Nappanee Advance-News, Volume 29, Number 35, Nappanee, Elkhart County, 28 October 1908 — Page 2

The Obsequies of Oie Miss Jug * —— .*4 By Jean Ross Irvine

"This sort of day always reminds me of Indians,” said Mrs. Allbright, taking a long look around over the hills. It was an afternoon late In August. A blue haze, the smoke of distant forest fires, lay upon the land, lending to the old familiar hills an air of mystery and remoteness, like that of veiled faces. Down in the valleys and upon the long hillsides the blue faded softly into the gray of the sage brush, and the gray into the vague green of the creek bottom. Mrs. Allbright, the wife of the manager, and I, the governess, of the Big Red ranch, were sitting on the porch. "I don't know why,” she continued; “perhaps because it's such a very lazy day.” Ten minutes later we discovered more convincing reasons for the tenor of her thoughts, in the weekly paper, brought by a mounted messenger from the post office over fifty miles away. The population of the Big Red comprised three women, four men and five children; the cowboys, of whom there were about fifty, being absent upon the round-up, while Mr. Allbright was away on a trip to New York. We were 65 miles from the railroad and from the nearest town, ten miles from any other ranch, and quite 50 from anyone -whom wty could call neighbor. And now. art hough aware of our un protected position, the Indians had taken occasion to go on the warpath!

'Willfully and. maliciouslyT" 'exclaimed Mrs: Allbright, as she sat reading blood-chilling accounts of massacres that had taken place or were jibout to take place—accounts which were further supplemented by the messenger’s report of the burning that very morning of a ranch only 40 miles away. At the other end of the porch sat ■ the, f five little Allbrights in a circle, holding a solemn consultation. There was Tony, the eldest, the 12-year-old; the twins, aged ten; Billy, seven years old; and Ethelbert Van Twiller Allbright, aged five. They were all looking very sober, and each child was decorated with a generous piece of black silk, torn off the bottom of an old skirt. In the center of the circle stood an empty box, over which, were draped the remains of the skirt, and which probably represented to Tony's cultivated mind a bier. The twins shared between them a very crumpled handkerchief, with wdiieh they occasionally rubbed their eyes. "What is the matter, children?” I exclaimed, as I took in the details of the scene. Tony was silent until he had marshaled his features into a state of due solemnity; then, in a voice carefully modulated to. fit the occasion, he replied: “At the break of day Miss Jug departed this life." “She has gone over the big divide,” added the twins, w’ho never let pass an opportunity of using a cowboy phrase. "Ole Miss Jug,” as the children called her, was & portly dog of great age and immovable dignity. In the opinions of the five young Allbrights she “was as old as the oldest tree." Certainly she was as old as the oldest mourners. And now,' as Tony would have said, in the fullness of time she had gone whence' no dog returneth. “She was a mighty fine dog,” said one of the twins, sorrowfully. “And,” said Tony, visibly brightening, “we are going to give her the very finest funeral we ever had." Had Tony lived some hundred years ago, he would have become pope.--ov certajnly a cardinal, so great was his love of ritual. The burial of a hen under his direction became a most, imposing ceremony. Theatricals were his passion. Robed in a scarlet tablecloth, and armed with' a bread'Tthife, he would, recite Hamlet’s soliloquy in such a melancholy voice, ami .with ' .such expressive’ “tits weapon, that the twins would be thrown into quite an ecstasy of horror, while the younger part of the audience cowered in terror under the bedclothes, the exhibitions taking place generally at bedtime, being more impressive by candle light. [.ate that evening' Mrs. Allhright and I sat alone on the cool piazza, rocking, thinking, waiting.' As long as daylight had lasted and the little Allbrights had borne us company, we had kept up a pretense of cheerful conversation. But now that the small folks were tucked away in bed, and the men had, foregathered in the barn, we had relapsed into a silence whose gloom was accented by the deep minor chords of night, the- croaking of frogs, the distant lowing of thirsty cattie waiting for the rains, and now and then the hungry howTs~or7he~coyofei7 holding revel further down the creek. By this ' time it was quite dark. B'-en the long, narroV sea of smoky green that jhad gleamqd so long over ' the western hills “hati faded. About the top of a' nearer peak, that of a rocky hill, a quapter-of-a mile or so to the east of us. which Tony had christened Golgotha, a faint radiance, the first rays of the rising moon. Suddenly, with a faint scream, my companion-gripped my arm. “Look!" '"she whispered, “the Indians!” Even as she spoke, from the crown *f Golgotha there shot up a tongue

