The Vernon Times, Volume 8, Number 23, Vernon, Jennings County, 16 January 1920 — Page 3

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Paradoxical Trouble. "This is a hard proposition." ; "What Is?" i "The p"ft coal question.' Uliterature. ! "Sianir !ik t '( v. i-!"." J "Vt-ah. The thing ii'W i-? to he II- j literary." - 1 1918 Model Tocnng 1'ar 1 1916 Rond-t cloth cars just overhauled .Mechanically i The Kind. "What a tliiii i bo that singer has." I "Yi, so thin one expects to hear her sing hi a skeleton key." A mzn$ I at pal i ! Living Up to the Name. "Why don't; the actors phty in blank j verse any more? "Because there's nothing In It." perfect. Good tires. Kxtra e(Usprr,eiU. BIG ARGAINS. Call atVenv'n Garage.

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The Meitlng Pot. A men itt lot nniniriij hrouich from lta Ivti' fiid of Wasioncton street V Wt sl!--t h:is liivn .v,.Nl for the f ii ofth-e l.ull.liiiif. It has hi'en Ti'r nwNie time the p!;i croiiinl f ehilvf tiit n ililHirlitMMl. l", ire it I tta.riir! iirrr (. lhe hllihl'Ts some :.iSrl iit st u!i'iil xhnnld ! v i 1 the 4i wIh-m It Is tii-..;i-d will) elnhlren aa. tftnnin if 1 !i-t e is ;i;v l;nff pt'k.-ii .'Ht i.f Sn.'z hih i kf d tlore !v the .MMiliiful rocftUnits. U" shjili hni to re ise a tirwitf lin.re!n;i jf a !n'le execpm I hIi1. New York Times. Equally Disphanous. . "Wt-II. mi:" -.Heii!affd Mrs. W:wh9. U ri:;-iv( i f !i."f pertisal i.f t;o !, pflper. "It s;tN here iliat an rd;itry on;i hid'hle is mly one st4sl.inh ef :tt in h ) Me!,. 'i"!i:it's jiri (j thin. t'f f it '' "rii-oup !" replied h.mevt rnrmer W1J..... "A I'olit fl.it,. vlni!d , ; ; : ; lit ;,'lk"s eX'et)se ttt.'if k wt 10 latk '.mi with me. KitM k' -ev . f to -et up ahn M of I!. -!.;re,".- K-uivas 'lty Ii 1 r. Ke; t Waiting. "Kttir t.f L ep t',:it ie:ui 'aitln.s fTlBj ?" deta tided tho ;:i:iru:l. !!' Ut''i nit inc o hmy thnt he i lc!Xi' fl i.initited with your te-SJt'j-ir. Their .:,;:.:: t - e h.ns r' Into f iii,'K!iip : I is a n;ti. i ifH'i'M'. i.ein-ine foilow. rml I'hfr yt-w'll ! 'iy ..o. .,e '."' it .Ionrn.nl. In the Lunchroorn. ef Tei-iee nu-n e.ore'here t -t. du't thry?' "Tf, ntt'l I li'kr to eeii: to v,- the I I, ' ' I "t tla !otijf!shoyt -rttUKH 4 .

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1 Jo thins soes-vith me .like a g-

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POINTED REMARKS Enfotved idleness finds the devil's workshop operating at full capacity. If one has "pep," lie does something, whether it is worth doing or not. Nearly every male quartet exists because it was lucky enough to find a tenor. Humor is like butter; once it has been spread you can do nothing more with it. Colorado has 17 national forests with a total acreage of over KUXW iin acre. At a dinner party it doesn't matter that the anecdote 1 totally irrelevant If it's funny. Many a man who imagines that he is a born leader isn't even a successful follower. The Joss of job is apt to puncture a Stan's vanity and let a lot of egotism rim rut. Which xou!d you call the harder job to put common sense into a dreamer or 11 soul into 11 corporation? You J-eMom hear a man speak of th hol in bis pocke tbook any more. He reform to It as the rent. If everybody is rewlly doing his het thcr are a W of mighty poor workman in this world. A man's descriptive ability usually lam? whtn lie attempts to toil shout a woman's hat. When half a dojeti women get toFcther ttiey all talk at once. If thcvl didn't t f y M'ould never get through. The $w-rct of success lies in doing WfU "U:at ' fan do fitting out wl-.at vou cannot do .T.wt ,,...,.-.. .. -.- . n:an is t.e doesn't want Mux to i ak ! to her. rTa;. z "iw w ii'in

