Plymouth Tribune, Volume 10, Number 5, Plymouth, Marshall County, 3 November 1910 — Page 6

H

EU

ohn

3

Wedd

By GEORGE Clara J. had said "yes," and the next evening I waded into the Van-, Tivver mansion to drag Papa's and Mamma's consent away from them. So long as I played light comedy ro!ea I knew I was a hot favorite with the old fo!k3 at home, but when it tame to doing a leading part and walking off with the daughter, I be Kan to get uneasy for fear they'd reach for the egg basket and hand me a few unripe scrambles. When I squeezed through the portiere I found the old lady and gentleman very busy discussing their nlans for a summer trip. "Where are you going to spend the summer, John?" Inquired Father, giving me a limp paw, which I shook hurriedly and then handed back to lifm. Here wa3 an opening a grand chance to butt in right at the go off. "Well, to tell you the solemn, we haven't decided yet," I answered. "WE!" they both echoed. "Why, John, I thought you were playing a lone hand?" said the old gentleman. "I've always known you as a young man. who could walk up end down Easy street without a Cuardten or a time-card. This is the first time I ever heard you speak of t. pull-back! Whence the WE?", "I always thought you were, free to go and come as you pleased,' John," the old lady put In. Here was my chance to climb tha family tree and knnck down the fruit, but for some reason or other th-a blood seemed to rush to my voice, and I went backwards iike a crab. Papa had fixed me' with his steelblue eyes, and I could see by mother's expression that sh was beginning to set me back ca one of those doublelife leaders. My collar began to faint and my bands grew nervous and wanted to fight each other. "The fact is, ladies and gentlemen er I mean Mr. Vanvivver, and you, too, Mether- er that is " Thea I grabbed a cat-fish grin and sat there till I usd It all up. I was over the edge. Say, this marriage business 13 Immense after the whistle blows, but the preliminaries make me sick. "You seem to be a little to the 'bad this evening, John, said Father, nd Mamma began to shake her head, as though she had a mental tintype of me far out on the road to ruin, and walking fast ' I went at them again. "As a matter of fact, I merely dropped around this evening to inquire if you could that Is to say. if It is possible for you to give me to give me your your er n Overboard again and not a life preserver in sight. It was pitiful. "Most extraordinary attack of hesitation I ever knew you to have," said Father, while Mamma slmrly sat there .and focussed me with her sad, reTToachful lanterns. ! "Perhaps you need sotnethiug to jbrace you up," suggested the old gentleman. I needed a sanitarium and a corps of eflcient physicians, but I didn't say su At that moment I was doing a jchump act never before equalled In the history of the world. My eyes looked like a couple of vacant lots and I had reversed grins, and was now using the stylo most affected by a stuffed leopard. j "The boy may be suffering from üaclpient brain fever, or is he in Ikve?" whispered the old lady. "Hah!" exclaimed Papa; ; "In love, eh? That's It. When's the wedding? who'a the girl? Sorry to lo3e you, John, but the best of friends must part In the divorce court. Ha, ha!" That cackle- went right through me and splashed on the wall behind me. The old man was a fierce Joke pusher. "Coue on now, John," he continued; "who is she? Have you told Clara?- Shell be lonely, for you are certainly the bent tima killer she ever had. Speak out; we are your friends. hThe Minister Made Me Rush Out and Sign the Pledj-e. ' even if you are going to pass us up." "It was good of you, John, to come to us with the news first. Wasn't it, Absalom r smiled the old lady. Father nodded his head vigorously, and there I sat with my mouth wide open a regular Charlie Fccllshface. I wanted to speak, but every word in ray body was back-pedalling. . It was scandalous. If I h2d realized what it meant to New Kind cf Bicycle. ! A French inventor has patented and filaeed upon the market a new bicycle hat weighs only twenty pounds and has no fork, but a slnslo support for the wheels in' front and the rear. This makes it possible to adjust the tire without taking ofT the entire wheel, saving much labor and time, and Is especially advantageous In racing. By leaving off the right fork on the front jwheel, and the left fork on the rear hrheel. the balance Is perfectly prerved. an J the machine !s said to be

