The Vernon Times, Volume 8, Number 29, Vernon, Jennings County, 5 March 1920 — Page 3

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Nst the Only Oni. "Is .!,! Labi,i! V!i a fixed (salary? 'Vv-ti.; !fs i;,,t fi s-wl 10 our iifcing." Or Will Ee Later. "VYi it; d-i y..M think bt.u Kat- marOitiy priz fUhter?" "Sb must have b- . hud hit." i - von i -i.

She Meant Him. '"I hre' smut-thing about 1 1 . ... ! . . " .

i. me i always itiouffht you w1! the i.-Hi-t e..tn-ei(ed if men."

No Room to Turn. '"I sunn.-o- u i :n !H ; over a new lf lb" fir-t of the year?". " rachitis, l.o ! We I : v La a dat."

Ciean Bill. '" '?;'.v avuiicul.u- rohttiv i

"i: t.iivt-irt a i's-.-.s! of any kind in

Snoring Abound. w k.-p in ihe ;i!iU' pew t

rharf-!.."-- ';i rfo r; M;

Natural Pe6uasion. "W'iio .'Ui'efl tho titan ort to thi i-oti-diK !;' "I L'lM'Ss ft !!. the .!j h-n he Times Had Changed. H'i-o.,ui You .hadn't a i:-.g to your ha. k w hr r. i ui9i riod y..u. v"iie Tria-; t.m 1 ,-jw plenty now. Sized Up. nii-.id.-r (he lii-w p'av !.. f;"t yor, r; ;,.-! i at iliili- ,- '1 1 isml u!it it 1 ;1 th.-r t hilt. Economy. -Are ou Civi,e ;.,y ,or old j ff-e.V "No; I t haxi.e.' the,,, s..le. j r. d -led." M issed. AtiUte io Jaek is engaged. Is And is Mabel the bride-tube? 1";:; -.mi ; he is the 1 l ied i o-b. Appropriate, 'tnr past.tr wants a pet." "i h-m why not yivo him a shepherd A Real Finish. "1 undet 's'pru't you have put the f.uih'"U (oueji .n your new home." "Ye: ju-t put a ni'.rtgae on it." An Instance. 'The war has put man? a lowly one on unevpeete.d heights." "Sure 1r La, L,.k at the prune." The Reason. "V. htit ..ti ...iliillix ab.'.Ut SO for';" ' We i e ha in. : a timm.lerlng g 1 til:..-." Will, no to Contribute. II..'- -A kNs ieili.s VOi .ite-s. . v.... ...a,...., !...T ., i;m-u..,.V-I'.O -ton "!'r.: : -i i ipl . . i Mournful Change. v. or.l ii: will in-. w become ob " e; .lid it USed 1j be ah lure. The Dirffience. "Chic ; n n - weto u efs i-.-i tn Uiuvr- ! taint y." So ili.y did. but they cane b. '. i .." 5 a s ra n-.j .oi i s." Fugitive In His Case, "l.-n't ttioiiey rKvii tlu-'-e days?" "X.. : lt" ju-i as tar off as ever." 1'.. T ran script. 3olh Ways. "VO,.t ii.. liieU o-i. !"o. W lien IIU- ; rt.-nm ib.-m ni'.r .. the avtnv ' . beat ii. j i . ' CclJ Talks. He--"XYhv o :l.l. .b ar. ? Hasn't , mv o-a ib-true r.te-v she- "Yes 5 but mv finr l!a'm!::e"M.".-i:o,t,n "I'!. . int. Harmony. . all the jaw and raeV r.b..i:t ;" har;:at.y dinner. I b,-lye. i '"our ic r-.Tc-u rtutl. E-siiy Told. you bun -a her m a! ? ' d h a, not biud,: -lbrv i ..lor was Her Business. -She i- r. woman who always goes to extremes." "That's odd., eonslderlncr !;,'- a medium." Hasty Figuring. ' to..!; Professor .Tieg out r..r reie 'n n.y ear tb- ether -lay." "Yesr lie'- t idly a at-eht toinded as yen -;;d he wa. lie wn ihiaking about ......,...! r,i the thue we were' riding m-ei e.uee ., ae. lu t u t h." -I itih-.k I can explain that. He was j.-.a i.'.'iv eomntm.' the innvtber of jolts v..n w e.-e sivitu' Vdm at el eab'ulatitig h.e.v t,.s, h rii.-r w ;', s wasted every ti! S-. . burled Into the- air." r. ,,, j urisiny i. Ian. i ..,,., ,.,m uf Ky., .nunj.n- I tit-,.vv,..?? 1 'o y.-u v.M r sa.-d'.nm under- ? cie-hb- ; " i "Wtii, j o. That Is I have a very and a verv heavy ..no." ; "lb. y..i mean to tell Lie you've' been wrr-rii-.? e'ee ami then the uhet?" "V.-s. I t.tou-":.t tbey would average v.p i r Boston Tran-cnpt Didn't Want Any. "1 !.. i ti i e : a 1 1 ! r. "Uefn-Het u hm's dat mam?" "SMiuvtbU'.g the lady -.aid about VOU ,ii ie iasr pb'.-'o ox v..rKM,' gjj, FlClrt. -D.-n't j t.-a te!lee lr, m Ca Ttei-L s'.v-n.

