The Vernon Times, Volume 8, Number 23, Vernon, Jennings County, 1 January 1920 — Page 6

Thursday 4,TnTiiinry 1 120 "IP JO FiE ALLY ?10T VAITEH'S FAULT -r -i 8 -41 The VVrnon limes Paid is had every "I r r.r lay at VERNON. IND. y f" F ,F """" y ?. 7 Ji 1 n n 10" "H Mr. Green's Perfect Mastery cf lha French Lsnjuaje Ev'idtntly Was Too Much for Him.

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a Ucri ption price, J osla-ie pi-id to iwy ps.; f the I'uflt .l Sir I. Hawaii, r '. P.icfc, PL i ! i i pi rie . ami Mfxitu. S. T M4 K I I $ 1 .-" $ Tm ii a I . up :hc -"; li, 4 J nl T i - a. - :.!! , 1 .c " , v 1 :uice. ' " . "IVIiRJI CA ,1 , J -. ki liWJ 4. . ,! . k -f Cre?t Cor.vf nicr-ce. "T v.Nl. I i -. u .? ' i- n i:h- nil Ud broken '- -r y ," :-. M r-. MatjUer. "Th. r- isn't any .!:- !o lb ft it SaV. !" i "I have it." 't'm'.! Mr. PlatdweHer, eres ;t:'i" tin- rirs of gr;n- !-! i in !: ! p.. st ii I ' - i :: !:'." A Cur for the 111. h'i r-1 ;M.' J !!,; ih- t...-s f( !: ' 1 1 , J.i rU fi.fi-l's i!!"!tr iu.v Uti if I 'fi'.ln't ir--'i IkiIP ij.-iy nT. ' Sri-t.tt.i 1 rl j : l"i - -'.Vh-!l !!! h- -'r.y: Ht-ft ;.-.. i ,. i'' m ; . i I.. -"! -.'; ii .. . t !; P r t r' Description of Train 3'rvics is Old, but Har, Distinct Tings ef Humor. PfrfcidDt I i I1 X I nrri-Mi if ')," .ifitl'MMiM ;rM i S-.imIit:i r: i! -:iy. tm'ul xt lnH-K-'ii it: ! ; i i t ; I : ' : ''15. r !1 j.ik pool "( ' ire I! won' of o-ir soiit in-I ll ;unl i : rsi raiit'oaiK ;if n t ipi;i I I. N t ri t n iii wrW at ni'ti'f- iun-'t U:i1 to.l.iy tl.an our irj.ihs. :itil m--'h! -ni :n rii-i it nily tji.kn.mn. 'Ilir -.lory xlni; tin- portr-r ,mk! tkt la.! lt'!i'lrr," l'ii"-ii!'lit l';iir!";iX titliiiH"l 'il luiiiiort'iil.w "i :in old . '"A 1 1 a fit r. xii-orilin-r ! itiis slor.v. Jm-l ii.N-.-! a Ir;iin on m -rf :t in oiiilo-in !inv. notori'ius lor its poor trVYIfV, jot llif I'olloW i-otl-iHlMtioii from n port : " tli j'HDi i iiiiil.xt tr.-iin. sir, n tU lii- nl : nt t-:it annov ;iik i to tryflws.' " See What He Started. S' r i : k by ilu- ii"li-, 'iron sinics." Uk h hIimp wiii'lv :i went instil' til iI Um v, p-rf't ty ;in' of Hi f''t th;t "" i fi i ! sunk." (Htc to It.c ricrii'-inii th'' -:!i;!lt 'i'.opkfftnT O'tfil'lJlW-il : V. !('! t in;' ni's, lint winr v:.ii!t5f u!phttr spi ; ! .-s. tl:i 1'oiN. -r;i - -.'opt ., inniii' (.. -I. Ni;i r:s f:!ls. n.o'tnlisht v.ik. sh-fp i-.jti. li-ni Imp- mikI lw!it4y 'rip;. s.-:m i:l spr-Hl. st.-ttul-ri , ln.iin itiNl'.-r t i ' -. th o- n stops. Hi.- -.orii nt ioiniil. !-" ruri". a Tit1! Fwit tlu vii.r !..! !Mltc1. After t,l'.fi in Hi t !.i.:;:!:N t-i -irii-l xi KH-iri i.i k Ui lu-'til :tt 1li' loirv:!.v. iMi4: "Ye. 1 Ut;ow. r rt 1 inarl'l Uf4.." -1 r( h "o!I'l. Bride Runs Away. Si ;it. s;'" I attoml-il tin? iv-m1-Tij-f w cotisin. It whs n ipsirt 3fi"!r, tW pastor I'oniinjr f Hi- liotn. W tiM ! wjis htt hl-otit tt pronotiin" t m n sh1 '. i f the lu i'l bpg!n t Mf m ivl run into th othr room. 'Yht jfr'tn foliowf-d 1 1 -r sajiiij: 'pr. h isn't 1 !ir'n.-.h rt." Domeftic Econcmy. Mr. r j.ii rtTt We rin-t 1" x-Vxftj-;!. I.or.sufforer t!! m lii x.trV'! Hi!! sir lia.lf wl,st .mrs ar. WifJ; Anl "lid also toll you bis iff ;, 1 f ii st liis iih-hI till hr s;i msHS mid l"SVee H, tjl(? "l'h"' fct st -s '. hat li" lxvps for Piker. rnr.t)s,iV -I this th ntoi-y yVv rsn!? "-.iili - X. hut Hust'y etiotiiii to !'! y-ti fo prion ! few! pH'l- ?!". take it h'k; It ahi'r rn'iiih in k p in out. tl.nt's -r-rmim '. Lost Opportunity. 'If 1 P'fy tl:osv j.eoi.le "l ho tlseil t. fftsf for f-;-Us .-..lllfin'r t ti puViie j j. t r-i1 in their the.rv." Y'hy '.' "K"e s. if 1h- iiicn hul herrt taken k H i pr:: i T n-r-!. the li; ! ! ';.: ei flur r,-,'l V. !r,!,m; now." Thinking cf the Milliner's Bill ! Itrim Whr-u en otrii.t 5 . pnseii 1 '. s hi head in 1 1 1 ! -IreH'h - I ish heM everiasti Ij hi. It fc-i tall f thn' tl.r-re.