enry s

mg

V. HOBART go up against an unuspectlng family council I certainly would have coaxed Clara J. to elope. Then I could have sent her beloed parents a ' postal card, breaking the awful news thus: "May 1 have j-our daughter? Thanks. I have her now. Last tag, you're It." I began to recover consciousness slowly, and muttered. "You have me sized wrong. "What 1 want to ask you is may I " Ju3t then Tacks rushed in with a whoop. "Pop! Mom! What d'ye think? John Henry and Clara Jane are going to get married!" "Greenwood cemetery no flowers!" I murmured, and waited for the axe. After a painful pause I opened my eyes aDd said, "What's the answer?" Papa and Mamma had risen and were giving me the look-over with a side-smile I couldn't quite understand. "What's the answer?" I repeated, prepared to duck and avoid a rush of furniture to the head. Papa placed Mamma's arm gently under his own and started away. At the door th old gentleman turned and said, "John, it's up to you!" ; Then LLey both chuckled and left me flat. If ever that boy Tack needs a friend I'm for the jcb, suje thing! Two or three evenings later I picked my - way into the house between double row 'of messenger boys and dry good3 deliverers; fell over about eight t jus of packages, and, after. divers perils by land and sea, finally drifted into tht parlor. There 'What I Want to sat Marietta Dawson, telling Clara J. all she had over heard. Marietta was to be the maid of honor, but to hear her talk you'd think she was the leading lady. That girl had the busiest voice I ever heard. . , . She certainly was a hard worker with the gab. "Evening, ladies!" I said. Clara . gave me a spectral sort of a smile and Marietta shook her back Lair at me, then they clinched. "But I'm afraid. Marietta" Clara J. was at the bat "that I may not look well in Ivory white. I do wish, Marietta, that I had chosen the other shade; and the train. Marietta; don't you think two yards too long for me? Now do tell me! I'm sure it' will be. Oh, Marietta, do you think that old lace will be as becoming as the fresh tulle would have been?" "Nice evening!" I suggested, but they had forgotten I was in the room. "Why, Clara Jane!" gurgled the girl with the spendthrift tongue, "you know that your old point will turn all the women green with envy. I'm sure nothing on earth could persuade me to think of a tulle veil when I had such perfectly exquisite lace. Now there was Helen Duval you remember when Helen was married? She had one of those " . Then Marietta pulled the throttle wide open and took U3 to Helen's wedding and bad; again, and all over the place. It was one of the longest and noisiest journeys I ever made. "Got any wood for me to saw?" I Interrupted after a bit. I wa3 tired of playing solitaire. - ' "Pardon us," said Marietta, giving me enough eyo-ice to keep me cutting for-a month; "we are so busy!" Then to Clara J., "what did you say, dear?" Clara J. grabbed her cue. "Really, now. Marietta, do you think that the sleeves are clever? I think a frock with poor sleeves is an abomination." "Just think of being married in sleeves that were not absolutely i.mart!" cried Marietta. Her voice seemed to have a high fever. "And the lines of the skirt," Clara J. went oa; "do you think they arc good? You know a wedding dress should have good lines. Marietta; good, sweeping lines. Of course I know the design was good; but made up. Marietta, uo. you think It will be good made up?" "When do you expect to get th6se glad garments cooked up?" I ventured; but all the wires were down In my direction, and I got no answer. Clara J. took out her hammer and began to tap the bridesmaids, while Marietta held the anvil, so I got up sideways and went home. It was the most cruel game of freeze-out I ever sat in. All in good season the presents began to show up. One evening the minister, who was a friend of the family, dropped in to see if they would suit Nearly everybody I knew had sent us as sate as, any of the old style. The remaining "fork" on the rear wheel Is reinforced by a piece of frame or brace in order to strengthen the rear. This can, of course, not be done in the front, because it would interfere with the steering. The front wheel is, however, perfectly steady and safe, and the new machine is already in great favor with bicyclists in France. The Elgin Marbles. These famous sculptures are so I called from the name' of the British