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of flame, waving and twisting far Into the distance. Close upon the sight there followed a long, echoing warwhoop; then there was wafted to our ears a chorus of muffled shrieks and yells, accompanied by what seemed a wild beating of drums. "Quick, Nell!” cried Mrs. Allbright, hoarsely, "run to the barn for the men. I’ll wake the children and bring them down.” By this time the fire on the hill was blazing fiercely, and against its ruddy background we could see grotesquely outlined dark blanketed figures leaping wildly in some barbaric dance. Every moment the flames rose higher, the figures leaped more wildly, the yelling and drum beating sounded more distinctly, mingled from time to time with far-away peals of heart-stilling laughter. To add to the horror of it all, there was now wafted to us from time to time upon the night air cool and heavy with the scent of wild flowers a sickening odor —the odor of burning flesh! At the moment of this dreadful discovery, Mrs. Allbright, pale and sobbing, rushed down the stair Sand out on the piazza. • _ y "The children—they’re not in their rooms,” she cried. "I've looked for them everywhere—” “Oh Nora —” the cook stood in. the doorway, her florid face actually paling with terror —"have you seen my Children?” Nora pointed a quaking finger to the fire on the hill. "There —I saw them steal away that way an hour ago," she gasped. "They was—” But before she could finish Mrs. Allbright was out of the door and rushing toward Golgotha, her white shawl

In a Flash the Truth Burst Upor Us gleaming in the darkness! Straight way,,in sjfite of those who would have restrained me, I plunged after her, ! following down the path, across the : creek, and up the steep ascent in the wake of that fluttering white signal. We’could not see the fire now, but the smoke streamed blood red over opr heads, and we could hear the cries of the victim and smell the burning flesh. As we neared the top of the hill the hideous shrieks suddenly ceased,' the drum was silenced, all was quiet save the fierce crackling of the flame. “They have seen us,” I thought, and gripping Mrs. Allbright’s arm from behind, stood for a moment motionless and peered ahead. Just; over the black rocks of the hill top gleamed the full moon, like a great bloody sun. Suddenly there appeared upon a rock right above us, full against the broad, copper orb of the moon, a dusky savage. For an instant; he stood motionless, "a great knife gleaming in his uplifted hand, and his* blanket blowing, against his •harp legs. "■ ? Then down to us poor women trembling below floated these words: “To be or not "to be,, that Is the question!” * It was Tony's voice! In a flash the truth burst upon us. We had been witnessing one of Tony’s dramas. What a sight met our gaze as-we ruslied up onto the top of the hill! There in the midst of the fire lay all that was mortal of Miss Jug, fast falling into ashes. Seated upon the rocks were the four little Allbrights. each robed in a white sheet and armed wftH a great tin pan. And upon the highest rock stood Tony, garbed in the red tablecloth and carrving.the bread knife. ’ ; “O children!” cried their mother, sinking down upon the rocks. “Why didn't you tell us what you were going to do? You have" frightened us nearly to death.” We's j ust been a-buiuin’ ole Miss Jug:” exclaimed the 4 twins “it’s a cremation,” corrected Tony g 'Uh qignity . " “These,” pointing to the sheeted Allbrights. “are the heavenly choir. . I’m the high priest of the moon. And—” pausing dramatically, hP- drew the tablecloth closer about him, and indicating the moon, the fire, the heaven; ly choir and himself with one sweep of the bread knife, the high priest concluded iii .a deep, solemn .voice: “These is the obsequies of ole Miss Jug. Let her R. —J.—P.”

JOHN HENRY

' jfSW ] mM) l T /

BY GEO. V. HOBART, (“HUGH M’HUGH.”)