mm ships" to be raised!

Hundred cf VeseU Sunk by Ih'i " Comment Wjil j'fc Pretty Girl E-eerned Hun Will Ee Lifted and Put j to Cxpfajh tji Situate Very Into Service. " ; ' Sliir'iujhly. It Is estimate.! that 1.00Q British The man tillage, due to t.' 5 h'.rihips, ranging in size froa 05 ta rlblo slaughter cf the world wt.r. : J 10,000 tons, can he raised from the sea i President Lewis of the Cni 1 M:..e bed to wtleh they were .sent by Cilne ! Workers to say la Indianapolis: or Submarines. -They were sunk: la : ..jf lacked fhe fifrMan ihe world

water so shallow that clivers can ! work on the sea ho It on,, ana the cost; cj r,ew construction is so great tkat ' u u.ea-pei iu luise acu as are raisable, th,n to build ether . vessels The work is already la pro?- ; , , ,r , , , ! f f",1 f flhl !J ,Vi'S503s CJf be, .raised and put fo work again, what a gain it will ho f..r liritaiu and for a' . , world In which ran -portation i even. c .. .. , . ' . . tt-1. scarcer than jr...'N : liat a romance, I ,-tii i - .r ... .. i t. too. Imasine oiso of the.e satrarfl ships carry in rrttgo to Eremea or Hamburg, and f . ; : . r urdoaded, perimps, by some of the n.en who served ia the nhmnrim d-.f caf if rt bottom. Such an event would hardly . 1 . w -i W IV i. l add to International good wDl, at least, not at the port iu question, but it would he interesting and impressive to d degree. Perhaps it is in-f n w..n n.-vt-rf that no liope is offered of raising the Lusltanhi. It is too deep for the divers to reaeh if. Let it rest in peace, ' tec mere ho nothing to dull the world's horror cf the mo,: monstrous crime ever perpc-traied on blue water. For other ships, r.-uri eetion at the Land of men seems appropriate; for the LAMtanla, nothing but the last trump will sumee. I'lucago dournal. " THIS IS HARD TO BELIEVE n,i a c,-- ci... Invented a Faucet That a , ! ' ! , , . . I one coma nanny jinagine an item I nf nmt-c! ilo. t. ...i i ,.t!..'ji. f as ; ' : : L" " r.' j In all other lands ula re water pours i'ii.ii...u juiei o.l ol more persons. touch of a m er t!an w whir-t-jioM.ii 01 a ilfri, than that Which i comes fr.,m I.'-jralund JTaalund is ! n.., ........ i,.v, i,.t.w tu.v in. oiut'V liolni, Sweden; and in TIngaiimd has now been estabH-h.-d a plant in which will be produced a new and wonderful faucet, invented by Ouslavo Wcdliolm, and covered by patenis in 17 coun m j, coim. tins invented tries. For Mr. Wedholni a faucet, which, it. is said, cannot leak! Trade papers are congratulating him, and predicting a great future for the new factory, which is already being enlarged. One foresees more and more additions for who has net longed for a faucet that could tot leak? Christian .Science Monitor. One and the Same. Student, farmer, author, polltleia? - id reformer, Sir Horace Plunkett U te of the most versatile of Ireland's; and one SOUS. He 13 very witty also. On one oeca-. wit y a.so un one oeca.. l nCnrn?e err way to fnpiove tne com ig the poor. At that time exactly a finished speakei-, i sioa he deliv ' ou the best i aitlons amon ; he was not exac ' and then, as now, a bachelor. ! The day fullosving hi? address he re- ! reived from a lady a note which read: ! What you need are two tilings first rt Tt f - r- i-s rs - t A 1 tt I r e 1 Am i f T .l n ' To this he replied: "These are onl5 one. Miles Standish Was Manxman. evidence that Miles stanoisii was a Manxman and horn Into the Mans . family of Standish of Eilanbane, 1ms been discovered by the secretary of the Isle of Man Antiquarian society, rrv -e. e-...i:.i, ..-rnl.lr mwj J-liC iitillUS VI OU1UUIMI IHUIV ' to Man with the Derby family in tne r. ,,. , t- - , - - fifteenth century, it is stated, for there is a record that they held property; in the c.ntal ot tl iiand ui the yeaT V V " . 'e Vv three Ve J-1- - . sent three ye.rs , !re " tohnefceep . . , J i .1 V I

