Locomotive, Volume 8, Number 7, Indianapolis, Marion County, 14 April 1849 — Page 4

11 A jest's prosperity lies in the ear - Of him that hears it never in the tongue Of him that makes it." Love's Labok Lost.

An Ingenious Rogue.--The following details of a piece of roguery, lately practised in Paris, surpasses, in ingenuity and wit, anything recorded in the annals of the living : . ' - , An individual, well dressed, presented himself at the shop of a female who sold ready-made linen, in one of the retired parts of Paris, and observed to her that she appeared to keep a large assortment of gentlemen's shirts. 'Oh, yes; she had them of all descriptions, and very cheap.' . , , Pray, madam,' said he, ' have you any garments of a similar description and superior quality for ladies 1 I am about to be married, and wish to make my intended wife a present of three dozen,' Certainly, certainly, sir, I have some which I am sure will suit you ;' and forthwith three parcels, each containing a dozen, were exhibited on the counter. : ! " One was opened, and the stranger examined it with much attention At last he said, I am afraid these are too short ;' then seeming lost for a moment in thought at tbVdifficulty which presented itself to his mind of ascertaining the precise size wanted an idea seemed to strike him ; Madam,' he said, you are about the height and size of the lady I shall shortly marry would it be asking too much of you to. draw one of these over your dress V - ' Not at all, I'll do it with a great deal of pleasure.' , In a minute the good woman appeared in the shop completely enveloped in one. ( The stranger looked at her, walked round her and stooped, apparently to draw down the garment behind her; to its full length, in doing which, he very adroitly fastened her clothes to it with a large pin. She, supposing his examination finished, attempted to take it off again, when, to her astonishment, she found her clothes rose up with it. At this moment the fellow grasped the parcels and made off . with them. The poor woman hesitated to follow made another attempt to divest herself of the superfluous covering, but failing to do so, ran after him. So much time, however, was lost, and so many boys collected about her, at the novel appearance she presented,, that she was soon corapelled'to return to her shop, and put up with the loss. A College B'hoy. Bill S , of the moral village of North Yarmouth, says the Yankee Blade, was one of . the hardest customers' that ever, in spite of his wild pranks, carried off a sheepskin from W college. If any scrape, or mischievous performance of any sort, came off by night or day in those ' diggins,' or any where in the region round about, Bill was sure to be ' thar.' Many was the innocent, unsophisticated freshman whom he generously took under his wing, and introduced to ' the elephant,' or 'put through an entire course of sprouts.' We remember one of Bill's jokes, which tickled his associates immensely. , . , One day, having bedaubed the bannisters of the college stairs, he ran up to the fourth story, and there kicked up a most unearthly racket. Prof. C-, hearing; the uproar, and guessing the cause, rushed out of his room in hot haste, and dashing up the stairs, soon put not his ' foot,' but ' his hand in it.' Mortified and chopfallen, but greatly exasperated, he pushed on, however, but before he could reach the upper story, Bill, as usual, had mizzled. Had his room door, been thrown open, he might have been found about this time very deeply immersed in the study of Greek. Being afterwards summoned before the faculty, and asked if he knew who beslimed the bannisters, he replied, with a sly wink at Professor C- , that, he couldn't tell who all the rogues were, but he knew one fellow that had a hand in it.' This was too much for the gravity of the faculty; they made a strenuous but ineffectual

