Kankakee Valley Post, Volume 2, Number 42, DeMotte, Jasper County, 2 March 1933 — Page 7

The Fable of Her Folks and His Folks

By GEORGE ADE

©, Bell Syndicate.--WNU Service. ONCE there was a man who had a wife and each of them had, as might have been feared, Relatives. The Man lived in a coming-Along Town and had an Income and knew how to put up a Front. He had made himself a Personage not to be sneezed at. The Missus knew how to Superintend a Home and regulate the two Olive Branches and wear Clothes and talk at Club Meetings, so that she could have been designated, without Exaggeration, as Some Punkins. Now, because Ralph and Jessie had both qualified for the Majors and were battling above .300 the Kin on both sides of the Fence paid them some Attention, often dropping in at the House to spend a few minutes and then hanging around for two or three days. It is a well-known Fact that when a Person gets married nowadays and later finds out that he has married Only One, it is almost a Miracle. If we were to omit from the Social Register the Names of those who become important by reason of Somebody Else, there would be many vacant Pages. Ralph didn’t like to open up on her Family and she would have preferred to spare his Feelings and not dig any Dirt regarding his low-down Connections, but sometimes Forbearance ceases to be convenient.

Passing the Icy Stare.

It was at Breakfast and Ralph just happened to ask, in a nice Way, if her Brother Lem, who was visiting them, had come up for Air. Lem had recently severed all connections with one of our leading Universities. He had been in such a Hurry to get an Education that he had not waited to take his Degree but had boarded a Train after learning practically all that there was to be learned, the Faculty concurring, heartily. Several of the learned Professions were bidding for his Services and in the meantime he was boarding with Sister because she set an awful good Table and the Rate was Nothing per week and he liked the large Guest Chamber and the kind of Cigarettes that Ralph smoked. Hubby precipitated the Armageddon by expressing Regret that he was compelled to hurry away to his Office, knowing, as he did, that it would be Etiquette for him to stick around until about 11:30 G. M. so as to take Breakfast with the Honored Guest. “If my Brother's Presence in this House is distasteful to you, I shall ask him to leave,” said Jessie, bestowing a frigid look on the Brute. “Not all,” he replied. “It wouldn’t seem like Home without him. Only, I am wondering if, when you accepted me, you were influenced by the Fact that practically Everything I wear will fit your Brother and often does.” “Lem is a Dear Boy,” said Jessie, with a tinge of Feeling. “It is a Pleasure to have Some One around this House who does not put in all of his Time hanging Crepe. And while you are panning my Kid Brother don’t forget that I had your Sister on my Hands for Six Weeks up in the Country last Summer and I’ll tell the squinteyed World it was Some Contract. I am not saying that Rowena is shy any Buttons or should he locked up, or anything like that, but I do know that anyone who goes blooey on Spiritualism and wants to turn down the Lights and pull a Seance every few Minutes is no Playmate for Yours Truly.” Homeless Skeleton With a Waist Line. “Speaking of Sisters,” said Ralph, pouring a third Cup of Coffee, “It is about time for Mirabelle to check in and give us a lot of trade. I long to have her tell me how she enjoys Concerts and the Opera. The mere Fact that she does not know the Difference between The Meistersinger and the Marx Brothers does not seem to cramp her Eloquence at all. I never have met Any One who could talk, at such great Length, on Topics of which she is totally in the Dark.” “Let us have an Understanding,” said Jessie, planting her Elbows on the Table. “If this is to be a Battle to a Finish, and we are going to permit hitting in the Clinches, I will call attention to the Fact that you have an Uncle Robert, from the West, who came as near as anyone could to making a Dump of our supposedly respectable Home. When I married you, Uncle was not in the Contract a’tall. He is, I take it, your Family Skeleton, although it is hard to think of a Skeleton weighing 220 Pounds. When the Saloons closed up he was left practically homeless. I like your Uncle Bob and will always try to make Things pleasant for him but I think It is only fair that you should notify me when he is coming, so that I can have a lot of Sawdust on the Floor.” "My uncle Robert comes of a fine old New England Family,” said Ralph. “His Progenitors were riding in Carriages when your Ancestors were coming across in the Steerage and living on Garlic. I will admit that he is the Custodian of a very tidy Thirst but, at least, when he drops in at the Office he is not going to try to sell me anything. If I were to choose, I believe I might prefer Relatives who were convivial to those who were On the Make?” “What do you mean, ‘on the make,’ ” demanded Jessie, a dangerous Look coming into her Eyes. “Are you re-

