Locomotive, Volume 7, Number 10, Indianapolis, Marion County, 3 February 1849 — Page 4

11 A jest's prosperity lies in the ear Of him that nears it never in the tongue Of him that makes it." Love's Lakor Lost.

A Law Student m Alabama. An exchange says, that Mr. C, who studied law in the office of a senior member of the bar, in some town of some State, emigrated to Alabama for his examination. . - 'Judge P.,' said Mr. C.'s friend, 'is now in the village ; will you go and stand your examination V Of course, C. consented. He had been several

days anxiously waiting for the Judge at the-

Exchange, alias grocery, alias doggery. . After the

formality of an introduction, the Judge said : Well, Mr. C, you, want to be examined for admittance to the bar.' . 'Yes, sir.' " . ' ' Well, sir, let's take something to drink. Barkeeper, give us two juleps.' - - . v Mr. G., can you swim V ' Yes sir, I can,' said C, greatly surprised. . Well, sir, let's take another drink barkeeper, two cocktails.' The cocktails vanished : and the judge said 'Mr. C, have you got a horse ?' 1 . '" -f Certainly sir,1 said CM . - : , -. ' Very good,' said the Judge, as soberly as though charging a Grand Jury, Mr. C, if you please, we'll take a drink. Barkeeper, two toddies.' : The toddies disappeared, and C, owns he began to feel rather queer. ' - - ' Mr. C.' said the Judge, ' can your horse swim V .. Yes, sir, he can for I have tried , him from necessity.' t ' Then sir,' said the Judge with increasing gravity, 'your horse can swim and you can swim, and ly I think you are well qualified for an Alabama lawyer. Give me your commission, and I will sign it. Meanwhile, barkeeper, give us two punches for my friend Mr. C, and myself.'. ,. ' Mr. C, continued the Judge. ' I drink success to your admission to the Alabama bar. Paddy not to be Done. A newly-imported Irishman was one day standing, with his hook under his arm, at a shop window not thirty miles from Glasgow. The shop-keeper observing him from the door, accosted him thus ; 'Well Pat, what do you want, in my line to-day V .' What you have not to give me,' rejoined the Irishman.' I'll wager a pound I have what suits you,' returned the former. - The latter, pulling a pound from his rags, replied, 'It's done table your dust. I want a sheath for my hook.' To poor Pat's astonishment and mortification, the sheath was produced. Away he went to the harvest, however, leaving the pound with the shop-keeper; but not to be beat, he called oh his way home, and in the presence of a witness, 'thus addressed him : ' Well, Mr.- , what will you take for as much tobacco as will reach from my one ear" to the other 1' ' A penny was the reply. This being agreed to, the grocer cut ofT about a foot of tobacco, and was about applying its extremities to Pat's ears, when the latter, pointing his finger upwards, exultingly exclaimed,' 'there is one ear, but the other is nailed to the back of the gaol door at Dublin.' -The duped grocer was obliged to give

his mgenius antagonist iorty pounds of tobacco beforo he could get quit of him. " - A Finger Acquaintance. Georgina, do you know tnat young fellow in the opposite house V . ' No ma, I never spoke to him in my life ; he is merely a finger acquaintance that's all.' . ' A what ! a finger acquaintance ? Why what sort of an acquaintance is that ? 4 Oh, we only talk to each other across the street with our fingers nothing more.' 'Miss Brown, I hay e been to learn how to tell fortunes,' said a young fellow to a brisk brunette. 'Just let me have your hand, if you please.' La ! Mr. White, how sudden you are ! Well, go and ask my father.'

Bfwaee of the Saw. A hoosier, on a visit to Cincinnati, a few days ago, called on business at a planing machine establishment in the Third Ward. The planing department had not yet been started but a small circular saw, which was set nearly at the edge of the bench, and projected a scant inch above its surface, was in full blast. Mr. Green, as the hoosier may be called, looked around, but finding nobody visible, concluded to seat himself on the bench while awaiting somebody's appearance. Neither noticing nor mistrusting anything, he squatted plumb upon the saw one spring nearly to the ceiling, and a pitch forward to the floor, indicated his astonishment at finding an incision of six inches in the length of his seat. His cries brought assistance. Dr. Eaton closed the flesh wound, and a skilful tailor that in the pantaloons. ; , A Careful Spouse. At a polytechnic exhibition in Liverpool, got up by the Mechanics' Institute, a newly married man expressed a determination to ' go down in the diving bell.' . - ' Oh, don't my dear;' exclaimed the bride, ' it must be dangerous.' , , - The bridegroom was obstinate ; and at length finding her entreaties unavailing, his loving Beatrice sank her demand into a compromise. -' 'If you will go down my dear,' said she 'and peril your wife's happiness, let me beg of you to go down in your old coat Good.' Well, Nimrod, how long were the children of Israel in the wilderness!' 'Till they found their way out.' '"- 'Who was cast into the lion's dent' -' Van Amburgh.' ' ' Who was compelled to seek refuge in the land of Nod?' 'Gov. Dorr.' 'Why?' , Because he got up the King's Ebenezer, and Providence wouldn't protect him?' . . ;'That will do, Nimrod, for this week.' . ; ' KIND OFFER. . ' I'll follow thy fortune,' a termagant cries, Whose extravagance caus'd all the evil ; ' That were consolation,' the husband replies For my fortune has goneto the devil.' Tho following illustration of the new science of Phonography we found yesterday. What can be more perfect than the spelling of murrier?' -, o wunst I luvd a nuther girl Her name it was murrier " but betsy deer my luv for u is 40 times more higher. 'How long did Adam remain in 'Paradise before he sinned ?' said an amiable spouse to her loving husband. ' Till he got a wife,' answered the husband calmly. ' "I Don't Dance." -An exchange paper tells a good story of an innocent countryman who chanced to be in one of our cities on Sunday, and concluded to go to church. Arrived there, he waited outside