attempt to restrain their risibles, and burst into a general laugh. At the suggestion of Prof. C , Bill's further presence was excused, f , , " Stick to him, Jimmy !" Two brothers from the Emerald Isle, a few years since, purchased a piece of wild land, not far from the Kennebec, and went to work to clear it up. After cutting down the large growth and burning over the underbrush, they proceeded to contrive a plan to get the fallen trunks together in a pile for the purpose of burning them also. The land lay upon a side-hill, and they concluded that if they could roll a large log which lay near the summit and place it about half way down, they might pile the rest against it and thus secure the object. But how were they to prevent it, when once under way, from rolling to the bottom, and thus defeating their plan ? To accomplish this they obtained a rope, and making one end fast to the log, one of them was to hold on to the other end to prevent its going too far, while the other was to start it. Fearing that he might not be able to prevent the rope from slipping through his fingers, Jimmy, who was he steersman, tied it securely to his body. 'Start him asy, Phelim '.' said he, after having convinced himself that all was right and tight. Phelim did start him, and as the log commenced its progress, the rope caught in a projecting knot, and began rapidly to wind up. It soon drew poor Jimmy chock up. First he went over the log, and then the log went over him, and so they continued their mutual circumgyrations and somersets. Phelim watched their progress for a moment, and then sung out ' Stick to him, Jimmy, faith you're a match for him any way ; you're on top half the time ' Punctuation. A Country schoolmaster, who found it rather difficult to make his pupils observe the difference between a comma and a full stop, adopted a plan of his own, which he flattered himself would make them proficient in the art of punctuation : thus, in reading, when they came to a comma, they were to say tick, and read on to a colon or semi-colon, tick, tick, and when a full point, tick, tick, tick. Now it so happened that the worthy Dominie received notice that the parish minister was to pay a visit of examination to his school, and as he was desirous to show his pupils to the best advantage, he gave them an extra drill the day before the examination. 'Now,' said he, addressing his pupils, 'when you read before the minister to-morrow ; you leave out the ticks, though you must think them as you go along for the sake of elocution.' It so happened that the first boy called up by the minister had been absent the preceding day, and in the hurry, the master had forgotten to give him his instructions how to act. The minister asked the boy to read a chapter in the Old Testament, which he pointed out. The boy complied, and in his best accent began" to read : And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, tick, speak unto the children of Israel, saying, tick, tick, and thus shalt thou say unto them, tick, tick, tick. This unfortunate sally, in his own style, operated like a shower bath on the poor Dominie, while the minister and his friends almost'died with laughter. A, Matrimonial Adventure. An old maid (a?. 39,) was once called upon by a widower, who popped the question in due form, but would not receive her answer until he had shown her the home prepared for her. She consequently went to his house. The inspection disclosed a well-furnished dwelling, everything in the greatest profusion. ' The larder was liberally supplied, containing some half-dozen barrels of pork and flour. Well,' exclaimed the suitor, when the examination was concluded, what do you say V 'I say,' she replied tartly, ' that I decline your offer. I aint going to cook all that pork and make so much tread.'' Boston Rambler. Modesty. There is a lady in this city, so modest that she turned off her washerwoman for putting her clothes in the same tub with the pantaloons of a young gentleman.

. . A recent Yankee lecturer, down east, in discussing upon old maids, gave the following as his beau ideal of that interesting class of society : 'At sixty, she hadn't given up the idea of getting married; "and when her hair was as gray as an old rat, and but one dark yellow tooth stood a solitary sentinel1 at the falling doorway, of her cavernous mouth, she was heard to say, in reply to an inquiry as to her age : Well I'm getting a little old now, but I have seen the time when I was as good as I ever was.! . O'Flahekty and the Bees There happened to grow up between Patrick and a bragging downeaster, a very fierce contest as to the comparative size of different animals and insects, in this and the ' ould counthry,' when Mr. O'Flaherty declared that in Ireland the baas were as big as a shape.' 'Very well,' interrupted Ichabod, ' how big are the hives V , , - . As big as yourn, be jabbers !' ' Then how do the bees get into their hives V Paddy scratched his head, and, after a few moments reflection, replied, ' Oh that's their look-out !' Frightening a Rogue. In the St, Louis Recorder's Court, recently, Alexander , McManus was fined $5, for stealing wood from the steamer Hannibal, and was asked to ' fork up' by his honor. C-c-c-cant do it,' stuttered he, ' a-a-a-ain't got th-th-the p-p-pewler, your Honor.' Are you a married man V inquired the Recorder. ' N-n-n-not exactly s-s-s-so far gone yet, sir.' 'Well, I will have to send you to the work-house,' said the Recorder. ' T-t-t-taint nothin' t-t-t-to go th-th-there,' said Alick, ' I-I-I-'m used to it ; b-b-but when you t-t-t-talked about m-m-marriage, old fellow, you f-f-j frightened me. ' ' ; A Definition. A schoolboy, in - the Literary Emporium, being asked to define the word admission, said it meant twenty-five cents. 'Twenty-five cents 1' echoed the master ; what sort of a definition is that?' I don't know,' sulkily replied the boy, but I'm sure it says so on the advertisement down here at the show.' - ' Yes,' said another , boy, ' and children half price!' Proper Resentment. A mild-tempered old gentleman was going down his cellar stairs with a lamp and an old brown pitcher, on a frosty evening, and his feet slipping from the first step, he was precipitated to the bottom I His wife, a nice old lady, hearing the noise, ran to the cellar door and called out, Why, husband ! have you broke your pitcher V .'No I haint yet,' replied the old man, 'but I'll be darned if I don't do it now,' and immediately smashed the pitcher against the cellar wall. Moral Boots. An advertisement in one of the morning papers says : Wanted a' female who has a knwledge of fitting boots of a good moral character.' AVe suppose boots of a good moral character are such as have whole sols. - " Aunt Betsy tells a story of one of her near neighbors, when she lived in the country who was ' meaner than parsely.' ' Why,' she says ' whenever he happened to get hold of a half dollar he would give it such a squeeze that the poor eagle would squeal out almost.' How well he plays for one so young,' said Mrs. Partington, as the organ boy and his monkey performed near her door ; ' and how much his dear little brother in the calico dress looks like him, to be sure.' ' , . A Coquette is said to be a perfect incarnation of Cupid she keeps her beau in a quiver. ,She found him out. 'A western girl,' says an exchange, ' after giving her lover a hearty smack, exclaimed, dog my cats if you hain't taken a little rye, old hoss.' '