Locomotive, Volume 8, Number 9, Indianapolis, Marion County, 28 April 1849 — Page 4

" A jest's prosperity lies in the ear' Of him that hears it never in the tongue " Of him that makes it." Love's Labor. Lost. , - A Bad Disorder.- Somewhere in New Hampshire lived a tender-hearted old maid of sixty, whose medicine box was opened on all occasions, and for everybody whom she thought needed aid. " There was not a child or adult in the whole town, of whose complaints 'Aunt Polly 'was ignorant. She was always full of enquiries touching the health of everybody she met. The minister of her parish, a full, portly and fresh-looking man of forty, was, however, a perfect enigma to her. He was always well and always " hearty. " He had been settled six whole years, and cot once, to Aunt Polly's knowledge, been unwell. ' . ' ' One forenoon, in course of bis weekly Visits, he dropped in to chat with the family, looking as hale and hearty as ever. After an hour of pleasant talk with Mrs ( Aunt Polly's married sister,) and story . telling wilh'the children, Mr: rose to depart; when Aunt Polly raised her spectacles, and asked in 'her shrilly voice, 'is your health as good as ever, Mr ?v , ' Oh yes !' said he, ' I never was better in my life. I am as hearty as an ox ; but you know, sister Polly, that we are poor mortals, after all. We may at any time go off in a moment's warning. I feel I may soon be food for worms 1' ' Eh! you troubled with 'em V : . Mr -made a yery speedy exit.--Knickerbocker. - -. -. -: ; .. . , : . Getting at a Secret. The French are a droll people so their newspapers contain the queerest reports. Here is the latest : A : M'lle de A became indisposed, so her father called in the family doctor, and left them together... The doctor was curious and suspicious as to the cause of the. young lady's sickness. He drew a lancet from his pocket to bleed her, but at the moment he pressed the'veiri, he exclaimed-' Ah, mon Dieu!' 'What is the mat

ter, Monsieur?' 'M'lle, I had nearly killed you.' Killed me V ' Listen !' ( here he drew a lancet from his pocket, ) ' here are two lancets; the first is for wives, the second for maids. You see how necess

ary it is to be careful in the use of surgical instru

ments. You are a maid, of. course?' - Certainly,

Monsieur.' Well, if 1 bleed you with the wives

lancet, I should kill you and vice versa. Now, Mademoiselle, hold out jour arm this is the right lancet!' ' Doctor !' .' Mademoiselle !' Take the oth

er one.' ; . ' ' .

Can Lynn beat this ? A boot maker of Ognacoke, 111., exhibits eight pairs of large size boots,

made by a man named Grinnel, in one day. ' The

work is done in a superior manner. Chronolype,

We do not know that Ly nil can beat the above,

but it is considered small doings in this city. , There

is a ladies' shoemaker down in the swamp,' who, as

fast as he finishes a gaiter, throws it over his shoul

der, into a box behind him. He keeps one in the

-air all the time ! and don't half try. iv Y, Globe.

' As a set-off to the foregoing, a friend informs us that there was a man in' North Brookfield, Mass.,

who made so many Negro Brogans in a day, between ' sun and sun, that it took a man and a small boy all

the evening to, pick them up. This last is hard to

beat. Dollar Dispatch.

The Bay State Democrat tells this anecdote of a Boston physician of olden time. When a young

man, he occupied a chamber separate from that of

a married couple by a thin partition. One cold

night he heard the rough voice of the husband

grumble out. 'Take away your hoofs!' to which the wife replied in a querulous tone ' Ah ! you did

not speak so when we were first married then you

used to say to me take away your little hootsy footsy

tootsy ! The soul that the iron was driven into.

Epitaph on an Old Maid. Some years ago, the following epitaph was inscribed on the grave of an elderly spinster, in Aldgate churchyard : She was- but words are wanting to say what Think what woman should be, and she was that. A day or. two afterwards the following addition, the production of some wag, was found cut on the stone : , '..

A woman should be both a wife and mother, But Sarah Jones was neither one nor tother. "Rather Cool-" A countryman took his seat

at a hotel table opposite a ; gentleman who was indulging in a bottle of. wine. Supposing the wine to

be common property, our unsophisticated country

friend helped himself to it, with the other gentle

man's" glass. .' That's cool !' exclaimed the owner

of the wine, indignantly. ; ' Yes,' replied the other,

I should think there was ice tn it , A New Proof of Instruction. ' How.' said a

Judge in Missouri, to a witness on the stand ; ' How do you know the plaintiff was intoxicated on the

evening referred to V " " - :

' Because 1 saw him a few minutes alter the muss,

trying to pull off his trowsers with a boot jack.!'.

Verdict for the defendant, bee . Blackstone page 37, vs. Gin and Sugar. ' " ' Absence of Mind. A Reverend gentleman, in one of our country .villages, in reading to his con

gregation the passage of Scripture' I am that I

am , after reading the ' I am, iri a fit ot absence of mind, turned over two ' pages and went on ' an ass and a colt the foal of - an ass' when discovering his mistake,, he rather hastily turned back, and exclaimed ' that I am.' , These are trying times for health so guard well against colds. - Mrs. Partington 'of the Post,' says that she has got a romantic affection in her shoulder, the neuralogy in her head, and the embargo in the rein of her jocular vein, and all from opening the window in the night to throw a bottle at a brace of belligerent cats on the shed.V It has been shrewdly remarked by some one, that there, are four orders of women ; The peacock, with whom dress" is all ; the magpies, with whom chatter is all ; the turtle doves, with whom love is all V and the paradise birds, above them all. , A thin dress. An exchange paper, under the head of ' Good Advice,' advises young men to ' wrap themselves up in their virtue.' A cotemporary well says r ' Many of them would freeze to death next winter if they had no other covering.' V . . Questions in Surgery.' Do wounds often heal by the first attention V '.Not when the patient is rich and the doctor is poor.' When does mortification ensue V ' When you pop the question and are answered no.' r - ' " ' " ' . . Longitude. ' Tommy,, my son,- what is longitude V ; , , : , . " A clothes line, daddy.' Prove it, my son.' '