a cut-glass decanter, and he made me rush out and sign the' pledge. With the exception of two or three of those present, the wedding was the happiest affair of the kind I ever attended. I was one of the exceptions. When the fateful hour drew nigh my heart crawled up in my throat and refused to go back home. I suppose it wanted to see the show. As I stood near the chancel waiting for the bride to come and get me, I felt like a bottle of ketchup with the cork out. It seemed to me that everybody in the world was giving me the fish eye. I couldn't remember whether I should wear my hands in my pockets or in my mouth, so 1 tried both styles. Presently I caught the eye of Sydney DeBrie, and he didn't do a thing but throw off a grin that nearly put me out cf the wedding business. Sydney was one of the ushers, but he should have been away back sitting down at his work in the soap factory. He was one of the Five Little Shines who used to drop in on Clara J. of an evening and tease her with their talk. I don't know why I ever consented to let that human potato-salad be an usher. He couldn't ush for sour pickles. All he could do was to put his face where I could see it and let tired Nature do the rest. About this time IfUly, DeVries, my best man. began to wilt. I didn't dare look at him, but I knew that mentally he was yelling for Ice water. Outwardly he was very nervous, and he put in his spare time trying to chew his necktie. Still, the thought flashed over me that Billy, being a college graduate and a football survivor, showed wonderful self-control in confining himself to a conflict between his teeth and his necktie. It's a wonder he didn't give the minister the low tackle and try for a touchdown. - Then the procession came down the aisle, and the bell rang for the wind-up. Clara J. was a dream. I played an alarm clock. One of the bridesmaids -jot gabby and wanted to talk ker way into the main tent, but all around her were kind-heartd people, so she wasn't pinched. Pretty soon the minister sprung that old g on me, about the ring, and I suppose for a moment he

Ask You Is, May I" thought he had me, but I fooled him. I know it's customary for the bridegroom to get so rattled that he loses the ring, so I wasn't taking any chances. The day before the wedding I bought eight rings, and when the battle was raging-1 had them stored away In every pocket and a spare one In each shoe. No fumble on the ring not for me! No matter la which direction I dipped I was sure to fish up a ring. I thini I'll get this idea patented. Ttfr-n the minister made a few cracks at us, but we called him every time, politely but firmly, and presently he handed us a card and said wtf were duly elected members . of the Married People's Union. Immediately thereafter we all went home in a flock of hacks to take a fall out of one of the finest wedding breakfasts that ever came off the griddle. For one little moment Clara J. and I were alone In the library. "Did I do all right V she asked eagerly. "You! The limit!" I said. ' "You looked like a queen. But, wait! Stop thj wagon! Why, bless me, in the excitement of a quick finish nobody had time to kiss the bride!" She put fcer face very, very close to mine and said with the sweetest of smiles, "Once more, John, it seems to be up to you!" (Copyright by G. W. Dillingham Co.) ' Those Detained. "So your proposed home-coming week has been declared off?" "Yes." "What was tho reason?" "Some of our best know a native sons couldn't coxo back." "Why was that?" "Ahem! Well, if you Insist on knowing, the governors of ten or twelve states were stingy with their pardons." Deduction. "Are you anything of a Sherlock Holmes?" "Nope; why?'' "I was just looking at that man carrying that alligator leather satchel on his shoulder; I'll bet he hardly ever loses his temper." "Why?" I , "He has such a good grip on himself." . "Wonderful!" ' True Love. "She is engaged to a wealthy young college man, isn't she?" , "Yes, and they are going to get married next week." "Why, I thought tho wedding' was set for the holidays?" "It was; but she Insisted on hurry ing it up; ho is a football player, and he might not be alive after Thanksgiving. Then she'd be broke" Not Unanimous. "Do you know Daubbs?" "Yes. I believe he's an artist." "That's more than anybodv rise does." lord who took them from Athens to London. Wherr Lon" Elgin was appointed ambassador to the porte. in 1799, his attention was called to the Imminent danger of destruction, under which the Athenian sculptures lay, and at the first opportunity he had them taken from their places in the Parthenon and conveyed to England They were finally acquired by the British government and in 1S1G were deposited in the British museum, whre they are treasured with almost religious care.

END OFJM WOES Social Lines Drawn Closely by A Women Along Ditch.