.. j them and they sewed more ttian tney "im tooiiiug ior a cougreasumu. w . . ( made out his Income tax: without anyThe Glamour Remains. ' ' nnT-'c t " Ttf

"Why do the Biltons put o:e S tlan? ; airstheseday;' K -They got that way by Imvlc- a ge ; OUCl iieuienani in uie i.iiimj. ' I see." i -'And despite the fact that he h'SS j been mustered oat and has resumed his j lob as shipping clerk in a sardine fao Tury, iney can , i.ui o.. i,v- wwvu in his uniform." Point cf Vantage. I What hav.- .-u here?" "A Imm.'.iv.u- article entitled, !!;'; Funny Side : raphanginjr. j "The idea ..r anyooay neing aoie to. see the funny -ie of straphangmsl ' j "Oh, it ran bo done, if you YW . straphangir.-j I'roni the right angle.; The author of this piece occupied ase:lt.-" ; ! ' : Her Latt Chance. ; Diek-This ts the second time y0Uve( teen engaged to that girl. Loo out. you don t h- .afaxa . ,a I JkUUi vo; liiiiCil AWi ''i in. ii, ji.i; n ten years :er now. Can't Borrow Everything, ..... , , . ; ,!Shortleigh is a elieerfnl chap, revet borrows trouble." IT T ,,....., 1.,. 'A-.. vii, nt.i, a . ..,-w " the 1'ne somewhere. Ambitious. ; "Making money, I see. If you fceep ; on like this you may get into cur clr-: cle.w ' i 'T have no time for circles. I JtSj post to plug straight ahead." ! i Business. S Reno lie always rubs St In-fl people, friends or no friend'. "--"' Henry Always knocking, ""--' ! Rtjo No; he's an ostevftJv

