Nappanee Advance-News, Volume 3, Number 1, Nappanee, Elkhart County, 7 April 1881 — Page 8

NAPPANEE NEWS. THURSDAY, APRIL 7, 1881. PISSING SMILES. The man who was stage-struck had the driver arrested. When a man is climbing the laddfer of fame he likes rounds of applause. A place for everything, and everything in its place—the haby’s mouth. In the Salt Lake pity flats appeare this sign: “King the top bell for the oldest wife. ” The woman who marries does well, but the woman who does not marry does better nine times out of ten. Two Bridgeport children playing with a cat, pulled it so violently by the legs as to kill it. It must have been a very cheap cat. A Derby fanner sat down on a piece of hot iron in a blacksmith shop, and on rising broke a hole in the ceiling.—Danbury News. “Why is Hymen always represented as bearing a torch?” asks the Boston Post. That's easy enough. Its a hint as to who shall build the tires. In concluding an article on the last corn, crop an Alabama editor remarked: “We have on exhibition in our sanctum a magnificent pair of ears. ” A family of young ladies who reside in this city so often entertain their company on the front stoop that they have gained the title of the step-sisters. It is said there are now 200,000 Christians in China. If they are real CljHstians, China compares favorably with .this country. —New Orleans Picayune. ■ A prominent writer of rhetoric says: “A ne.w word learned and correctly used is an acquirement to be proud of.” The usufruct of his biaplasm lies in the differentiation thereof. An Ichthyophagous Club lias been started in Now York. It is calculated to ruin the reputation of any husband who goes home late at night and tries to tell where he has been, r , A compounder says food and medicine are most perfectly combined in his celebrated bitters. They will lack the elements of popularity, however, if they do not contain a drink. The brilliant Sophie Arnold, when she heard of a certain diplomatist that had been eaten by the wolves, exclaimed, “Poor brutes! Hunger must indeed be a terrible thing!” The number of one-armed young men seen driving out with young ladies these summer evenings is truly appalling. An old soldier at our elbow says that one arm is invariably lost during an engagement. At a camp meeting, lately, a venerable sister began the hymn: “My soul be on thy guard; ten thousand foes arise.” She began too high. “Ten thousand,” she screeched and stopped. “Start her at five thousand!” cried a converted stock broker present. x A traveler was badly hurt in a raiti road accident—two ribs broken and other injuries. He went to the office to complain. “What!” cried the office clerk, “you want to make a row about so small a matter? Not a month ago twelve of our passengers were killed, and we didn’t even hear a word of complaint from any , of them.” A small boy of Bath, Me., had just gone to bed," when he began to dream about cows. Some slight noise woke him up and he said, “Mamma, I saw some cows.” “Where?” she asked. “Up there,” said he pointing to the ceiling. His mother remarked that that was a queer place to see cows, and the little fellow got slightly angry and said, “Well, I guess they could be angel cows, couldn’t they?”” This is a Dramatic News correspondent’s view of the Hub: “To promote suicidal inclinations easily, rapidly and by an entirely natural method, I know of nothing more infallible than being a stranger in Boston. The hotels are wretched, the citizens look upon you with an air of cool suspicion that would exasperate a graven image, the sidewalks are so narrow that walking upon them reminds'you of a tight rope performance, and the streets are so crooked that by walking straight ahead for twentyfour hours you pass the starting point exactly eighteen timee,” „ A stage driver in California whipped up his horses until every possible second was knocked out of the mile. A passenger who was on the roof seat, above and behind the driver, suddenly became insane, and declared that he was pursued by two men. Drawing a small new hatchet, he held it over the driver’shead, threatening to bury it in his brain if he did not drive faster. The driver, utterly helpless, ran his team at full speed for some seven miles, and finally drew up at the terminus, when the lunatic sprang down and took to the hills. The driver, seeing his life in imminent danger, tried to upset his coach, but the road was too smooth * She Hated Him. „v, “Oh, mamma, that’s Captain Jones’ knock! I know he has come to ask me to lie his wife!” “Well, my dear, you must accept him.” ‘ffiut I thought yon hated him so!" “Hate him? I do—so much that I mean to be his mother-in-law!" The number of cattle killed per year in the United States is 11,826,000, the meat from which amount to 4,088,300,000 pounds, and their total value when killed for food is #008,200,000,