Lack of Fellowship and Something to Do Was Seed of Trouble Tangle Soon Straightened Out by Work. Chicago. There is a woman stopping at the Blackstoue Just now who is given credit for having done more to help in the digging of the Panama canal than any other member of her own sex and most of the other. Her name Is Miss Helen Varick Boswell, she comes from New York and she Is the chairman of the Industrial und social conditions department of the General Federation of Woman's Clubs. Miss Boswell Is the woman sent by ex-President Roosevelt to Panama some three years ago with a roving commission to set to rights the women of the canal zone. Something was wrong and Mr. Roosevelt, who then was President Roosevelt, and President Taft, who then was secretary of war, were nearing their wits' ends. The government had built pretty little white and green cottages with scrtenet'-in galleries and they bad fitted them throughout with the latest style In mission furniture. The men at the zone were putting aside more money than they had been able to save in years in the states and from a man's point of view there was no apparent reason why the American women who had followed their husbands lato the zone should not be content Rut they were not, and the spirit of unrest grew until It took on proportions of sufficient size to affect the work on the canal. The president and the secretary of war pu1, their heaüs together and determined to send a woman from the states with the rather unusual commission to find wlrre lay the trouble with her transplanted sisters. The woman was MIs3 Boswell. What Miss BosweR found was a row of 17 towns of varying sizes stretched along the canal from Cristobal on the Atlantic to Ancon on the Pacific. She found 1,200 women far from familiar haunts and all tho things that had meant life set down in an existence where the line of social exclusion was more tightly drawn than in the flourishing cities of the states. The seed of discontent was producing a tanglo of unhappiness which was clogging life the ler.gth of the ditch. Miss Boswell vlsitel all of the 17 towns. " "For two months 1 did nothing but ride up and down tlie canal until I felt eligible to the brotherhood of diggers," she said recently. "Believe me, the men at tho canal were just as anxious as the heads of the gov-

TAKE PROPER REST

Children Should Be Taught Art of Idleness, Says Savant. Or. Amelia M. Fendler Declares People of Today Know Nothing of Relaxation Vacations Are Foolishly Arranged. New York. VTo my mind children should be taught the art of idleness." Thi3 is the opinion of Dr. Amelia M. Fendler, who for the past few years has been connected with the women's and children's department in the Mounf Slnal hospital, and has made a special study of New Yorfc people. Dr. Fendler must know the secret of idleness, for she is calm, quiet, unruffled and apparently never tired. x "I don't believe that one person out cf ten in this city knows what real Idleness is, and how very necessary to health it becomes," saltf Dr. Fendler. 'Their one great Idea is to make money and seek pleasure. They never have a moment's rest or grant such a thing to another person. "They are continually on the go from !morning until night, and when they can find no pleasures ready-mnde they 'invent them. Their brains are always Jn a whirl of excitement and they have what might be termed New Yorkitb. ( "In any other community they would be termed insane, and the pity is that vherever they go they take thl3 .rest1 'ssness with them and convert even a placid country cow into a nervous, restless animal. ' "Idleness should hold a greit place in the life of every man, woman and child. It Is tho one quality needed to repair the damage done to the human machine called man by the continuous wearing of business and domestic lifo. . "To my mind, children should be taught tho art of idleness. By no means do I mean laziness, but idleness. which in Its analysis means nothing more or less than relaxation, rest. Inducing a pleasant dreaminess of mind, shutting out the hurry and worry of the world. "Men and women lose dght of the beauty and poetry of life, because they are always too busy to see it. What causes a nervous breakdown? Too much work and too little Idleness. A man can do more work If ho will idle a little than he can otherwise accomplish. "When a woman wants to rest in New York she goes to see a friend and talks for three or four hours. Yet talking is one of the hardept ginds of work. The man resorts to a different sort of t-o-talled 'idleness.' He is tired and BEES F0F1CE RABBIT TO SWIM Little Insects Sting Bunny Until He Is Compelled to Take to River to Escape. Altoona, Pa. A pursued rabbit took refuge unior a hive of bees in the yard of Postmaster Elmer E. Rhodes at Royer, Blair county, and very soon thereafter the bees resented Its presence and stung it several times on the ears. In a frenzy of pain bunny sped to the river near by, plunged In and swam to the opposite bank, several times ducking its ears under the water to allay the pain. Hunters say It, is very unusual for rabbits to enter tho water, and few people know they can swim. $3,820,000 for Medical Tests. New York. It was announced here the othfr day that John D. P.ockef 1ler had given to tho Rockefeller Institute for medical research an additional sum of $3,280,000. b."iriglrg Lis donations to this institution up to an -ggrogate of $$,000.000.

