Plymouth Tribune, Volume 8, Number 51, Plymouth, Marshall County, 23 September 1909 — Page 6

.Mfe GONSTIPATION

RELIEVED PRICE 25 Cts. Mailed postpaid on re ceipt of price Tou can't have a beautiful complexIon if your blood is impure or if you Buffer with indigestion or any stomach or liver ailment. Munyon's Taw-Paw Pills regulate the bowela, correct indigestion, constipation, biliousness, torpid livers, jaundice, sallow and dull complexions. They purify the blood and clear the skin of pimples, sores and most eruptions. One pill is a gentle laxative; two pills a thorough physic. They do not cripe, they do not weaken. Price 23c, MUXYOX'S REMEDY CO63rd and Jefferson Sts.. Phila.. Pa. W hy He Could No Talk. A commuter, says a writer in ih New York Times, hired a Swedish car penter to repair some blinds on the outside of hi3 house. During the day the commuter's wife looked after things, and once or twice came out to see if the man was getting on all rlat. "Is there anything you need, Mr. Swenson?" she asked, on her second trip. The carpenter gulped once or twice but made no reply. The lady repeated the question. Again a gulp and no answer. "Why don't you answer me, sir?" said the lady, Indignantly. Ths Swede turned and looked down at her gravely. "My mout is full of sgrews," he said. "I cannot speag undil I svaller Bone!" MUST BELIEVE ' IT. Every Reader Will Concede tbe Troth of Tals Statement. One who suffers with backache or any forcn of kidney trouble wants a cure, not merely temporary benefit. Kev. Maxwell a. Rowland, of Toms River, N. J., makes a statement in this connection that is w o rth attention. Says he: "I wa3 suddenly taken with an attack of kidney trouble, had severe pain3 in my back and loins and was generally run down. Doctors were not helping me so I began using Doan's Kidney Pills. They brought me prompt relief, and a3 I continued taking them the pains in my back disappeared and the kidneys were restored to normal condition." Remember the name Doan's. Sold by all dealers. f0 cent3 a box. Fos-te'r-Milburn Co.. Buffalo. X. Y. Chinese Secret Societies In Java. An ordinance just passed in Java falls heavily upon Chinese societies c Netherlands, India. A fine of 100 guilders or three months rigorous imprisonment is the penalty for every Chinaman found In possession of secret society documents or emblems or caught wearing the distinguishing marks of these organizations. Those who preside over the meetings of such societies, allow meetings to be held In their houses or fail to Inform the authorities of such gatherings being held incur similar penalties. The latter also fall upon Chinamen who recruit for these societies, supply them with money or give them help In any way. Pettlt'a Eye Salve for Over 100 Years has been used for congested and in Ca med eyes, removes film cr scum over the eyes. All drugjists or Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y. A Poor Jluiu, Baron Takahira wa3 talking to a reporter in Ann Arbor about the Japanese character. "To say that the Japanese is only a living piece of commercialism 13 all wrong," he declared. "The Japanese 13 chivalrous and kind. But too often men accuse him of living up literally to the Yorkshire motto. The selfish and despicable motto r.dopted by a certain hard, narrow type of Yorkshlreman 13, you know: "See all, hear all, and say nowt. Eat all, sup all, and pay nowt. And if tho does owt for nowt Do It for thysen." Clear, white clothe are a tlgn that the housekeeper unes Red Trots Ball Blue. Larze Zoz. package, R cants. A Torrn of Kreh Snrprlae. Meissen is a town of crooked street that wind about delightfully In its depths and suddenly climb the heights on each hand a town with a fresh surprise of architecture, of costume or of landscape at every turn. One is constantly finding some landing whence ancient walled steps shoot up on the one hand to the burg aad down on the other hand to the river. From Robert Haven's Schauffler's "Romantic Germany," In Cenutry. Mrs. Wiosiow s seesaiasTsrraB ror Chit eren teetusg : softens the gums, reduces to biuamatlon, altars pain, cures wind colic, 23 -nta a hn'.la. i Oae Thousand Horse Power Gas Engine. It Is difficult to say when a gas engine becomes a large gas engine. A few years ago 300 horse , power wa3 considered the starting point, then 500 horse power, and now in a recent ar ticle published in a German paper 1,000 horse power seems to be taken as the maximum. The list gives the names of twenty-eight makers, nineteen on the continent, four in England and five in the United States. Alto gether it add3 up a total of 623 en glnes. giving a combined output of 1,035,709, or more than 1.00C.000 horsa power in large rnits. ElmvSexvxva Ceaxvscs Vve System Dispels colds and Headaches duco CowsQiYow; Acs TAOxray, acteXnxty as aLaxaWve. Bcs Jot New JVcrniexi avxaXWlltext "youu axvd Ua. To Cz Vs bGueVxtt&V e$$ccs. manufactured by the CALIFORNIA Fig Syrup Ca SOLD DY ALL LEADING DRUGGISTS V 3;ze OA'y. refcufar price 50 per bottle.

