Locomotive, Volume 8, Number 3, Indianapolis, Marion County, 17 March 1849 — Page 4

" A jest's prosperity lies in the ear Of him that nears it never in the tongue Of him that makes it." Love's Labor Lost.

Family Secrets.

- In Coles county, there lived a man named Isaac Dobson, and his wife, who were both firm believers in the prophecy of Father Miller ; and not doubting for a moment the correctness of their prophet's calculations, they set about making active preparations for the eventful day that was to terminate the existence of all sublunary things. After having 'set'the house in order,' the following conversation took place. Husband My dear wife, I believe I have made every preparation for to-morrow. I have forgiven all my enemies, and prayed for the forgivness ot all my. sins, and I feel perfectly calm and resigned. 1 Wife Well, husband, I believe I am ready for the sound of the trumpet. Uusband I'm rejoiced to hear it. But, my dear wife; I have no doubt there are many little domestic secrets which have been kept hidden from each other, which, had they been known at. the time of their occurrence, might have produced unpleasant feelings but as we have but one day more to live, let us unbosom ourselves freely to ' each other. . . Wife Well, husband, you are right; there are some little tilings that I never told you, and which I intended should remain between me and my God ; but s we have but one day left ; I reckon it's right to make a clean breast to each other. I am ready you begin, husband. , Husband No, dear, you begin. : Wife No, husband, you begin I can't. 'Husband No; you know, my love, Paul says husbands have the right to command their wives. It is your duty as a christian woman to obey your husband, and the father of your children. So begin, love. - Wife In the sight of God, it's right; so, I will tell you, dear husband, our eldest son, William, is not your child. Husband Great God J Mary I never dreamed of your being untrue to me ! Is that so? Wife ( in tears ) Yes, God forgive me, it is true. I know that I did very wrong, but am sorry for it ; but in an evil hour I fell, and there's no help for it now. . Husband William not mine ! In the name of God, whose child is he 1 Wife He's Mr. Graham's the constable. The Lord be near your poor wife ! Husband So, William ain't my child! Go on. Wife Well, our daughter Mary, named after wie, ain't your's neither. Husband Salvation ! , Talk on, Mary come right out. Who's Mary's father ? - . .' Wife Mr. Grider, the man that built the meet-in-house, and went to the lower country. Husband (resignedly) Well, as there is but one day more, I'll bear it, so go on, if you have any thing else. ' Wife Well, there's our youngest Husband I suppose Jemmy ain't mine ! Wife No, dear husband, Jemmy, that we loth love so well, ain't your'ri neither. -'. -. Husband Merciful Lord ! Is that so 1 In the name of the Savior, whose is he? Wife He is the one-eyed shoe-maker's that lives at the forks of the road. ; Husband Well, by Heavens Gabriel, bloto your horn 1 I want to go Now ! In Luck. It is said, remarks the Cleveland Plaindealer, that Jones, the sculptor, has got the job of re-lettering the tomb-stones in our city graveyard the original names having been transcribed to ' post office petitions,' and then scratched out for fear the next candidate might use them. Since the Onderdonk affair some yonug ladies refuse to wear watches, because they have hands !

A Smart Dog. There is enough of the dog mixed up in the following story to entitle it to the name of a ' dog story.' A man down East had been exceedingly annoyed by wolves, which destroyed his sheep. In the course of time a dog fancier offered to sell him a dog. A very notable dog he was, too. The catalogue of his merits was a very long one there was not a dog virtue in the whole catalogue for which he was not distinguished but if there was any one in which he peculiarly excelled, it was his prowess as a wolf-hunter. This was touching our friend on the right spot. The bargain was closed, and he only waited an opportunity to test his merits. . At length there came a light snow, just the kind of snow for wolf-huntingj and he took his dog and gun and sallied out. He soon crossed the track of a varmint the dog took the scent and bounded off in pursuit. On followed our friend, up hill and down dale, 4 through bush' and through briar,' for two mortal hours, when he came across a Yankee of the live species, chopping wood, and the following dialogue took place. - 4 Did you see a wolf and adog pass by here V 1 Well, I reckon I did.' How long ago V Well, I guess about half an hour.' 4 How was it with 'em V 4 Well, just about nip and tuck but the dog had the advantage, for he was a leetle ahead. A beautiful girl, with a pair of pouting lips, stepped into a store to price a pair of mits. 4 How much are they V Why,' says the gallant but imprudent clerk, lost in gazing upon her sparkling eyes and ruby lips, 4 you may have them for a kiss !' 4 Agreed !' said the young lady, pocketing the gloves, and her eyes speaking small daggers. 4 Agreed !' and as I see you give credit here, charge it on. your books, and collect it the best way you can!' So she hastily tripped out of the store. An Expensive Job. A gentleman passing a country church while under repair, observed to one of the workmen that he thought it would be an expensive job. 4 Why, yes,' replied he, 4 but in my opinion, we shall accomplish what our reverend divine has endeavoured to do for the last thirty years, in vain.' 4 What is that ?' said the gentleman. Why, bring all the village to repentance ' y A young clergyman having buried three wives, a lady asked hitn how he happened to be so lucky. 4 Madam,' replied he, 4 1 knew they could not live without contradiction, so I let them all have their own way.' Curious Title. A book was printed during the time of Cromwell with the following title : 44 Eggs of Charity, layed by the Chickens of the Covenant, and boiled with the Water of Divine Love Take ye and eat.' 4 Partnership. 4 1 say, stranger, you're drunk.' 4 Drunk enough, and have been so these two years. My brother and I are engaged in the temperance cause he goes about delivering lectures, and I give samples of intemperance.' A' New York paper says that tall ladies invariably prefer short men. An exchange thinks this an error, and observes that no woman objects to Hymen. ' , 4 Tom, what's monimany?' 4 Wy, you see Dick, wen a poor feller steals it's called larceny but wen it's a rich 'un, the jury says it's 4monimany,' and they can't 'elp it ; that's it.' Keen Retort. I am orten found at the tables of the rich,' said a coxcomb to a poor neighbor. 4 So is a calf's head,' was the answer.

