Hammond Times, Volume 3, Number 170, Hammond, Lake County, 7 January 1909 — Page 4

ras tuxes.

Thursday, Jan. 7, 1909.

The Lake County Times INCLUDING THE GARY EVENING TIMES EDITION, THE LAKE COUNTY TIMES FOUR O'CLOCK- EDITION, AND THE LAKE COUNTY .1 TIMES EDITION, ALL. DAILY NEWSPAPERS PUBLISHED BY. THE LAKE COUNTY PRINT -i 1NO AND PUBLISHING COMPANY,

"Entered as second class matter June 28, 1906, mond, Indiana, under the Act oi Congress, March 3

at the post office at Ham-1879."

MAIN OFFICE HAMMOND, IND., TELEPHONES, 111112. BRANCHES GARY, EAST CHICAGO, INDIANA HARHOR, WHITING, CROWN POINT, TOLLESTOS AND LOWELL.

eart to Heart

Talks. V Br EDWIN A. NYE.

Cepyrlsfat, 1339. by American Press Association.

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FOR INSPECTION AT

MR. TAFTS DECISION. If it is true, as stated on good. authority, that President Elect Taft has made a decision never to drink alcoholic liquor, he Is to be warmly commended. Mr. Taft has the -will power of a strong man, and if he has made up "his mind he will keep his pledge. One naturally asks the reason for

such a determination.

There is perhaps small danger for

s,uch a man in the occasional use of

intoxicants. His strong personality

would not permit such use to become

a vicious habit

But

Mr. Taft's exalted position among

men makes his personal example a mat

ter of great importance. And, above

all

The spirit of his action in this de

cision is the spirit of self denial for

the sake of others.

And that kind of spirit in a great

man i3 more potent than a thousand

thou-shalt-not commands. The latter

is the spirit of the law, the former is

Of all the contemptible and picayunish souls that 'ever found lodgment the helpful spirit of the gospel. One

TO SUBSCRIBERS -Readers of THE TIMES are requested to favor the man

agement by reDortine ar irregularities In delivering. Communicate with the

Circulation Department. COMMUNICATIONS.

THE TIMES will print all communications on subjeet of general Interest

to the Dronlr. when nnrh communications are sinned by the writer, but will

reject all commnnicatlona not signed, no matter what their merit. Thia precaution Is taken to avoid misrepresentation.

THE TIMES in published In the best Interest of the people and Its utterances

always Intended to promote the general welfare of the public at large.

THE MEANEST MAN IN LAKE COUNTY.

Is of Sinai, the other of CalTary,

When a strong man gives up what

in a human carcass, that belonging to one Sam Huth, is the limit. Huth is a big ablebodied scoundrel to whom a frail little woman once swore to love and obey, thereby making the one grand mistake of her life. She stood by the

fellow loyally in all his shameful treatment of her and became the mother of

several children, whose misfortune it is to call him father. Huth is the one

shining example of how a man can live without doing any work and compel-1 turn my back on all the past If need

ling his wife not only to support his children, but support him as well. Find

ing that the hardworking little woman who took in washing to support the

family, was again about to become a mother, Huth decided to desert her He found himself too lazy to earn any money, so the hulking creature rum

maged around through the house one day when his wife was ailing, and found five hundred dollars, that she had put by for a rainy day. To one who has ever earned his daily portion by the sweat of his brow, it will not be hard to

imagine the task it was for the little woman to support a family, take in wash- soldier and himself a brave man, when of his going, and the note was effec

ted and save five hundred dollars, while doing it. Well, Huth took the money me cup is orrerea mm says, x am tive. Moro (Ore.) Observer.

c,t,t,o- o r!rrmne anil hfi ipvin r that, his wife would keen his I afraid to annk.

