People's Pilot, Volume 2, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 April 1893 — The Smithville Sittin gs. [ARTICLE]

The Smithville Sittings.

The following items are clipped from last week’s edition of the Siftings: Social News.—Jake Grassmown, who has been confined to his home on account of being without footwear, appeared on the avenue the other day with a fine pair of shoes, obtained by subscription raised by the Siftings. We will not let the townspeople know how you got them, Jake, but we are glad to see you about once more.

Miss Maggie Owngood, who gained considerable noteriety as a pickpocket at the World’s Fair, has been entertaining on a large scale during the week. Miss Owngood was garnished with several valuable diamonds. The sixth annual ball of the United Grave Diggers’ Association will be held next Monday evening, in Upec Hall. To make the affair as enjoyable as possible, seven men will be hung in the cellar during intermission. Obituary.—Mr. James L. Mahoney, an esteemed citizen, passed to the other place Wednesday afternoon in time to reach there before the horned gatekeeper closed business for the day. James Larkin Mahoney was well known in Smithville as a manufacturer of flour and oats, and was formerly the organ pumper in Holy Sabbath church. He also held the office of county jailer, and after borrowing a large sum of money from a wealthy prisoner, by force, whom he had under his care, left the town for his health, it is claimed. He returned about a month ago and was warmly received by a delegation of citizens and a rope. Shortly after he complained of a throat trouble, from which he died. Mahoney will be planted Saturday, if the weather is fair, without ceremony. He leaves a widow, who left three years ago and is prospering in Boston. May his ashes be whiter than those from a poor cigar. Editorials—We received a ticket to attend a ball the other night, but on account of being up to our eyes in business, we assigned a young man from the press room to write it up. In another column will be found the article. We honestly hope that Miss Mary Ryan, whose dress was described as resembling an express wagon in colors, will not hire Pete Brown, the criminal, to shoot us, or do we wish Miss Nellie Owens to feel bad because the article says that she was the missing link between a bull dog and a hippopotamus; and if those people who were shown up in their right color, because they wore costly jewelry, supposed to have been stolen, and known to have been, will call at our office, we will, for a certain sum retract several statements made in the article. The young man has left town, but we are in favor of thinking that his story struck the nail square on the head.