New Richmond Record, Volume 5, Number 29, New Richmond, Montgomery County, 24 January 1901 — Page 3

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TALKED ABOUT THE JUDGE

TRAGEDY OF A POCKET

‘Who’s the Ould Woman With the Red

Red Curtains Round Her.

In His Wife’s Dress But His Hunt for It

There was a very good story being retold, but which is actually a true story of those days. A Judge was trying a case where the accused could understand only the Celtic language, and so an interpreter had to be employed. The official interpreter was a good fellow, whose wish was to do justice, but he certainly had leanings toward the defendant. The accused man was holding a long conversation with the interpreter, and that worthy did not translate the speech to the court. At last the Judge demanded to know what had been said.

Was in Vain.

The man’s wife had asked him to go up stairs and look in the pocket of her dress for a key she thought was there, and being an accommodating man, says the Pittsburg Bulletin, he went at once.

Finally' he returned, with empty hands, but with a peculiar look in his eyes and a nervous trembling of every muscle. "I can’t find any key in the drees of your pocket,” he said, with a painful effort.

"Nothing, my lord,” was the interpreter’s unblushing reply. "How dare you say that when wo all heard you talking to him. Come, sir, what was it?” "My lord, it had nothing to do with the case.”

“Why!” she retorted, sharply, “I left it there.” “I say I can’t find any dress in the pocket of your key,” he said, doggedly. His tones seemed to disturb her. “You didn’t half look for it.” she insisted.

"If you do not tell me what he said I'll commit you for contempt. Nov/, what, did he say?" “Well, my lord, you’ll excuse me, but he said. “Who’s that ould woman with the red bed curtains round her sitting up there?” Every one in court laughed, and the tip-staff did not, for a moment, try to stop the unseemly conduct. The Judge, in his red robes and white wig. colored until his face was brighter than his red robes and asked: "And what did you say?”

“I tell you I can’t find any pocket In the key of your dress,” he replied, in a dazed kind of way. She looked at him. “What’s the matter with you?” she asked, nervously. “I say,” he said, speaking with much effort, “that I can’t find any dress In the key of your pocket.” She got up and went over to him. “O, William," she groaned, “have you been drinking?” He looked at her.

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“I said, ‘Whist, ye spalpeen! That’s the ould boy that’s goin’ to hang yez.’ ”

"I tell you I can’t find any pocket in the dress of your key.” he whispered. She began to shake him. “Whtrt’s the natter? What’s the matter?” sh asked, in alarm.

S|p jib A If are practically annihilated N fl -rd by the ocean cables and “J “ ■ -'-’viv s|)l i J| land telegraph systems • .'.A JL -1 A which now belt the circumference of Old Earth in so many different directions. “Foreign parts” are no longer foreign in the old meaning of the term. Europe, Africa, Asia, are “next door” to us. What happens there to-day we know to-morrow-if we read THE CHICAGO RECORD, whose

Troubles of Fenian Days.

1 was making a pedestrian tour of Ireland in the latter days of the Fenian movement, and many curious incidents came under my observation, showing how zealous the royal Irish constabulary was in arresting strangers and charging them secretly with Fenianism. At that time the habeascorpus act was repealed and any one arrested could be kept in prison, without a trial, for a period of two year’s. When a man was tried he felt that he was to face a partisan judge and a packed jury. I am not going to make the charge that juries were always willfully packed, but I know that many a jury was afraid to give an accused the benefit of any doubt, because the liberty of each member of that jury was imperiled.

The shaking seemed to do him good, and he rubbed his eyes as if he were regaining consciousness. "Wait a minute,” he said, very slowly. “Wait a minute. I can’t find any dress in—no; 1 can’t find any key in the drees of —no, that’s not it; any —any—any pocket. There, that’s it!” and a flood of light came into his face. “Confound it! I couldn’t find any pocket.” Then he sat down and laughed hysterically, and his wife, wondering why in the name of goodness men made such a fuss over finding the pocket in a woman’s dross, went up stairs and came back with the key in something under two minutes.

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I remember of reading of one Instance where the accused was so well pleased with the personnel of the jury that he did not challenge any one, but when his counsel whispered that it was strange he replied: “The jury’s all right, but I’d loike to challenge the Judge.” The witnesses were also afraid to testify too strongly in favor of the defendant, for if they did they might he treated as 1 heard a witness treated in Cork. Judge Keogh, who had been a Nationalist at one time, but was accused of betraying his fellow Nationalists, listened to a witness who told a very straightforward story, and then advised the chief of police to look into the character of the witness, as it was likely he was a Fenian. Of course, the witness was arrested.

Stealing His Thunder.

