People's Pilot, Volume 3, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 February 1894 — Grover’s Sermon From the White House. [ARTICLE]

Grover’s Sermon From the White House.

Morgan’s Buzz Saw. And seeing how the multitudes had voted for him he cast aside his fishing pole and went up into the White House. And when he was set, and had tapped a fresh bottle of beer, he opened his mouth and taught his disciples, saying: Blessed are the poor; for they shall be poorer. Blessed are the rich; for they shall be made richer, and shall taste of the good things of this world. Blessed are those who expect nothing; for they shall not be disappointed. Blessed is the campaign liar; for he is our main dependence. Blessed are the weak; for they shall be kicked off the face of the earth. Blessed are they which do hunger; for they shall have plenty of company. Blessed are the traitors to labor organizatios; for they shall inherit the fat offices in the land. Blessed are ye when men shall revile you and peisecute you for my sake; for ye shall eat of official pie at my hand. Blessed is the man who will bring me another bottle of beer; for this one is all gone. Blessed is the man who contributes to the campaign fund; for he shall receive back an hundred fold more than he gave. Blessed are the politicians; for we are in the same boat. Blessed is the thief; for he shall have abundant opportunities to steal. Blessed is the lobbyist; for he pays well, and he shall have the fat of the land. Blessed are the bankers; for theirs is the kingdom of this earth. Ye are the salt of the earth; therefore salt down everything in sight. Ye are the light of the world; for you carry torchlights in every campaign. Let your torchlights so shine before men, that they can see the rooster on your hat, and glorify me, who art your political father. Think not that I. am come to destroy the law or the trusts; I am not come to destroy but to fulfill that which the Republicans did enact. Whoever shall refuse to carry out the financial policy of the Republicans shall be called the least in the democratic party; but whosoever shall strive to carry out that policy the same shall be great in the party. For I say unto you that unless your friendship for Wall Street exceeds the friendship of the Republicans, ye shall in no case be retained in office. Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; but I say unto you, build big guns, and shoot the everlastin’ stuffiu’ out of them who don’t walk the chalk line. But agree quickly with thy adversary if he is stronger than you. Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery. Lay not up for yourselves treasuies upon the earth, but put them in the bank or invest them in bonds, or in some trust, where other thieves can not break through nor steal. My experience with Maria Halpin is, that it is very good advice, but rather difficult to be governed by. This question is of a local character and I think we had better refer it back to the Congressional districts. Breckenridge may be able to throw some light on it. Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not swear; and I say unto you, thou shalt not swear at anything but the Populists and the ash hopper. Give unto him that asketh of thee; give him something, if

nothing hut a licking. To him that would borrow of thee turn not away, but charge him “all the traffic will bear”. Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, love" your enemies, even tiie Republicans, and hate the Populists, your neighbors. Take heed that ye provide soup houses for the poor, for a hungry man is liable to blow you up witn dynamite. After this manner shall ye pray; Our political father which art in Wasnington, Cleveland be thy name. Tny Congress come, Thy will be done, in the regular sessions as in extra ones. Give us this day our usual cussing. Forgive us our political sins, even as we forgive the Republicans who sin against us. Read us not into the temptation of riches but deliver us into poverty, for thine is the kingdom, the power, the offices, and the glory, forever. Amen. Morever if ye are fast let it not be known, but appear unto men (and women) as though ye are not fast. Keep your face and hands clean. Bring me another bottle of beer. Wherever your treasure is there will your votes be also. No man can serve two masters, therefore you had better cut loose from everything else and do as I command ye to do, for verily I say unto you unless ye do this thing ye can not enter in to the good things of my kingdom. Bring me another bottle of beer Take no thought of the people, but feather your own nests. The people have not got half as much sense as the fowls of the air, which provide for themselves. But seek ye first to do my will, and I will give the offices into thy hands, and the salaries thereof shall be thine, and thou shalt eat of the fat of the land. Verily I say unto you, we have got a soft snap. Let us hold onto it. When you get a bird, pick it. Take every feather, for you may not catch it again. Let us open another bottle of beer.