r4' . "j;:., e i,, When some one asked Grant why he

stomacn iuu ana ms carets waim, u icuimru , was affald t( drJnk hQ replied) j. am give her some of the money he had stolen, but he only laughed at her. This afraId not for myself; but for tha

was the straw that broke the camel s back and tne aousea wue swore out a y0ung 0fscers:

warrant for his arrest. He is to be tried for wife abandonment. Huth will That Is It

probably be delighted if he can be sent to a warm jail, where he will be fed Phillips Brooks, one of the greatest three times a day. That will be poor punishment for such as he. In the preachers of modern times, understood ia .o,. tho-ro wa th. whir.nlns-r.nst. for such brutes as Huth and if he the meaning of this spirit of sacrifice

UlUvU vCA o mviv " - . . j--1 ij i - -

TO PROMOTE INTRAURBAN. : A meeting of citizens of Otwell was

held today with reference to the

building of the Jasper and VIncennes

Electric railway by way of Ireland, Otwell, Algiers, Petersburg and Monroe City.

SUIT FOLLOWS EXPLOSION. In the damage suit of Mrs.' Margaret

Borders against the Du Pont Powder company for Injuries received In the

iontanet explosion, a Newport jury composed of farmers haskbeen chosen and the opening statements of both sides were made today.

REPORTER NOW SECRETARY. Robert T. Bonham of Evansville. un

til recently a reporter on the Evansville Courier, was today named aa private secretary to . Con

- '

jonn vv. uoehne, now mayor of this city. He is now attending college at

ureencastie, Ind.

JACKSON BANQUET READY

Everything Is in readiness Yor the

thirteenth annual banquet of the Jack

son club, to be held Thursday evening

at me iiotei JLahr, Lafayette. Covers will be laid for 350 and every seat will be taken. Democrats living at a distance from Lafayette have been Given

the preference of tickets, and few local

men will be present. WAS FOLLOWER OF KERN

George Vogel, alias George Harper,

n aueged bad man," who followed the Kern special during the recent cam

paign, and who, with three "pals," was

arrested oy the Chicago nolice Sundav

today forfeited a bond for $200 fixed by the Kosciusko circuit court at War-

may be to him a pleasure, moved by a aw fr his release from the county

love of his fellow men, the world takes c eia awaiting trial

tint, of it uj. picking pockets.

President Eliot of Harvard says: "I 3tlv TO BREAK will,

urace loebroke. Maud Hlnkle and

be. I have changed my views. I have HartInf brousht suit in the t, a. Bartholomew circuit court at Columbus

uunureua "V mum-, today to break the will of their grandNo license for the city of Harvard father, wllUam Toebroke The plam-

wmcn covers tne neaas or inoSe stu- tiffs allege aa grandchildren they are

dents." entitled to their parents' shara of th

Not for himself, but for his students, estate, which they say is valued at $50

That la tho ChrlatlSfcft rtrvtrrno

Fred Grant, the son of the silent

SEES FIVE GENERATIONS. Matilda Lamb of Wabash, 90 years

old, who died today, had expressed a wish that she might survive to see

five generations of which she would be the head, and the wish was granted.

Three days after the birth of a child

to Mr. and Mrs. Cleve Kindlesparker, which represented the fifth generation, she passed away.

FIX DATE OF CONTEST. At a meeting of the executive board

of the Central Indiana High School Oratorical association held in Lebanon

today it was decided to hold the next

oratorical contest on April 19. The

place of holding will be either at

Crawfordsvilie or Noblesville. Lafay

ette and Tipton were admitted into the

association.

BEATS WIFE- JOINS CHURCH.

Two weeks after he had beaten his wife for Joining the church-, James

Copeland of Milton,, near Richmond,

saw the error of his way and became a

member of the Christian congregation

'tsut in the interim he had been ar

rested for cruelty. Imprisoned and fined.

QUAKERS OPPOSE OPTION.