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o y .5. e 7 I V S ! I :: 7 m vr -A , m 1. 1 - r - HAD SUBLET THE CONTRACT Und Dou.jhLcy vcs Sai:sfied His "Ho' e" Would Do Finished Without Too r.b;:h Defav. The fl-lir 'ividtmiity of t!;o Antenean soldit 1". who v. ;;s ;1 wavs seeking a shone;- wa.v to ., things, mae him ;:i.p.tr to ,l,o Fioneli and ih-iii-h as h.;-ie--:y tHaleipMned. Ivven in bfitile i!ie hey haied to ;'o!IoV pfeel den;. A isiat of the S,- t !,!y-eil;;li ivisioii, .re-.:!,;r nt eer -hiil-;!;v in !b Jiaitle of the Me'iso-Argotine, !i 1 tally stopp,.(i itt, dor orders to dtg in is far .'v-u!e. ia a f:-v moments dirt v as I'-yhe.; tile.ji- :lie v.hole a 1 ; e. " m; in fr.'i-f . how . v.t, .a: beliital 1 slihi tciinr;,! i.u.r.r.d. one uost!doy 'ay iiio' !o( le- s W o!, his :';'. '.nt ir.cr OWafd the elteloV. .liiKC a ia : e : M: it..! h- Ie:- yelb'd 1 ile ! :eat efi;o S'ah. - !.-!( the e..itgi:' !ie lay romna-tor," re j , ,-; th-e . .! e;' ,,-. aaaaa! tl;,- Heuteisanl si'..' a bTtaa-n prisoner feverishly lii--;!!.' alav-M at the ,et:d of the th'iju'.hoy's -e... a'he Home Seetor. HOT CONSTRUCTED AS MAGNET Indianapolis Woman Flattered Herself When She Thought She Was Oiirtg FcS'cwcd. A woman looking Into eonav !;-.p window jei eutiy turned' angrily to n well-known Indianapolis man who hy chance drew up alongside her t look into the same waahwv r "Sir, are yen following me?" $-.ho snapped. To wt.ii It the astounded inno. ?t replied with a si'asp: "Xo, ir.adam. I v-a not fillcwing yon." aial ;i:;(-kly' rceoverh'tc ?a:aaf and noting l-.er b-oi:s and 2i;a- a.., ad : ;1 f:,'r l;-ng a g look at j MVvelI i I t .. a t vo.. v-r f u ' " u 1 ' ?'a v1 " j lowing in I'd call that policeman." sua I leiorjeo. .M-..1 to uas ,v.r ia.w p. rr-ct;v lT. "; ' :;: ''V''V ' : ': ' ,r ' : , " ' : , .''.W,' : - ",r. ' :'1 citlter I I: I. ap. IN , - , -

Ominous. "What do you think of this egg situation?" "It's rot ton."