The indignant-looking passenger was about to speak, but the conductor headed him off by exclaiming in a loud tone of Irritation: "This is the slowest train I was ever on. What’s the use of having a schedule if we don’t pay any attention to it? The drinking water tastes as if it hadn’t been off the kitchen range ten minutes. The car doesn't look as if it had been swept for a month, and It is full of idiots who insist on opening the windows when we go through tunnels, so that the cin-. ders can blow In.”

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PRINTING

The passenger caught his breath and then exclaimed: “I was just about to say that this whole affair is an outrage.” “I know it. But you’re lucky. Y ou can travel a few miles and then get off and be happy. But I’ve got to stay on this train for hours every day of my life.”—Washington Star.

Talking of the yeomen brings back a good yarn that is going round Oie camps at their expense. They are notorious for two things—-their pluck and their awful bad bushcraft. They would ride up to the mouth of a foeman’s guns coolly and gamely enough, but they can’t find their way home on the veldt after dark to save their souls and so fall into Boer traps with a regularity that is becoming monotonous. Recently a British officer who had business in a Boer laager, asked a commander why they set the yeomen f- ee when they made them prisoners. ”0h!’’ quoth the Boor, with .a merry twinkle in his eye. “those poor yeomen of yours, we can always capture them when we want them." This is not a good story to tell if you want, an encore, if you happen to be sitting round a yeoman table or camp fire. —London Daily News.

Why the Yoemen Were Let Go.

Department

Secret Societies.

THE LEADING INDIANA NEWSPAPER

Henry Clay Lodge, Knights of Pythias No. 288, meets in their hall in the K. of P. Block every Friday evening. C. C.—Jas. D. Wilson. V. C.—Thos. Kerr. Perlate—Walter Clarkson K. of R. & S.—O. W. Mason. M. of F.—M. L. Claypool. M. of E.—A. D. Snyder. M. at A.—Jas. Rust. I. G.—Frank Rust. O. G. —Otto Jones. M. of W.—S. E. Magruder.

A polish couple came before a justice of the peace to be married, says an exchange. The justice looked at the document, which authorized him to unite in matrimony Zacharewiez Perczynski and Leokowarda Jeulinseiko. “Ahem!” he said. “Zacha —h’m —h’m—ski. do you take this woman ?” and so forth. ‘Yes, s r,” responded the young man. "Leo—h’m—th —ska, do you take this man to be ?” and so forth. “Yes. s r.”

To be Congratulated.

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Daily, Sunday and Weekly Editions

We have lately added more new type,

“Then I pronounce you man and wife,” said the justice, glad to find someth! ig he could pronounce, “and I heartily congratulate you both on having reduced those two names to one.”

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l'X|»In<nn Ills Own Killing;.

New Richmond Lodge F. & A. Masons meets Saturday night on or before each Full Moon. M.—John McLain. S. W.—E. T. McCrea. J. W.—W. W. Washburn. Treas.—Stow S. Detchon Sec.—J. A. Bailey. S. D.—Jas. Greenburg. J. D.—Thos. Foster. Stewards - Wm. Kite, W. T. Jones. Tyler—Wm. Dewev.

In Ireland the peasantry still use the word “killed” in its original sense, conveying the idea of serious injury .rather than death. Thus the frequenters of Irish courts will often hear a witness swear in assault cases that he was "kilt entoirely.” An amusing instance in which the word was used in that sense appears in a report of a case recently tried in Sligo. An old man, who had been assaulted, was being examined by a young and inexperienced barrister, who was conducting the prosecution. “And were you stunned when you were knocked down?” he asked. “Was I what, yere honor?” asked the witness. “Stunned,” repeated the barrister. “Shure, 1 don’t know what yez mane, sor.” “Were you rendered insensible?" “Shure, what’s insensible, at all, at all?” the witness asked, his face showing clearly that he was perplexed. “I’m afraid I cannot get any good of this stupid witness, my lord,” said the counsel, “Let me try him.” said the Judge. “Como, my good man, did they kill you now?” The face of the witness brightened up and he exclaimed: “Faix, that they did entoirely, me lord.”

The Indianapolis Sentinel

The Gardener Told Them.

