Kankakee Valley Post, Volume 12, Number 9, DeMotte, Jasper County, 8 January 1942 — The Once Over [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Once Over

by H. I. Phillips

WNU Services

ALL FOR THE BEST Apathy has flown the coop, Unconcern has hit the floor; Selfishness has looped the loop, Dopiness is now no more; Silent are the “gimme” boys, All obstructors get the “bird”; Gone is all light-hearted poise— REALISM is the word! II. Now it isn't mere routine, When the dangers round us roll, Just to gambol on the green Waiting for a Gallup poll; Nutty rallies now are out, Stilled are antis this and that; On soap-boxes few now spout . . . We’re a nation AT THE BAT! III. Sleeping at the switch is not „ Now the leading enterprise; Mikes no longer get red hot From the breath of wild-eyed guys; : Arguments are down the sink, Discord’s had a run-out pill; And no little h ink-dink Tries to thwart a nation’s will. IV. * Now committees full of men Who are anti-everything Take the count of “eight . . . nine ‘ . . TEN!” (Though some paid officials cling); Pussyfooting now is out, Half-baked ranters stop their acts All the country, there’s no doubt, Sees the truth, and faces FACTS! r V. Hedgers crawl into a crack, Compromisers' slink away; Ten per centers now fall back, Trimmers haven't much to say; Racketeering labor rats (And a lot of bosses, too)’, Cease their very costly spats Under the red, white and blue. VI. Critics crawl into their shells, 3 Know It Alls now take the skids; Experts have bad dizzy spells, Grown-ups do not act like kids: Sunk are armchair leaders all, Hooey has been booted far; Now at last we stand or fall SEEING THINGS JUST AS THEY ARE! ♦ * * . ON THE SPOT ("In case of an air raid alarm: Lie down immediately on your stomach . About his paunch Dad w'as alw’dys defiant, Rut now he wishes he was much more pliant! —Debchi. 0 0 0 New York will attempt to jail anybody refusing to get off the streets during an air raid warning. If this is really tried we predict that all traffic, will be tied up by long lines of Black Marias taking folks to the hoosegow. * * * THE CALL Remember the Arizona! The Cassin, Downes and Shaw! For every one the Japs got Let’s make it three or four! Remember the Oklahoma— And good old Utah, too! Each hit; makes more efficient Old Yankee Doodle-do. * • * FLEET SHAKE-UP (With apologies to F.P.A.) Ktmmel and Martin and Short—they are out! Heeding the umpire’s cry; Out. one-two-three as the scorekeepers shout ■‘Tinker to Jacobs to Pye!” _ * * * PEGGED You must pay the piper Is what I was taught, And I’ve always found it A .distressing thought. But now, with costs soaring, I think it is nice To know that the piper * Cannot raise his price! —Anne Linn. 0 0 0 If the rubber shortage gets serious what will this country do for chicken sandwiches. And clam chowder? * * * AIN’T IT SO Of all poor friends on whom to call The "friendly neutral” tops ’em all. • * * Elmer Twitched says that nothing unnerves him as much as Mayor LaGuardia urging everybody to let nothing disturb them. • # * T v he Wright brothers 38 years ago at Kitty Hawk first proved a heavier than air machine could fly and it is this department's guess that if the brothers could have foreseen the future, they would have scrapped the thing before the try-out. • • * "Golf and Tennis Balls to Be Rationed.”—Headline. How can we make these all-out drives without them? 0 0 0 Bathing suits and rubber bathing caps are to be rationed, too, beginning next month. This was the first news to arouse Ima Dodo to a realization the country is really at war. • • » Yale has pledged its support of the country in the war. But a lot of football fans will put more faith in Harvard and Princeton.