No' Better Yet. An old lady having heard somebody say the mails were very irregular,' remarked, 4 It was jist so in her young days ; no trusting to any of their fair words.' An old Lady once remarked that the only healthy corset for a waist, is a gentleman's arm. She spoke from experience. - . , On a recent occasion, says an exchange, as the marriage ceremony was about to be performed in

a cnuch in a neighboring town, when the clergyman desired the parties wishing to be married to rise up, a large number of ladies immediately arose. 4 What do you ask for this article?' inquired Obadiah of a young Miss. 4 Fifteen shillings.' 4 Ain't you a little dear?' 4 Why,' she replied, blushing, 4 all the young men tell me so.' 4 Who is that lovely girl V asked a gentleman of his friend. 4 Miss Glass,' was the reply. 4 Glass !' reiterated the facetious gentleman. I should often be intoxicated could I place such a glass to my lips.' Pictures to Match. A nice youug lady the other day stepped into one of the. book stores and inquired for the Bishop's trial ; after looking through it carefully it was thrown down with evident chagrin, when the excuse was made for not purchasing, that it had no pictures to match.

licrn. A babe in a house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love : Yet it is a talent of trust, a loan to be rendered back with interest." On the 9th a Daughter to Farnum Stout. ; On the 11th, a Son to James C. Yohn. On the 12th a Daughter to S. Woodfill jr. . On the 13th a Daughter to L. Smith. On the 14th a Son to Maryland Francis. illarvfactcs. "O happy lot, and hallowed, even as the joy of angels, Where the goldenchain of godliness is entwined witht he roses of love."

On the 8th, by Rev. Mr. Beswick, Miss Nancy C Gates to Mr. Charles F. Wischmeier. . At the Clerk's Office, on the 9th, byF.lder E. B. Smith, Mrs. Mary Ann Givens to Mr. Michael Hoback. On the 13th, by Rev. Mr. Cressey, Miss Rosina Bartlett to Mr. La Fayette andes. LICENSES ISSUED TO David V. Ilanna and Martha Ann Van Landingham, on the 9th. John Grosch and Wilhelmina Gas, on the 10th. Lewis Lucky and Catharine Kratzer, on the 10th. Wm. P. Hoover and Lucy Ann Clark, on the 10th. Jeremiah Washburn a id Ailsey De Long, on the 14th. Hezekiah Copsy and Sarah Jane Myers, on the 14th. . William Smith and Margaret Ferry colored on the 14th. wra.ii THE BKOWN HOUSE. J LISTER has opened the house formerly occupied by the late Basil Erown, for the accommodation ot" Travelers and Boarders. The Furnitnre is new, and the house in good order, and no pains will be spared to render those comfortable who will give me a call. 2-3t-pd CLARISSA WELLS' ESTATE. THE Undersigned would hereby give notice that he has this ,day been appointed by the proper authority, Administrator of the Estate of Clarissa Wells, late of Marion county, Indiana, deceased. Said estate is supposed to be solvent. WM. F. WELLS, Administrator - - February 23, 1849. l-3t : . ADMINISTRATOR'S SALE. THE Undersigned, Administrator of the Estate of Clarissa

A. ITCI13, miC Ul v...-.j, i.u.,u, uvviu, hereby give notice that he will oiler at puplic Sale, on Saturday,

ttie 'Z.w aay oi iuarcn, ioih, me peisuimi pi unci iy ui . ,r ceased, (at the residence of Richird J. Wells, in ranhll'i Township,) consisting of Beds, Horses, Cattle, Household ana Cooking utensils, &.c, &c. Terms made, known on the day ot sale, where personal attendance will be given by ' WM. F. WELLS, Administrator. February 28, 1819.- l-3t - JOHN DOUGLASS. JOHN R. ELDEK. DOUGLASS & ELDEK) BOOK AND JOB PRINTERS. ThFFICE in Blake's Building, on Washington street, opposite Browning's. ALSO, the Publication Office of the Locomotne