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In his speech at Winona. Minn., upholding the l'ay re tariff hill as a whole, 'President T.ift said in part: "My I'ellow Citizen : As Ioiik aio as August. I?u6. in the Congressional campaign in Maine. I ventured to announce that I was a tariff revisionist, and thought that the time had come for a readjust ment of the schedules. I pointed out that It had teen ten years prior to that time that the Hinlcy hill had been passed; that preat changes had taken place in the conditions surrounding the productions of the farm, the factory and the mir', an! that the rates imposed in the Dinsley bill in many instances miht have become excessive; that is, milit have been gieater than the difference between the cost of production abroad and the cost of production at home with a sufficient allow ance for a reasonable rate of profit to the American producer. In the summer of l?0i I pointed out m a speech what seems to me as true to-day as it was then, that the danger of excessive rates was in the temptation they created in the form of monopolies in the pro tected articles, and thus to take advantage of the excessive rates by increasing the prices, and. therefore, and in order to avoid such a danger, it was wise at rejuilr intervals to examine the question of what the effect of the rates had been upon th-? industries of the country, and whether the conditions with respect to the cost of production here had so changed as to war rant a reduction in the tanfi, and to make a lower rate truly protective of the industry. It will be observed that the object of the revision under such a statement was not, to destroy protected industries in this country, but it was to continue to protect them where lower rates offered a sufficient protection to prevent injury by foreign competition. That was the object of the revision as advocated bv me. "I want to make as clear as I can this proposition, because in order to determine whether the bill is in compliance with the terms of that platform, it must be understood what the platform means. A free-trader is opposed to any protective rate lecause he thinks that our manufac turers, our farmers and our miners ouht to withstand the competition of foreign mj-nufacturers and miners and farmers, or else go out of business and find something else more profitable to do. Now, certainly the promises of the platform did not contemplate the downward revision of the tariff rates to such a point that any in dustry theretofore protected should be Injured. Hence, those who contend that the promise of the platform was to reduce prices by letting in foreign competition are contending tor a free trade, and not for anything that they had the right to infer from the Republican platform. "The Ways and Means Committee of the House, with Mr. Payne at its head, spent a full year in assembling evidence in reference to the rates under the tariff and devoted an immense amount of work in the study of the tuest ion v.iiere the tariff rates could be i educed and where they ought to be raised with a lew to maintaining a reasonable protective rate under the principles of the platform for every industry that deserved protection. Mr. I'ayne reported a bill the Payne tariff bill which was amended in the Senate by increasing the duty on some things and decreasing it on others. The differ ence between the House bill and the Senate bill was very much less than the newspapers represented. One vay of stating what was done Is to say what the facts show that tinker the lingley law- th?re were ."'4 items. This included dutiable items only. The Payne law leaves 1.1..9 of these items un changed. There are decreases in t34 of the items and increases in 220 of the items. "There was a substantial downward re vision on articles entering into the general consumption of the country which can be termed ne?essities, for the proportion is Jj. 000,000, )0), representing the consump tion of articles to which decreases applied. to less than J3.00n.o.0oo of articles- of necessity to which the increases applied. Now the promise of the Republican platform was not to revise everything downward, and in the speeches which have been taken as interpreting that plat form which I made in the campaign. I did not promise that everything should go downward. What I promised was that there should be many decreases and that In some few things increases would le found to be necessary: but that on the whole, the change of thj conditions would make the revision necessarily downward. and that. I contend, under the showing which I have made, lias been the result of the Payne bill. Kxplalnn Cotton Schedule. "Now it is said that there was not a re duction in a number of the schedules where they ought to be. It is said that there was no reduction in the cotton schedule. There was not. The House and the Senate took evidence and found from cotton manufacturers and from other sources that rates upon the lower classes of cotton were such as to make them a decent profit. Not