People's Pilot, Volume 4, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 July 1894 — Base Bawl! [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Base Bawl!

Depression in Business Circles, DRIVES THEM TO IT. Our Merchants and Bankers Pound the Horshide. GREAT GAME OEBALL. A Pen Picture of the Great Conflict Between Brains and Main Strength and Awkwardness, as Viewed From a Distance by the Eagle Eye of our Base Ball Reporter.

I THE game of base ball at Makemself Park, on Thursday of last week between the “Bankers

and Brokers” and the “Merchants resulted in favor of the latter by a large majority. The score was 73 to 46. A large crowd witnessed the game and it was a thrilling sight to gaze upon. One of the many features of the afternoon, and by the way there were many too, was the parade before the game. First came the Rensselaer band with Master Taylor McCoy as drum major. The clubs followed in Wo files, the “Merchants” in their red and black uniforms carrying red umbrellas, while the “B’s and B’s” wore blue and white and carried bl ue umbrel-

las. They were closely followed by the umpires in unique garbs armed, with bowie knives, revolvers, cigarettes and other murderous weapons-

Last but not least came Victor Emanuel Scientific Loughridge and dispenser of liquid refreshments James Hay Seed Ellis carrying a large half-John, labeled “Anarchy.” The boys did well(?), we don’t think, as the score will show. It only required four hours of sixty seconds each to transact what occurred upon this field es battle. The players suffered before the event ended —so did the people. Four hours sitting on a hard pine board is no joke. It was thought before the game was completed that new detachments from both sides would necessarily have to be ordered from head-

quarters. The most serious, fat-stirring accident of the, occasion was the losing of one hundred and forty-four

ounces (Avoirdupois) of adipose tissue by Brazillia Big Fat Ferguson. Highcockalorum Banta Huff lost nothing except his reputation as a base ballist. He was out on the grounds bright and early next morning looking for it. Wild and Wooly

Frisco Fred thinks of going into training as a sprinter, and almost

every day since finds him jogging up and down the back alleys in a string-halt gait looking for tallies that he never made. He will probably be removed to the training track at the stock farm.

Black Berry Balsam Diddie Kneehigh Meyer dropped compounding nux vomica and porus plaster long enough to make a few tallies in the score.

Gen. Robert E. Lee Spitler aroused himself from his previous comatose condition, and danced like a kitten on a hot brick.- He made several horrible plays.

Thomas Jefferson Alcantara Mambrino McCoy (not registered) did remarkably well and showed his training in good form. In the nine heats, he broke but few times. They may work him double.

By the ninth inning Paderewski Cornet Wishaad seemed drawn out at least two feet and thirteen inches longer than when he entered the game. He

is still able to toot the corn-yet.

One of the balls thrown by Lawyer Marks Crip Maloy was last seen going up Wash ington street yelling, “ta-toes,

ta-toes, nice big ta-toes.” It was a warm day but Crip was right in line. He neither hopped, skipped nor jumped, but he got there just the same, and Eli had nothing to do with the case.

Mike Kelley SIO,OOO Beauty Hollingsworth played with the practiced eye of a professional. He had previously determined that if there was a single feature during the entire game it should be him, not him, but his phenomenal playing. Everyerybody was surprised that it was no better.

Old Father Abraham Sarsaprilla Long played ljust as if he was pounding corks in a castor oil decanter, and his record as a

base ball player has been placed on the books. Some of the ladies remarked that his name was horrible, but he was the handsomest man on the grounds. Josephus Bean Belly Hammond showed his metal in the last inning, when he pitched a most scientific (not Loughridge) game. One great trouble in his fielding is that he would undoubtedly try to get ahead of his feet, but beans they put

jhim in as pitcher, that fault will : be overlooked.

j T. Barney DeWitt Hopkins had hardly recovered from the effects of a battle with his bicycle, but notwithstanding, he made a fair record. Barney can make change quicker than he can catch a ball.

Hostetter Bill Nye controlled his players, he being the acknowledged captain, with grace, dignity and rhetoric. A

look from him at one of his men w T as sufficient for them. Captain Anson, of the Chicago league club, is now in correspondence with Capt. H. B. Nye Fendig as to the best manner of making home runs. The latter gentleman will shortly publish a book entitled, “Base Ball, or What I Don't Know About It.” Sealed copies sent postpaid on receipt of price.

Charles Jersey 31-32 Spitler was really too busy to play ball. In yelling he was a success. He has been studying hard of late as to what

method to pursue in order to have his 31-32 give buttermilk. He has since solved the problem by feeding her lemons. Modest Meditating Jimmy Chapman simply said nothing and played ball. Calico Rube Murray saw that bis only salvation, in order to win the game, was to have his whiskers chopped off. He did

it and the game was won. Joseph Come-at-us Harris -was there in ail his glory, “by grab.” He was in no hurry about it either. He is not in the barber business, but the boys are

accusing him of stopping the game long enough to shave a note. This is of no “interest” tc anyone except Joseph. Fresh Country Butter Slick Laßue was billed, but he was so badly used up in the practice games that he failed to put in an appearance. His place was filled by Dried Mush Yardstick Yeoman.

At the beginning of the start of the commencement of the game, a great many of the players seemed dissatisfied at the decisions made by

Umpires Charles Crittenden Warner and John Osiander Calamity Yeoman, but they soon convinced these kickers, at the point of the bowie knife and muzzle of the revolver, that they were wrong, awfully wrong. Thus ended a great game of base ball.