Hammond Times, Volume 11, Number 181, Hammond, Lake County, 19 January 1917 — Page 27

January 2'2 and J-i. I'Jl't

THE OUAK-LE ... - -. . ' t i A Fair Warning. Drink water and Ret Typhoid Fever. Prlr.k milk and get Tuberculosis. Drink whiskey and get the Jim Jams. Eat soup and sret Brighfs Disease. KfU meat and encouraga Apoplexy. Eat oysters and acquire. Toxaemia. Eat vegetables and weaken the system. . Eat dessert and taka to Paresis. Smoke cIr-g-arettes and die early. Smoke cigars and get Catarrh. Drink coffee and obtain Nervous Prostration. Drink wine ad get the Gout. In order to be entirely healthy one must eat nothing, drink nothing, smoke nothing, and even before breathing should make sure that the air has been properly sterilized. yer honor's house, and the leddy asked me wud I take sumthin." I will." says I. and I tuk two glasses, but if I had kr.own yer honor kept such bad liquor, 'pon me sowl, I wouldn't have tuk but wan." Die Happy. fe Pat Mulligan died about four weeks ago, and a friend called on the widow to see haw she was getting along after the funeral. "Well," said the friend, "there's one blessing, for they say poor Mike died happy. "Indade he did," rasponded the widow. "The dear ladf The lasht thing he done was to crack me over the head wid a medicine bottle." - In going to a revival meeting the other night, the well known Billy Sunday fell on the slippery sidewalk. As it was Wednesday evening, this was a perfect case of Sunday Falling on Wednesday.

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All Comforts. A stranded but still haughty "leading lady" was obliged to put up at a dilapidated country hotel. She glanced frowningly about the office, reluctantly signed the register, and took the brass key from the proprietess. "Is there water in my room?" she demanded. "Why, there was," replied the proprietess, "but I had the roof flxt."

SIDXEY E. KAIF.MAN

In IIJs Imitation of a Hindoo Crystal Squibs by the Editor.

A big department store in New York ;uivertlses widely, "Bring the goods l .uk and get your money if not satis-li.-il," Now. this concern has a restaurant, and one day a man but what's l use! J A self-made man stalked into the office of the great financier with whom lie had an appointment. j "You probably don't remember me."' ' lie began, "but twenty years ago when 1 was a poor messenger boy, you gava

me a message to carry " "Yes, yes," exclaimed the financier. "Where is the answer?" "What id Santa Claus bring you for Christmas, my little man?" said tha lady to the little boy on tha street. "Aw, back up." replied the boy, "dey ain't no Santa Claus, and de stork is a 1 a fake and I'm going- to look into i :is God business next." A veteran talking to his great-grandson, a little lad of eight or nine years, remarked:

"Nearly a generation and a half ago. J

my head was grazed by a bullet at the battle of Chickamauga." The boy, looking at the old man's head thoughtfully, said: "There isn't much grazing- left now, is there, air?" "What are you moving the church for?" "Well, stranger, I'm the mayor of these dlggin's, an I'm fer law enforcements. We've got an ordinance what says no saloons shall be nearer than 300 feet to a church. I gave 'em three days to move the church?''

"Drunk again, eh?" said the magistrate, contracting his brows and looking severefy .at the prisoner. "Yis, yer honor," candidly returned rat. 'I was after ppllttin' wood at

Don't Trouble.

There is a saying old and rusty (But good as any new); Tis never trouble trouble "Till trouble troubles you. Don't you borrow sorrow Youll surely have your shara. He who dreams of sorrow Will find that sorrow's there. If you care you've got to carry. Wait 'till 'tis at the door; For he he who runs to meet it Takes up the load before. If minding will not mend it. Then better not to mind; The bast thing is to end itJust leave it all behind. Then don't you trouble trouble Till trouble troubles you; You'll only double trouble. And trouble others, too.

Metropolitan Mercantile Co. O. Am FRA1NZEIN, Prop.

Manufacturers of MW (SIR AWE refill TRESSES

A Sanitary Factory, open for Pub ic Inspection 56Plummer Ave., Hammoud, Ind PHONE 2596

THE BIG

Favorite:

Peninsular and Round Oak Stoves

r 12nd Furnacesi

HARDWARE AND CONTRACTORS' SUPPLIES P. H. MUELLER'S HAMBVIARE STORE

114 Sibley Street.

Tel. 166 Hammond

f ' ' : . , . ?'J. ' , i f s '

BCDDIE

The Highest Excellence in Photographs Phone 3096

Opposite E. C Minns' Dept. Store,

iVillllS Hi II

NVE

ANNOUNCE

JPEC

IALS

That Every Housewife Has Been Waiting for. Saving of 25 to 40 Per Cent. After invoicing we find on hand a large selection of odds and ends in useful pieces of furniture which, while they last, we are selling at a reduction of 25 to 40 per cent reduction. You will miss a great buying opportunity if you see these bargains. Call early.

ifTTTTTTT !

Dining Chairs

Brass Bed

This bed is a great bargain Iu genuine leather at 18.00. special inventory colden or fumed oak

price - 12.50 each, up from. . 2.45 up from 10.50

CASH 0?, CREDIT

Extension Table This 6 foot Extension Table, comes in golden or

fumed oak, special,

HOUSE OF BARGAINS

214-216-218 STATE STREET.

Opposite Postoffice,, Hammond

HOBBS'

GARAGE

10(57 Calumet Ave. Telephone 2728 Hammond, Indiana

Specialize on Supplies and Repairs for FORD CARS

.V "' IU

I I ,

G45.00

liEV?;-1' 'v .fsf"lr 5"." "' v. sir 0 ' ' If,""' 1 4u

360.00

Whe ammond, In Phone 22 "WWS505.00 11 i f-,r' i -it

n in Need of

LUMBER

1504 -6 6 HOH MAN L3T-HM M.QN P 1 N 15. d " i OBD (rr "

55B5B5!SB!taBa