Kankakee Valley Post, Volume 11, Number 7, DeMotte, Jasper County, 2 January 1941 — The Once Over [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The Once Over

by H.I.Phillips

AFTER LISTENING TO A EUROPEAN DICTATOR “I,” he said, “excuse my knife— Am champion of the broader life; 1,” he said, “excuse my gun— Am just a little ray of sun.” i “You,” I said, and raised my hand, | “I find quite hard to understand; Ifow ban you be my guiding light I While slugging me with left and right?” * ( * • * “I am,” he said, “a leader kind— Excuse my wallops from behind— The things I do are for the best— Excuse my fist; it’s just a test!” “Your logic isn’t overclear,” I said (then landed on my ear); “It’s hard to think you such a lamb When underneath yotir feet I am.” • •” *• “1 am,” he said, “a leader kind—j If you can’t see it you are blind; I want this world a sweeter place— I Excuse it if I bash your face!” “I; somehow fail to follow you,” I said, now very black and blue; “How can I see you as my hope? j; You’re standing on my chin, you i dope.” * * * “You are,” he said, “so very dense, hit always gives, me great offense; jlf I but run you up a tree 1 You question if it’s best for thee.” i • ' “It isn’t very clear,” I said, ! “When you have knocked me nearly dead, ’ ' That every new atrocity / j Is done to make it nice for me.” ■ * * * * ! “I am,” he sard, “the Voice of - Good- . Excuse my bomb! ? (I knew you would); I am all sunshine and all bliss-. (Take that . . and that! and this . . . and this!” * * .* lIOW ABOUT IT? Judging from what Mr. Knudsen says, our national defense program has developed into a lag show. + * * ,:V ' . “Germany has nothing against the American people. Germany has all j along recognized the Monroe Doctrine as a basic principle.”—Berlin | newspaper, j,. Wanna bet? * * * IMPRESSIONS General de Gaulle: Man Without a Country. Tommy Harmon: The Michigan Limited, with shoulder pads. IL L. Mencken: Hermit dwelling ■in a huge dictionary. ’ , - f John Garfield: Pix bad boy. —I. J. Fox. v* * * Hanger] Curves Ahead! (“The London Board of Trade refused today to reconsider its order butting British corset production 50 per cent of last year’s sales.”—News item.) Tire Ship of State for an even keel, Needs tons and tons of corset steel, The die. is cast, the Fates have writ- : ten . That ladies now must buige for Britain!- •£. —Louise Shaw.

| Ex-Kaiser Wilhelm has rejected a chance to return to Gerfnany. There’s one man .who has sense enough not to make any move before the final score. ♦- * * “Whitestone Bridge, sew York Sways at Times.”—headline. How about calling it the Great White Sway? 0 0 0 Mussolini is shuffling generals be r cause he doesn’t like the way the war is “running.” 0 0-0 LO, THE POOR INDIAN! On the Tonawanda Seneca reser T vation in New York, the United States government made its 146th annual presentation of six yards of cdlico to each Indian in the Iroquois Confederation Saturday, keeping a treaty of 1794. A speaker glowingly reminded the Indies (and the assembled newsreel men and camera men) that, the United States was keeping a faith which was “unique in a| world of broken promises and enslaved people.” Well, we get the idea, and it is okay with us, but the Red Man was certainly entitled to a loud guffaw and nine giggles. It was old Peter Doctor, oldest of the Senecas, who got his point over. “The Indians were civilized with a veneer of savagery,” he said, taking his calico and wondering wha’t to do with the darned stuff. - “Over there white men have turned to. savagery with a veneer of civilization.” ’ 0 0 m SPEAKING OF DESTRUCTION . j. ’ Neither Vanual, Hun, or Goth Holds a candle To a moth, —Richard Armour. • + + Add similes: as funny as the Vichy government's branding General De Gaulle as “a man without honor.” 0 0 0 All those European small nations must be singing It “PACT all your troubles in your old kit bag.”