ferring to my Father letting you In on that Florida Deal?” It's Different Away From Home. "I'll permit you to get away with that ‘letting in’ Stuff, if you say it without Laughing. I don’t object to your Dad having lovely Dreams, but why should I be selected for the Honor of financing them?” “That Deal he put you in on will make all of you rich in time. He says so. At least, it won’t be any more of a Flop than financing your Aunt Emma’s Farm. Anyone who backs Aunt Emma as a Farm Manager is certainly due to have the Old Head examined.” By the time the Breakfast got good and cold, a Stranger might have figured that a Divorce was impending but here is what really happened. Along in the afternoon the one Woman to whom Jessie could unfold herself, viz. Mrs. Flitter, came in for a Shot of Orange Pekoe and got - the whole Yarn. “My husband is as smart as they turn them out and he is Self-Made,” she explained. “I don’t blame him for objecting to Lem coming here and sponging for Weeks at a time. The lazy Hulk ought to be doing something for himself. He certainly called the Turn on Mirabelle, too. She has listened to a couple of Lectures and now she’s got so much Culture it makes her stoop-shouldered to carry it around. As for Pa, he has some Good Points but I don’t believe he has any more business sense than a Rabbit. His Idea of being an important Figure in the World of Speculative Finance Is to borrow a lot of Money from Ralph. How true it is that you can order almost anything at a Store but you have to take your Relatives as you find them.” Almost at the same Hour there was a Meeting at the Club and Ralph was giving the Low Down and Inside to Walter Tillinghast. “I’ve got the Best Little Woman in the World,” said Ralph, “and I can’t blame her for being put out by some of the Things that happened to grow on our Family Tree. For instance, there’s Rowena. She’s gone plumb dippy on Psychic Phenomena. I don’t know of anything I wouldn’t rather have around the House than Psychic Phenomena. What’s more, Jessie is dead right.about Aunt Emma. If I had all the Coin I ever slipped to that Old Girl it would make a pretty penny. As for Uncle Bob, he really should be compelled to live in the Garage. Anything as woolly as he is should not be permitted in a Refined Home. I’m afraid my People have got on Jessie’s Nerves lately. Without making any Explanations, I think I’ll send her some Flowers.” At the Dinner Hour they were still cool and distant but she did quite a bit of Cooing around Brother Lem. MORAL: We are the Only Ones who have a right to open up on them.

Constant Changes Made in “Word Laboratories”

It is because of precious souvenirs of language that every one experiences the real difference between “book talk” and “real talk,” between the words used in conversation and those used in writing. Every one knows that scarcely anyone writes as he talks. Every one uses colloquial expressions and constructions in conversation which he by no means would use in a letter or article, or at least in only the most informal and intimate letters. This gap, as it were; this “strange interlude” between speech as spoken ordinarily and as written is the place where language experimentation goes on. Our business world is one of the busiest experimental word laboratories in the world. New products demand new names. Old products need new words to call renewed attention to them. If this process occasionally irritates the person sensitive to words, it is no more than he ought to expect. In a chemical laboratory he would not foam at the mouth because some test tube or other gave off noxious fumes before the distilled product was ready. One should feel the same way about new words and expressions, solely for his own peace of mind. Out of these new coinages a few will find their way into the dictionaries. One popular advertising word, for instance, is not in the dictionaries of a few years ago, but we understand that it is in the latest editions. It should be realized by those who are not sympathetic to any but the words and expressions with which they are familiar that by these strange words--or so they seem to them--the language grows and keeps its vigor.--Washington Star.

Paraguay

Paraguay is one of the two inland countries of South America, having an area of about 97,700 square miles. Excellent grazing land is aboundant and pastoral industries have advanced greatly in recent years. The chief exports are hides, yerba mate (Paraguay tea) oranges, tobacco, timber, meat, cattle and tannin extract. The chief imports are textiles, provisions, hardware and fancy goods. There are less than 300 miles of railways. Principal cities are Asuncion, the capital and chief river port; Villa Rica, the center of tobacco growing; Villa Concepcion, a trading center of the Paraguay river.