GIRLS WORKING WAY AROUND WORLD

jp-"- . .,.-,- w... (& 9 sc xiXw 1

Ill- . : . . t .

Ill : V ' v.---

OLIVE Adair and Oralee List, the Oklahoma girls who have started to encircle the globe, working their passage all the way, have reached the Atlantic coast successfully and are hopeful of doing equally well In foreign lands, to which they will siil soon. So far they have adhered to their resolution to work their way. In Kansas City they worked In a store for a few days and made enough to pay their fare to Chicago. In Pittsburg they sold newspapers enough to buy tickets to New York. Ju3t what they, will do abroad they do not now know.

crnment for the untangling of the tangle. "I had not visited tho district long by the way, I was a guest of a Chicago woman, Mrs. Lorin C. Collins until I realized that the lack of social fellowship and something to do was the seed. Gradually the lines of excluslveness had been drawn so tightly that Newport itself had been outdistanced. There were the 'ladies of the army' and the 'ladies of the judiciary' and the other women, all far from home, set In an Ideal socialistic community you see, the government owns all the houses but hedged about with the conventions of the centuries. "With the help of the head officers, I held receptions in the men's .clubhouses along the route It was somethh.g new, and every woman responded to the invitation. The ice and it was verily had been broken, and In less than 'two months the 'ladies of the army' and the 'ladies of tho Judiciary' and the 'other ladles' were fagged; a frieiid comes to the office. 'Come out and have a drink and rest a minute,' and out they go, and sit and talk, talk, talk, while they drink. "Vacations are foolishly arranged. A man works fifty weeks out of the year and has two weeks to rest. By the time the Tacation comes he Is so nervous from the long strain that he cannot dismiss business from his mind, and he Immediately goes to a place where he can have his papers, see the ticker and be in telegraphic communication with his office. "In Berlin every one has two hours in the day In which to rest. This is the most sane distribution of the work. Ing hours and time that I have ever heard of. As a result you have a sane, healthy-minded, energetic people. In America, the; same thing might be accomplished by a better arrangement and distribution of vacation time and the two last days of the week, Saturday and Sunday, devoted to rest. Surely something ought to be done. It not with the present with the future generation, and every mother should make an attempt to teach her children the art of idling." PREFERS TO REMAIN "DEAD" Pennsylvania Man Returns With Fortune After Thirty YearsNeed Not Divide. Yorlt, Pa. Declared logally dead by the court of Philadelphia, after an absence of years, Henry S. Robins, & former Yorker, appeared here. Robins enjoyed the amusement of '.-is friends, wbo In hU absence of 30 years had come to regard him as not only legally but actually dead. As long as he Is not the latter, Mr. Robins; now fifty years of age, says he will make no effort to have himself declared legaV.y resurrected. He has made a fortune In the fruit business In South America, jnnd Is content with the distribution already made among his children of an estate here, in which he had a share. Dies of Grief for Dog. Lenox, Mass. Allen Decker, a miller, was killed by. grief over the death of his sporting dog in Egremont the other day. Decker had bred the dog and broke it for bird shooting. It was his constant companion. Wlille Decker was in a shop a motor car ran over the dog and crushed it to death. Hearing the dog's cry Decker ran out. Seeing that it was dead, he pulled the dog's body out of the road and fell dead besldo it. MANY GIANT Stately Chestnuts Fall Victims to Ax in Attempt to Check Ravages of Epidemic. .Ardmore, Pa. Hundreds cf giant trees, the stately tops of which towered above tho main sky line, have been ob'.Iged to bow to the woodman's ax and heroic treatment has been applied to thousands of ethers in the effort to stay the sway of the deathdealing disease familiarly knoAn as the chestnut blight, in the campaign Inaugurated by a corps of state forestry department Inspectors in charge of Deputy Commissioner of Forestry l. C. Williams. In a brief period, and in the attempt to check the ravages of the disease that in epidemic form threatened to wipe out the vast chestnut groves of eastern Pennsylvania, and particularly in the suburban section of Philadelphia 10,000 trees have been examined In the neighborhood of .Ardmore, Hayerford and Bryn Mawr. The alarming extent to which this blight ha4 invaded

