Locomotive, Volume 9, Number 4, Indianapolis, Marion County, 23 June 1849 — Page 4

4i A jest's prosperity lies in the ear , Of him that hears it neverin thetongue Of him that makes it." Love's Labor Lost. From the Spirit of the Times. Doing a Landlord, or Getting the Value. Shortly after the completion of the 4 Great National Road' through Ohio, the incident I am about to relate occurred. There was in a quiet little village through which the ' Road' passed, a Hotel where the stages always changed, and the passengers expected to get breakfast. The landlord of the said Hotel was noted for his tricks upon travellers,' who were allowed to get fairly seated at the table, when the driver would blow his horn, ( after taking his horn) and sing out ' Stage ready, gentlemen !' whereupon the passengers were obliged to hurry out and take their seats, leaving a scarcely tasted breakfast behind them, for which they had to fork over fifty cents. Time and place you have, and now for the how our hero sue ceeded in Doing a Landlord ; or Getting the Value On't. lfl were to commence this: 'At sunrise' one lovely morning month of June, in the year , a solitary horseman might be seen,' &c, you might think G. P. R. James was your correspondent. But to our subject. The hero I speak of was one of nine male passengers in a stage coach which was slowly approaching the village above mentioned, one cold morning in February, 183 . Gentlemen,' said one of the nine, 4 1 have often travelled this road before, and, out of good feeling to all, I wilf caution you against hugging the dulusive phantom of hope,' as regards getting breakfast at the hotel we are approaching.' What ? how ? No breafast !' exclaimed the rest. Exactly so gents, and may as well keep seats and tin. " Don't they expect passengers to breakfast V Oh yes ! they expect you to it, but not to eat it. I am under the impression that there is an understanding between the landlord and driver, that for sundry and various drinks, etc., the latter start3 before you can commence eating.' 'Why wot on airth air yew talkin' 'bout? Ef you calkerlate I'm goin' to pay fou r nine-pences' fur my breakfuss and not get the vallee on't, you air mistakin' ! said a voice from the back seat, the owner of which was one Hezekiah Spaulding through tew hum? they called him ' Hez for short. I'm goin' tew git my breakfuss here, and not pay nary red till I dew.' Then you'll be left.' ' Not as yew knows on I won't !' Well, we'll see,' said the other, a3 the stage drove up to the door, and the landlord, ready to 'do the hospitable,' says 'Breakfast just ready, gentsl Take a wash, gent? ,Hers water, basin, towels, and soap.' After performing their ablutions, they all proceeded to th 3 dining room, and commenced a fierce onslaught upon the edibles, though 'Hez' took his time. Scarcely had they tascd their coffee, when they heard the unwelcome sound of the horn, and the driver exclaim, Stage ready V Up rise eight grumbling passengers, pay their 50 cents, and take their seats. 1 AH aboard, gents V inquires the host. ' One missing,' said they. Proceeding to the dining room, the host finds Hez very coolly helping himself to an immense piece of steak, the 'size of a horse's lip.' 'You'll be left sir! Stage is going to start!' Wal, I hatnt got nothin' tew say agin it !' drawls out Hez.' Can't wait sir, better take your seat.' 'DuwatV ' Get in sir.' I'll be gaul darned ef I dew, nuther, till I've got my breakfuss ! I paid for it, Pot goin to gst the

vallee onH, and if yew calkerlate I ain't you air mistaken.' So the stage did start, and left Hez, who continued his attack of the edibles. Biscuits, coffee, steak, &c, &c, disappeared rapidly before the eyes of the astonished landlord. ' Say, Squire, them cakes is 'bout East ! fetch us

another grist on'm. You ! (to the waiter,) 'nuther cupov that air coffee. Pass them eggs.' ' Raise yew're own pork, Squire ? this is 'mazin' nice ham. Land 'bout yere tolerable cheap, Squire ? Hain't got much maple timber in these parts, have ye? Dewin' right smart trade, Squire, I callate. Don't lay yew're own eggs, dew ye V and thus Hez kept quizzing the landlord, until he made a hearty meal. ' Say Squire, now I'm 'bout to conclude payin' my devowers tew this ere table, but if yew'd just giv' us a bowl o'bread and milk tew sorter top off with, I'd be obleeged tew ye.' So out' go the landlord and waiter for the bowl, milk and bread, and set them before Hez. ' Spewn tew, if yew please V But no spoon could be found. Landlord was sure he had plenty of silver ones laying on the table when the stage stopped. ' Say ye ! dew you think any of the passengers took them ?' I don't know. Do you think they did ?' Dew I think ? No, I don't think, but I am sartin. Ef they air all as green as you 'bout here, I'm going to locate immediately and tew wonst.' The landlord rushed out to the stable and starts a man off after the stage, which had gone about three miles. The man overtakes the stage, and says something to the driver in a low tone. He immediately turns back, and on arriving at the hotel, Hez comes out to take his seat, and says ' Heow air yew gents ?' Landlord says to Hez, ' Can you point out the man you think has the spoons ?' Pint him eout ? Sartinly, I kin. Say, Squire! I paid yew four nine pences fur a breakfuss', and I callate I got the vallee on't ! Yew'll find them SPOONS IN THE COFFEE POT !' ' Go ahead, all aboard, driver.' ' Little 'Un.' Anomaly. 'It is very curious,' said an old gentleman, a few days since to his friend, ' that a watch should be perfectly dry when it has a running spring inside.' World of Pure Spirits. An inveterate dramdrinker being told that the cholera with which he was attacked was incurable, and that he would speedily be removed to a world of pure spirits, replied, Well, that's a comfort at all events, for it's very difficult to get any in this world.' A loafer by the name of Cain, being asked by the magistrate, the other day, if he was the man that stew his brother ? made answer ' no, yer oner, I is the chap vot got slewed !' Are yon fond of novels, Mr. Jones?' ' Very,' responded the interrogated gentleman,