simply ?:c di:;a:;d :n

to b0 a tetter place to live In, tin it .ecm5 t0 become a worse plac, evory - dar. ct ice ' "Xako the Shortaea of vounsc men rn3 the 5 meu tbat ar0 leTt cnn.t niarry account of the profi teer. Why, millions of pretty girls a! . over the world are never g.-.in? to p j 1f - ..o- .v,.j- t.iA croud of pretty cnlg veie tiL- , . " , iv- toa tha other afteruo-.n when a - . - x man passed. '"Old tc. S3 ;' he yelle.h 'Old racs, r.hi hone?, old iron!' , AJ" , llln' lie u 'i '"!"S the Street, he yelled again: " '0M cPPcr! ou1 tin! Old hott! Old papers ! Old shoes "The liretwt girl in the group made 8 ,3ramallc CCi?tur of ,1esl'a!r- -' "Girls she said, 'he wants everything but old maids.' IN THE WRONG DIRECTION Colored Soldier Just at That Tims Vv'as Not Living Up to His Announcement. T10 company had fallen out for a rplfc on itg t;ke int0 tlie Argonne. Xearhy negro' workers drowsed in the ..i 1 ihTt, rix- -.-v.i t,l!o,-. fl'lV. hVn "hi? armr mule .hove into sight on ills way to replenish the water sup- .. ..i- i-.,. v tr.,, ., .nt n ried n five-pound hamtner. -rr.v (i . 5?m uhM.t, v(y wid dat new-fangled whip.V enlled one . .., i i-,. VL i'y-w wi. "T'cn r,n rtinli vvnv to build -roe fl , ,,Vw x; TT ,,,- re. "".-"' v ....... t-'ited the other without a smile . . . f vards from the road. The mule in- ; , ,,.; 4n r,..,,PO(Mi,,a to !-'nntly turned lau .aim pioeeeoea .o hn aknll records in getting hack where . . , lie rame irom, ms uriver. nanmnu on for dear life. "Man alive,'' mused a darky, "Dat ain't no wa'v'to arrive at tire "ilin'en- . - huriT line. Pat baby S done gone t(,,v:iV(1 th cunar(1 pne." The Home . Sector The ice. An amusing Incident, occurred , at-:a. living bridgs tournament. A weli-knoWii woman who was impersonating the queen of he,ai;ts was ace.' - fed by a fellow performer whose accent suggested that her cradle had stood within' sound of Bow Bells, I'm looking for the ices, she saw. . cpea 4iu-a . .,;T,V, q.er of her M.Vre there anv ices? fTow'delltrht arts. ightful! I'm horribly thirsty'." ; . T (1on, mean those kind of ices," the ratlier hurt l,",er' "rm f th j f s,-,5fies!" Lon- , im,!"n lJt'Lit " ' The 'Wound -Stripe. ' Bepreseutatlve Frcnr of Wisconsin was talking about army supplies.' "Most of our army supplies." he said, "were good cosily but gond. --;; a ,,nwevei: the supply department struck a snag. "I said to a doughboy joker one fl -. v n vo'u've -ot' on your arm?' ' . ltbis. ; l(l Gofire J ad Vou -et' it'v -aid I. ' c.. . . co1tT ,;, c5ll r,P, oi.a.ui i. ...... . ..... . , ,.. :n, n n,.mr vn-7.-.,-W it it ait anu.- iu.u.. sow cew Etc T(nvGlev-Did you hir-e' farmer- - - . , otio? for J'"r KOwins tllls year? Fr,riner siloh-Should say not! Last yr t,if.y thl,ir Allies with C O t l.,v - w5feys pirst Thought. I,:n!iam-I am fighting with my ho Mrs. ?enham Well, don't get your head against It or you will grease the v,aU paper. ' . The Reason. s v,. ,lAr..r.-,s.-,1 this morninsr.' j ; t l v v ii. Jt- ...... - - w "Yes; when I went to lc.k at my private stock this morning I found I was out of spirits." Baltimore American. T runes xo t.e necKcnca vn.n. ...... ..... nro r., snr.. - !n nfMi,ied lho pessImi3t. ..0j Tt? there are," argued the phil..,i,,Vlllpr. How nlnt the expenses ycn bada- cor.ated on?" r. Who Is He? ' wife I'll tell you one thin g. I know ,;r;w t0 lloId By tongtte when occasion lvquilT.s lt. Ilusband-Tcs, but w ho is this Do ,- p pirtVi A Jolt. -Waal's the matter with Flubdub?" "His wife Is back fr m the country." Well, wasn't he ghtd to see her." - ' . . . , tin, TCS, Jbli; i.iO v, oi tiiit-v .eetedly last night on a poker game.' A New Department. "How's your meat department coming on?" "Women don't rush for the remnants as they do in other lines." A Sign." "I understand the old indy yonder is under suspicion." "Why so?"' "l"on"t you se -ie H weai'Ins ccrk .crc .- c ,l 5 . . . . -

rr.rPAnir.G fob the. future

C;t.JI Town People Had a Great IdsSK, fcut It Was Disappointing to the "Drustimer."

A commercial .traveler, arrived for the first time at a small country town orlo evening. Early next morning he was awakened bya great blowing of whistles, steam sirens, buzzers, etcIte juicing in the thought of doing a lot of business, he asked tire hotel proprietor later on : L "This !? quite a manufacturing town, isn't it?" i . "Oh, yes; we" re pretty busy," w3 , the proud reply. i "What kind of factories have you?" "Well" this time-, more slowly ; "Hour principally." - ) "Only four?" "Yes, that's all as yet. But our Hour mill's a good one." ! "But I heard at least a dozen whistles going thjs morning." "Xou did," agreed (he proprietor,

