Locomotive, Volume 7, Number 12, Indianapolis, Marion County, 17 February 1849 — Page 4

LADIES DEPARTMENT,

EDITED BY A - LADY.'

Advice to Unmarried Ladies. - If you have blue eyes languish If black eyes leer. ' --".' If you have pretty feet wear short nettlcnats.

If you are in the least doubtful as to that pointlet them be rather long.' If you have good teeth don't forget to laugh

iiuw anu men. , If you have bad ones vou must onlv simnRr.

While you are young sit.with your face to the light. -When you are a little advanced sit with your

oacK 10 me window. If you have a bad voice always speak in a low

luue. N If it is acknowledged, that you have a fine voice

never speas in a nigh one. If you dance well dance but seldom. If you dance ill never dance at all. - . . - If You sing well make no nrevinns p.-vymisrs.:

If you sing indifferently hesitate not a moment

yvuen you are asKea, lor lew persons are competent

juuges 01 singing, out every one is sensible ot a de sire to please. ' .- - ,

If in conversation vou think a np.rsnn ivwnir

rather hint of a difference of opinion, than offer a

uumraaiciion. If you find a person telling an absolute fklsp.hnnrl

let it pass over in silence, for it is not worth your

wmie 10 maice any one your enemy by proving him a liar. , It is always jn your power to make a friend by smiles what a folly to make enemies by frowns ! When you have an opportunity to praise doit with all your heart. When you are forced to blame appear, at least, to do it with reluctance. If you are envious of another woman never show it but by allowing her every good quality and perfection except those which she really possesses. If you wish to let the world know that you are in love with a particular man treat him with formality, and every one else with ease and freedom. . If you are disposed to be pettish or insolent it is better to exercise your ill humor on your dog, your cat, or your servant,' than your friends. If you would preserve beauty rise early. If you would preserve esteem be gentle. If you would obtain power be condescending. ' If you would live happy endeavor to promote the happiness of others. " Is He Rich." Many a sigh is heard, many a heart is broken, many a life is rendered misererable by the terrible infatuation which parents often manifest in choosing a life companion for their daughters. How is it possible for happiness to result from the union of two principles so diametrically opposed to each other in every point, as much as virtue is to vice ? How often is the first question which is asked respecting the suitor of the daughter, this "Is he rich ?", J " Is he rich ?" Yes, he abounds in wealth; but does not afford any evidence that he will make a kind and affectionate husband. "Is he rich ?" Yes, his clothing is purple and fine linen, and he fares sumptuously every day ; but can you infer from that that he is virtuous? ' "Is he rich ?" Yes, he has thousands fleeting on every ocean ; but do not riches take to themselves wings and fly away ? Will you consent that your daughter shall marry a man that has nothing to recommend him but his wealth 2 .Ah beware; the gilded bait sometimes covers the barbed hook. Ask not, then, "Is he rich," but ": Is he virtuous?" Ask not, if he has wealth, but if he has honor; and d.o not sacrifice your daughter's peace for money. .The last sermon listened to by Mrs. Partington was on the parody of the probable son. j

41 A jest's prosperity lies in the ear Of him that hears it never in the tongue '.' Of him that makes it." Love's Labor Lost.

The Dance of Life. Human life is a mere dance the nursery a bawl-room ! Old maids and bachelors, for want of partners, are compelled to

exnioit in a pas seut. Jvnavery practises the shujfte, while pride, prudence, and experience, are professors of the art of cutting. -Courage teaches the ' enavantf and discretion (' the better part of valor') the en arriereJ' Some are happy in their choice of' partners ;' while many.are doometi to go through the whole 4 dance' with the dowerless and disagreeable Mis-Fortunes and Mis-Chances. - The ambitious and would-be great, are constantly struggling to show off in. a particular ' set;' but, notwithstanding the pains they take in their 4 steps,' frequently experience the mortification of a ' dos-a-cZos,'when they are anxiously exerting all their' efforts for a smiling ' vis-a-vis. Th ese are the 'ups and downs' of the 'dance.' The 'lords of the creation,' ( with few exceptions,) are very awkward and ungainly ; while ' lovely women' are most generally perfect in the ' figure.' Love is generally ' master of ceremonies,' but, being rather pur-blind, makes the most ridiculous mistakes in introducing partners ;' and, although Avarice ( who officiates in the. higher circles ) is lynx-eyed, he commits as many errors in. coupling' the company as his coadjutor. Hope illuminates the ' festive scene,' and away they bound on ' the ' light fantastic toe,' hands across down the middle up again till time steps

in, and throws a damp upon their merriment the piper stops for want of breath,' and the dance ends ! ' ' " - Examination-Day. The science of a school examination is very happily explained by a schoolmaster's anecdote : A country school-teacher, preparing for an exhibition of his school, selected a

class of pupils, and wrote down the questions and

answers to questions he would put to them on examination-day. The day came, 'and so came the

young hopefuls, all but one. The pupils took their places as had been arranged, and all went glibly on

until the question for the absentee, when the teach

er asked," .' In whom do you believe V The pupil who sat next the vacant seat, without noticing whose

question it was, answered, 'Napoleon Bonaparte.'

