Nappanee Advance-News, Volume 87, Number 30, Nappanee, Elkhart County, 23 January 1964 — Page 2

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NAPPANEE ADVANCE-NEWS

I^^&riLETTERSI xTTj m the editor |

Dear Mr. Nichols: This is to be an old-fashioned letter from a not-so-old-fashioned person whose mind and heart are filled with concern for the young people- of Nappanee. If you desire to print this, there are those who will ignore it; there are those who will declare it too frank to be printed; somewhere, I hope, there may be some who will think about it. Much has. been w ritten by others more learned than myself on the subjects of steady dating, unwed mothers and the general morals of

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teenagers today. In, vieSSgpf what is ■ going on with the young people in our community, I think it is time we stopped worrying about Ann Landers and some poor girl in California and take a good look at where the parents, ministers, teachers, doctors, and other influential people of Nappanee have failed to give our young people somewhere along the line a sense of what is right and what is wrong, what brings happiness and what does not? I have two children of my own and frankly, I’m scared to death for them. Since they are not old enough for parking. I must be honest enough to say I am scared for those who are, as well. What seems to be the problem, in my humble opinion, is a complete change in cultural habits today from when we were children. Money flows more freely, activities abound for parents and children alike, material possessions have become of primary importance, Sunday School and Church are for many, a habit of status rather than the fulfillment of a deep need, or a way of life to be carried home for six other days. We are permis-’ sive with our children in order to “get them out of our hair" so we caif be free for our own activities, many of which our children could well be ashamed to see us engageing in. Getting away from the verypresent awareness of sexual differences is impossible when every TV program, magazine and commercial on billboards or in newspapers points up the importance of the girl “getting” the boy. I don't care if the whole world

is “out of step” but Nappanee, I think it is time we did something to change the situation here. There may be teenagers reading this who will feel I am “against” them. Actually, I am “for” you. I think you and your talents and abilities are worth saving for something better than an early marriage, too many babies too soon, too many bills unpaid and eventual discontent when you are dead tired from trying to raise a family while you are little metre than a youngster yourself. Marriage is not one long, lonely honeymoon with a license to make love in a .bed of roses for the rest of your life. And premarital love is not love, but a desire to express needs w e have failed to teach you how to control, in order to be popular, to insure a date for Saturday night or to feel wonderfully uninhibited and individualistic. I am patriotic enough to believe that America needs bright, aggressive young men and women to ful fill the needs of our country at home and abroad. We should take seme definite steps toward insuring that those teenagers who could make a real contribution toward society are not so early eaught-up in their own selfish emotions that they never have an opportunity to know whether they could contribute or not. I have not discussed any divorce statistics, financial statistics or any other statistics. I leave this to the experts. Neither have I discussed all the wholesome, brilliant teen agers who are contributing lo this community. They can speak for themselves by their actions. Rather, I am concerned for w h y we seem to have so much promisciuty and what to do about it. as this is not what 1 want for my children. Let us suppose that a group of interested parents, deacons, teachers, etc. might bo formed at the proper age level in a community cf-

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[ fort to find out where we have been wrong. Let us suppose that a group of this sort would need to expect to be brutally -frank with one another. Let us suppose that the outcome of this effort 'could be expressed in a title such as “I Want My Child to Succeed" or 'What Do I Want For My Child?" Some concrete things we might do if we all stuck together are: 1. Try very hard to get the age for drivers’ licenses raised a few years. It is not as much trouble to take them where they want to go as it is to baby-sit while a young mother works. 2. Refuse to permit our teenagers to buy and maintain their own cars at such early ages. 3. Ask “Where are you going?” ynd mean it. 4. Tell them when to come home and mean it —and go get them if they are not prompt. 5. Know their friends and en courage their presence in our homes. 6. Discourage youngsters from seeing only one member of the opposite sex three or four nights a week.With an arrangement like this, you can almost expect familiarity in a hurry. 7. Expect and demand attendance at Sunday School and Church and set aside a time in the home each day for discussing problems and answering them with basic religious philosophy certain things are wrong. Period. If you believe in your religion, then you surely believe wrong things are punishable, whether by God or bv the miserable live many end up living. * If a group were meeting for discussion at the age level from 6- 12 (and I think it is vital to begin here) I would ask these questions: 1. Am lat home w hen my child comes from school or is she left to shift for herself? 2. How young is too young to