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UMCLE SAF-i: "HERE'S THE BILL! YOU OUST PAY IT THROUGH VICTORY LIBERTY DOiJDS."

V. VArf ..i fi fe e. e fj.'v jit v', r W ; ;. T " - , '-- I s h -fin FOOLISH IDEAS SOME HAVE O.' Ffi.'rw R ghteously Indignaht at F?.t;diou?r.css of the Guests cf His Hotel. (-spr. T.irlsey Polk, director of a m:n.!ier of hotels, said recently In New York : "I-:riie;-:i hotels, even the host of the; i. :ve inferior to our. While I vr.s in Paris I saw an ad ertisement of m fashionaide new hotel, and the boat the inanainnent made n that it -v;! as iinii ns the het Anv-rican ! ;. !- I v, plen.s.x.1 with this tribute." ':p';;n Polk smib-cl. "Well." h resinned, "'cur ideals are lii'i. N tuor hotel keejiers like the -! fe'i.nv who coniplaini'd about his M!!!:!lttr jsjtors : "'V'"l Votil.Iti't believe the non-scf.s-e that ! hi them. They is &lv,;!s v '.ti' a c'ane tnbleeloth an' c!r : e heet. to their bet's. An tftlde ::.-pkii!s, no le-s'. I1T tell V4.U what, there's sure peo le Iti thjs world that ih:ik they can ro into n In td an tnske a orivanian. c of it."