' Io, nor angrily exclaimed the teacher; ' in,.whom

do you believe ?' ' Napoleon Bonaparte.' Here the

teacher began to smell the rat, and said, ' You believe in the Holy Ghost do you not ?' No, said

the pupil,' amid roars of uncontrolable laughter; 'the boy what believes in the Holy Ghost hasn't come to school to-day; he's at home, sick a-bed.'

Keep it before the people 1' ' . That the earth was made for man ; That flowers were strown, And fruits were grown ,, To bless and ne'er to ban ; ' . That sun and rain And' corn and grain, Are yours and mine, my brother : Free gifts from Heaven, And freely given To one as well as another. Poor Fellow! A Southern poet, who cannot

raise funds enough to get to the 'gold digging,' thus pours out his full soul in glowing strains :

11 1 only was an elephant, ' I'd pack my trunk and travel ; And away in California I'd soon be scratching gravel!' . A native of the Emerald Isle was asked the other

day how he could tell when a man was drunk. 4 Faith, answered Pat, I'd never be after saying that a man was drunk at all, without I saw him trying to light his pipe at a pump.'

The N. York express relates the. following case : 'On Thursday last, we are told, a young gentleman, holding a permanent situation in a large commission house in this city, at a salary of $2,000 per annum, made up his mind to go to California- resigned his office, and immediately thereafter mar. ried a beautiful and interesting lady, and in an hour from the time "of the marriage ceremony, he was on board of the barque A. Emory, on his way to the gold regions, leaving his youthful bride behind,to console herself as best she can.' Early Marriage. Tacitus says, " Early marriage makes us immortal. It is the soul and chief prop of the empire. - That man who resolves to live without a wife, and that woman who resolves to live without man, are enemies to the community in which" they dwell injurious to themselves, destructive to the whole world, apostates from nature, and rebels against heaven and earth." Courting. Courting is decidedly the most Dleas-

ant part of the whole business, and should even after a man has made up his mind to perpetrate matrimony be prolonged to its greatest possible extent. Never be in a hurry to have the day

named. Remember it is an old man, the father of two children, and the husband of the most agreeable woman in the country that tells you this. Should not Wonder if he Did. A married man, whose rib proves to be the " better half," in the wrong sense of the term, said to his friends ' I loved

mjr wiic ai nisi, as niucii as auyuuuy ever aia love a wife. For the first two months I actually wanted to eat her up; and ever since I've been sorry I

didn't. . , An Irishman was speaking of the excellence of a, telescope, ' Do you see that small speck on yonder hill?' said he. " 'That is my old pig, though it is hardly to be seen, but when I look at him With my glass, it brings him so near, I can plainly hear him grunt.' . Just too Late. At the close of a temperance meeting in Paris, Canada West, recently, a person solicited a beautiful young woman to append her signature to. the pledge, saying ' Will you not

jjnv, nit jiuui imujo, luiaa ; Liu, on , voa 1110 quick reply, I have promised my name to another gentleman ! Sad, but True. A writer well says : How small a portion of our lives is it that we truly enjoy! In youth we are looking forward to things that are to come : in old age we look backward to things that are past. One person observes thai you might as well try to saw a crowbar in two with a piece of notched gin ger-bread, as to think of winning the affection of a young lady without money. There is a cobbler in London, over whose door is the following notice : 'Shews Maid, and Men-dead here.'

A young man without money is like a steamboat without fuel.- He can't 'go ahead.' Among the ladies he's like a moon in a cloudy night. ' He can t. shine.'

Not Bad. An Irishman received a challenge to, fight a duel, but declined. On being asken the reason ' Och,' said Pat, would you have me leave his mother an orphan?' ' An Old Gal. Naoman, the daughter of Enoch,, was five hundred and eighty years old when she was married I' Wellerism. ' Out of darkness cometh light a ; the printer's devil said when he looked into the in keg.