take a dime and browse around uptown for several hours, as some children I know do? 3. Do you know where they play? Do you know with whom they play? Do you know what kinds of I things they play? Do you ever lis- ! ten to the conversations? Or guide? Or direct? 4. How many activities do they have? Are they so loaded down with adult ideas of being popular and getting ahead, that, they have no time left for just being children? 5. What kind of TV programs do they watch? Uncle Mike’s Fun ; Club is not, acceptable in our house ! because I’m sick to death of hearj ing this ridiculous man ask 5 year old girls who their boyfriend is! These are just some of the things going through my mind and prompted by a discussion I had I with a professional'man in this [ town who seemed very concerned for his own children and ours. He | fools something concrete must be done to prevent the loss of the teen-years as some of the best testing grounds for abilities, desires anjd ambitions. Lets try to think this thing through and come up i with some good answers for ■ourselves and our children. If “too much too soon" and our own selfish desires 1 to avpid responsibility are producing a generation of youth who never fully enjoy their childhood and go from youngsters to taking care of youngsters missing all those wonderful, carefree years in between the lets straightefl up as parents, ministers and teachers and give these kids not just facts, but moral teaching as'well! Lets point out at early age that things are not grey they are black or white, and for wrong things we are punished. Lets forget about, glorifying the marriage of a sophomore in high school to the point where an eighth grade girl thinks this is just what she wants. Lets make it tougher to do a wrong thing at any age. Ip other words, lets not be afraid !to be parents, instead of “good i joes.”

j lam not against Bluebirds, DIP, | a youth center or any other worthy project for kids. I fully realize j that, for anyone, wrong things must be replaced by right things i in order to fill the gap. I would be j more than happy to chaperone any dance, but I cannot chaperone every carload afterward. Its the parents who must stick together, set standards and insist upon good behavior. You could never convince me in a million years that a child brought up under loving concern, •who knows full w r ell the limitations set for him are just, would be happy and secure any other way. My mother waited up for me after every date to hear all about

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NAPPANEE ADVANCE-NEWS 156 W. Market PHONE 773-3127 Entered at the Post Office at Nappane Indiana as Second Class Matter Under th Act of March 3, 1379. PUBLISHED THURSDAYS $3.00 PER YEAR in Indiana $3.50 PER YEAR Outside Indiana NOTICE Pictures for publication are welcomed, but no picture will be returned by mail unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is sent with it. No charge for publishing pictures, .news stories, or announcements. Publisher Donald E. Nichols, Jr. the evening. I, always wanted to%e sure to be able to go in and face her. 1 hope I can keep the lines of communication and respect open between my daughter and myself so she will be able to look me squarely in the eye. Don’t you? This letter is not intended to chastize any parent whose child has been a problem and who can hon estly say they have dorie their best, for, if so, I might be forced to “eat | crow” ten years from now. Neither | is it intended to point a finger at the several’young men and w omen in our town who have “made a go” of their early marriages and are accepting their responsibilities. We are not the ones to decide w hether a mistake can be forgiven, as we ceftainly all “fall short” of the Perfect Example. Instead it is a plea for those of us who have contact with children of any age to wake up and begin to try to change the moral codes of our last-moving society to a level where youngsters can have selfrespect and not be afraid to be “different.” Let’s get these children through high school, for heaven’s sake, and mature enough that they are at least responsible for Hheir own actions. In short, lets start punishing the posterior at an early age instead of pampering the psyche at all levels. Nancy Curtis Both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans may be seen from one spot along the Pan-American Highway near Cerro del Muerta, Costa Rica