v ... ..?. . Ill,

'y

lilt

0

wprklng with might and main to better the school conditions and otherwise make canal life worth living. They had found themselves and each other. "When I left at the end of two months there were eight women's club3 with departments in working order. "In a short time the club women had founded libraries In all of the towns and traveling art galleries were making their way around the schools. Recently the educational department of the Cristobal Woman's club raised $300 and founded a full fledged playground for "the native children a ground filled with all the modern conveniences of a city's place of public play. Within' a short time another will be founded at Ancon. "The clubs joined in to the canal zone federation of which Mrs. Collins consented to become the first president and they have sent delegates to the last two general federal tion meetings in the states." WOMEN CARRY BISQUE DOLLS Latest Fad Among Fashionable Set of Paris Is to Take "Babies" to Entertainments. New York. Fashionable women will carry dolls about with them this winter. The fad is an importation from Paris, where for a month women hare been carrying large bisque dolls In the salons at social occasions and on the streets in automobiles. The first importations of dolls to enable American women to copy the curious Parisian fad arrived here ten days ago. They were brought over by three fashionable Fifth avenue establishments the heads of which believed they could start the style in the country. Since that time several hundred dolls have been sold to women of social mote in this city, who when buying them stated that they Intended to further the fashion of dolls for grown-up people. The dolls all girl "babies" are sold at from $G5 to $123 each. They are eighteen inches high and are dressed In the latest Parisian clothes of the finest materials. The establishments keeping them make extra clothes at prices ranging upward from $25. The onlj difference between these dolls for grownup women and those for children is that the Parisian dolls are manufactured of the finest bisque, with composition bodies and joints so made as not to creak when moved. Girl's Scalp Grafted On. Philadelphia. A wonderful example of the wouders of modern medical science was shown recently in the case of Miss Jennie Lucas, who was discharged "cured" from the Roosevelt hospital after being there nearly three months. Miss Lucas, who was a mill worker, had her hair caught in one of the big rollers and her ccalp literally torn from her head. When she recovered from the shock grafts were taken from her arm from time to time and finally the scalp became fixed and her hair continued live and glossy. The process was slow but sure. It Is said to be the only case of the kind on record. Prize Chicken. Has Appendicitis. Bloomsburg, Pa. ilia prize winning Plymouth Kock cockerel falling 111, and with home remedies unablo to bring It around, Boyd Johnson of Rupert, Columbia county, called In a veterinarian, who decided the chicken had appendicitis and accordingly etherized it and removed the bird's appendix. It will recover. TREES FELLED this section, where wealthy Philadelphia have magnificent country places. Is shown in the. reports of these forestry experts, tor examinations in minute detail revil Uie fact that no less than 0 per cent, of tho trees in these great groves are infected. In some forests as high as 90 per cent, has been noted. 1 New It's "Wedge" Skirt. Paris. Paris' latest fashion wrinkle is the wedge skirt, successor to tho hobble skirt, which it resembles. Its most striking feature, which gives it the name, is a "V" shaped opening in front. Although the skirt Is narrow at the bottom, this wedge allows the wearer to walk with comparative ease. The opening can be niado large or small, according to the taste of tho wearer. It is a combination of the hobblo skirt and the sheath skirt, which caused so much stir but ho. $rdy a short vojue here.