Their Use. "What do they use bitts on vessels for?" "I guess they are to use in the teeth, of a driving Rale.' Her State. "She is extravagantly fond of that fur cloak of hers, isn't she?" "Yes; she's just wrapped up in it." Opening the Floodgates. "Did Marks take n prominent place In the late war?" "Did lie? Ask Marks?." The Difference. "Hon ins has wings with which to soar." "And near pen! us?" "Is satisfied with 'wings to flap." t A Sign. j "Is this business a paying one?" J '.People must think so the way they i are sending their hills in." The Hish Price of Husband. "So that's Di's husband is he worth much?' "Oh, yes. Her fsther gave a hundred thousand for him." Encouraging. "Shall I settle the Mil now, doctor?" '-ot necespgry. I can nrrantre with your widow." No New Thing. "Do you think doctors have a light to kill when they can't cure?" "They have always been doing It." His Real Status. 'That old fellow Is aa entomologist." 'No, he ain't ; he's Just n plain bug." Evading the Issue. She Is It true, that liquor will continue to be made surreptitiously? lie My Sear, that's all moonshine. Ita Kind. 'TI? "-t far-Icns when he found filmself ll.:nk It was a hot box " a'2 AvsIItble. 'Ua sj .i any soft Crlnks here?" f ;?cial)ut iiar'd water." Ilaltlmor 1 Spoken. In Bitterness. I Paw you coming out of a cafeteria." ''lVjfnaraeJ It Tor.ff. It's a profttcria." Waslilcgtoa Star. Was Leaving, Anyway. Sentry Halt, or I fire, lie emit Firfway. I was jnst goln up to the captain to resign, anyhow. Still Left. "Is there anything" about here with a kick?' "Sure; there's Bill Jones' ex-army mule." Half-Finlshed Job. "Sir, I am a self-made man." "Who interrupted you?" Boston Transcript. A Preference. Knicker America Is the melting pot. Bocker Fine, but we'd rather be the sugar bowl. Guessing at Him. "I's-s-s-st !" hissed HeloLe xf the rapid-fire restaurant. "Lamp that horse-faced guy over there on the end stool. I betcha he's one of them sidewalk youmerists in vod'veel." "What makes you think so?" asked Olaudine Vf the same establishment. "Has lie cracked anything funny?" "Funny as any of 'em! lie says to me. 'The flies a?e keeping down the cost of living. V notice t2.:ey stay in aheap joints jasti like this sJl winter. What do you vlaiake of thai? Is it youmer, or whatt?" Kansas Cjty Star. A Short Course. Mrs, Eslwin w as showing Seima, the new Swedish oiaid. "the ropes." "Tins," she said, "is my son's room, lie is in Yale." ' "Ya?" Selma's face lit up "with 1 h rudder ban there, too." "Is that so? Wliiit year?' "Ach. lie ban got no year; da yo4se yust say, 'You. Axel, V davs in Yail. "Truth Seeker. . Ai-nsj the Old Gentleman. 'b,, ;eoge, dear," said the enx- .: il. vl o hsd been wait! ft? while - " 1 m r interviewed her father on i' :.! topics, "what did papa j- ' -i . "s. j..y Jove," replied George, : be. ttbaiiy, "I don't think roar i !' :ppreclate what ker li is, r - what a rfi I cv-maau

HOW IS YOUR EXPRESSIOM?

Weil to Remember Sometimes That a ' Man Is Apt to Be Judged by His Locks. What kind of epri'io;-, do you w ar habitually? Is it sour, motveo, repel- i lent? Is if a mean, stingy, i-ontempti-hle, uneharitalde, intolerant expression? In you wear the expression of a bulldog, a urasjtlmr. gn'edy, ha:try expression, which indieaies a a ax : cious nature? Do you -.1 ahieat among the members of your family with a thunder-eloud expression, with it nudtitieholy. despondent. hniK-Iess look on your face? Do you wear the aa.ashiiiC expression which radiates good eher and hope, which indieates a feeling of goo( will and of la-lpfulness? Thi se questions are asked hy a keen student of nature, writing in :t roeem pasioieation. Do people smile and look happier when you approach them, or do t hoyshrink from you and feel a ehi'lv, goosefiosh sensation eonie over them as they see you approach? It makes all the difference in the world to you and to those whom you influemo. what kind of expression you wear. The Continent. ENJOYED WELL-WOf! HONORS Come Men of Genius Who Lived Many Years After Their Fame Had Been Assured. Sophocles, the famous Athenian dramatist, lived to bo ninety. Tho author of "Ajax"' Is the oldest writer, and he is unique In his degree, of longevity. The next in point of ago is Thomas Carlyle, the author of "Sartor Resartus" and -'The French Revolution," and other works of noble conception, undoubted brilliance, and lofty aspirations. He died at the age of eighty-six. Jeremy Bent ha m, w hose disciple was John Stuart Mill, and who is the author of. works on government. "The Principles of Montis and Politics," and other ItK-id expositions of the utilitarian system, underiived Carlyle by one year; while Voltaire, whoso "philosophical Fetters" and '"Discourse's of Man" make his name to live, died at the age of eighty-four. What Could He Say? A good story was related by a. naval officer who was with Admiral S'iias fn English waters. It was it heavy, foggy, night. Kveryf vessel v. a - fogbound. About midnight tlsere came a wireless message to the ndmira.l from a ship's ofiicer reading: "Am fog-bound. Shall I ptoee- d to next port or. return?" Admiral Sims, beintr fog-bound himself,1 eon Id not hell) smilinu' at the stupidity of the message. Fit he sent thH reply : "Yes." In a short lime came back another appeal from the officer. '"Think you misunderstand my message. Am fogbound. Shall I proceed to next port or return?" To this the admiral replied: "No." Magnanimous Conduct. "You call 'yourself a public-spirited citizen?" "I do, sir," replied the fussy little man. "On what ground? I'll give you an example of my public spirit. Last night at a (ire some firemen turned a hose on me. Did I get mad? Did I threaten to sue the city or break somebody's head? I did not, sir. I shook myself and said: 'Don't apologue, boys. I know you didn't mean it. Resume your battle with the flames and think no more about it!'"