B. F. Gwavtok, 8. B. Ladd, Halbert B. Pain* late 001A20SSZONEHS PATENTS. Paine, Grafton & Ladd, Attorney* at Law and Solicitor* of American and Foreign Patent*. No. 412, Fifth Street, Washington, D. C. Practice patent law in all it* branches in the Patent Office, and in the Supreme and CircußCourts of the United States. Pamphlet aent free on receipt of stamp for postage. . I SSOO Re-war^/ We will pay the above reward/for anV case of Liver Complaint, Dypepijia, Sick Headache, Indigestion, Constipation, Costivenesa, we cannot cure with West Vegetable Liver Pillw, when the directions are strictly complied with. They are purely Vegetable, and never fail to give satisfaction. Sugar Coated. Large boxen, containing 30 Pills, 25 cents. For sale by all druggists. Beware of counterfeits and imitations. The genuine manufactured only by JOHN C. WEST &CO., “The Pill Makers.” 181 & 183 W. Madison Bt., Chicago. Free trial package sent by mail prepaid on Receipt of a 3 cent stamp. 48yl PEARCE’S mPBOVED CAHOON Broadcast Seed-Sower.

Botcs Grain, Grass Seed, Hemp, Rice, Everything. No maa can do it bo well by hand. It docs the work of 5 men. It has stood the test of years. Deceived First Premium at 21 Sfala Fairs in 2 years. Good, Substantial, Reliable Machine, warranted to do all that is claimed for it Price only $6.00, Send stamp for descriptive circular. J. Wilder & Cos. Agents, Cincinnati, Ohio,. W. K. Sproulb, Agents, Indianapolis, Inil GOODELL COMPANY, ANTRIM, N. H., Sole Manufacturers.

sfc HAYDENS MAXVFAeTURERS OF FIXEST QUALITY Silver-Plated Spoons, Forks, Knives, etc. • 49 CHAMBERS STREET, NEW YORK.

1 49 CHAMBERS STREET, NEW YORK.

THE LIGHT-RUNNING HIW DOME STILL KEEPS THE LE/U) I Because It Is tbe simplest, most rail, able, and best Sewing Machine ever fw seated. It does its work quickly, quietly and well, and always gives perfect satisfaction. It is the result of 25 yean of patient labor and practical experience by most skilled mechanics. It combines the good pointsof all other machines, with none of their defects. There are many Sewing Machines of merit in the market, but none are so complete and perfect in detail I none possess the marked advantages and raperter worth that have rendered the Mow Hoke so famous. It baa won the confidence of all who have seen It, being now beyond doubt tbe most perfect Sewing Machine In the market. AGENTS WANTED. Send for Descriptive Circulars * JOHNSON, CLARK * CO. 30 Onion Square, fi, T. Chicago, Ills., or Orange, MM#

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THE --- -<) .. NEW HARNESS SK OP, Charles Biehl, Proprietor/ WHO MANUFACTURES AND KEEPS ON HAND ALL KINDS - OP 1 LIGHT AND HEAVY HARNE-SS,j COLLARS, BRIDLES, WHIPS, ! Robes, Blankets, Curry-combs, Brushes, Harness'Oil, A complete stink of everyt htnr in his line always on hand. , arx.lXitlX''TCr ■ Done on short notice. None bn/hediest Workmen employed. All work waranted. t all and so. ldnr ill hi.- new rooms on the North-west corner of square. Farmers and Cattle ftaisers, Attention. Read this and act accordingly. .a. ykt'i.i.r & Lf.onaul). Druggists'at Elkhart, lnd., have been appointed Sole. Ygonts for tin* sale of the justly celebi-aleil London, Horse and Cattle Food. This preparation lists l>A*ii, in nnMjuit u-bTnr ovur lo vumts in England, and about two years aj?) was introduced into the .Enited Slums. It lias earned the well merited name of beinj® the l>est>.Rj\ined\ in the market. It, stands unrivalled as a preventive of all the diseases thatLlHiet Horses, Cows, and Poultry. It has been extensively used as a eure o/ the prevailing e]>idenie now afllietin# the horses, and. lias won humlreds of of itsbeneficial uc*tw>. Its frequent use will assist in horse on “Short Feed in the finest condition on less grain. Cows'will give more and better milk, if frR a small quantity two or three times a week, and the milk will produce richer butter. It acts as a sure antidote to all the troubles that ■■•• Poultry is heir to. A reward is offered for the discovery of any Kosin or Ashes founxlin its composition. These two articles form the bulk of most all eondition^jmwders. Sold bv the single pound at 25 cts. A six pound box for SI.OO Call at No. 90, Main St., and buy your Drugs and Notions and save the cost of your trip. w# warrant you a royal warm welcome and an easy warm seat by a bright warm tire. Call early and pass the time of day. Kelley & Leonard, * - - Elkhart, Ind. PURE DRUGS. TO THE CITIZENS OF NAPPANEE AND VICINITY: WHEN IN GOSHEN PLEASE CALL ON JOHN MABERRY, THE DRUGGIST, Where you will find anew and Complete Stork of Drugs, Medicines, Paints, Oils, Dyestuffs. PYSICIANS AND COUNTRY MECHANTS SUPPLIED AT BOTOM PRICES. Thanking you for past patronage, I respectfully solicit a share of your trails. Don't forget the place. , • Main Street, Opposite the Court House, East Side. John Maberry. It 0 T H ts P U B L I 8 .

