Rensselaer Gazette, Volume 2, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 July 1858 — GETTING INTO THE WRONG SHOP. [ARTICLE]

GETTING INTO THE WRONG SHOP.

A DOWN-EAST SKETCH. A few months ago there arrived in the quiet city of Portland, a home-spun specimen of the down-easter, in a packet, all the way from Passamaquoddy. Upon going ashore, he inquired the way to the nearest public 'house, hnd was informed that itstoo’d directly a t t the head of the pier where he had landed. Oppdsite the head of the wharf stands the ‘‘Eagls Coffee House.” At the corner is located the Custom House, the front of which is surrounded by a large gilt spread eagle. Into the latter our traveler walked, valisejn hand; and having found his way into the first room, which chanced to be- the Surveyor’s Department, he threw his luggage against the corner, seized an arm-chair, and drew himself up to the fire. Bracing his feet against the grate, he pulled forth a huge pipe, and having very leisurely crowded it with pig-tail, he cocked his head over his shoulder, and commenced puffing away in right good earnest. The Surveyor gazed at the queer, biped a moment, bnt concluded to wait the finale of this scene, without intruding unprofitable questions. ‘ Having finished his pipe laziily, the traveler turned about to the official, with—- “ Cold day, nabur.” “Very, sir.” “How long to dinner!” t ‘To what, sir?” “Dinner” “We dine at two,” continue the Surveyor, discovering the stranger’s error, and disposed for the nonce to humor it. “Wh r's the old man !” (meaning the landlord,) “The Collector is in the next room, sir,” said the agreeable Surveyor; and our downeaster immediately moved himself into the Collector’s Department, toting hYs luggage along as he went Hqving laid down his traps, he stepped up to the counter, where jstood a pitcher and a tumbler, for the use of the room. The Cashier looked at him an instant, when the stranger brpke silence. “Brandy and water.” “What, sir?” exclaimed the astonished accountant. “A little brandy and water, ’f’u please.” Leaving the bar-keeper (as he supposed him) to fix his toddy, he moved forward and suddenly discovered the Collector of the Port sound asleep in his easy chair. Stepping up to him, he gave him a most unceremonious blow upon the back, and shouted at the top of his voice: “Hello? ole feller, haow ar’ yer?” Had a stroke of lightning struck between the shoulders of the naturally modes Land quiet Collector, he would not have been half so seriously startled as he was at this unexpected assault; and, half springing, half tumbling on his feet, he gazed, thunderstruck, upon the unwelcome visitor now before him. “I say, ole boss, how d’o deu?” “Sir!" exclaimed the collector. “Glad tu see yer. Teio toddies, bar-keeper! Brandy and water for me. Wot der yer drink, ’squire" l ” “Sir!" exclaimed the collector again, imagining himeelf'the victim of some horrid dream. “Come, come, ole feller; wake up?” added his tormentor, bringingdown his huge mauler again between the Collector’s shoulders, and well nigh knocking the breath entirely out of his body. “There’s some mistake here, sir,” said the Collector, springing back. “Not a bit uv it, ole rusty; I know yeu» jes like a ink-stan’.’’ “I don’t remember, really” “Yes yen deu, sart’n. But never mind. Wot yer goin’tu fuke’”

“Do you know where you are; sir?” inquired the collector, supposing the man to be a lunatic, whom he had better get rid of as easily as possible’ “Me? Sart’n. In Portlan’—Eagle Coffee House. You’re ole Brass, the lan’lord; I know yeu. O, git aout! We’re bound tu hev a drink” —and he drove his thumb and forefinger into the Collector’s ribs with so good an earnest that he nearly “finished his business” for him. “Excuse me, sir, but” “No sir-ree. No backin’aout, ole squibob —l’ve seen yeu goit-afore,yer know. Come, bar-keeper, tote aout the licker. All mumchum, yer knoty. I un’stan’—agin the law to sell brandy in Portlan’—but ire know; pass it up.” “You have mistaken your quarters, sir.” “Eh!” ' J * “This is the Custom House.” “The wot?'' • “The Custom House.” “Cns , eh!” continued the discomfitted traveler, endeavoring to get the thing through his head. “Not the Coffey House?” “No, sir.” “Wai I never!" said the chop-fallen traveler, gathering up his duds. “Looking about him to be satisfied of his error, he concluded by inquiring what was the expense. He was informed that there was nothing to pay. “Wai, ole feller, a mistake isn’t a hay- ; stack, eh!” “No, fortunately,” said the Collector. “Wai, I wouldn’t ha’ b’lieved I could ha’ made sich a blunder;’’ and then insisting that the “hul craowd should g'out and take a gin’ral drink,” which was declined, he seI cured his luggage and hastily vamosed, to the ! no small gratification of the government i officials, who had been so queerly startled I from their eustomary propriety. i (K/’A prisoner estaped from the Wiscou- ■ sin Penitentiary last week, in a very ingenI ions manner. He pretended to be sick, and was therefore allowed the privilege of walking! n the yard. He-then made a sort of an I im ge, cut the hair frem his own head, deci orated the top of the image with it, and deposited if carefully in his. bunk and took his ! customary walk in the yard. At night the I wati-h looked into his cell and noticed him, .as he supposed, reposing quietly in his accustomed place. The next morning whenhis cell was visited he was still unmolested, and on account pf his sickness, was further indulged. At noon, however, it was thought about time flib made some signs, and the watch proceeded to stir him up. But he wasn’t there. (fcj“A large- decrease is noticeable in the wool crop of Ohio, and an increase price i« looked for. The wet weather delayed somewhat the sheep-shearing, and the present j fleece has not yet entered the market. Some of the best judges insist that prices , before August will reach the highest figure of last year, notwithstanding the money pressure. Danish bark has landed 302 Asiatics at having lost a large number of others on her passage. A slaver is reI ported as captured on the south of Cuba, j with 900 Africans on board. (Ly~The late Hon. John C. Calhoun, of I South Carolina, is to have a monument' ! erected over his remains. The corner-stone ' of the monument will be laid at Charleston ; on Monday next. (C3“A Jarge number of British officers, ! serving in India have tendered their resigna- ■ tions. Fighting the natives with tho mercury at 120 is considered altogether too ' warm work for their endurance. O^7"A cow belonging to Judson Church of Wheatland, Michigan, gave birth to a calf a few days ago, which had a head perfectly like that of a horse and weighed one hundred and thirty pounds. the place on St. Helena ; where Napoleon spent his exile, and the scene of his death, has been purchased bv the French Government. gallons of New York swill milk were recently placed in a patent churn, and the product of the churning wai two gallons of whisky. _ (£7"John Sherman, of Ohio, M. C-, is a grand-son of old Roger Sherman— a noble ancestry well preserved. (KZ'John W. Forney is said to be after the Philadelphia Sheriffalty, an office worth $20,000 a year. peaches are being eaten in South F’arolina