Locomotive, Volume 7, Number 9, Indianapolis, Marion County, 27 January 1849 — Page 1

BREVITY IS THE SOUL OF WIT. VOL. VII. CITY OF INDIANAPOLIS, SATURDAY, JANUARY 27, 18 49. No. 9.

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A Love Affair Down East. SKETCHED ACCORDIN' TO NATUrV I've heard folks say that the wimmin was contrary. Well, they is a little so ; but if you manage 'em right haul 'em in here and let 'em out there you can drive 'em along witHout whip or spur, just which way you wish 'em to go. When I lived down at Elton, there was a good many fust rate gals down there, but I didn't take a likin to any of 'em till Squire Cummins cum down

there to live. The Squire had a mighty pretty dar

ter. I said some of the gals were fust rate, but

Nancy Cummins was fust rate and a leetle more.

There was many dressed finer and looked grander,

but there was something jam about JNance, that

they couldn't hold a candle to. If a feller see

her once he couldn't look at another gal for a week. I tuk a likin to her rite off, and we got as thick as

thieves. We used to go to the same meetin, and sot

in the same pew. It took me to find sarms and

hymns for her; and we'd swell 'em out in a manner shockin to hardened sinners; and then we'd mosey hum together, while the gals and fellers kept

a lookin on us as though they d like to mix in. I'd

always stay to supper ; and the way she could make injun cakes, and the way I could slick 'em with merlasses and put 'em away, was nothin to nobody.

one was dreadful civil tew ; and always gettin somethin nice for me. I was up to the hub in love, and

was goin for it like a locomotive. Well, things went on in this way for a spell, till she had me tight

enough. Then she begun to show on, kinder independent like. When I'd go to meetin, there was no room in the pew; then she'd cum and she'd streak it ofF with another chap, and leave me suckin my fingers at the door. Instead of stickin to me as she used to do, she got to cutin round with all the other fellers, just as if she cared nothin about me no more none whatever. ' I got considerably riled and I thought I mite as well cum to the eend of it at once ; so down I went

to have it out with her. There was a hull grist of

fellers there. They seemed mighty quiet till I went in; then she got to talkin all manner of nonsense said nothin to me, and darned little of that. I tried to keep my dander down, but it worn't any use I kept movin about as if 1 had a pin in my trowsers ; I sweat as if I had been thrashin. My collar hung down as if it had had been hung over my stock to dry. I couldn't stand it ; so I cleared out as quickly as I could, for I seed 'twas no use to say -nothin to her. I went strait to bed and thought the matter over a spell. Thinks I that gal is jest tryin of me ; taint no use of our playin possum; I'll take the kjnk out of her ; if 1 don't fetch her out of that high grass, use me for sausage meat. I heard tell, of a boy wunce that got to skewl late On Sunday mornin ; master sez "You tarnal sleepin critter, what has kept you so late ?" "Why," says the boy, "it's so everlastin slippery out, I couldn't get along, no how ; every step I took forward, I went two steps backward; and

couldn't have got here at all, if I hadn't turn'd back to go t'other way." -, Now that's just my case. I have been putting after that gal a considerable time. Now, thinks I, I'll go t'other way she's been sliten'of me, and now I'll slite her. What's sass for the goose, is

sass for the gander. Well, I went no more to Nancy's. Next Sabbath day, I slicked myself up, and I dew say, when I got my fixins on, I took the shine clear off any speci

men of human natur in our parts. About meetin time, I put off to Elthum Dodge's. ' Patience Dodge was as nice a gal as you'd see twixt here and yonder, any more than she wasn't just like Nancy Cummins. Ephraim Mussey had used to go and see her ; he was a clever feller, but he was dreadful jelus. ' Well; I went to meetin with Patience, and set right afore Nancy ;-I didn't set my eyes on her till after meetin. ; she had a feller with her who had a blazin red head, And legs like a pair of compasses ; she had a face as long as a thanksgivin dinner. I know'd who she was thinkin about, and it wasn't the chap with the red head, nuther. -Well, I got to

Doein ratence about a spell, Kept my eye on

Nance, seed how the cat was jumpin ; she didn't cut about like she did, and looked rather sollemly ; she'd

gin her tew eyes to kiss and make up. I kept it up

till I like to have got into a mess about Patience.

I he cnttur thought I was goin arter her for good,

and got as proud as a tame turkey.

. One day Ephe cum down to our place lookin as

rathy as a mihshy officer on a trainin day.

"Look here," sez he, "Seth Stokes," as loud as

a small clap of thunder ; " I'll be darned" " Hallo 1" sez I : " what's broke ?"