Because it streaches from pole to "pole.' Some one calls the time of squeezing the girls' hands "' the palmy season of life.' . .'I'm a done sucker,' as the child said when his mother weaned him. - Babies. The editor of the Mihvaukie Sentinel does not boast 'of the size of Wisconsin ' babies,' but says they are an uncommon sure crop.' Rules of Etiquette. No gemman that marries a widder who has had only one husband fhould think himself a touch to the gemman that marries a widder who has had two husbands.

Some More Curiosities. Buttons . from : the breeches that .Gen. Taylor made in the Mexican Forts. The Helmet of one of the Arabian Nights. The contents of the door when it was a Jar. " Combs made of one of the Horns of the moon.'

' KrWeare requested to announce WILLIAM SULLIVAN as a candidate for the office of Couniy Clerk. ' . . SJcvn. ' y , . : . : ' A babe in a house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love : ' Yet it is a talent of trust, a loan to be rendered back with interest." On the 21st a Daughter to John HyderJ . . . . On the 22d a Daughter to C. Beritly; ; - ' . On the 22d a Daughter to P. L Paget. ' ' - . r '. On the 25th a Son.to A. Gallniia. '. .', , . . ' - - : On the 25th n Daughter to .7. C. Cole. . ' ' . v . ... ittatvtascs. I "d happy lot, and hallowed, even bs the joy of angels, Where the gold en chain o ("godliness is entwined witlit he roses oflove.' On the 2Gth inst- by Rev. A. II. Myers, Miss Martha Npoe'toMr. John C, Thompson both of this city.' ' LICENSES ISSUED TO ' ' JACOB GOIIL-and MARY SMITHLEY on the 20th. '

t iEScatbs. - O Death, what art thou ? strange andsolemn alchymiat, . Elaborating life's elixir from these clayey crucibles." On the 20th inst., Mr Nathan Lister. : On the 21th, James Dill Sheets, son of William and Mary S. Sheets. . ' On the 23th John McCollum,t Mute, of Kosciusko County. The deceased was a pupil in the. Asylum for the Education of the Deaf and Dumb. . , The funeral services were very impressive; Rev.. Mr. . Jameson officiating; his remarks, and a chapter read from the Bible, were interpreted-by signs to the mutes by Mr. Brown. .... . ' . On. the 26th' Mrs. Lucy M., consort of James E. McGwire. -

BONNETS ANI 1H11BOKS. A- LARGE lot, newest style Bonnets anxl Bonnet Ribbons, just opened and for Sale very cheap at -i . Sign of Bee Hive. ap. 21-4t KITCHEN &" BLAKE'S.

TUIMITIINGS AND IiACES. FRENCH WORKED COLLARS, Standing do., Lac:s, Edging, Head Dresses, Capes, Cuffs, Bonnet Tabs, just received and will be sold very low at Sign of Golden Bee Hive.' April 21-4t v . ' . . KITCHEN &. BLAKE.

'' Sign

: GLOVES AND ' MITTS.

ID, Silk and: Net Gloves, Black and White Lace Mirts,

Long do. A splendid assortnnt just -received a.

of the Bee Hive. . ap 21-4t KITCHEN & BLAKE fc

SIEELS, sua WES, and pakasoes.

BEAUTIFUL assortment of Silks. A few Splendid Silk

Shawls;. Crape. do. .A splendid lot of r'arasols, jui

iust re

ceived and will be sold at great bargains by . April 21-4t - , : . KITCHEN & BLAKE.

. -r . CARPETS, CARPETS.. - A Large lot of Ingrain Carpets, of nil qualiiies, and very low, Just received at KITCHEN &, BLAKE'S,

Sign of the Golden Ball.

; April 21 -4t

. PAPER HANGING, . . House, Sign and Fancy Painting ."' ' BY G. D. ST A ATS SHOPunder Morrison &, Toiboit s Book Store, one door west of Browning's, Indianapolis Indiana. ,

DO YOU SEE. THAT BALL I . , rp L. ALLEN & Co. have, just received their Spring and JL Summer goods direct from the east, and have no hesitancy in laying they have one of the best stocks in this city. 9r' care has been taken to select the most. fashionable and desirable styles, and all who wish to purchase will doubllessbe well pa" for calling at. tha - " SIGN OF THE GOLDEN BALL. Indianapolis, April 1849. 1 in.

LUMBER! LUMBER!! LUMBER!".

THE undersigned would respectfully inform the citizens oi Indianapolis, and vicinity, that their Saw Mill being '

good repair, they are prepared to fill bills ol Lumber at a shortcr notice than any other jaiiil in the country. Persons wit-hing to purchase wo .Id do well to call at the Ripple Mills, and "ppl.v to March 17-12tpd . KOONTZ &- EUllK JOHN DOUGLASS. JOHN R. ELDER. DOUGLASS & ELDER, BOOK AND JOB PRINTERS.

OFFICE in Blake's Building, on Wash

ington street, opposite Browning s.

also, . . the Publication Office of the Lconiouc