Dear Bunch: The other evening when we gave an onion saengerfest you remember our lives were saved from too much vocal fireworks by the announcement that chow was ready. We waltzed in and took our stalls with hearts full of thanksgiving. And here’s where old Dr. Guffhander, the food expert, stepped into the spot light and took the show away from everybody. You know, Bunch, the Doc is one of those old guys with a license to hunt for germs, and everything he eats has to give the countersign and then go through a written examination. He loves to display his scientific knowledge and throw Latin crimps into the low foreheads. Uncle Peter believes every word that leaves Doc Guffhander’s face, but for my part I think he’s an old Camembert. Well, Bunch, no sooner were we seated at the tabje than Doc parted his whiskers carefully, coughed to at-

“Have a Lemon,” Said Stub. tract attention, then picked up a little-neck clam on the end of his fork and proceeded to give it the third degree. “The adulteration of foodstuffs these days is being carried on to an extent worse than criminal,” the old fluff began, solemnly. "Ah, even here I see traces of sallysillic acid with borax-phosphos, even here on this clam.” “Put a little tabasco on it and cut loose,” suggested Bud Hawley. “Have a lemon,” said Stub. “Squeeze It over the clams and make a wish.” Uncle Peter and Uncle Gregory, the latter refreshed and made happy by his noisy nap, were the only .ones at the table who seemed to take the doctor seriously. Uncle Peter listened with marked attention, while Uncle Gregory glanced at his clams and shuddered. The doctor ate his unconcernedly. When the soup came on the Doc lifted a spoonful thoughtfully, then sloshed it slowly back In his plate, while the two old unkies eyed him nervously. “It’s bullyon,” whispered Uncle Peter, anxious to prove the soup’s in* nocence. “Booyon,” corrected Aunt Martha In • stage whisper to Uncle Pete. “Here,” said the doctor, examining the spoonful critically, “here are traces of hydrophosphates and about ten per cpnt. philharmonic acid.” “I never eat soup,” gurgled Uncle Greg., “because it’s a waste of good •pace.” The doctor said nothing more, but quietly surrounded his soup. When the fish was served the doc-

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“But We Can Never Be Sure.” tor danced over his plate with his fork, and said: "Hydrostatic acid with here and there symptpms of manganese germs, and a few sulphide microbes.” Uncle Gregory pushed his plate back with a sigh that was pitiful to hear. Peaches was now so nervous that her hands were doing a shaker duet, and there was a bright spot on each cheek. The others at the table, with the exception of nervous .old Uncle Gregory, paid not the slightest’attention to Dr. Bttsyface. Even Uncle Peter threw away his germ fear after the clam episode, and took a long chance with everything from soup to nuts. Next we had some chicken ala Maryland, with French-fried potatoes, green peas and asparagus tips, a When Uncle Gregory saw all this his face broke out in a smile, and we could see his appetite roll up Its sleeves. “In this," the doctor began again, holding up a chicken wing on his fork, “in this we have a cold storage hen which has been treated with oxalic acid and chloride of potassium to keep it in a shivering state.” “Pardon me,- doctor,” '’ercialmed Peaches, indignantly, “but it isn’t a cold storage chicken, because I bought tt from Mrs. Riley only this morning.” "Possibly,” went on Caterpillar

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Charlie, “possibly my hurried diagnosis was at fault, but we can never be sure about these things, because here, on the elbow of the wing, I find traces of calisthenic acid over the membranes.” “No, you,” said Uncle Gregory, “I never eat chicken, it gives me the heartburn,” and the poor old guy struck such a note of hunger that I wanted to throw that damdoctor out of the window. By this time several others at the table were becoming more or less impressed, and the dinner party was beginning to assume the cheerful aspect of a meeting of martyrs an hour before the arena opened. "Please pass me some French-fried potatoes,” whispered Gregory, after the pangs of hunger had eaten him to the ropes. “Here we find,” croaked the doctor, raising a sliver of potato high on his fork, “here we find one of the most evil effects of food adulteration. This potato was grown in the fall of the year 1889, but it has been washed in alum water to give it the appearance of being modern, while its eyes have been treated with belladonna to make them bright and snappy.” Uncle Gregory groaned pathetically, and the rest of us, out of politeness, tried to look interested, but only succeeded in looking seasick. When the ice cream and cake were' brought on Dr. Guffhander drove his spoon down deep into the chobolate and vanilla mixed, and said: “Here is a-pitiful illustration of what dishonest tradesmen will do for money. Here we find that some of this ice cream was pale originally, but it was treated with aniline dye to give it this chocolate effect, and then baked in the sun to deceive the eye. On the other hand, we find this vanilla was originally dark and forbidding, but it has been treated with peroxide of hydrogen to make it more of a blonde.” “Pardon me, doctor,” snapped