The Jefferson club of Wayne county,

the only democratic organization In the county, adopted resolutions at Richmond In favor of the repeal of the county local option law and calling upon the democrats in the legislature to pass a ward and township option law. HAVE COURT FIGnT ON. The fight over the proposed separation of the judicial circuit composed of

Greene and Sullivan counties, complicated with the efforts of Linton people to get a superior court established in their city, is already waxing warm at Indianapolis. RUNS INTO OFFICER'S ARMS. Bolting ouf of the door of the Kokomo National vbank this afternoon.

Omer Jngells, 19 years old, a son of George Ingells of Delon, Ind., rushed into the arms of Patrolman Meeker, who had been summoned to the bank to arrest him in connection with the attempted passing of a forged check

for $65. He admitted his guilt, and

begged his parents be not informed.

When the beau goes to make his most Impressive bow to a lady he should be sure that be is not putting his foot upon a slipper spot on the sidewalk.

could be stripped to the waist, lashed to a post with the wind blowing through

ten degrees of zero weather and whipped by a Simon Legree, a lot of people

would certainly be delighted. HAMMOND CAN PAY HER OWN BILLS.

James J. Jeffries, having retired to

for others. In the presence of young lne "aY Ior keeps, refuses to emerge

men who looked to him for leadership ana ao battle with Mr. J. Johnson for

he spoke the language of th little j even $50,000. We suggest that Mr

converted Jew of the first century: Johnson go back to Africa and keen

li eaung meai tuuseiu my uryiuer i out of the wav

to offend x will eat no more meat wnut

the world stands."

The editor of our esteemed contemporary, the Broadway Tribune, isl It 13 refreshing to note the growth

throwing another fit because the Hammond correspondent of the Indianapolis of this brotherhood kindness, the spirit

Star sent a jocular dispatch to his paper in which he said that Hammond was or sacrince on tne part or tne strong

n P .K0 lcWcloti rrr,Tr,itr00 invHorl tn Cxrv nnrl would iur lue ueueuL ul "

l4U""us u" "V . V - - - aw of the surviVai of the fittest

taKe mem to xiammona auer uaiy is imiu6u euw.uuumg im. wo , i,,, nf i1cinfnin fnP h

. . . . . , , . , 1. '1 , 3 ,1 , m..,

sure that liammona is not so poverty stncKen mat sue wouiu can upon weak divine,

Gary to entertain any junketers for her benefit It has not been customary

in any of the cities on Lake County to do this in the past; and the Broadway

editor has evidently not been in Lake County long enough to realize that born at Vernon, New York, Jan. 7,

I i n r a ft. tt in

ricimmuilU lb nut yuuc Du - rollpE.R ln 1S72 h pntpred th Anhurn

think that they were. Hammond has the kindliest of feelings for her sister- Theological seminary. In 1876 he was

city and is proud of her, the efforts of the newly arrived B. e. to stir up strife ordained to the ministry, and became

pastor of the Presbyterian church at

Auburn, and there preached for two

years. In 1S7S he accepted the pas

torate of a church in Ithaca, and five

years later was called to fill the pulpit of the Second Congregational church In

The new woman tells us that being advanced gives her an aim In life, which la Just what she needs, for the average woman is never able to hit anything.

New Addresses. Will Walden and Grady Cooper, two

dashing young sports, have changed their place of courting to parts unknown, so mote It be. Glasscock (Ga.) Banner.

and ill-feeling notwithstanding. PRESIDENT DIAZ THE WISE OLD OWL.

Everybody in Mexico is trying to find out whether or not President

Diaz is going to run again. It is impossible to find out though, because the

Old man is getting wiser as lie geis oiuer. ne win ue eiguij wiieu uis teiin i Chicago. In the latter year he was expires in 1910 and he could be reelected if he would say the word, but he is elected to the presidency of Hamilton

not goirfs to give his political enemies any time to work against him or the

man whom he is likely" to select. The common impression among his friends

it is learned, Ss that he is going to retire, but like Mr. Roosevelt, he is going to

seat his successor before he does so. When he was recently visited by a newspaper man for the purpose of arranging an interview for a delegation of newspaper men who wished to ask Diaz the pointed question, the old man

said he thought it would not be wise or good policy to receive such a dele

gation at this time. That was all they could get out of him, at the same time

he is reported to have said that he will get ou in 1910.