The Itloiir thai is made fiom Soft Indiana Winter Wheat whieh gives greater,, food value, makes a better loaf of bread than the hard, spring wheat makes a loaf uneaaaled for texture, flavor, and color, and makes i more delicate crust for pastries. Get a- sack, at your grocer's tocfav.

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I ; I A ' 1 f J -o' k " '

V ! : . i) S i1 i 'till' j p i U ' i V - - - v . ' J r i ' - I t' ft i 9 f J 2.000 Women Expect sd to Gather in C;2ve:and the Week of April 13-20, 1S20, for rational Convention.' MEETING POSTPONED a TWO YEARS BY WAR D-sfeates Will Discuss New Member chip Basis fcr Students and Question cf Future Support for Work, r.'ar.y Other Things. The Youu-r Women's Christian Association of the United otatcs of America will meet in national convention in Cleveland, O., the week of April J.3 to "0, huiag postponed the convention from the spring of 19 IS In order to comply with a government request that expense and travel be reduced to a miiiimttm during the war. The department on conventions and conferences of the National Y. W. C. A., of which Mrs. Harry Emerson Fostlick is chairman, estimates an attendance ot woiacu, representing ail depat ! meads of Y. W. C. A. work boar ! meinher.i. secretaries, students, Club :s.:i-'.s. I;rl Reserves, girls from Industrial Service Centers, women from the la'eiaatioaal Institutes for foreign Lorn women, members from city, town and canntry Associations. Each Assoc;;; Hon In tho United States, will be. entitled to one voting deleat for every one hundred voting members in tho Association. Two of the most important questions whieh will come up before the conventioiMvii! be the morabersdiip basis and tho question of support. Of old business to bo considered tho most important question will be tho membership La sis for student association.:, the granting of charter membership privilege to the Chicago Young Women's Christian Afsociaticn and a recommendation providing an increase in membership of the National Board of the Association will also lie presented. Rev. Charles W. Gllkey, pastor of UyCo Task Baptist Church, Chicago, wiil give a series of morning addresses during the convention week. Dr. Robert E. :; '(:, secretary to the Foreign Missi.'-n Board of the Presbyterian Church, North, will also give an address. Mrs. Speer is chairman of the National Board of the T. W. C. A. The convention will be in session morning and evening, the afternoon being gh en over to sectional meetings bold in various churches. Attendance at those meetings will be determined by group membership and also by activities. Mrs. W. V. Harford of Omaha, Neb., will preside at the 'opening session, having been elected as president at the last convention of the Young Women's Christian Association, held in Los Angeles In 1DI5.. The committee on business to coma before the convention has for Its chairwoman Mrs. John French and Include.? among Its members Sirs. John D. Rockefeller, Jr.,MSss Eliza Butler, slaj ter of Nicholas Murray Butler, presli dent of Columbia University; Miss Martl'a, McCook. M!s3 MaLel Cratfj, general secretary for the National Board of the Y. W. C. A., and .Mrs. William Adams Cioven, all of New York city. $ W "bf jgT-