only a decent profit, and they were contented with It. but it was found that the rates on the higher grades of cotton cloth, by reason of court decisions, had been reduced so that they were considerably !e!ow these of the cheaper grades of cotton cloth and that by undervaluations and otherwise tho whole cotton schedule had been made unjust ami the various items were disproporuoned In respect to the varying cloths. Hence, In the senate a new system was introduced attempting to make the duties more specific rather than ad valorem In order to prevent by juoicial decision or otherwise a disproportionate and unequal operation of the schedule. "Under this schedule u was conten;i that there had len a general rise of all the duties on cotton. This was vigorously denied by the experts of the Treasury Department. At least the Senate In conference consented to a reduction amounting to about 10 per cent on ail the lower prades of cotton, and this reduced the lower grades of cotton substantially to the ame rates as before ami increased the higher grades to what they ought to be under the Uit.gley law and what they were Intended to be. eitlen llalanee In Leather. "There are other subjects which I miyht take up. The tariff . on hides was taken IIow New Zealand lleeanie Brltlh. How New Zealand became a British possession is, one of the romances of colonization. Seventy years ago it was a sort of no man's land, but it leaked out that France contemplated annexation. There was a race from Sydney between a British and a French man-of-war, the former winning by a fewi hours and securing New Zealand for J the Brltiih crown. A few years pre-! viously a French adventurer. Baron de Thierry, at the head of 100 followers, whom he had recruited In Sydney, had proclaimed himself "Kins of New Zealand," but the Baron had not suf-1 ficient funds to maintain a monarchy. I His subjects deserted and collapsed. hl3 reiga ( The Old Story. "Does your wife cry when she sots angry?" "Yes," answered Mr. Meeliton. "It Isn't the heat of her temper that distresses nie so much as the humidity." Washington Star. Ile AVe See Are Wive in Other Itf First Straphanger (In a whisper) Why did you give that woman your seat? She isn't bundle-laden, tired, or pretty, or even polite. Second S t ra ph a v. gt r We 1 1 e r you see she is my wife. Harvard Lampoon. I Heel tet It. West Wonderful! That parachutist fell on a pkket fence and wasn't hurt. Jest Nothing queer about that. He's been down here sleeping on the.s? hotel boards for six weeks. Kxperienceel. Non-Coin, (to recruit) I don't suppose you have smelt powder, have you? Recruit Oh, yes. I was In a drug store before I enlisted. Meggencjrfer Blaetter. Georsc'n Corner. "George," said the Titian-haired schoolmarm, "is there any connecting link between the animal kingdom and the vegetable kingdom?" "Yeth, ma'am," answered George, promptly. "Hash." Everybody.

PRESIDENT TAFT DEFENDS THE TAMI?.

The promise of the Republican platform was not to reviso everything downward, and in the speeches I made in the t;uni;.i:?n I did not promise that everything should go downward. What I promised was that there should be many decreases and that the change in conditions would make the revision necessarily downward und that, I contend, has been the result under the Payne bill. T..ere was a substantial revision downward on necessities, for the proportion is $r.000,Oo0,00C, representing the consumption of articles to which decreases were applied, to less than $300,000.000 of articles of necessity to w hich increases applied. I did not agree, nor did the Republican party agree, that we would reduce rates to such a point, as to reduce prices Ly foreigrn competition. The proposition was to reduce rates so as to main tr. in a difference between the cost of production here and abroad, insuring a reasonable profit, and the proposition to reduce rates was to avoid the opportunity for monopolies and the suppression of competition. Was it the duty of the member of Congress who believed that the bill did not accomplish everything it ought to have accomplished to vote against it? I am here to justify those who answer tho question in the negative. I am glad to see that those who voted against the bill still insist they are Republicans and that they Intend to keep up the light for still lower tariff rates within the party. If what the country wants is free trade it ought to put the Democratic party in power if it is thought the Democratic party can be trusted to carry out any affirmative policies. Personally, I was in favor of free lumber, because I did not think that if tho tariff was taken off there would he much suffering' anion.!; the lumber interests. In the controversy the House and Senate took a middle course, and who can say they were not justified? With respect to thv wool schedule, I agree that it is too fiigh and think that it ought to have been reduced; that it probably represents more than the difference between the cost of production abroad, and the cost of production here.