MANY A MAN WHEN HE LEAVES

THE HOUSE FINDS IT DIFFICULT

TO REMEMBER WHAT HIS WIFE

TELLS HIM NOT TO FORGET, ES

Holyoke, Mass. From 1880 to 1892 he riALLi IF IT IS TO REMEMBER

was pastor of a prominent church in TO COME HOME EARLY.

college. Dr., Stryker has traveled much

in Europe and has written a number of books. As a poet and hymnologist

he holds a high rank.

Scientific authority declares that the

X-ray turns old men young. Well, that

explains a lot of things to us now.

RANDOM THINGS AND FUNGS

The man who isn't particularly good to his wife during her lifetime, is always the one to have a fine monument erected and a life-size picture of her made for the parlor.

CRIMP PUT IN REVENUES.

You will remember that we were par

ticularly anxious for you to see that

the coal bin hadn't fizzled out.

Hat,

It is going to be mighty hard for the postal service to get anything new

from the next Congress in view of that f 17,000,000 deficit, no business man 1 Medicine Hat, oh. Medicine

and there are lots of them in Congress, likes to increase his expenses wThenl where they have no ear tabs!

he is losing money. Of course the post-office revenue fell off during the last

fiscal year on account of the money shortage, but aside from this the affairs

of the department are not in good shape to spread before a critical House or

Senate committee which is being appealed too for more money to do business

Congress is undoubtedly going to assist the postal and other departmental authorities to get more revenue during the next twelve months, but it

is very unnseiy tnat it win autnonze any new DanKmg experiences. There There's one sweet consolation: It's

is sums .u uc a. ut-ij v.iduiui id; muiiey wneu congress opens. Tne just as warm in the calumet region

coming session promises to be largely one of dollars and cents, there will be as it is anywhere else.

little time to discuss new policies. ' ' A GOOD FIRE DEPARTMENT.

The Day In Congress

At a recent debate on "Woman's Best Friend," not one of the speakers as much as referred to the man who invented the mousetrap.

THE CREAM OF THE Morning News

, Kir ' r-v v ? "4 ' . . .. ' . , ,-. ; - if. fi 7 , .' . - o t F - , : ' S r" - .'(. ;':-'v::.:'.:y: i - ;-; ' - - :r ' A ' " J " I ' ' - " r v "1 ' . If :)y:y ' : ' www .. rv. . ' '7 - '!-. . . ;. . - .; . . .. -:...:v ":-.:.v..: - .....!.-..... ' ?. '. - ... ' ; .. .. . '.. , . . . - j i ( , - ' 4S. ' 'v

MASON AND MASON IN THE COMED Y, "RUDOLPH AND ADOLPH" AT THE TOWLE OPERA HOUSE, TO MORROW, FRIDAY NIGHT.

THE THREE TWINS.

Gary is having the same experience as do all j-oung cities with disastrous fires, and there seems to be no cessation to them. The need of a

good fire department has been often demonstrated to the people of Gary, and the good work .done at the Lyric fire, shows that the municipality at last has

the gallant nucleus of a splendid department. The people of Gary will feel safer in their warm be&3 these winter nights, to know that they have an

organization which will protect them from the ravages of the fire fiend.

VIRTUOSO OTTO MEYER likes Hammond first rate, but he does hate

to hear the janitor cracking coal with a sledge-hammer in the. basement, while

he is trying to get a cadenza out of his fiddle, and so it may be said does the

audience.

THE NEXT THING THEY'LL INVENT WILL BE THE HORSELESS SLEIGH. IN AVHICH CASE THE POOR GIRLS WILL HAVE TO GET ALO.NG

WITH THE KISSLESS St.EIGH-RIDE.

Confound the tariff, anyway. Have

to read up and refresh the memory again. There will be thirty persons a day asking the difference between ad valorem and specific duties and little

things like that.

