Locomotive, Volume 7, Number 7, Indianapolis, Marion County, 13 January 1849 — Page 4

" A jest's prosperity lies in tho ear Of him that hears it never in the tongue . Of him that makes it." Love's Labor Lost.

: Poetry.' which beats machine poetry, and worse than poetry run mad.' s 1 . There is not in this wido world a valley so sweet, As that where they've lobsters and oysters to eat ; And down to that beach a poor exile of Erin, One morning I spied with a hungry maw steerin' The dew on his thin robe hung heavy and chill, And he walked into the oysters and muscles to kill. Hail, Columbia, happy land ! For worser times are nigh at hand ; " , . If 1 could read my title clear, ' I would right off to Texas steer ; ' And those who meet me on the way . I have no doubt to me would say : ,: ,.0, tell me, blue-eyed stranger, Say, whither dost thou roam ? . . " Through these cane brakes a ranger, Hast thou no settled home ? . 0, say, can you see by the dawn's early light, - . The mosquito .we .watched at twilight's last , - gleaming? ' ' -;; . " ': The mosquito that bit us so fiercely all night,

That kept us the while from e'er sleeping or dreaming? . ' Loud roared the dreadful thunder, The rain a deluge poured, -The clouds seemed rent asunder, Yet wife' lay still and snored ! And then sung, ' , ' v ' With trembling tongue, Hush, my dear, lie still and slumber, Valiant armies guard thy bed, V Fleas and, bed-bugs, without number, Gently wander round thy head I Oft in the stilly night, ,. : . Ere slumber's chain hath bound me, I feel the cursed bite Of something crawling round me ! Potatoes .and Progeny. Dr. Mackenzie tells with great humor an anecdote in the New York Union. It is all about a certain Lady Middleton, who, contrary to her most anxious wish, was unblessed with any children. After an absence of several years with her liege lord in England, she returned with him to ' reside for a time on one of their 'Irish estates. ' As the carriage drove up to the mansion, she noticed several fine looking children about the gate, and having learned that their mother was the wife of the gate porter, she determined to interrogate her relative to the cause of her fecundity ; she therefore, next day, made her way down to the porter's lodge and commenced her inquiries, ' Whose children are these my good woman? All my own, my lady ' What, three infants of the same age V 1 Yes, my lady, I had three the last time.' f How long are you married ?' 4 Three years, your, ladyship.' How many children have you V Seven my lady.' - At last came the question of questions how she came to have children ? The poor woman not knowing how to wrap in delicate words, her idea of cause and effect, blushed and confused, and at last, for want of someting better to say, replied; I think it must be the potatoes, my lady !' This unfolded a theory of population quite new to Lady Middleton, who eagerly demanded, The potatoes ! Do you eat much of them V 'Oh yes, my lady; very seldom we have bread ; and so take potatoes all the year round.'

Greatly agitated with her new information the

lady further asked : And where do you get the potatoes V

. 4 We grow them in our little garden, my lady,

sure, rai tins it. -

Well,' said Lady Middleton, send me up a cart

load of these potatoes, and the steward shall pay you well for them.' Shortly after her ladyship rose to leave the house, and indeed had left, when the matron ran after her, blushing as she put the question, asked : ; - . 'Ah, then, my lady, is it to have children that you want the load of potatoes 1 It was now the lady's turn to blush as she confessed that it was. : : : Because I'm thinking, my lady, in that case, that Pat had better take the potatoes to you himself!' This is a fast age, and the art of Poetry is advancing,, as will be seen from the following Charge of Infantry.' Sound the stage horn ! ring the cow-bell I That the waiting world may know ; Publish it through all our borders, .

JtiiVen unto Mexico. . Seize your pen, oh ! dreaming poet,: And in numbers smooth as may be, - Spread afar the joyful tidings, Betsy's got another baby ! ' - Cannibalish. It is usual in Scotland for farmers

to kill each a sheep for their own use at Christmas ; so when the butchers inquire if they want any meat against Christmas, a common reply is, "Nay, I think o' killing myself" A butcher called on a farmer of his acquaintance in the usual manner,

saying. .

" Will ye want a bit of meat, or will-ye kill your-

seV this Christmas ?"

"I kna not," replied the farmer, "whether I'se

kill mysel or tak a side or my father !"