off lecause it was thought that It was not necessary to t he man who raised cattle and that the profits of the cattle business were suilleient without Imposing a duty on it, and that the duty imposed was likely to throw the control of the sale of hides into the hands of the meat packers in Chicago. In order to balanve the reduction on hides, however, there was a great reduction in shoes, from 25 to 10 per cent, on sole leather from 20 to 5 per cent, on harness from -10 to 15 ler cent. So there was a reduction in the duty on coal of 33 1-3 per cent. All duties were removed from oil. naphtha, gasoline and its refined products. Lumber wis reduced from $2 to $1.25. And these ull on articles of prime necessity. It is said that there might have be n more. Rut there were many business interests in the South, in Maine, along the border, und especially in the far Norhtwest, which insisted that it would give great advantage to Canadian lumber if the reduction were made more than 75 cents. Mr. Pinchot. the chief forester, thought it would tend to make better lumber in this country if a duty were rttalned on it. "With respect to the wool schedule: 1 agree that it is too high and that it ousht to have leen reduced, and that It probably represents considerably more than the differcm-e between the cost of production abroad and the cost of producing here. When it came to the qucütion ot reducing the duty in this tariff bill on wool. Mr. Payne and Mr. Aldrich found that in the Republican party the Int.res:s of the wool growers of the Far West and the interest of the woolen manufacturers in the Rast and in other States were sufficiently strong to deft at J.ny attempt to change the woolen tariff ami that had it beta attempted it would have beaten the bill reported from either committee. Sorry About Wool Defect. "I am sorry this is so, and I would wish that it had be n othcrwh-e. it is the one imiKrta.it delect in the present Payne tariff bill, and not in the perlormatu i of the promise of the platform to reduce rates to a difference In the cost of production with reasonable profit to the manufacturer. That it will increase the prk-e of woolen cloth or clothes, I very much doubt. 1 am quite willing to admit that, allowing the woolen schedule to remain where it is, it is probably not a compliance with the tcins of the platform as I interpret it end as it is generally understood. "lt'a the Ileal Tariff Hill." "On the whole, however. I am bound to say that I think the Payne tariff bill !s the best tariff bill that the Republican party ever pas.sed : that in it the party has conceded the necessity fur following the changed conditions and reducing liri:f rates accordingly. This 4 a substantial achievement in the direction of lower tariff and downward revision, and it out;ht to be accepted as such. Critics of the Kill utterly Ignore the very tremendous cuts that have been made In the iron schedule, which heretofore has been subject to criticism in all tariff bills." "The hish cost of living, of which 50 ler cent Is consumed in food, 25 per cent in clothing and 25 per cent in rent and fuel, has not been produced by the tariif. l;tuse the tariff has remained the tame while the Increases have gone on. It Is due to the change of conditions the world over. Living has increased everywhere in cost in countries where there Is free trade and in countries where there Is protection and that increase has been chiefly seen in the cost of food products. I am not saying that the tariff does not increase price in clothing und in building and in other items that enter Into the necessities of life, but what I wish to emphasize is that the recent Increase In the cost of living In this countiy has not been due to the tariff. Higher Standard Seen. "We have a much higher standard of living In this country than they hive abroad, and tl Is is anion;' the workingman, the farmer and all classes. Higher vages have Iveen made jmssille by the meoura Kernen t of diversified industries, built up and fosteied by the tariff. "Now. tho revision downward of the tnriff that I have favored will not. I hope, destroy the Industries of the country.' "If the co in try desires free trade and wishes the -.nanufacturers all over the country to go out of business, and to have cheaper picf" at the expense of the sacrifice of many of our. manufacturing interests, then It oufcht to say so and ought to put the Democrat!': party In powvr if it thinks that party can be trusted to carry out any allirmaiive policy In favor of a revenue tariff. "Certainly In the discussions In the Senate there was no great manifestation on the part of our Democratic friends in favor of rc-duclng rates on necessities. They voted to maintain the tariff rates on ATCHISON GLOBE SIGHTS. A dead beat always wants pay In advance. Nine-tenths of the failures intend to do well. There Is a "story" on every man that ever lived. Ever notice that most crazy people are "good talkers?" The man who looks at a clock every five minutes to see what time It is is lazy. When a man falls, if one woman is not at the bottom of it several women are. If you have pleasant weather for a picnic then something else happens. The little trouble in the world that Is not due to love seems to be due to friendship. It Is as difficult to select the best automobile as it Is to select the best cantaloupe. Why not quit talking of Improved roads, and begin to drag them systematically? It has been estimated that seven out of ten people eat roasting ears horse fashion. If a young husband falls to kiss hl3 wife ' when he comes home, all fir? girls notice It. Our Idea of a fair, just woman Is one who invites "his" kin as often as she invites hers. You can't tell the size of a man'3 bank account by the length of his daughter's feather. Women are not having a real pood time unless three or four of them are talking at once. No man can look for peace so long as any old love letters written by him remain undestroyed. Perfection is not expected In anythJng else, but somehow farmers al ways expect perfect corn. Have you ever noticed that you no sooner get on trouble off your hands than another come3 along? Young girls believe that If a bride finds things do not suit her she should make a bluff at being happy.