HIS LIVELIHOOD AT STAKE Certainly Candidate for Governor Could Not Expect to Get That Vote. An Incident In which former Governor Odell of New York figured as the victim was told by Col. James Hamilton Lewis at a recent banquet. "When Governor Odell was last running for office," said Colonel LewIs. "there had been a great deal of talk about Niagara Falls and the electrical power that could be conferred on all parts of New York. One day an old negro halted Mr. . Odell and eaid: "'Mr. Odell, is yo runnln' for gov'ner, sah!' 'I am, answered the candidate. "'I guess yo' war. my vote, den,' said the colored man. " 'Well, I would like to have your vote, Zeh. I have known you for so many years." " 'Well, I - jist want to ask you a question, Mr. Odell, befo I give mah vote to you. Are yo' for electric lights In dls town?' "Well, Zeb, I am for all modern improvements. said Odell, with a slight flourish. "'Well, sah. I can't vote for you, eald Zeb with firmness. Yo' done forget dat I is a lamp lighter.' "

Procrastination. "I heard a tale the other day of a postponing chap, who thought he'd buy a wheel so gay, but They will be cheaper, perhaps.' And so he dallied year by year, the cheapest wheel to buy; but long before the cheapest gear, that yap he had to die! And so, by- putting off the day, we miss the wine of life; and some there are in just that way who thus will miss a wife! Get busy now, you timid swain, procrastinate no more, for time is surely on the wane, and you a bachelor! Some wait too long to make a pick of husbands or of wife, and then some take a broken stick and make a mess of life." II. B. Benedict, in Judge. "That First Invented Sleep.f "Now blessings light on him that first invented this same sleep! It covers a man all over, thoughts and all, like a cloak; it. is meat for the hungry, drink for the thlräty, heat for the cold, and cold for the hot. It Is the currtnt coin that purchases all the pleasures of the world cheap; and the balance that sets the king and the shepherd, the fool apd the wise man even. There is only one thing, which somebody once put into my head, that I dislike in sleep it is that it resembles death. There is very little difference between a man in his first sleep and a man in his last sleep." From Cervantes. ' ' "Kin by Marriage." A caller was talking to a small Harlem girl who is extravagantly fond of her mother. She likes her father well enough, but he is( far from being first in her affections. The caller, knowing the situation, asked the child why she didn't love her father as she did her mother. "OL, you see," she explained, loftily. "be 13 only kin to us by marriage. When He Hedged on Faith. "Dar's nutin lak faith," said Brother Williams. "I once prayed a fat lurkey off a high roost, but the sheriff took him Turn me ez I wuz gwine home ter cook him, an I wuz took tef jail." , "Why didn't you pray your way out of jail?" someone asked. "I would 'adone it," was the reply. "but I didn't want Providence ter know I was In no sich place." DR. MART EL'S FEMALE PILLS. Seventeen Years the Standard.' Prescribed and recommended - for Women's Ailments. A scientifically prepared remedy of proven worth. Tho result from their use is quick and permanent For sale at all Drug Stores. And Endless Job. "I'll bet I could keep a fairy godmother busy." "As to how?" "I'd have her look after my touring car." v Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets first put up 40 years ago. They rejrulate and invigorate, stomach, liver and bowels. Sugarcoated tiny granules. Preserving mediocrity is much more respectable, and unspeakably more useful than talented inconsistency. Dr. Hamilton. A Rood honest remedy for Rheumatism, Nf-uraUm and Sore Throat i3 Hamlins Wizard Oil. ' Nothing will so quickly drive out all.pain and mllammation. When the puipit get Into poetic clouds it misses the - tau oa the pavement. ' . Try Mrs. Austins Famous Pancake Flour, sure to pleate, all grocers. Not Easy. Pat wa3 a married man a very much married man. He had married no fewer than four times, and all his wives were still in the fore. According to Pat's own account before the court where he was tried for bigamy and found guilty, his experiences were not altogether satisfactory. The Judge, In passing sentence, expressed his wonder that the prisoner could be euch a hardened villain as to delude so . many women. "Yer honor," said Pat, apologetically, "I was only tryin' to get a good one, an it's not aisy!" LJpplncott's Magazine. His Luck. "I know a man who is always up against It." "Who is he?" "The paper hanger when he has to fix a new wall." An ingrowing conscience drives many a man into sin. -