Wo call your attention to our lino stook of OHOIKHIES, CIGARS. SONFITIONERY , TOHAOOO, CANKD I'Kl IT, Al*. Ac.

Pipes of all kinds, and in fact everything ■usually kept in a first-class Grocery. Highest cash prices paid for all kinds of Country produce. Give us a call and see for yourself, SAMUEL NETTROUR.

THE PEOPLES’ DRUG STORE., o YOU WILL FIND OUR DRUG STOCK COMPLETE IN EVERY DEPAETMtfNT With Pure Fresh Drugs anil all tin Standard Patent Medicines of the day. stationery; AND SCHOOL BOOKS, WHITE LEAD AND OILS, \ BRUSHES. Toilet Soups. Perfumery, lotions. Toltliaro and Cigars All at low Cash .Prices, Binkley & Cos.

THE BEST OF ALL LINIMENTS FOE MAN AND BEAST. For more than ft third of a century tin* Mexican Mustang Liniment has neon known to millions nil over the world uh the only sale reliance lor the relief or accidents and pain. It is a medicine a hove price and praise—the Wnl or If *i kind. For every form of external pain MEXICAN Mustang Liniment in without an equal. m It penetrates flesh and muscle to* the very hone—making the continuance of pain and inflammation impoBible. Its clfectfciipoii Human Hesh and tlje Brute Creation are equally wonderful. The Mexican MUSTANG Liniment is needed by somebody in every house. Every day brings news <u the agony of an awful scald or hur t subdued, of rheumatic martyrs restored, or a valuable horse or ox saved by the healing power of this LINIMENT which speedily cures such ailments of the HUMAN FLESH as Rheumatism, Swelling*, Stiff Joints, Contracted Muscles, Burns and Scalds, Cuts, Bruises and Sprains, Polsonohs Bites and Stings, Stiffness, Lameness, Old Sores, Ulcers, Frostbites, Chilblains. Wore Nipple*, Caked Breast, and Indeed every form of external disease. It heals without scars. For the Brute Creation it cures • Sprains, Swlnny, Stiff Joints, Founder, Harness Sores, Hoof ¥>lseases, Foot Rot, Screw Worm, Scab, Hollow Horn, -Scratches, Windgalls, Spavin, Thrush, Ringbone, Old Sores, Poll Evil, Film npon the Sight and every other ailment to which the occupants of the Stable and Stock Yard are liable. The Mexican Mustang Liniment always cures and never disappoints; and ft Is, positively, THE BEST OF ALL LINIMENTS FOB MAN OB BEAST.

GO TO Alice M. Stoner's Millinery Store Where you will find a well selected stock of Ladies’ and Children’s hats, caps, and bonnets. Brocades, velvets, silks, satins, veilings, birds, flowers, |dnmes, jets, &<■., &c. All kinds of millinery work done well, or nd charge. A JlANfl-tIOX HIVRN WITH EVEH I HKW HAT Thanking the ladies of Nappanee and vicinity for past favors, I again Invite their patronage. Alice M. Stoner, ? South MainlSt., Nappanee, Ind.

YVo call attention to our , Guncli Counler. Farmers & others .desiring a good ' lunch, will find everything nsualy kept with a firstclass lunch counter.