everything that came from their particular section. If we are to have free trade, certainly it cannot be had through the maintenance of Republican majorities in the Senate and House and a Republican administration. "And now the question arises, what was the duty of a memler of Congress who believed in a downward revision greater than that wnich has been accomplished, w ho thought that the wool schedules ought to be reduced, and that perhaps there were other respects !n which the bUl eould le improved? Was it his duty because In his judgment it did not fully and completely comply with the promises of the party platform as he interpreted it. and indeed as 1 had interpreted it, to vote against the bill? I am here to justify those who answer this question In the negative. "Now, I am not here to criticise those Republican members and Senators whose views on the subject of tariff w?re so strong and intense that they ttelieved it their duty, to vote against their party on the tariff bill. It is a question for each man to settle for himself. The question is whether he shall help maintain the party for accomplishing its chief purposes or whether the departure from principle I in the bill, as he regards it, is so extretie that he must in consequence abandon the party. Of course, if I had vetoed the bill I would have received the applause of many Republicans, who may Ive called low tariff Republicans, and who think deeply on that subject, and of all the Democracy. Our friends the Democrats would have applauded and then laughed in their sleeves at the condition in willed the party would have been left : but more than this, and waiving consideration of the party, where would the country have tieen had the bid letn vetoed or been lost by a vote? Tell uf Peril tu Prosperity. "Jt would have left the question of the revision of the tatlff o;en for further discussion during the next session ; It would have suspended the settlement of all our business down to a known baMs upon which proi-perity could proceed and investments le made, and it would have he-lil u'.) the coming of prosperity to this country certainly for a year, and probably longer. There are reasons why Mr. Tawney oted for the bill; there are the reasons why I signed it. Put there are additional reasons why the bill ought not to have been beaten. It contained provisions of the utmost importance in the Interest of this country in dealing with foreign countries und in the supplying f a deficit which under the Dingley Ulli seemed inevitable. "We have Imposeel an excise tax upon corpora tms measured by 1 per cent upon the net income of all corporations, except fraternal and charitable corporations, after exempting $5.000. This, it is thought, will raise un Income of $26.000.000 to $30.000,000, will supply the deficit which otherwise miKht arise without It. and will bring under fetleral supervision more or less all the corporations of the country. "Then we have finally clone Justice to th Philippines. I do not hesitate to repeat that I think It would have leen an unwise sacrifice of the business Internst of the country; it would have lecn an unwise sacrifice of the solidarity, efficiency and promise-performing power of the party, und to have projected into the next session another long eliseusslon of the tariff and to have delayed or probably elefeated the legislation needeel in the Improvement of our interstate commerce regulation, and In making more efficlcftit our anti-trust laws and the prosecutions under it. Such legislation is needed to clinch the Rensevelt policies, by which e-orporations and those in control of them shall be limited to a lawful path. "Now; there is another provision in the new tariff that I regard as of the utmost importance. It is a provision which appropriates $75.000 for the President to employ iersons to assist him In the execution of the maximum und minimum tariff clause and In the administration of the tariff law. Thinks Time Will Tell.' "After it has leen operating for two or thre-e years we can tell much more accurately than we can to-day Its effect upon the Industries of the country and the necessity for any amendment on its prois ions. "I have tried to state as strongly as I can, but not more strongly than 1 think the facts justify, the imiortance of not disturbing the business Interests of tills country by an attempt In this Congress or the next to make a new revision, but meantime I Intend, so far as in me lies, to secure official data upon the operation of the tariff from which, when a new revision Is attempted, exact facts can ba secured."

Mice Man. Two young women in Washington boarded a crowded street car and were obliged to stand. One of them, to steady herself, took hold of what she supposed was her friend's hand. They had stood thus for some time, when, on looking down, she discovered that she was holding a man's hand. Greatly embarrassed, she exclalned: "Oh, I've 'got the wrong hand!" Whereupon the man. with a smile, stretched forth his other hand, saying: "Here 13 the other one, madam." Hie Ileault. Miss Pedigree My family can claim a very high descent. Miss Downrite Yes. it certainly looks like a tumble down from somewhere. Baltimore American. A tiooel M layer. "Can you recommend me a young man of good staying power?" "Oh, yes, sir. My daughter's young man." Baltimore American. Kspretalve. "Of all the quaint expressions I have heard recently," said a clubwoman, "none has struck me as more delightful than that of an English woman who told me that her daughter would never smooth out a room." New York Time3. Taking X Chance. First Freak None of the hotels would accommodate the "human kangaroo." I wonder why? Second Freak I guess they were afraid he would jump his board. IntndliiK Their Privacy. Mr. Scrappier We're going to have another stormy day. Mrs. Scrappier How do you know? Mr. Scrappier This newspaper says so. Mrs. Scrappier So our domestic affairs are petting into the newspapers, are they? Brooklyn Life. rplgrninmatic. When a man is down and cut, that is the time he ought to be u' and. doing.