who wished to be thonght by the lady questioner, fond of literature. ' Have you,' continued the lady, ' ever read Ten Thousand a Year?' 'No madam, I never read that number of novels in all my life.' Don't do that Again. We saw a couple of sweet pretty girls kissing each other in Broadway the other day. If the intended of one of them had not been hanging to her apron strings, we should have interfered we should. Where can a man buy the cheapest fiddle ? Why of course at the druggists. There you can get for a dime a dose of castor oil and a viol-'m.

Carpenters, for the most part, speak plainly, but they will chisel ; then they are bores, and oftentimes annoy one with their old saws. The chief use of a bachelor, according to the Baltimore American, is to count one in the census. ' Lord !' said Mrs. Partington, ' what monsters them cotton planters must be. I'm told some on

em have as many as a hundred hands ! The Last Wellerism. I guess there ain't no

gammon about this,' as the Yankee said when he

tried a slice of his wooden ham. Sin is like a bee, with honey in its mouth, but a sting in its tail.

0

SEASONED -.LUMBER'

F all kinds, at David Kreglo's Lumber-yard, north-east

corner ot btate House square. je9-6tpd

FANCY SIGN PAINTING. W BOWMAN is now prepared to do all kinds of PLAIN . and FANCY SIGN PAINTING and LETTERING, on short notice and favorable terms. Shop in Locomotive buildings, opposite Browning's. May 2.

PUBLIC NOTICE. At a meeting of the City Council of Indianapolis, held at their chamber, on Monday, the 4th inst., the following petition was presented, viz: 1 To the City Council of Indianapolis: The undersigned, appointed to locate the depot at Indianapolis, of the Terre Haute and Richmond Railroad Company, would respectfully represent, that said depot has been located on the north halt of block No. 94, in said city, and that it is uesirable to occupy Louisiana street, between the west side of West street, and the west side of Meridian street, and also to connect from this point with the depot of the Madison and Indianapolis Railroad Company, with a track or tracks for said railroad, with privilege to use thereon steam or horse power, or both, as said company may determine. For all which privileges the undersigned, in behalf of said railroad company, would respectfully petition, under the provision of the ordinance in relation to the construction and connection of railroads through the city of Indianapolis. C. ROSE, J J. D. EARLY, Committee. D DEMM1NG, . Indianapolis, May, 184! ." And thereupon it was Ordered, That the Secretary give notice that the Council will meet on Monday, the 2d day of July, A.D., 1849, at their chamber in said city, at 2 o'clock P.M., for the purpose of considering and determining the subject matter of said petition, under the provision of the ordinance referred to therein, of which all persons interested will take notice. By order of the City Council. JAMES G. JORDAN, Sec'y. Indianapolis, June 11, 1849. jel6-

DENTISTRY.

DR. H. f. NORRIS, having permanently located in Indianapolis, offers his professional services to the citizens of this place and

vicinity, ana nopes to receive a nue rnl filiarp rif niihlic nntrnnnorp.

He is prepared to perform all usual operations in Dental Sur

gery, embracing the latest improvement in the Science. He has spared no pains, or expense, in procu. ing the most approved materials and instruments for Filling, Inserting, and Extracting Teeth, having the experience of ten years successful practice, he is prepared to offer great inducements to those wishing teeth inserted on gold plate. Dr. Norris feels justified in assuring the public that he will render satisfaction to all who may favor him with a trial of his skill and mechanism. All operations warranted. Office on Washington street, opposite Temperance HaU. je2 3t. ICE! ICE!! ICE III The subscribers are prepared to furnish Ice daily at the doors of persons wishing it, in quantities to suit purchaser?.. They are also making refrigerators of various sizes which they propose to sell to order at reasonable terms Indianapolis May 5 '49. COMEGYS &Co.

MILLINERY. MRS. BRADLEY would inform the ladies of the city of Indianapolis that she is' prepared to do all work in the line of Bonnet Dressing, and Trimmingin the neatest and most fashionable style. From her long experience in the business, she is warranted in saying that her work will be done in a style equal to any in the city. Residence on Illinois street, three squares north of VVashington street. May 5th 1849.

JOHN DOUGLASS.

JOHN R. ELDER.

DOUGLASS & ELDER BOOK AND JOB PRINTERS. fFFICE in Blake's Building, on Washington street, opposite Browning's. ALSO, the Publication Office of tlie Locomotive.