite, as sure as you are : born.” i “I'll do it or di -." ho err-d. A :id he did it. The widd-r ju np-.l aft.-r us, I’-il imp th - Harlem river, and hasn’t been h -nrd ci : ince.