g Civil War Stories

Shirking In the Army I found the doctor busily engaged In examining a dog-eared and somewhat dilapidated little book the next time I entered his office. It was not a printed book, but seemed to be filled from top of page to bottom with words in faded pencil marks. On the table lay a dust-stained blue coat an army surgeon's coat in the left arm of which, above tho elbow on ths underside, was a great hole, blackened at the edges and Involving something like an Inch of blue cloth. He took no notice of me when I entered, so engrossed was he In reading the contents of the volume, and it was some time before he apparently became aware of my presence. "I was just looking over my dir.ry of events while serving Uncle Sam in the Civil War," said he, when at last he concluded to speak "a faithful record of which I kept every day during the whole period of my service, and to me it is most interesting reading. Just now I came across an entry made while tho brigadu was In camp waiting for reinforcements and provisions previous to starting out on a long march. It was but a repetition of what had happened many times before and relates to the common trick among soldiers of telling fibs to the doctor to escape guard duty or any other necessary work pertaining to camp life. I do not say the habit prevailed among the majority of the men who came to me to be made well, but it obtained among a class of soldiers who were no use In the army and who could not very well be gotten rid of. Many were the schemes devised to shirk duty and be placed under the doctor's care, and various were the plans made to procure a ration of whisky and quinine. Some had cramps, others a pain in the chest, back ache, cold in tha head, rheumatism, a sore foot, and other little ailments which I do not now remember. The most common complaint was chills and fever, and when of a genuine nature always brought the quinine and whisky. I could generally judge correctly a fraudulent case and the patient was given heroic treatment, which in some instances made him prefer duty to the doctor's dose. "There was one fellow la the command who was incorrigible. What became of him when on the march or during a battle I could never tell, for ho was always absent, but when we remained in camp any length of time he was sure to answer sick call every morning, with a doleful story about something that affected him and made him unfit for duty. He was a native of tho green isle beyond the sea and known as Fat Rooney. One morning he appeared at my quarters a3 usual with a long list of complaints which he declared would be the death of him. What's the matter, Pat? Same old story to shirk duty?" "Not dochtor, dear, it's not the old sthory. I have the chills, bad cess to thim." "You (old ine the same thing yesterday morning, Pat." "Ye're mishtaken, sorr; it was the ager I had yestherday. Oh, me poor back! It feels as if a kason had run over it. Did ye Ivver have the chills, dochtor? Ye did not? Well, ye'r a lucky man. Yeshterday I wlnt down to the spring beyant with me cahnteen fur wather ,an it wus there I got tho chills. Lasteways 'tis me opinion av It; an' docthor, dear, I swallowed a bug, an it has got Into me system, an' it will grow an' multiply until me system do be full av 'em, millions av thim; an' hadn't ye betther give me some Intsect powder, docthor?" "Nonsense, Patf" said I "that game won't work this' time. Go back to your quarters. You are as fit to do duty a3 any man in the brigade. As for the bugs, when they find out who Is outside of them they'll leave In a hurry." "I knew then that if Pat Rooney survived I should soon see hlra again. 1 "A few days after this the command moved, and It was two months before we were in camp again for any length of time. Tho second day after the halt Pat Rooney turned up as usual when sick call wa3 sounded. I learned afterward that he had been taken suddenly ill the day after I had sent him to his quarters, although he appeared healthy enough when I examined him. He had a severe attack of camp fever and went through a siege .of sickness. This time he was not shamming, but really needed my services. I prescribed what I considered tho necessary remedies and dismissed him. He seemed reluctant to go, and I said to him: " 'Well. Pat. what Is it?' "'Do ye remlmber, docthor, the last time ye saw me? Ye do? And about the bugs? Do ye remlmber I said they would multiply in me system? Av course ye do. An' they did, bad luck to thim. Tho next day In me bed the bugs had fun with me. Some av them got In me head an' had a fallln' out an' commlnced throwin bricks. Thin they went Into me stummlck and danced jigs while the band played 'Garry Owen,' an thin they wlnt to me lungs an' had it out in a bit av shindy. The next day the bugs slid up an down me backbone on chunks av ice, an' thin took me legs for 1 111graph poles an' put on their spikes an' climbed up and down all night long. Afther a while they began to get tired, but the nlxt day they went at it again an' thim In me heael commlnced -the racket an' I knew there was goin' to be doings in the top sthory. All the bugs In me body got into me head; not one av them stayed away. They cum in squads an rlgiments, an brigades. How many av thim were there I'll never know, fur I wlnt daft as a hen and not a thing did i Know for tin days. Whin I woke up I was as weak a3 a baby and me head was as tmpty as me haversack. I want no more bugs, docthor.'" "Tell me what caused the hole in the sleeve of that coat on the table, eloctor," said I, pointing, to the garment. "Oh, that was made by a bullet that didn't draw a drop of blood from my anatomy," he replied, as he took up the coat and tried to wipe oft the Virginia dust which had laid there more than thirty years. "It was in the spring of 18G2, and near Warwick Court House, Va., when we were on the way up the peninsula on tho general movement toward Richmond. It wasn't In any battle at all. Just a little picket fight, which was going on all the time. The woods were full of Confederate sharpshooters and we couldn't venture far out of camp without being picked off. The enemy had a strong picket line ahead of us all