“I Never Eat Ice Cream.” Peaches, her teeth chattering with nervousness, “but this ice cream wa3 made in our own kitchen by Dora, our own cook, with cream from Mrs. Riley’s own cow, and we never have any but home-made ice cream, so there!” A “Ah,” said the doctor, “then in that case it must be traces of thanatopsis which I see, and the evidence is con | elusive that a great deal of artificial frappe has been used, nevertheless.” j “No, thank you,” said Uncle Gregory, “I never eat ice cream, because i it goes to my head and makes me oold ! .to my friends.” “Take, this coffee, *for- instance,” j chortled the doctor, jhggling a spoonful with the left hand and four lumps of sugar with the right; “herein you will find copper salts, iodide of chicory, a four per cent, solution of gladiolus,- together with about a sixteenth of a grain of mocha to the cupful.” “No, thank you,” gasped Uncle Gregory; “I never drink coffee; it gives me the hiccups.*T After the dinner was over Uncle Gregory took me outside and whispered: “John, f ? r the love oh a bliss- , ful heaven, the next time you give a dinner party cut out that hug doctor, or let me wear ear-muffs!” Peaches hasn’t spoken a sensible word since that bitter evening. Can you blame her? Yours till the wheels fall off, JOHN. (Copyright, 1908, by G. "W. Dillingham Cos.) Installing Relics of Logan. Mrs. John A. Logan has begun the work of supervising the installation ol the relics of her husband, Gen. Logan, in the memorial hall prepared for them in the state house at Springfield, 111. The collection consists in part oi a large number of photographs taken during the civil war, photographs oi -Gen. Logan from boyhood up,, bronzer... and resolutions passed by organizations all over the United States at the time of his death; and resolutions on the death of his son, Maj. John A Logan, Jr., .Thirty-third United States Volunteers, who was killed on Novem her 11.- 38DG, while leading- a charge j against' Aguinaldo’s intrenched arm; - in the Philippines. Aerial Railway on Farm. An Ingenious Japanese small fruit grower in California has rigged up an aerial railway In hla. strawberry fields on which trays of fruit are carried to the little packing house, says Popular Mechanics, which also contains a picture of the device It consists simply of a row of posts, • %-inch wire, two barn c.oor hangers and a frame for carrying a doiai ' trays* * .

AUTHOR AS A BOOTBLACK. Why Lloyd Osborne Shined 'Shoes of Visiting Englishman. Dinner guests, always like to start Lloyd Osborne talking of the days when he and Robert Louis Stevenson lived in Samoa. “One of the most pathetic incidents that I remember of our life there,” •aid Osborne, “occurred during the visit of an Englishman. He was so thoorughly English—so stiffened and rigid in his Anglicisms—that it was impossible for him to abate one jot or tittle of his accustomed formalities. We were living, of course, in the most primitive fashion —in native huts —taking care of ourselves as best we could and doing the work we could not get the natives to 4o—which was a great deal. Os these facts the Englishman observed nothing. The world always must adapt itself to the Englishman—not he to the world. At night we showed him to the little hut where he was to sleep. Early the next morning, when I passed his door —long before he was awake —I saw his shoes