Advice A young lady asks the advice of the Boston Herald, in a matter of the heart. She says she is in love with a man who is in all respects worthy of her, the only objection being that he is a negro. She wants - to know whether it would be prudent to marry him or not. Old Age. Socrates learned to play on musical instruments in his old age. Cato, at eighty, learned Greek. Plutarch at about the same age studied Latin, and Franklin learned to speak French towards the close of his life. We see an account in one of our exchanges, of the marriage by the Rev. John Gates, of Mr. John Post to Miss Sophia Rails. If this match don't make a fence of the first quality, we should like to know what will. " ' ' Speculalion. A capitalist being asked what he thought of the speculations now afloat," replied, 'They are like a cold bath, to derive any benefit from which, it is neccessary to be very quick in and very soon out." Le Pere Arritjs. Le Pere Arrius said when Le Pere Baurdalone preached at Rouen, the tradesmen forsook their workshops, the lawyers their clients, the physicians their sick, but when I preached there the following year, I set all things right every man minded his own business. A Poor Endorser. "A worthy but poor minister," writes a friend from the country, "repuested a few days since the loan of fifty dollars from the cashier of our bank : and in the note requesting the favor he said that if the cashier would oblige him, he would pay him in ten days, on the faith of Abraham." - The cashier returned the word, " that by

the rule of the bank, the endorser must reside in the State !" Knickerbocker. Very Fair. " 1 am in favor of immediate annexation," said a lady, in Mississipi, to a trim attendant. " So am I," replied he. " So let's unite." " No, no, you repudiated the Union bonds once, and may do it again," was the sarcastic reply.

Some of Horn's Latest. This indefatigable punster supplies half the wits in town. , The other day, Horn saw one of the bank clerks in Wall st, cancelling bills, by thoroughly defacing them." I don't see,' said Horn, how they can sell them after that operation.' ' Any news from Mexico ?' Horn asked of a newsboy, last Sunday. - Nothin later 1' said the boy with unparalelled honesty. 'Strange,' said Horn, 'you should have the latest news, for I see that you are a bearer of Dispatches. A loafer having run off with a piece of beef from a stall in Fulton Market, Horn comforted the proprietor by intimating that it was a missed steak.'Is this good samp V asked Horn of a dealer. ' You can judge for yourself there's a sample.' ' You don't expect to sell good samp, by showing

samp-ill." ' . V

The dealer acknowledged the corn. There can be nothing much more unpleasant to a lady than the accidental fall of a false ringlet in the presence of a lover. . " I am like Balaam," said a dandy," on meeting a pretty girl in a passage, " stopped by an angel." " And I am like the angel," said she, " stopped by an ass." Unnatural Curiosities, Some of the scales that have fallen from' peoples eyes. ' A pair of pants, and a vest of a law suit. The key of the Locke on the Understanding. One of the strings used in matrimonial ties. Some of the stones which fell when the tune of ' HaW Columbia was first sung. Some cloves, cinnamon, pepper, variety,&c, being the spice of life. - - . Some small valises and carpet bags for elephants, to do away with the necessity of their constantly carrying trunks. .

CITY GKOCERY IIOKN & JOHNSON ARE now opening at the old stand formerly occupied by E. Hedderly, a choice and well selected stock of Family Groceries. -Also Queensware,' Cotton Yarns, Batting, Nails, Glass. &cM &c, Lard Oil of the best quality kept constantly on hand. We invite the attention of citizens generally to our stock, and hope by strict attention to business and Low Prices, to merit a liberal share of patronage. - j9 3w HORN & JOHNSON.

o

CHARLES PARRY, M. D., PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON.

FFICE at his Residence, on Meridian street, north of the

Governor's Circle, Indianapolis, Ind. . oct 28-Jm

OYSTERS FISH, AND AJLE KINDS OF W1L.D GAME, REUULARLY SERVED UP AT THE CITY SALOON, On Illinois, near Washington street.

S3"Hunters, bring on your Game.

INVITATION. To the Ladies of Indianapolis & vicinity JUST RECEIVING, at MAYHEWS, a Fesh Supply of Fall and Winter Goods, among which may be found some choice Dress Patterns and Shawls, as well as the Little Trim rningsand Notions, such as Fringes, Laces, Edgings, Inserting?, Gloves, Hose, Mitts, Under Vests, Collars, CapNetts, Hdkchfs, etc., etc., of which we respectfully invite an examination, feeling confident that among the selection will be found somedesirable articles. Call and see us, Ladies ! We will show you our goods with pleasure. Indianapolis, September 23, 1818.

NEW BOOKS ! NEW BOOKS ! ! TyrORRISON & TALBOTT, One door West of Crowning's are constantly receiving additions to their stock, from . NEW YORK, PHILADELPHIA, &c. . We invite the book buyers in Indiana to give us a call. an" we will save them the trouble and risk of buying out of the State. One door West of Browvivgs. January, 1818. (jl5l MORRISON & TALEOTT.

VISITING CARDS. DOUGLASS & ELDER, Book & Job Printers, on Washington street, opposite Browning's, have just received diret from New York, large founts of Patent Script and Ornamental Type, with a fount of Ornamental Flourishes, designed expressly for printing visiting and invitation cards, ball tickets, &c. Cards can now be printed equal to copperplate engraving' and at one-half the expense, and no Lady or Gentleman should be without them. -