the tlma and there was a good deal of firing. I was where I had no business to be and a sharpshooter nearly took my life. But the bullet didn't hit me, passing through the sleeve oC my coat. The marksman's aim waj pretty good if he intended to hit m:( heart, for three inches more to th j right would have pierced that organ; The concussion, hew aver, knocked mi

senseless and left a queer feeling all I day." "But you were wounded, wert you not?" "Yes; twice, I believe." "How did it feel, doctor?" "Well it hurt a little. The bullet struck me about six inches below tha right hip and traveled clear around lodging on the inside, where it wa3 afterwards cut out. It was flattened by striking against the bones, although none were broken." "When and where did this happen, doctor?" "Oh, during the Seven-days' fight, some time In June, when McClellan moved his whole army up country in the Prst great advance on Richmond. June 27, I think it was, the enemy attacked us in great force near Gaines Mill, making a fierce onslaught on our right, threatening the rear and compelling a change of front. About 5 o'clock the Confederates massed for a final attack upon the left of the line held by Butterfield and Martindale. Brigade after brigade was hurled upon them with ceaseless force and determination, and suddenly broke through Martindalc's left and attempted to capture Buttwfield's brigade. The Confederates came rushing across the field, where I lay with the rest of the wounded and with the dead. They were fighting for all they were worth, and when they, saw a federal soldier with too much life in him they ran him through with the bayonet, and as one of the Confederates passed me he stabbed me in the left arm. As he hurriedly passed on he gave the gun a twist and the bayonet was detached and remained sticking in my arm and through it down into the sand. My right hand fortunately was at liberty and I managed somehow to pull out the bayonet, but some sand came ujj with at and that was stripped off In the wound and bothered me a good deal. "We lay there several days with no attention from any person. The. hospital arrangements were not as perfect then as later, and we had to do the best we could. Some of the men who had good legs managed to get water fcr the rest of us, and they searched the haversacks of thf dead and found something for us to eat. But it was pretty hard for the wounded. Sometimes it would rain and we scraped shallow places in the sand which would fill with water and last us for a time. I was losing a good deal of blood, so some of the boys tore the lining out of a blouse and plugged up my wounds with that, and so I got along." "How did you get out of that terri-' ble situation?" . "Oh, the Confederates took us prisoners not a difficult thing to do and sent its to Richmond, where they put us in Libby over a hundred of us where we had a pretty tough time. I was one of five to come out alive." Detroit Free Press. Death of Flffhtlnir Phil Kearny. Late In the afternoon of September 1, In the midst of a tremendous thunder shower, the Third Corps stood across Lee's path to Chantllly. Stevens' division of Burnslde's corp3 had been driven back, and Its brave leader killed. Kearny was sent to regain the ground. ! The daring General, desiring to know fully the nature of the ground In front and the position of the enemy before ordering hi3 men forward, rode out alone to reconnoiter. He came unexpectedly upon the enemy In the darkness. He Inquired what troops they were. They answered hl3 question, but Immediately discovered that he was a federal officer. He turned his horse to ride away. They called upon him to halt, but he put spurs to his nobla animal and dashed away into the darkness. Bullets came whistling after him, and poor Kearny, the bravest of the brave and idol not only of his own division but of the whole army, was killed. His division waited anxiously some time for his return, but as he came not the worst was feared, and finally General Blrney took command and led the men forward. They advanced and recovered the ground Stevens had lost. , In the morning tho enemy sent the body of Kearny in under a flag of truce, for they respected hl3 bravery, and his division wept over him like children. No braver soldier than Phil Kearny ever lived. He had lost an arm In the Mexican war, during a charge upon a battery at San Antonio Gate, one of the defenses of the City of Mexico, and he was accustomed to go Into battle with either hl3 sword or his reins between hl3 teeth. He was never so happy a3 when the battle raged most fiercely about him. The story was told that in one of the battles upon the peninsula one of his brigadiers approached him and asked: "General, where shall I put my brigade?" "Anywhere," replied Kearny. hi3 face glowing with smiles, "anywhere; there's beautiful fighting all along the line." Muttering Them Ont. Thousands of blue-coated G. A. R. gathered recently at Salt Lake I renew the ties of wartime .nmi light över again the battles In which as stripling lads they preserved the Union and forever stilled the rebel war cry. During the year 1908 more than 10,000 of the gallant defenders of their country - were mustered out forever. The ranks are thinner, and on the farther sh.)re, in the great bivouac of the dead, old comrades gather each year in greater number for the last long rest. Oly a few mere years and the vast v that carried the stars and stripes victory will have dwindled to a little band of aged and enfeebled survivors. In those few years this great and prosperous country must not forget Its venerable defenders, or neglect to honor them for their great deeds and their lesson of undying patriotism to young America. Chicago Journal. Nearly 120,000 infants under a year old die every year in England, over 100,000 of them victims of ignorance or carelessness. Wireless telegraphy has been sucr ----fully carried on between trains .ing from Cleveland to Chicago . Sgh speed.