Age of the Earth

A formula, based on measurements of the constant disintegration of radio active elements, shows the earth to be at least 1,852,000,000 years old, according to a professor of the Yale Physics department. An astronomer of Yale university estimates 3,000,000,000 years as the earth’s age.

THE KANKAKEE VALLEY POST.

IMPROVED UNIFORM INTERNATIONAL SUNDAY SCHOOL Lesson

(By REV. P. B. FITZWATER, D. D.,

ber of Faculty, Moody Bible Institute of Chicago.) ©, 1933, Western Newspaper union.

Lesson for March 5 JESUS GIVING LIFE AND HEALTH LESSON TEXT--Mark 5:21-43. GOLDEN TEXT--The Lord hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad. Psalm 126:3. PRIMARY TOPIC--Jesus Making a Little Girl Live Again. JUNIOR TOPIC--Jesus Raising Jalrus' Daughter. INTERMEDIATE AND SENIOR TOP-IC--Life and Health Through Jesus. YOUNG PEOPLE AND ADULT TOP-IC--Christianity and Human Suffering. The accounts of the raising of the damsel and the healing of the woman are so interwoven as almost to constitute one narrative, but since the principles are diverse and the places separate, and the one an interruption of the other, they should be treated separately. I. Jairus’ Daughter Raised From the Dead (vv. 22-24, 35-43). 1. Jairus’ urgent mission (vv. 22, 23), His only daughter.(Luke 8:42). Perhaps his only child lay dying. In this time of utter helplessness he came to Jesus for he had faith in his ability to raise her up. In the providence of God sorrow, sickness and death are often used to bring needy men and women into contact with Jesus. He showed the proper attitude toward Jesus, “he fell at his feet” (v. 22). 2. Jesus goes with Jairus (v. 24). Jairus believed that if Jesus would lay his hand upon his daughter she would live. Such faith always gets a response from Jesus. No one destitute of faith can receive bis blessing. 3. News of his daughter’s death (v. 35). This was a most startling message. The messenger who brought the news of her death suggested that Jesus should be excused from going further as it was now too late. 4. Jairus’ faith strengthened (v. 36). As soon as Jesus heard the word spoken concerning the death of this girl, he said to the father, “Be not afraid, only believe.” This is the message still to every distressed soul. 5. The mourners rebuked (vv. 3739). He dismissed the crowd and allowed only three of his disciples and the parents of the damsel to enter this chamber of death with him. The tumultuous wailing showed the despair of the friends. In connection with this death-wail the Lord was ridiculed, but he declared that the girl could be awakened from her sleep of death. 6. Jairus’ faith rewarded (vv. 4143). He took the damsel by the hand and commanded her to arise. The expression “Talitha cumi” in the Aramaic may he freely translated, “Wake up, little girl.” She straightway arose and walked and partook of food. Her walking was proof of the reality of the miracle. There was no sign of the weakness which usually follows a severe sickness. II. The Woman With an Issue of Blood (vv. 25-34). 1. Her helpless condition (vv. 25, 26, cf. Luke 8:43). She had been a great sufferer for twelve long years. In addition to physical suffering her malady involved ceremonial uncleanness which was perhaps harder to bear than the physical suffering. This ceremonial uncleanness meant her exclusion from the places of worship and divorce from her husband, as well as social isolation. 2. Her faith (vv. 27, 28). She possessed a real and earnest faith. Having heard of the fame of Jesus as a healer, she likely journeyed a considerable distance. For a poor emaciated woman after twelve years of suffering to press her way through a thronging multitude, shows that she possessed a determined purpose. The test of the actuality and quality of one’s faith is the determined activity which it engenders. Her faith was so strong that she believed that contact with the Master’s garments would secure the needed help. 3. Her healing (vv. 29-32). As soon as she touched the hem of his garment, she experienced In her body his healing power. Jesus was conscious of the outgoing of virtue from himself. 4. Her confession (v. 33, cf. Luke 8:47). She thought secretly to get the blessing of healing, but Jesus perceived that virtue had gone out from him and had her make a public confession. 5. Jesus’ words of encouragement (v. 34). With the communication of his healing virtue he spoke most gracious and comforting words to this poor woman. He told her that it was her faith, not her touch that had saved her. Faith does not need to face danger and to exhaust itself in active endeavor in order to gain Christ’s blessing. All that is required is a trusting prayer. She obtained the blessing immediately.