THIS DATE IN HISTORY. " nminry 7. 1637 Theophilus Eaton, first governor of the colony of New Haven, died. 1718 Israel Putnam. American Revolutionary hero, born in Massachusetts. Died ln" Connecticut May 19, 1790. 17S2 Bank of North America, the first Institution of its kind in the country, opened in Philadelphia. 1822 Greeks proclaimed their independence.

1855 A commercial convention

states met ln

attacked

the southwestern

New Orleans. 1S63 Confederate . force

Springfield, Mo. 1S01 Ruth Cleveland, eldest child of former President Grover Cleveland, died at Princeton. 1905 The Colorado legislature declared Alva Adams governor-elect.

THIS IS MY 5STII BIRTHDAY. Melancthon W. Stryker. t Dr. Melancthon Woolsev Strvker.

of president of Hamilton college, was

The woman Who once places her husband on A pedestal Will ever afterward have a Terrible time to make Him come off His high Perch.

(Washington, D. C., Jan. 6, 1909.) House.

The only incident worthy of note in

the proceedings of the house of rep

resentatives today and which caused

a good deal of amusement was a brief

discussion of the forthcoming African

hunting trip of President Roosevelt

incidentally there was a reference to

the famous so-called Ananias club

The whole debate hinged on the news

paper story stating that Major Edgar

o. Mearns of the army was to accom

nany the president and that in order

to do so he had been put on the retired list with increased rank. The matter was brought up by Mr. Mann of Illi

nois, in connection with the consid

eration of a bill authorizing the Issuance of commissiones tn nffw-a -n-v.

retire with increased rank.

Senate. The postal savings bank bill was

before the senate today and mahy amendments were proposed to it, some of them requiring the deposit of pos-

xai savings tunus in state as well as national banks. It in c.vr,.t

voting on amendments and a further discussion of the measure will be resumed tomorrow.

The senate also received two messages from the president, one recommending additional interstate commerce legislation and the other relating to the absorption by the United States Steel corporation of the Tennessee Coal and Iron company, and passed several bills on the calendar. At 4:11 p. m. the senate adjourned

With the help of sixty democratic

votes Edward D. Shurtleff is elected speaker of the Illinois house by a vote of 85 to 54 for Edward J. King.

Mrs. rtenry S. Schwab gives brilliant

cotillon at Congress hotel, ignoring

threats of unknown enemy.

Judge Landis and Judge Bethea re

fuse to take Standard OU hearing.

Actors' matinee for benefit of Ital

ian earthquake sufferers promises " to attract large audience to Auditorium

theater today.

National Packing company Is now

thought to be involved in federal investigation.

Action is deferred on the franchise

ordinance of the Kensington and Eastern railroad.

President Roosevelt ln a message to the senate says he approved the. ab

sorption of the Tennessee Coal and

Iron company by the United States Steel corporation, that no prosecution

will be attempted and that the senate went beyond its authority in making

in quiry.

John W. Gates declares for free trade on Iron, coal and lumber and urges a 50 per cent cut on steel in letter to

Speaker Cannon.

Under a six hour cross examination T. Jenkins Hains, on trial at Flushing, N. Y., for the killing of W. E. Annis, holds to the essentials of his testimony

though somewhat uncertain on de tails. .

New cult in New York claims to have discovertd a way of insuring persons

success by changing their names.

William C. Brown has been elected president of the New York Central lines to succeed William H. Newman.

Figures on the currency movement of Chicago banks in 1908. show excess

of shipments to the amount of $324 410,000.

Wheat values move within usual narrow limits. Effect on crop of the cold, wave problematical; corn, oats

and provisions slightly higher; live

stock higher.

MACCABEES FAIL OF CHOICE.