carefully placed outside for the valet to polish. “There was no valet, no maid, no hireling, no slavery. There was nothing to serve us but the sun and the moon and our own hands; but I was so touched by the Englishman’s sublime faith that an omnipotent Providence would arrange for the polishing of his shoes that I polished them myself; and I assure you I felt impelled to do a good job. In fact, I was quite nervous about it, lest he should not be satisfied with the effect. I often have wondered since whom he wopld have cursed if my Work had not been well done.” DIDN’T HAVE TO BE SHOWN. Young Woman from the City Knew All About Milking. “Now, Alice,” said the young husband the day affter their arrival in the country, “do be careful and not show your ignorance about things you see around the farm. We laugh at the country people when they come to the city, but when they get us out here they have the laugh on us. So don’t ask Mr. Jenkins any fool questions nor run when a cow looks at you.” “O, indeed!" retorted his wife, indignantly. “I’d like to have you understand that I’m not so green as you seefn to think. I’m not afraid of cows, and, what’s more, I know how to milk, too.” “You know how to milk!” exclaimed the astonished George. “Where on earth did you learn?” “That’s all right,” she replied, evasively, “hut If you don’t believe it you just come around to the bam after you get back from your fishing trip to-night and I’ll surprise you.” George was still skeptical, but on his return about sunset he stroked out to the barns. The cows were all in their places. His attention was attracted by the shimmer of a white dress at the far end of the line. And there, seated on a stool beside a very restive bovine, undismayed by the constant switching of the animal’s tail or an occasional foot in the pail, sat Alice, proudly milking her cow —with a lemon squeezer.—Lippincott’s Magazine. Medium to Be Attained. Lobster and champagne for supper —that’s high jinks. Sawdust and nearcoffee for breakfast —-that’s hygiene. Between these two eminences, however, there’s room for some genuine living.—Life. No? “Learning to play the violin,” muttered the persistent amateur, bonding ■over his sheet music and making another stab at the instrument, “is no Bnap!” This being the exact psychological moment, the E string snapped. ' ~ Salsify Wild and Cultivated. Salsify is found in a wild state in Greece, Dalmatia, Italy and Algeria. According to Oliver de Serres, it has been cultivated in the south of franca since tils'sixteenth century. THE MARKETS. .* ■- -■ w New York, Oct. 26. LIVE STOCK—Steers $4 00 @ 7 30 Hogs ........... —........ 6k5 @7 25 Sheep ......... —......... 3 00 @5 50 FLOUR -Winter Straights.. 450 @4 60 WHEAT—December 1 pß%@ 1 09May 1 09%@ 1 09% X>RN—May 62%@:- 63 RYE—No. 2 Western ..i. 83 @ 83% BUTTER—Creamery 18 @ 27% EGGS 22 @ 40 CHEESE 10%@, 14% CHICAGO. CATTLE—Prime Steers .... $6 00 @7 55 Medium to Good Steers.. 525 @6 00 Cows, Plain to Fancy... 350 @5 00 Plain to Fancy Heifers.. 400 @6 50 Calves 3 00 @7 75 HOGS Heavy Packers- 530 @ 5 50 Heavy Butchers 5 75 @ 5 90 Pigs — 8 75 ® 4 60 BUTTER—Creamery * 20 @ 29 @ —23 - - LIVE POULTRY 7 @ 12% EGGS 14%@ 26 POTATOES I Per iici.l L 56 @ 60 FLOUR—Spring vvneat, tip'l 6 10 Gfi 6 15 WHEAT—May .. 1 02 & 1 02% ! >ecember (new) 98%@ 99% Corn,. December 63%@ 637*. Oats, May 4!t%@ "36% Rye, May 79 @ SO MILWAUKEE. GRAlN—Wheat, No. 1 Nor’n $1 05 @1 06% December 98%@ 99% “ COril, Dwmliri' tttt: ——63% ii.,—63% Oats; Standard ~.. 50%@ 51% Rye, No. 1 .74 @ 74% KANSAS CITY. GRAIN—WhoaL- Dccoinber.. $ ,93 @ 93% May .:. "96%@—96% Corn, December 56%@ 56% . Oats, No. 2 White-ttttt... 45%@ 48 ST .‘LOUIS. • CATTLE—Beef Steers .. Texas Steers 2 70 @6 35 HOGS—Packers ... 5 00 @5 75 Butchers 5 40 @ 5 90 SHEEP-Natives ... 3 00 @4 50 OMAHA. CATTLE—Native Steers..... $4 00 @ 6 65 Stockers and Feeders,... 250 @4 40 Cows and Heifers 2 50 @ 3 75 HOGS-Heavy 5 40 @5 50 SHEEP—Wethers 3 75 @ 4 25