" Why," sez he, 44 I cum down to hev satisfaction

about Patience Dodge. Here i've been courtin ever since last year, and she was just as good as

mine, till you cum to goin arter her, and now I

can't touch her with a fortyfoot pole." " Why," sez I, "what on earth are you talkin about? I ain't got nothin to do with your gal ; but s'pose I had, there's nothin for you to get wolfy about. If the gal has taken a liken to me, 'taint my fault; if I have taken a liken to her, 'taint her fault, and if we've taken a liken to each other 'taint your fault; but I ain't so almighty taken with her, and you may get her for all me; so you hadn't ought to get savage about nothin." "Well," sez he, rather cooled down, "I'm the unluckiest thing in creation. I went t'other day to a place where there was an old woman died of some disease, and they were sellin out her things. Well, there was a thunderin big chist of drawers, full of all sorts of truck; so I bought it and thought I had made a speck ; but when I cum'to look at 'em, there

warn't nothin in it worth a cent, except an old silver thimble, and that was all rusted up, so I sold it for

less than I gave for it. Well, when the chap that bought it took it hum, he heard something rattle

broke the old chist, and found lots of gold in it, in a false bottom I hadn't seen. Now if I had tuk that

chist hum, I'd never found that money ; or if I did,

they'd all been counterfeit, and I'd been tuk up for passing on 'em. Well, I jest told Patience about it, and she rite up and called me a darned fool." . " Well," sez I, " Ephe, that is hard; but never mind that jest goon you can git her; and when you do git her, you can file the rough edges off jest as you please." That tickled him, it did ; and away he went, a little better pleased Now, thinks I, it's time to look arter Nancy. Next day, down I went ; Nancy was all alone. I axed her' if the Squire was in. She said he warn't.

" Cause," sez I, (makin bleeve I wanted him) our colt sprained his foot, and I come to see if the Squire won't lend me his mare to go to town." " She sed she guessed he would better sit down till he cum in. Down I sot ; she looked sort of strange, and my hart felt queer all around the edges. Arter a while.

sez I: . , - 'Air you goin down to Betsy Mastin's quiltin?' Said she, 4 I don't know for sartin ; are you goin?' . Sed 1, 4 reckoned I would.' Sed she, 4 I sposo you'd take Patience Dodge.' Sed I,, 4 mout, and agin mout not.' ' Sed she, I heard you're goin to get married.' Sed I, should'nt wonder a bit Patience is a nice gal.' I looked at her; I seed the tears comin. Sez I, 4 maybe she'll ax you to be bridesmaid.' She riz up, she did, her face as red as a boiled beat. Seth Stokes 1' sez she and she couldn't say any more, she was so full. - . Won't you be bridesmaid ?' sez I. No,' sez she, and she burst rite out. 4 Well, then,' sez I, if you won't be bridesmaid,

will you be the bride ?'

She looked up at me I swan to man I never seed

anything so awful pooty ! I took rite hold of her hand. " 4 Yes or no,' sez 1, 4 rite off.' . v , 4 Yes,' sez she. 4 That's your sort,' sez I, and I gave her a buss and a hug. I soon fixed matters with the Squire. . We soon hitched traces to trot in double harness for life, and I never had cause to regret my bargain.

For the Locomotive. Gents: We read in the story books, that puss, after being metamorphosed into a fine lady, still could not resist the feline inclination to run after mice. Wo meet in this world with many, -not unlike her; persons to whom Fortune has been most kind and gracious, and surrounded with wealth and all its appliances, still cannot prevent themselves from occasionally disclosing to the world that " all is not gold that glitters." Their wealth has

given them position, which they are unable to adorn,

wanting the concomitants that position demands. It

is easily seen, that the habiliments they have assumed, hang rather awkwardly upon them; that they are but paste diamonds, whose brilliancy is soon

eclipsed when contrasted with the purer stones. I have no fault to find with any for striving to better their condition, for endeavoring to be above medi

ocrity to be the first. It is a laudable ambition

for one to endeavor to be first in society, although it is attended with many inconveniences ; but the means made use of by some, to, arrive at that posi

tion, is despicable. The arrogation of a superiority

founded on nothing but their wealth, backed by ex

cessive impudence and an abundance of silly, com

mon place persijla gey that is alike diasgreeable and

contemptible, constitute the stock in trade of this

fungus society, the parvenue aristocracy that spring up on all sides around us, apeing the manners, as

suming the customs, and adapting the follies of those they try to equal. With the dustof their lowly oc

cupations scarcely shaken off, they assume all the