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TO PAY s v "3 5EiieiJ W000S A A RGONKe, "FOREST Ml H I EL i ' Va j, -i ii i 1- v a 9 OLD SAYIFIG" SLIGHTLY 01XED Familiar -"5fcr Yeu Cuhi Say Jack Rb?nn" Dae Nat Canvey tha Rij-4st Ka. Opiolon fiffer? as to the proper dn ratbm of a social call. "Anyyhere -1 frota tH minute- to a half Js.iir, nays the woman who has a social eretary and whese dally job a "eajlini?" t the tune of tea."" and wnfrs. "All afterlioon," fay the'lcia.rivl, who takes along her knitting ani aita down to coffee and cake. "And then." say sine, "it, all d-pead.; iipn the call. On some -caiions aat with different people we stay leiiger than etln-rs." Bat Jack Jtabi?ti'a calls never varied. Be aerer stayed long enough te. wear oijt ! w el came. In fact hardly kad we )eea aBru-umee!. hardly lad the servant wis admitted him jxtkea aloud his naatie than he waf gone. Se, sn jbi see, "feefere yen can say Jack lU!n" h m. reference to the time it takes t say It. "As b$ J,? ItvlansMi wowld 13 rf I'-A r2r with 'iw origin aud

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Hems Economics Expert Says Way Is' to Teach Youth Early Proper Apportioning of an .Income.-

Th !t iul most nutiira! way of "feejfinnine true national wniioiuy, w i e jip-iHlii Mini vi is.4 ssYlnjr." say ftm1i Vnnhn. h-il f t he home -nonilo hpjirtnient of the University of Ior, anil vjn last stitnmer .started a hni crotiiniiics ilepart tnent in a nvf-lxnd '(Ohio) . haul;. " hy civfnr the h:MrUi an allvanee. Thf lesson -f properly a pporjhtninr an Income thus is Hitily learned." Mis Wardell favr the nllo-sance arrangement nt a very early ajre. sny at six or seven. It may then he very ii!sll. ar.d 1H of "it fhe buddin-i eltt?rtti may he epeeted to provide only l.hool p"!llils. tahlets, ete. The pureh:js nf sf-li.Hi! hooks provides a loglea! next !ejp little later some perianal hfjon-rin-rs, aueh hoes. may he suhled. , "I -xnr shoes." explains Mis Warden, "heeause children seem to fake more interest in 'shoes than, in most urticles ef wearing ajiparel, and her7)tA Fixing th Allowance. cnM.se ,hoes rejiresent u hiuhly Impor tant item to whieh children fre.pieHfly lay littlt heed." The allowance showhl provide a little margin to eneoiirasfe careful huyle.jc and -avin: poryjhrliti?s. It houh hot necessitate so much care or Iiuniuiil as tv iiiirdoi tne jfroviinjc yun, jtei. It ehould never, tinder norwal circumstaneea, he "helpel ont" hy Irregular jrifts or expe-t"d to cover dher than the recognized items. The aihiwame, with it pwrehasmjr. resjoH ildlities, should he increased -fradnally, 5-teadliy, Hy the time hijrh school 1 reaehei! ihe hy r girl should he fcuyiug xractically all his or her own clothes. Mi Wardell tells an interesting riry f a hoy wko called nptiih lit- Cleveland, telling her of Ids manTier f apiuit tinning the raiher generous allowance made hy his father, lie knew to a penny what every article he wore liad cost hhn ; he was intelligent regarding relative textile and wearing values; he saved steadily, sys te-ttarU-HUj with joy. A CJcato mother started her little lai3gL2r oil, similarly, at eight years ild &T ,- f.1xteeu the girl Was a bet ter bfiKMfian she wa. Th UI Buying His Own Goads. ren were well started on the rond to fine and self-reqeofing ad independ ent. elfljJensliip. Both will enter col lege with a nice litrle financial nest gg to await the beginning of iheir htiine- ftr irofeitiinal life. The child's allowance, it may be added, should be for necesities mainly wlrh hnt a fair and modeat margin for lersiial luxuries ami ideasMres. It eheald always be recognized as allow ing for a regular proportion of say lags, , invfecHbly Invested in govern Jital securities. It subl be nrefwlly adjusted, rigidly adhered to on both sides, of the bargain. Such re ss-ect and observance not only will teah the child good onomic habits bHt will abolish many too frequent an Koyanees for the fiMancial bend of the fa 11 i I y. Kah child given au allowance will tSHdersiand that this sum. with his SHpport and other parental provision represent his fair -hare of the fain ty income, and that, as a decent citi sen, he must not ask nor expect to ex ceed It. An adequate allowance sy i tew, moreover, will obviate the evil i habit of crying or pleading for special indulgences and more funds. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEND Diamonds? Why Not W. S. S.? diamonds to the value of $'J.X0.kiO,-.-more than, half the available world supply and value are owned in tfee 1'Nited States of America. Pretty things, diamond, fascinating to watch, jdej-.sing to wear, of high ciuinerial value. Diamond prices rise every now and again, truly, bnt the rate of increase cannot be prcisely calculated, and the risk of owning diamonds is Ja:-;e unlesi they're tneked away in the safety deposit vaults where no one ever sees them. Now $j,tV,iK-uH invested in government securitie-. War Savings Xtamp, for exunip!e. would meas much better times for the country. Why hot, for the sweet girl graduate,' the bride, wife to be honored, War Saving- Stamp- instead of a diamond? Bright thought : The War Saving Stamps new and - the diamond rive years later osl of' the War iavlQjra Stamp i rc.i? when they mature.