DU & mum u pm

EMINENT DOCTORS AT YOUR SERVICE FREE Ve sweep away all doctor's charges. We put the best medical taient "within everybody's rAch. AVe encourage everyone who ails or thinks he ails to find out exactly what his state of health is. Ycu can get our remedies here, at your drug store, or not at all, as you prefer ; there is positively no charge for examination. Professor Munyon has prepared specifics for nearly every disease, which are sent prepaid on receipt of price, and sold by all druggists. Send to-day for a copy of our medical examination blank and Guide to Health, which we will mail4 you promptly, and if you will answer ell the questions, returning blank to us, our doctors will carefully diagnose your case and advise you fully, without a penny charge. Address Munyon's Doctors, Munvon's Laboratories, 53d & Jefferson Streets, Philadelphia, Pa.

i WRONG IN THAT DIAGNOSIS

Physician's Method May Have Been All Right, but Here He Was at Fault. We are told that the latest rusation in the medical world is the assertion of a doctor that he is able, by looking into a patient's eye, to make an accurate diagnosis of the complaint which the patient Is suffering. Eut la this really as novel as it Is supposed to be? I recollect hearing some time ago of a doctor who said to a patient who was under examination: "I can, see by the appearance of your right eye what is the matter with you. You are suffering from liver. ' "My right eye?" asked the patient "Yes," returred .the doctor. shows me plainly that your liver' Is out of order." "Excuse me, doctor," said the patient, apologetlcallly. "My right eye' a glass one. Getting a Reputation. There is a desk in the senate particularly convenient as a place from which to make speeches. It is next to the aisle and almost in the center of the chamber, and affords an opportunity for the sueaker to make everybody ear. '. At least a dozen senator, according to the Washington correspondent of the St. Louis Star, have borrowed this desk when they had special utterances to deliver, to the senate. This led, not long a,t, to a rrild protest from its legitimate occupant. "I am perfectly willing to givw up my desk," said he, "but " am afraid people will think that the same man is talking all the time. I don't want to get the repvtatlon cf constantly filling the senate 'with words." Youth's Companion. Cheering Up the Guide. "Remember, Henry," said the hunter who had arranged with tho guide, "we're not hiring you you're simply one of our party." "What's on your mind?" inquired the guide. .1 "Well, you see, in case anything happens we don't want to be troubled with this new " employers' liability law," admitted the cautious hunter. n...l. Try Mrs. Austin Famous Paucake Flour, bure to please, all grocers. The more the tongue flows the less the head knows. AFTER UFM Cured by Lydia E. Pinkham'sVegetable Compound Milwaukee, Wi3. "Lydia TJ. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound has made 'me a "well woman, and I would like to te 11 the whole world of it I suffered from female trouble and fearful pains la my back. Inadthe best doctors and they all decided that I fiidatiimor in addition to mj female trouble, ana advised an operation. Lydia E. Ilnkham'a Vegetable Compound xnaaa me a well woman and I have no mora backache. I hope I can helpothers by telling them what Lydia E.Hnkham'a Vegetable Compound has dono fox me." Mrs. Emm a litres, 03 Hrst St., llilwaukee, fVis. The above is only one of the thousands of grateful letters which arts constantly being receired br th3 Pinkham Jledicine Company of Lynn. Mass.,which prove beyond a doubt that Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Coin pound, made from roots and herbs, actually does cure these obstinate diseases of women after all other means . haye failed, and that every such suferinff woman owes it to herself to at least give Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound a trial before submittinjr to an operation, or giying up hope of recovery. Jlxs. Pinkhara, of Lynn, XTcss., invites all sick women to Avrir her for advice. She has pruided thousands to hc&liU und be advice Is free. CnCE nilllDFI ttakosbuUprSQiDTites. Ato IIILL U II U Ii II lui raantnte. 1 lo lu fL cip. Onlj one f rvo in your lownibij. Bo tint. Mason Mfg. Co Oeyt. Z, Canton, U. r AM,!?yo,,, Indention. btxilot. t;l I I 1 II Llbrrtil To.td. Consult a. MJiAt I W I LU I B. ISTEV SNS A tAX. fcs-mb. L-M EÖ3 Uih be, W Morton; ItSU iwarU'rn jU, Qiloatfo. , TAKE A DOSE OF J. THE BEST MEDICINE or COUCH O COLDn

X .