One of the Essentials of the happy home* of to-day is a vm* fund of information as to |he best method* of promoting health and happiness and right living and knowledge of the world’* best products. Products of actual excellence and reasonable claims truthfully presented and which have attained to world-wide acceptance through the approval of the Well-Informed of the World; not of individuals only, but of the many who have the happy faculty of selecting and obtaining the best the world affords. One of the products of. that class, of known component parts, an Ethical remedy, approved by physicians and commended by the Well-Informed of the World as a valuable and wholesome family laxative is the well-known Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna. To get its beneficial effects always buy the genuine, manufactured by the California Fig Syrup Co* only, and for sale by all leading druggist*. NOT UP TO THE RECORD. Boy Had, at Least Once Seen Larger Pedal - Extremities. A pupil of one of the public school* In Chicago sends this communication: “Dear Sir: In our school this morning an amusing dialogue took place. “A primary teacher of Chicago, wishing to impress on her pupils the necessity of greater quiet, said: “ ‘I am a great deal larger than any of you, yet I don’t make any noise when I walk around the room.’ “ ’Perhaps,’ remarked little seven-year-old. Kenadth, ‘you don’t wear shoes.’ “ ‘Oh, yes, I do.’ quickly replied the teacher; ‘just look. Did you ever see any larger than mine?’ “Kenneth surveyed them carefully. “ ‘Yes,’ he replied, slowly, ‘once —in a show.”’ —Waverly Magazine. BREAKS A COLD PROMPTLY The following formula is a never failing remedy for colds: One ounce of Compound Syrup of Sarsaparilla, one ounce Toris Compound and one-half pint of goodwhiskey, mix and shake thoroughly each time and use in doses of a tablespoonful every four hours. This if followed up will cure an acute cold in 24 hours. The ingredients can be gotten at any drug store. Where Willie Was. There is a humorous story of Mark Twain’s “absent-mindedness,” but it doesn't match the following: The Professor (at the dinner table) —Oh, by the way, Mrs. Chopsticks, have you seen your little boy, Willie, lately? Mrs. Chopsticks—No, professor, I have not seen him since ten o’clock, and I can’t imagine what has become of him. In fact, I am very much worried about him. Professor —Well, seeing Martha pour me out that glass of water just now reminds me of something that I had on my mind to tell you some time ago, but which unfortunately escaped my memory. It was just about ten o’clock, I think, that I saw little Willie fall down the welL The Still Alarm. A tourist in an out-of-the-way region of England put up one night at an amiable old lady’s cottage, the village Inn being full. Now, the tourist was very deaf, which fact he took pains to impresa upon the old lady, together with instructions to wake him at a particular hour in the morning. On waking, a great deal later than the time appointed, he found that the amiable old lady, with a commendable regard for propriety, had slipped under his door a slip of paper on which was written: “Sir. it is half-past eight!”—Harper’s Weekly. ASTONISHED. THE DPCTOR Old Lady Got Well with Change of Food. A great scientist has said we can put off “old age” if we can only nourish the body properly. To do this the right kind of food, of course, is necessary. The body manufactures poisons in the stomach and intestines from certain kinds of food stuffs and unless sufficient of the right kind is used, the injurious element* overcome the good. “My grandmother, 71 years old,” writes a N. Y. lady, “had been an invalid_for 18 years from what was called consumption of the stomach and bowels. The doctor had given her up to die. * “I saw so much about Grape-Nuts that I persuaded Grandmother to try it. She could not keep anything on her stomach for more than a few minutes. ‘‘‘She began Grape-Nuts with only a .teagpoonful. As that did not distress TieFand as she could retain it, she took a little more tmtH-s-be'Cmrld-take-all-of--4 teaspoonfuls at a meal. “Then she began to gain and grow Btrong and tier trouble in the stomach was gone entirely. She got to enjoy good health'for one so old and we know Grape-Nuts saved her life. “The doctor was astonished that instead of dying she got well, and without a drop of medicine after she began the Grape-Nuts.” “There’s a Reason.” Name given by Postuin Cos., Battle Creek, Mich. Read “The Road to Wellville,” in pkgs. “ Ever read the above letter? Anew one appear* from time to time, ' They are genuine, true, and full of human Interest.