A party of young men and women were bicycling along a country road. It was a sketching class, and every eye was wide open for an artistic sub. ject. Suddenly the whole party .liemounted with various exclamations of delight and surprise.

in ity several editions,contiouos to occupy the position it lias so Iona held of THE LEADIN'!! INDIANA NEWSPAPERS. It is the OLDEST AND MOST WIDELY HEAD journal puhlisifod in the State. ITS rates of suescrptiun are the LOWEST. The Sentinel is a luembof of the As- . sociated Press and its telegraph columns arc tlio fullest ami most comprehensive of any Indiana paper. ItspVess reports arb supplemented by SPhXTAL WASHINGTON DSPATCHES, covering very fully all mutters of Indiana in tores fc, and by reports from its special correspondents at every county seat in Indiana. Tho mai ket reports of thendianapolis Son tin el aio complete and accurate. The Sentinel pays special attention to Indiana news and covers the ground fully. Indiana readers will find more nev .> . .f in. to rest to tliem in The Sentinel than in and Chicago. Cincinnati, St. Louis or Louisville newspapers. The Sentinel, although Democratic ih politics, publisues all tl»o news fully ami impart ially and always treats its political opponents with fairness.

SALE BILLS

Just within the fence on tho left grew innumerable graceful stalks, each bearing aloft globes of pale green that shaded into gray and purple.

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New Richmond Lodge No. 718 I. O. O. F., meets every Wednesday night at their hall on the second flour of the F. M. Perkins business block. N. G.—J. N. Beckley. V. G.—Herman Litka. Sec.—William Vincent. Warden—H. L. Snyder. Conductor—John Cash. I. G.—John C. Oppy. O. G.—Quinn Kirkpatrick. R. S. to N. G.—Ed T. Oppy. L. S. to N. G.—Albert Eshelman. R. S. to V. G.—George Bunnel. L. S. to V. G.—George Schleppy. R. S. S.—Fred Clough. L. S. S.—Ben Dillard. Chaplin—H. G. Messer. Treas.—Perry McLain. Trustees—Wes Haines, Perry McLain J. W. Hollin.

How enchanting!” said a young woman.

“How decorative!” said a young man

“Just what we are looking for.” raid the teacher, a full-fledged artist.

A gardener was standing near at hand.

"Do tell us,” cried a girl, "what those beau-oo-tiful things are.” •'Which?" replied the gardener.

•’Why. those.” said the girl. “Them,” said the gardener, with a chuckle. ‘Thera's onions gone to seed.”

"So your con is to marry? Why doesn’t he wait till he is older and wiser?" "Ah! but in that case he would r.ev. er marry at all!”

Taking No Chances.

MOVED

Confused Identity.

T EH M S O F SU BSC ’III PTIO X

Mrs. McElroy—Where is Mr. McElroy’

Daily, ono year .f-C.Oh Sunday, ono year *2.00 Weekly, one year r»0

junior Partner —Gone out to get a new ribbon for the typewr.ter.

One day (a legal correspondent writes) before the late Lord Chief ju;,. tice took sick, he was sitting in court when another barrister leaning across the benches during the hearing of a trial for bigamy, whispered: what’s the extreme penalty for bigamy?” “Two mothers-in-law,” instantly replied Russell. On one occasion Lord Russell w?nt to hel pthe Liberals in a certain cm. paign. He began ihs speech of set purpose with some very badly pronounced Scotch. After the confusion caused by his apparent blunder had subsided Sir Charles Russell (as he then was) said; “Gentlemen, * do to; speak Scotch, but I vote Scotch Tremendous applause followed, whoienponSir Charles proceeded, "and I sometimes drink Scotch.” With this his hold on the audience was secured.— hold on the audience was secured.— laindan Daily News.

Lord Russell’s Quick Wit.

The RECORD has lately moved from the McCardle u 01d Soldiers’ Home'’ to new quarters upstairs over Geo. F. Long’s Dry Goods, Jewelry and Wall Paper Store, and where our friends are always welcome. Come and see ns in our new quarters! The latchstring hangs out!

Mrs. McElroy (glaring at the blonde girl at the little side desk)— He has. has he! Well. Mr. M. Elroy will just buy some ribbons and ct er things for his wife aful daughters. That person is all fluffed up with ribbons now.—Denver News

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Ashland Temple Rathbone Sisters No. 160, meet in the K. of P. Hall every Thursday at 2 p. m.

It is a question in the" mind o' ‘he more thoughtful among us w ether an eighl-ypar-ter".! for the Pres id nt would eliminate the s’raw-vote fiend, or merely make him twice as virulsnt —Detroit Journal.

A Question.

P. C.—Jennie Wilson. M. E. C.—Nannie Lee.

E. S.—Anna Meharry. E. J.—Ida Rust. M. of R. and C.—Nina Long. M. of K.—Anna Page. P. T.—Martha Bennett. G. of O. T.—Mary Jones.

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He’d Been There.

A.—You’re very kind, old man. hut why in the world are you wishing m ■ good luck for the fifth time since ! tcid you of ray engagement? •D,— Because you’ll need it

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