Hammond Times, Volume 11, Number 181, Hammond, Lake County, 19 January 1917 — Page 26

PAGE SIX

THE ORAK-TE January 22 and 23, 1017

JIDGK IUIIM7TT, GEOHGE MAI JLKTT AD W. II, FORD. A Quartrttr Ton Have IJrramert About Hut Will Xevrr Hear.

Why Is It?

When a. fellow begins to court trouble, usually ends by marrying It? Nine men out of ten love a woman but only the tenth loves the woman? A woman Is not always stuck on the man she will jro to a show with? A man's friends know of his engagement before he and the girl most interested are aware of it'.'

A man was brought before an Irith judjre. and bepran making excuses to not serve on the jury. Juda," he said. "I wish you'd let me off." "For what raisin," asked the judcre. "Well, judge, if I must tell ye, I have the itch.' The judge said: "Clerk, scratch that man out.

Pedigree of Fools. They say Ixst-Time married Ignorance and had a son called I-Thought. who married Youth, and had the following children: I-Pon't Know, I-Ion't Think, Who-Would-Have-Expected. Who-Would-Have-Expected married Heedlessness and had four children: rt's-All-Kight, Tomorrow - Will - ro, There's-Plenty-of-Time and Next. Opportunity. There' s-Plenty-of-Tlme married I-Don't-Think, and for family: I-Forgot, I - Know - All - About - It, Nobody-Can-Deceive-Me. I-Know-All-About-It espoused Vanity and begot Pleasure. who. marrying That's-Xot-Llkely, became father to Iet-Us-Enjoy-Ourselves and Bad Luck. Bad-Luck took to wife Little-Sense, and they had a very large family, among whom were This-Will-Po, What-Business-Is-It-Of-Their's It-Seems-ta-Me, It's-Not-Possible. Pleasure was widowed and marrying again, espoused Folly. Consuming their interltance, they eaid to one another: ' Have patience, let us spend our capital and enjoy ourselves for God wi.l provide for the next." But Deception took them to prison and Poverty to the workhouse, where they died. Strange rites were performed at thir funeral, at which were present the five senses. Intellect. Memory and Will, althoagh in a pitiful condition. Repentance, who came somewhat late, found no seat and had to stand the whole time, while Consolation and Contentment w-ere presented by Desolation and Melancholy, daughters of Memory. Despair, grandchild of the deceased, went about begging for several days and at last collected enough to buy a rope and hanged himself from a turret, which is the end of the family of Fools.

Shrmers' Emblems, Charms or Buttons See McCarry, The Jeweler

509 So.'Hohman St.

Hammond.

Eating onions should either be prohibited, or else made compulsory for everybod v.

Have You Smoked a

emdor

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1 mi tiirlni mart "t iTt inn m hi m mmnrrnitmrn m m k mitM

Manufactured oy Lavendor Gigar Co. HAMMOND, IND.

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Many a House Was Cold and Disagreeable Yesterday. The very room you wanted warm was chilly Those who had one of our Copper Reflector Gas Heating Stoves for sitting room, dining room, or bedroom could sit and laugh at the weather. Were you one of them? If you were not, be prepared for tomorrow or the next day with its raw, searching winds, chilly rains and penetrating fogs and dampness by buying one of these little gas heating stoves today. It is always ready for any emergency. You have heat the instant you light the gas. Sold on the deferred payment plan.

See the stoves demonstrated at any of "our offices, or ask us to send a representative to yoiu1 home.

rlcri

HAMMOND 'PHONE HAM. 2300

Gas

Electric

Go.

WHITING PHONE W-46.

EAST CHICAGO

PHONE E. C. 86.

INDIANA HARBOR PHONE I. H. 811.

The Minister's Parting Shot. The minister had Just preached hia farewell sermon to the congregation with whom" he had had much trouble. "How beautiful!" said a visitor to one of the deacons, "and how appropriate for a farewell sermon!" "Think so?" said the deacon gruffly. "Why. yes. What better test could he find than 'In Sly Father's, house are many mansions. . . I ro to prepare a

place for you.' By the way, where Is he j

going The deacon smiled Hourly as he answered: "He becomes chaplain of the state penitentiary."

The fellow pushing the wheelbarrow and paying his debts is petting richer faster than the fellow that is g-ettins all his gasoline charged. If this shoe fits, consider it as a great present and wear it.

THEATRE

VAUDEVILLE and MOVING PICTURES

tbJ.!.S.;gggS

monon;

Hotel and Restaurant Meals At All Hours F. K. WEHHE, Proprietor H&MM0N0, INDIANA

ROINTl

Carl Lundgren, Prop,

Fish and Chicken

mners

BOOKS, STATIONERY AND SPORTING GOODS.

KODAKS, CAMERAS SCHOOL SUPPLIES

PHONE 540-J. NASSAU & THOMPSON NEWS AGENTS AND STATIONERS FRIEDMAN BLDG. Manufacturers of Pure Ice Cream and Ices. East Chicago, Ind.

Home- Baking: is Like Home Spinning01d Fashioned. It may oe good but it doesn't pay. We'll do it BE1TER &NB CHEAPER

Banquet Cream Brea J 60S-7-9 Calumet Ave. Phoue 383

114th Street and Indiana Boulevard ROBERTSDALE

WHITING, IND.

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unmlbeir

THE

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HAMMOND, IND.

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City F

& supply

227 MICHIGAN AVE. Phone 333 Texas Gasoline

and

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(OIS4S

Coal, Wood and Coke

Open a Savings Account With The SMdestSanh lit East Chicago

3 Per Gent paid on Savings