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Mr. Drown and Mr. Green were

taking their loug-talked-of holiday :n Prance. Por three months Mr. (Irecn had been learning French by corre spondence and thought he had mas tered the language. One afternoon the pair went into a cafe to have tea. and (Ireen. who always insisted on doing all the ta Ik ing, gave the order to the v. niter. "When, however, the tea thino were brought, he noticed that something was missing, and spoke angrily to the i aiter Sihout it. "My dear fellow," objected l'rown. what on earth are you s;. in-; ';" "Will -Hi kindly refrain from n:king juur absurd crittcisnis of my use of the I-'ren. h !:i::uu:uvr retorted Gri-en. h.' leitainlyl" answ ercd I.rown. tnly it seems rather a w; s:e of time to ask the waiter to bring y-u a staircase when what you v.ant is i teaspoon:" London Tit-P.its. HER ONE PRECIOUS MEi.'OP.Y It Was Not Dread ef Influenza That Led Spinster to Dwell en Kissing Episode. The. spinster waited two or three hours to he admitted to the presence of the man who visited their town m month to retail l'iioiI advice and once ... . ' ... . , oprieiarv meuiciue to me his own p 1 coiiie-ons. At last she was admitted. "Yes, yes." said the brusque doc-tor. "I waui to know if influenza can he transmitted by kissingV ".Beyond a doubt, madam." "Well, a man with a pronounced case of influenza kissed me." "So! How long ago was this;' "Weli let's see. I think it was about two months." "Why, madam! No harm can come to you now from the exi-osure. It la quite too late." "I knew it." she sighed, "but I just love to talk about it." Philadelphia Ledger. Satisfied. The gray-haired stranger bent over the desk. "Are you the society editor?", lie asked. "I am." ' "Are you the person who wrote up the account of last night's big reception?" "Yes; anything wrong with it?" That's what I want to find out. Look here. 1 notice iu speaking of my daughter you use the sentence: 'She swept about the room with au inherited grace that arrested every one's attention.' Now, what was your purpose in writing that?" "Why. it struck me as a tirst-elass opportunity for a neut compliment to her esteemed parents; that's all." ''You are sure that you' didn't mean to insinuate that her father lf.id the foundation of his fortune by selling brooms !" "Certainly not." 'Because I did, you know." "I didn't know it." "Then that's all right. Good day 'vDallas News. Some Scholar. Smith Did you ever go to sehool, Sam? Sam Sure I was to the academy and dere I learned such school fellows as George Gravey. Smith Nonsense, Sam; you are referring to the study of geography. Sam Dere was Matthew Mattix. Smith You mean mathematics. Sain And I knew Jimmy Nastytricks. Smith You are referring to gymnastics, Sam. P.y the way, can you spell? Sam Sure! I got as far as M-l'-Ii. Smith And that spells mud? Sam I stuck dere. P.ov's Life. Not a Strong Drink. Altae and her brother attended a. birihd.Tv party of a playmate. Ice cream. cake and lemonade were served. The boy asked for a glass of water. "Drink your lemonade," Aline said, interrupting. "I don't want lemonade. I want water." said the boy. looking pleadingly at his hostess. "Don't be silly. Drink your lemonade," !aid Aline. "It's just like water." Philadelphia. Inquirer. Plenty of Questions. "My wife is mourning the loss of a SlO.Or-O necklace." "Why don't you advertise a thousand reward and no questions asked?' "Well. I could make good on the thousand, but I doubt about my wife's ability to fulfill the rest of the ci titract." Louisville Courier-Journal. Badly Handicapped. Much against Bob's wishes, his fox terrier's tail was shortened. Not long after this operation Jip, like ali other playful dogs, was trying to cat eh his tail, but it couldn't be done. P.ob, watching him, said sorrowfully: "Poor Jip, if they'd left the tail you was horned with you could catch It till riiit." Both Possible. "Madame La Mode has the nerve to call her department for joung girls' dress a perfect model of style." "Why nerve?" . "Because it is a ciis-t Utli4i