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Tommy Pop, what is meant by the mother tongue? Tommy's Pop Sh-h-h, pay boy! Don't get her started. Phila-, delphla Record. "I made a big hit with that woman, all right." "What did you say to her?" "Nothing. I just kept still and listened." Chicago Daily News. "Why do you call that horse Summer Boarder?" "Because," answered Farmer Corntossel, "he don't do nothIn but eat and kick." Washington Star.Reformer I wish I could do something to make people take my advice. Friend Try engraving It on the handle of your umbrella. Boston Transcript. Her You don't love me! ' Him I do. I've just had my Hf4 Insured, haven't I? Her Ye3, but it would be Just like you not to die. Cleveland Leader. Gyer Poor Blinkers! He has passed into oblivion. Meyer When did he die? Gyer Oh, he Isn't dead. Ha married a famou3 woman last week. Chicago Daily News. Police Sergeant--Can you give me a description of the person that ran over you? The Victim Oi can that. Ha had on a fur coat an' an autymobile cap an' goggles. Life. "What's the matter, daughter?" "Ferdy and I have patted - forever." "Um. In that case, I s'pose he won't be around for a couple of nights."Louisville Courier-Journal. "How is It that Julia Is so jealous and quarrelsome? She used to have such a sweet disposition?" T know, but the past year she has been singing In a church choir." Baltimore American. Elsie Why Is Clara always so short of money? Didn't her father leave her a lot? Madge Yes; but you see she's not to get It till she's thirty, and she'll never own u? to that. Boston Transcript. Maude I'm a little uneasy In my mind. Ned asked me to marry hini, and I told hiin I might, some day. Now, would you call that a promise? Marie No, I should call it a threat. The Tatler. A When I was In the east I met with many begging dervishes. B I thought they called them howling dervishes. A That's what they become when you don't give them any thing. Meggendorfer Blaetter. Bob Footlite (actor) Failure? I phould think It was. The whole play Iwas ruined. She Gracious! How was that? Bob Footlite At the end of the last act a steam pipe burst and 'hissed me off the stage. Tit-Bits. Plumber Have you got all we want for Brown's job? Boy Yes. Plumber Wot? You 'aven't forgot nothln? Well, that's a good un! Haven't' forgot nothln. and you learnln' to be a Iplumber! Philadelphia Inquirer. - "What do you s'pose it is dat Is pver-crowdin' de cities? asked Meandering Mike. "I dunno," answered Plodding Pete, "unless It's dis habit farmers Is glttin into of advertisln fur harvest hands." Washington Star. Scottish' Cabby (explaining historic landmarks of Edlnburg to American tourists) Yon's the house o' John Knox. Tourist Wal. who was this John Knox, anyway? Cabby (shocked) Mon! Do ye no read yer Bible? Punch. "And have yon any brothers and sisters, my little man?" asked the kind old lady. "Yes'm." replied the little man; "I got one sister and one and a half brothers." "What?" "Yes, ma'am; two half-sisters and three halfbrothers." "It's hard to see a future President in a village yap with cowhide boots and high-water pants." "Think so? Seems to me that's just as promising material as a city dude with sunset socks and a clam shell cap." Pittsburg Post. ' "I suppose the baby Is a source of great anxiety to you." said the neighbor. '"Yes," answered Mrs. Torkins. "When he is crying we are afraid ha is sick, and when he isn't we are afraid he Is unconscious." Washington Star. "Hew much do I owe you?" growled the man as he arose from the barber chair. "Only a quarter for the shave, sir," replied the tonsorlal artist. "I won't charge you anything for plastering up the place I cut you." Cleveland Plain Dealer. "Ah," complained the visiting nobleman, "but you have no privileged classes In this country." "We haven't, eh?" replied the prominent citizen. "You ought to be out some night when a gang of college boys are on a tear." Chicago Iiecord-IIerald. Stranger Donnerwetter, now you have cut my chin a second time! If you can't shave better than that you will lose all your customers pretty quick. Barber's Apprentice Not at all! I am not allowed to shave the regular customers yet; I only shave strangers! London Tit-Bits. Father Why do you allow that fellow who's calling here to remain so long? Girl Law Student Merely practicing for my court practice, father. Father How so? Girl Law StudentWell, I was prepared to dismiss his suit, but, of course,, I had to listen to his argument for a stay. Baltimore American. A Question. "Are the colors fast la that new tub suit I bought, Jane?" "That depends on how you look at it, ma'am." "What do you mean, Jane?" "Well, when I went to wash it I'd call 'em fast the way them colors ran." Baltimore American. Suspicious. "Your mother wired me this morning that she couldn't come for two weeks. She's been unavoidably delayed." ' "Well, you needn't chuckle over It," snapped his wife, who was unreasonably suspicious. Detroit Frea Press. Iteveiupea. "It seems to me that I have seen you before." "You have, my lord. I used to give your daughter singing lessons." "Twenty years!" Cassell's Saturday Journal. an oi acvf Iuy The " greater than Washington" statesman is admiringly discovered almost as frequently as the "greater thaa Shakespeare" playwright.

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