dropping his voice, confidentially, "but ; they are all at the fiourmill. You see, we got the whistles we should want for the factories we are going to have, and put them in to make the town sound more llvey initii cmned.' ain't itr -London Answer: Afin IT WASfi'T HER HUBBY vMau 1 ncn HUUDI Waiting Wife Forced to Realize She Was a Bit Hasty in Her Sharp Rebuks. My husband was in the habit of attending lodge once every two weeks on Saturday night, and would stay un111 Jn sfh occasional would iock all the doors but one, ulucl1 was j!1 n mejosod porcn, ana take my httle gad and go upstairs to ted feeling quite safe. My husband understood this and would come in without disturbing me. On one of these nights 1 was awakted by a pounding o. the door which was locked. Thinking it was my hugit in. I iini'i nil mi '! l un tnr i nu pounnmg continued. . Finally, qmre disgusted, thinking he . should know enough to come m at the ftfhr.r !aav t rakml fh. .nnrt ' - hollered down: "Why in Sam Hill (ion't you go around to the other door?" A strange voice spoke: "I . .. i -, r- . ? nae a leiegi am iui voti. . I had to go down and face him, but .fortunately for me there was a mis take in the delivery; hut that made it no less embarrassing. Chicago Trib.nne. Gave Daddy Away. . , Mr. Daniels, the minister, was being entertained ' at dinner. Little Ralph was allowed to be present, ' d0 you always say your prayers at eight, mv little man?" asked the guest.-'''- ' " ''Yes. sir." was the boy's prompt replr ,.ana mother does, too." "That's right And your father says hls t00 doesn't he?" : . "Xo, sir," said Ralph, "he don't ha tn w anv wavers" to say any prayeis. . . u mean?' as have asked the minister. "He don't have to," repeated the child, ' because he never gets home till it's broad daylight,- and then what Is there to pray about?" Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph The Search. We saw Diogenes the other day with bis lantern. 'Still looking for an honest man?" we asked. He shook ids head mournfully. 'Xo: I ave that un long ago, I - . - w - wish I'd stuck to it. it wasn't naix so honeless as hat I'm doin? now' Ho certainly did look despondent,' and our heart went out to hdjn. wiiat are voti looking for now, V, thenr Hes! we asked. sicked. w . 1 . . e m, - What He Needed. Mr. Greenby decided to grow vegetables, and straightway paid a visit to' the nearest store to buy the necessary seed. Q-g saietman showed him samples hf the various kinds of potatoes as a ct.rf .-.f? !,,t xr,- fiwnhr ronbl find (-j t v. t . j - - nona fo suit, i ara afraid these will not do," he renarked. Then in a confidential whisper, he added: "You see, I hare only tw-o teeth In my head, end unfortunateiv tney are nor opposite one tv. TI,.,m,i rt nT. ,ci, nn " : . . tato seed;' Pearson's Weekly. Botn Overestimated. Tlie roses of pleasure," didacticalij. began rrofessor Fate, "seldom last l0iErr oygi! to adorn the brow of him h nW-ks tiic-m." ..y " replied J. Fuller Oloom, "and tho.e vi0 have attempted to rest on their Iaur(,l5 tell me they make a very poor bed." Kansas City Star. fj o Dlsciissien. 4I ,1(..,n-t Jiear a word of discussion &b&ut tho uln3f remarked the hou?e . nantA cr. r, iIiiUU.iVl l'tlv o-. ..... parting in utter silence." "Well, It was a story about an ' abused wife, and that's a good theme for married couples to keep away from." Louisville Courier-Journal. Served Him Right "Hare yon Love's Young Dream?'" aked the fair shoppt-r. "No. ma'am," replied the impudent eU-vk. "F-at liow about Kis-ir.g me in ilie Moonlight?' " "Impossible. I could still see your face." B'rmingham Age-Herald.

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ia trj fox ever tLIrrj yf:.rr, h.3 bems tha c-'jrrsra cT

rxperiaents thzt trilt vitli and c-sanser ths Lriltl; cr Infants ani Cren nr-rrienca c-ainst Exrtrltr:t;

Gloria 13 a nam::3 crrrtifjts tnr rr m !

Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is pleasant. It csnt3 neither Opium. UorpMas ncr ether narcotic' substanca- Im

p.ga is its guarantee. Per mere than thirty year St h3 teen in constant for tUt relief cf Constipation, Flatnlsr 17iad Colic and Disrriio-ea: eliayini Fcverishness mli-

laererrom, sua oy xcssiauag tna btoxaacn find Bowels dlz the assimilation cf Feed; civins healthy and natural Cz: Thz Children's Paszcsa Ifce Moths r'a Frisnd.

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The Hind You Have Always Douoit

TMt O m NTAU eeMPAMV. MCW"TOI OITY.

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Commercial School

r!tf. LOUISVILLE, JOE?

' W..,.cionaITr.i:i!nj. StudtntS . '".itikua r?,nt upon rq'Ji:tf

AJO Ycu Oct ALL FOUr, c! Tl'.csa x rr I i f i s n d7 P V I ' AND 'i i ti f 1 , 1 Tils xct;:is! .Offer Ii rzzl f:r a tL:r C3 c ';. C". JTTl TODAY r J 11.1a 11!3 Tj C-C::.