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Lx -0 .1 j Low Tank. Short Crank. No exposed Gears. OPEN BASE (Eaiy to clean) Easy Running. Perfect Skimming. MORE CREAM BETTER CREAM Sweet Skimmed Milk. Bowl Perfectly Cfeanable. Price Guaranteed. FOR SALE BY - VERNON, IND. Whore Everything Costs Less! g(F 4 t tgtr' j&r BROUGHT HIM BACK TO EARTH Literal Suggestion Made by 0!d Scusa Was Not Exactly the Answer Orator Desired. ' The literary society was meeting In Odd Fellows' hall. Rev. Jos; ah I ..!- ion presided. lb n. James p.olivar Mclienry, the noted orator rV..:,i the adjoiuing cuunty. was spcakins.'; on "The Peace Table." 'aud the avulience was rapt in respectful attention. "And that wa what they conceded," he concluded. T ask you. fellow citizens, what dues tlds nation need? What is her necessity, as he leaves the far western shore and steps proudly across Ihe Pacific, ami iu the eye of the world lays the hand Of ilenc II'racy upon the brow of ihe Orient? What. I repeat, does she need?" "Rubber bootsh." iiheoughed the town souse. To Abolish Tomorrow. A movement to abolish tomorrow I now In order. Among all the tilings that cause trouble to humanity in -( ueral, tomorrow is probably the worst offender. Nothing happens tomorrow in just the way we expect, and in must ens.-? dread. The time we spend in wondering what tomorrow will do, and iu worrying about If in advance, if applied today would fortify us against the unexpected more than anything else. Tomorrow Ik the most uncomfortable place there is to dwell in. Yet most of us live In it most of the time. Life. Good Can Openers. A young man from Mum-ie visicd in Indianapolis last month. lie had been the guest at several small home dinners and was telling two oung women of the splendid meals lie had been hnviiig. "How splendid.'" one of them said. "Afrer hearing about all those good dinners I am a!mot ashamed to ask you to come to see u. but we want yr.u aiiywHv." The eyes of the other twinkled. "If we can't show you wiiat good cooks we are," alie laughed, "we can prove that we're mighty good can openers." Not Definite Enoujh. The most particular woman in town went Into an east side grocery the other day. A basket of beautiful wliife were on the counter and she Meppod over to examine them. "Are they fresh?" she a.ked the grocer. "Yes." he answered. "We just got them from the country this morning." "Well, that isn't definite enough," retorted the woruan. "Before I buy any eggs I must know just when they were Iafd." Indianapolis News. Could Understand Them. Robert was vls-iting me si.d he went into the library one rainy day to get a book. He. picked up a book that happened to be a French book. I said : "I am afraid yon raa't read that book, Hubert. You better take ..!. writttt-n In English." "Oh," he said, "it Isn't so bad. You see the picture, are In la.g'isti." Chicago Tribune.