The "Three Twins," which will be the attraction at the Towle Opera House Sunday matinee and night, Jan. 10. Is offered without fear of contradiction

as the most gigantic musical comedy en the road. It had the distinct honor of receiving the universal press criticisms on its opening in New York at the Herald Square theater, it also had

a run of five months at the Whitney

Opera House in Chicago. It Is the most elaborate staged production in America and is said to contain more novel features than all the other musical comedies. The faceograph and the electrical arlal swing are distinct

novelties, the latter being one of the most wonderful pieces of stage craft ever perpetrated. . It is a wonderful steel structure weighing over 4,000 pounds and illuminated with over 2,000 electric lights. It requires three machinists, which the company carries, to handle this one wonderful electrical effect and takes three large scene trucks to trasnport it from the baggage cars to the theater. This is only one of the many novelties. Mr. Gaites has spared no expense ln staglng the attraction and the New York Telegraph said that It was the handsomest costumed company on

Broadway. It requires two baggage cars and three coaches to transport

the "Three Twins" company, and they

generally travel by special train. The

company is headed by Victor Morley,

who was associated with Richard Carle in "The Spring Chicken" until

he created the title role in the "Three Twins" at the Whitney Opera House,

Chicago. Others in the company are Richard Bartlett, George S. Trimble,

Eva Fallon, Maude Demarest, Delia

Nlven, Frank Smith, Florence Kolb, W. H. Woodside, E. P. Bower, Ada Bateman, Marie "askow and a large chorus.

Hour" in a dramatic class by itself. It has proven a sensation wherever given representation. It comes here bearing the prestige of continuous triumps in other cities. Al

ready many orders are being booked

for seats. During the past few days

many letters enclosing checks for seats

have been received at the box office.

The company now engaged ln the

portrayal of "The Witching jHour" is composed of splendid material. It com

prises Howard Gould, Edward See, Robert Bartin, Herman Hirschberg, Alma Chester, Eleanor Barry, Janet Dunbar, Franklin Jones, George Howell, Charles Malles, Frederick Roberts, W. C. Bristol, S. "Kent, W. P. Jackson and J. L. Wilson. The Messrs. S. S. and Lee Shubert never do anything by halves. They believe in giving to playgoers the best that can be procured. That is why their success has. been so pronounced and continuous.

THE WITCHING HOUR. "The Witching Hour," which will materialize on the stage of the Towle opera house, Monday, Jan. 11, Is a play that will live until nearly all of Its present day competitors are forgotten. The originality of its theme, the ingenuity of Its construction, the novel treatment of scientific problems taken in consideration with its absolute deviation from the beaten track of stagecraft, a combination of such striking novelty that places "The Witching

RUDOLPH AND ADOLPH. Mason and Mason, supported by Hinea and Remington, the laughing stars o vaudeville, and an excellent company, will present the screaming farce comedy "Rudolph and Adolph" at the Towle Opera House on Friday, Jan. 8. As the title implies their entertainment' Is not one intended to supply mental pabulum to minds raving enlightment" on the deepest physiological and psychological subjects, nor does it present a social problem or dramatic solution. It is projected rather as a pleasing melange o fun, frivolity, dance and song concocted, merely with the Idea of tickling the popular palate and of bringing a smile to tije wrinkled face of care. This is the realm of comedy which Mason and Mason have entered and their entertainment Is intended to amuse rather than to instruct, and they desire to add to the gaiety rather than to the wisdom of the nation. Their play "Rudolph and Adolph," which was written especially for them and to fit their Individual methods. Is a farce with rather more of a plot than is generally found ln such plays, but the plot Is not of such consistency as to obviate the possibility of introducing songs, dances and other specialties, with these the entertainment will be liberally Interpersed. Mason and Mason themselves will sing three songs written for them and used exclusively by them. Other specialties will be presented by Hines and Remington and other members of the cast.