for a moment, when, to his profound surprise, the organ struck up, from which he concluded that some sort of " shake down," was about to commence. Just at that moment a gentleman invited him to walk in and take a seat. ' Not 'zackly Mister I aint used to no such doins on Sunday; and besides, I don't dance ;' and he retired, shocked exceedingly. There is a teetotal chap in Boston who won't speak to any body from Lynn, because there are so many colblers there. The Power of the Boxes. " What boxes govern the world ?" asked a New York paper. It answers the question thus "the cartridge box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the band box."

: Modern Love. A shrewd observer of human nature, who has got out a patent dictionary, defines modern love as ' a composition of one part affection to nineteen parts of gold.' The difficulty of acquiring our language which a foreigner must experience, is illustrated by the following question : Did you ever see a person pare an apple or a pear with a pair of scissors.' Some wag says that the only borrowed article he ever returned promptly was a kiss from a pretty girl's lips. Of course he returned it on the spot. Good morning, Mr. Jenkins, where have you kept yourself this long time!" "Kept myself, I don't keep myself I board on credit."

SEWING SOCIETIES. The Robert's Chapel Sewing Circle meets on Wednesday's On Wednesday, the 7th inst., at the residence of fliram Brown, Esq., on Delaware street.

BORN. "A babe in a house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love: Yet is is a talent of trust, a loan to be rendered back with interest." On the 26th, a Daughter to John Dickenson. On the 26th, a Son to Albert G. Porter. On the 31st, a Daughter to C. E. Boyd. MARRIAGES. "O happy lot, and hallowed, even as the joy of angels, Where the golden chain of godliness is entwined with the roses of love." On the 30th ult., by Rev. A. H. Myers, Miss EMMA E. RINGER to Mr. JOHN C. HOSS, all of this county. On the 30th ult, at the Clerk's Office, by Rev. Mr. Cressey, Miss LOUISA LOVETT to A. McCAULEY. LICENSES ISSUED. To WILLIAM PEEL and ELLEN WISCHMEIR. JAMES BAXTER and MARIA WALLACE. OLIVER II. P.. BRADY and MARTHA WALLACEJOHN VICE and GRACY ANN HEAD. As vice has at last eome to a head, we hope the world will be free of it in future. JOSEPH A. KELLEY and MARY JOBE.

DEATHS. " O Death, what art thon 1 strange and solemn alchymist, Elaborating life's elixir from these clayey crucibles." On the 27th ult., of inflammation of the brain, WILLIAM WYLEY, youngest son of Jacob T. and Ann Maria Williams, ages 4 years and 25 days. On the 29th, after a short but painful illness, ADOLPIIUS CLAIBORNE, son of V. C. and F. M. Hanna, aged 5 years, 1 month and 27 days. The two children, whose deaths are recorded above, met first at the baptismal font," where they were christened by the Rev. Samuel Johnson. Their pastor has gone before them to prepare for their second metting in the home of the blessed. On the 29th, CHARLES A., only son of William A. and Sarah L. Wright, aged 18 months and 18 days. On the 1st inst., consort of Mr. Samuel Wainwright. BOARDING. THREE or four young Gentlemen can be accommodated with good Board, by applying soon to HENRY OHR, on Illinois street, a little south of Maryland. VISITING CARDS. DOUGLASS & ELDER, Book & Job Printers, on Washington street, opposite Browning's, have just received diret from New York, large founts of Patent Script and Ornamental Type, with a fount of Ornamental Flourishes, designed expressly for printing visiting and invitation cards, ball tickets, &c. Cards can now be printed equal to copperplate engraving and at one-half the expense, and no Lady or Gentleman should be without them.

NEW BOOKS ! NEW BOOKS I !

ORRISON & TALBOTT, One door West of Browning

are constantly receiving additions to their stock, from

NEW YORK, PHILADELPHIA, &c. , We invite the book buyers in Indiana to give us a call.ond we will save them the trouble and risk of buying out of the State. One door West of Brownings. January, 1848. (jl5) MORRISON & TALBOTT.

JOHN R. ELDEB ELDER,

PRINTERS.

JOHN DOUGLASS.

DOUGLASS & BOOK AND JOB

T!FFICE in Blake's Building on Wash-

inston street, opposite Browning's.

AT.RO.

the Publication Office of the Locomotive