People's Pilot, Volume 2, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 April 1893 — A NEW TORTURE FAD. [ARTICLE]

A NEW TORTURE FAD.

Women Have Discovered Another Way of Making Men Miserable. “I don’t mind how much the girls talk to me through their bonnets,” said the man, “but I do object to their talk ing down my back. ” “What do you mean?” asked his chum. “Just what I say. It’s only at a theater, or in church, but it always gives me a chill. Last time it was at a theater. She was talking to her escort, but every word she said cavorted on the case of my brain and slid down my spinal column.” ‘.‘Why, what did she say?” asked the chum, much interested. “What didn’t she say?” growled the man. “What right had she to he talking at all when the curtain was up and the play on? First she must talk of her sandals, because they cramped her feet, and that brought her lips within grazing distance of the back of my neck. I nearly had a fit. Then she wanted her opera glasses adjusted and asked ‘Charlie’ if he could use the same focus, and went into a dissertation on eyes. Then at a thrilling moment in the play she said in a soft whisper, that slid down my spinal column: 'I do believe her diamonds are only paste.’ “But I do not mind this so much as some things that have nothing to do with the play. ‘Don’t, Charlie!’ gives me a fiendish desire to turn and rend Charlie. The ‘Charlies’ never talk much, for two reasons. One is that the young woman does all the talking herself, and he can only squeeze her hand on the sly; the other is a wholesome fear that the outraged theater-goers of his own sex will rise and brain him if he persists in drowning out the play.” “Nice state of affairs,” said the chum, sarcastically, “but it is different in church; rather a pleasant diversion, isn’t it, from the fifthly and sixthly episodes?” “Oh, is it? To have a kneeling penitent ask on the edge of your coat collar why on earth that Mrs. Blank wears that red bonnet so everlastingly, or drop a contribution nickel down your back from sheer nervousness. I’m going to wear a fireman’s hat if the girls don’t stop the practice. I know it’s just a new way they have discovered of making us wretched.” And the man looked so woe-begono that his chum felt called upon to relate his grievance in hopes of a reform.—Detroit Free Press.