Hammond Times, Volume 11, Number 181, Hammond, Lake County, 19 January 1917 — Page 29

January 22 and z6,

xJlJti OKAK-Lt; iAGE NINE

IN A CEMETERY - IN PHILADELPHIA You Can Find Some of These Epitaphs.

Her lies a Mormon, eter Crm1all, He had more wives thun he could h . i n d i e. Iere iies the body of Johnny Rife, He tried to steal a pugilist's wife. Xow shed some tears for Mary West, fcihe had never heard of a hornet's nest. On some dynamite bit S'Jaa Handy, He thought It was molasses candy. Here lies my husband, Stephen Crane. May he rest In peace tlil we meet a grain. ' Here lies the husband of Sarah Tate. He was number seven; who'll be number eight?

THINGS WORTH KXOWIXG. Suggestions for European Tourlsts-Stay here while the staying Is good.

To Avoid Seaslckmss Travel by land.

To Get a Seat In a Street Car Buy U and put It out :n your back yard.

To Improve Popular Songs Eliminate the words and music. What to Do In Mexico Get out.

To Avoid Automobile Accidents Enter a Tnonasterv.

An Old-Fashioned Garment A mantle of charity. A Schol of Designers A female college-

A POPULAR POEM.

Good Thlng-s Things that are rot for you. The Flftcherlzed Poet Chaw, sir.

A wnlng-f tripe Dresses Not designed to keep away the soa.

Bookplates are net made to hold a feast of reason. Verse Rhymes wilten hv live ones.

WHY?

Foetry Verses whose author Is dead. Tears A woman's argument.

Necessities Thinsrs many people jro without in order to buy luxuries.

"Why la a cheese like yacht club?" "Because It is full of skippers"

! MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB IN BOSTON , .

I There they spoke of It as follows: "Why is the Patrol called 'Arab?' Miss Mary was the possessor of a "Because they are a bunch of wild ! diminutive and immature specimen of

-men." ' I a wool bearing and ruminant qaudruj ped. The shaggy and agglomerated ! "Why do you name that especial j filaments constituting in their collec-!

niiii.nr sim:. "Will I recover, doctor?" inquired the pedestrian who had been run over. "Surest thing you know." replied Dr. L.. P. Gibson. "The fellow who owns the auto is a millionaire."

There is no use trying to play hookey from the school of experience.

John Yearns. Jan Turns-. Kyc Meet, 1,o v Sweet: J aim Sto.,s. John Pops. They Wed, Nuff Said. John Mad, J aim Sad ; lioth Fight, Sad Sight. W nolo Week Won't. Speak. Divorce.

Why are the Shrine colors green, yellow and red?" Because when we get hold or . Novice he Is green: when he 1 "'' he often shows -the yellow: and when we are through with him he is alwas

red."

kind of a hatband the -Vaudeville?" "liocause, stupid, it's a headllner."

tive capacity its natural outer cover

ing integument, or garment, present-i

ed to the vision of a sufrace absolutely "Why does the Novice hold onto the 1 otiolated and albifie l. and rivaling varope?" ' por that comonly characterizes the i "Because that's his only hope." winter landscape. j And to whatsoever locality, continu- j 'Why do you suppose that English ; oust or remote, whether Mary's f ra-' man gave $5,000 for a Ilea?" i grant fancy, the call of duty, of per-: "Perhars he thought that his wife chance the parental mandate, impelled ! r.eeded exercise." ; her, when not otherwise engaed, to be-j ! take herself, this Juvenescent repre- 1 "Why Is the camel a Shrine em- sentative of the genus Ovi Aries, with j blem?" !a fidelity remarkable upon with abso-

lute and entire certainty to accompany j her.

" "Because the Novices have to get a hump on them." "Why don't girls, who have to work, take to farming?" "Why should they?" "Because It is the science of hus

bandry." ! - i Don't argue about the war or the i

first thing you know-you'll be !n ai

battle yourself.

HAMMOND HAT SHOP 573 Bulletin st. Hammond, Intl. Popular Millinery at Popular Prices

j - " j

Norris Pharmacy 192 East State Street Hammond. Indiana

Drugs and Sundries Thermo Bottles and Lunch Kits, Fancy Toilet Goods, Perfumes and Powders, An Expert in charge of the Prescription Department We have your Doctor's Confidence Give Us Yours

Truro

Si 4 II M

F AISLE Y STUDIO..

UAOTY

We Photograph Anything, Anywhere, At Any Time. Oldest Established Studio In The City

Phone 149:

89 State St., Ground Floor:

Hammond, Indiana

JOKES THAT MADE DOCTORS LAUGH (From "The Medical Pickwick.") (!ASH, A physician attending an obstetrical ate where the pay is not considered good. When asked: Doctor, is the child marked In any way?" answered. "It his only one little mark about it," but you can easily remove that. "What is that, cloc'.or?" "It Is marked 'C. O. D.' "

"Why should the spirit of the Novice be proud?" "Because he hasn't met the Patrol yet."

THE WINNER Clothing and Shoe Store 167 State Street Better Goods For Less Money

WALK-OVER SHOES will withstand the hot sands. WALK-OVERS for Women. , WALK-OVERS for Men. JAS. B. ORTT

169 E. State St.

Hammond.

Residence 807 Hohman St. Residences Phone 2SC1

Office 754 Hohman St. Office Phone 247

P. X BAUWEN!

Honest Values DIAMONDS WATCHES JEWELRY LOWEST PRICES First Class Watch Repairing 163 Slate St. Hammond

65 Williams Street

Hammond Dealer STU DEBAKER AUTOMOBILES and TRUCKS. Hammond. Indiana Phone 247 For Demonstration on Studebaker Cars, Sold By i P. J. BAUWENS, Hammond, Indiana

H' - 'SN

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V. Q. PAXTON, Pres. FRED R. AlOTT, Vice-Pres. FRANK HAMMOND, Sec.-Treas.

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SAfiMGS

K".' 'J

o linn sun Street

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J. B. DOLL ARCHITECT Specialty on Bungalow's and Flat Buildings. 694 So. Hohman St. Hammond

TRY

Sanitaria

CLEANERS TAILORS DYERS

NO REGRETS

ASK THE NOBLES WEARING THE WHITE SUITS

Sanitaria Cleaning Tailor Shop

Majestic Hotel Building

Phone 229S

"ALWAYS THE BEST '

VAUDEVILLE

J. PAPPAS Diamonds, Watches, and Jewelry Watch and Jewelry Repairing a Specialty.

148 State St.

Hammond. Ind.

4 fi!

rpheum Theatre

DIRECTORS VV. O. PAXTON, FRED R. IVIOTT FRANK H AMMOND AUGUST H. JARNECKE DR. H. E. SHARRER J. C. PAXTON

PHONE 70 The Wm. Walter Company Dealers in General Hardware, Stoves and Tineware, Paints, Oils and Glass Agents for the Red Cross Stoves and Ranges. 4S0-482 Hohman St. Hammond. Opposite Central Pk. Ind.

HAMMOND

MUSICAL COMEDY

DRAMA

Trade Wliere You Get Your Money's Worth:

iwa

m amtm

5 aed 10 Cent Store

""?v A OIL AC i ,

A. VINCENT & SONS CO. SALE AGENTS FOR Cadillac and

I ji-rmiM mwl

aiuana uars

11431-33 Miehisjan Avenue

Boseland

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