People's Pilot, Volume 3, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 November 1893 — HUMOROUS. [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS.

—Toper—“What shall I take, doctor, to remove the redness of my nose?” Doctor —“Take nothing—for three months. ” —Hallo. —A Social Dilemma.—*‘l hear that Tom De Lisle is engaged to one of the Harding twins.” “Yes, he is.” “To which one?" “He doesn’t know.”—Detroit Free Press. —Father —“Always keep the company of those who are better than yourself.” Son—“ But suppose that kind of company has the same end in view, where am I going to come out?” —N. Y. Press. —“Moriarty, it’s home you should be going; ye’re dhrunk.” “Bedad, but Oi’m .not, soir.” “Ye’re dhrunk, Oi say.” “Oi’m a liar, then, Phelim Reilly?” “No; ye’re jist dhrunk.” “Ye wouldn’t say that if Oi was sober. ” “If yo was sober ye wouldn’t deny it.” —“ls your appetite capricious?” asked the physician, who had been called in to see Farmer Meddergrass. “That’s what it is, doctor. “Some days I eat liver and bacon all right, an’ then again it seems as if nothin’ would do but corned beef an’ cabbage, orsour-krout and sassiges.”—Harper’s Bazar. —“Sell you a nice alligator bag for three I dollars,” said the gentlemanly clerk to Uncle Isom, who was trying to buy a valise. “What on earth do I want with an alligator bag?” asked the old man. “I ain’t goin’ to Floridy; I’m goin’ to Chicago.”—lndianapolis Journal. —“I say, [ mother, didn’t I hear you say last night you thought vegetables had feelings?” “Why, yes, my son, it is very pleasant to believe so.” “All | right then, you don’t catch me run- ■ ning that old lawn-mower .again. I’m not going to hurt the feelings of the grass.” —Boston Transcript. —He W’as a Born Grumbler.—Mrs. Youngwife (entering her mother’s house with tears) —“Mamma, mamma, I’ve —I’ve—come home to stay. I —I — can’t—bear —to live a—any more with Edward. He’s too unreasonable!” Mrs. Oldwife—“Why, what has he done, Bessie?” Mrs. Youngwife—“He’s so inconsistent. Yesterday he was mad because the roUs were not cooked enough, and to-day he stormed because they were burnt!” —“Education,” said Uncle Josh, “is er mighty good thing, but sometimes it does more harm than good.” “There is no doubt about that.” “I oncet knowed of a case where education come purty nigh drowndin’ a rale nice young lady,” he went on. “How was that?” “Why, she fell into the water an bein’ too high-toned too holler ‘help’ she yelled out ‘assistance.’ An the blame fool hired hand thet heard her lost about five minutes makin’ up his mind whether ter pull her out or go home for a dictionary.-Waahingtoa