LOOKING ON THE SUNNY SIDE OF LIFE

Session Called to Elect Indiana Great

Commander at Goshen Results in

a Postponement. Goshen, Ind., Jan. 7. Representatives of'the Indiana Maccabees yesterday attempted unsucessfully to elect a successor to the late Great Commander Borden of Hartford City, who died a few weeks ago. It was proposed to submit the choice to a general election of the Maccabees, but a'second meeting of the committee was called. Among those who attended the meeting yesterday were: J. W. Repolgle of Goshen, W. E. Mowbray of Peru, Milo Meredith of Wabash, Drs. A. J. Irwin of Detroit, H. P. Dexheimer of Marion, M. A. Clapper of Hartford City, A. E. Thomas of Fort Wayne, S. T. Thomas of South Bend and E. L. Burns of Elk

hart. The candidates were Milo Meredith, H. P. Dexheimer, M. A. Clapper, E. L. Burns, and W. H. Keyes of Indianapolis, L. L. Vase of Muncie, and E D. Gildersleeve of LaPorte.

Brief Conversation. There is a government offtcial in Washington to whom an unnecessary or inane question is as a-red rag to a bull. Last summer he made his usual trip to Europe. On the first day out from New York he was strolling on the promenade deck, when suddenly there appeared before him a man whom he had not seen for years. "Why, professor," exclaimed the man. "To meet you, of all men! Are you going across?" "Yes," growled the professor. "Are you?" Harper's Weekly.

. The Minister's Dog.

Jack, the minister's dog, was put to

use as a messenger Wednesday of last week to bring in the delinquents of the Dorcas society. A note was pin

ned to his collar and he was told where vital parts are composed and wear out

I to so and he didn't stand on the order J the machine. Bovea

Cheerfulness Means Health. Cheerfulness is the best nromoter

of health. RepininES and mnrmnrinea

of the heart give imperceptible strokes

I to those delicate fibers of which the

Needed. , Edward prayed one night: "Dear God, take care of my mamma way off in Europe an' do not let her be in a smash-ups. Send your angels to take care of her and send Jesus to take care of papa in Cleveland, but you stay here with me." Delineator.

Extravagance and Crime. To be extravagant at the expense of other people is criminal. Florida Times-Union.

Read The Tikes and get all the news.

Not So Easy a Problem. The traveler met an old colored man with a balky mule. "What's the matter with him, uncle?" asked the traveler. "Full of pure cussedness, sah. He'll stay right in dat some position foh two or three houahs, sah." "That So?' Why don't you build a fire under him?" "What? A fire under dat mule! Lands, mister. If Ah built a fire under dat mule he'd stay here all day en wahm hisself." Chicago News.

ain't b'grudgin' the money, but I don't cal-late ter hev the jug stretched." Judge.

Tramp "Will yer give me somethln to eat, missus? I'm that thirsty I don't know where to sleep tonight. Punch.

Why He Brought Him Up. Irascible Magistrate Officer, why did you bring this prisoner up before me? Can't you see he's as deaf as a door nail? Policeman Oi was told ye'd give him a hearing, sor. Judg.

Rural Diplomacy. "Judgin' from the price ye charged me, neighbor, yet put three gallon uv m'lasses in a two gallon Jug. Naow I

Too Light a Sentence. That. Beerbohm Tree, the player, has a caustic wit Is evidenced by an Incident wherelfi he and an unknown playwright figured. The writer had obtained permission to read his offering to Tree. The actor evinced no great degree of enthusiasm either during or after the reading; but he did take the manuscript, upon which he scribbled hastily a few suggestions for its betterment. "See here, Mr. Tree," was the indignant ejaculation of the ambitious playwright, "It's hardly fair of you to dis

pose of my work in this summary and nonchalent fashion. 1 have you know that this play cost me a year's hard labor!" "So?" queried Tree. "My dear fellow, any Impartial judge would give you at least five!" Harper's Weekly. A Bit of Nature. Boss When you told that new clerk he'd have to hump himself If he expected to hold his job, how did he take it? Department Manager He got his back up right away. Chicago Tribune,

Wit Must Come Unsought. When one runs after wit he is sure o catch nonsense. Montesquieu