“Heavenly Visions”

“I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision.” Thrice unhappy are they who have never had a heavenly vision, i. e., a vision of something higher and better than the life they have been leading. It may have come in a sermon, a biography, a holy life, a face, a deathbed scene illuminated with the light of another world. How it shamed, rebuked, cast down with infinite regret, then raised to a new hope and determination. Act, act, in the living present.

READING OF TODAY AND THE LONG AGO

It is curious how long-forgotten things come floating into the mind from nowhere. Once there was a story in a popular magazine written ion the installment plan. The same story was given each month, as it might have been told by some wellknown writer such as Howells or James, but the name of the author was withheld until after the tenth number when the list of authors was given, and you could compare it with your own guesses. I believe that I was not absolutely sure of many of them except the one by Henry James, whose long, precise and sometimes involved sentences were not to be disguised. As an exercise in the recognition of differing styles among story writers, it was interesting. Few children of today have ever heard of the “Prudy Parlin” and “Dottie Dimple” series by Sophie May. But we knew them all by heart and could tell you how they put Prudy in a great hogshead when she was naughty; how she scared them all by climbing to the top of the house on a painter’s ladder, in search of heaven; how she followed sister Susie to school, and amused herself by trying to see if her knitting needle would come out the other side if pushed through her seat-mate’s ear. There were many stories about these little folk of Portland, Maine, and we read them over and over. I have heard many objections to stories in series, probably because they go beyond the period of childhood and approach courtship and marriage, but the Prudy books committed no such indiscretion. Of course we read “The Wide, Wide World” and “Queechy,” after we had finished weeping over the Elsie' Dinsmore books (which were legion). “An Old-Fashioned Girl” was quite as pleasing to me as “Little Women,” though not so often read. In the Sunday school library we found the Pansy books, “The Five Little Peppers,” “Sara Crewe” and “Little Lord Fauntleroy.” One of the enthusiasms of my youth was “The Princess of Thule,” by William Black, who wrote many other novels, among them “The Strange Adventures of a Phaeton” (some one asked the other day, what was a phaeton). I have lately renewed my acquaintance with his “Judith Shakespeare,” which is a good portrayal of the environment of the poet. Akin to the “Princess of Thule” was “Thelma,” by Marie Corelli. “Peg Woffington,” by Charles Reade, was the story of an Eight-

Mem-

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Uneeda Bakers

eenth century actress, a friend of David Garrick. I do not recall the story, but might ask a certain relative who makes a point of reading once a year the novels of Charles Reade and Anthony Trollope. I think he regards the Barsetshire people as personal friends, especially those of the little house at Allington. In my youth detective stories were associated in my unsophisticated mind with small boys behind barns gloating over yellow-backed paper books, my own harmless favorites requiring no such secrecy. At school, we were obliged to read the “Gold Bug” and the “Murders of the Rue Morgue,” as being the pioneers of the current detective novels. Not being detectively inclined, 1 did not like them, though it was heresy to say so, and later I could not see why

Stronger than He Was at Twenty

FIFTY-FIVE years old, and still going strongl Do you want the secret of such vitality? It isn’t what you eat, or any tonic you take. It’s something anyone can do--something you can start today and see results in a week! All you do is give your vital organs the right stimulant. A famous doctor discovered the way to stimulate a sluggish system to new energy. It brings fresh vigor to every organ. Being a physician’s prescription, it’s quite harmless. Tell your druggist you want a bottle of Dr. Caldwell’s syrup pepsin. Get the benefit of its fresh laxative herbs, active senna, and that pure pepsin. Get that lazy liver to work, those stagnant bowels into action. Get rid of waste matter that is slow

anyone should want to harrow up her soul, and freeze her young blood by poring over the “Moonstone,” by Wilkie Collins. We domestic ones wore out the “Last Days of Pompeii,” “Lorna Doone,” “John Halifax, Gentleman,” “Jane Eyre” and many others, including “Molly Bawn,” “Red as a Rose Is She,” “St. Elmo”' and the like. Frivolous they might have been, but harmless compared to some of the stories read by girls of today.--M. O. W., in the Indianapolis News.

Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets are the original little liver pills put up 60 years ago. They regulate liver and bowels.--Adv.

New Love

New love is brightest, and long love is greatest; but revived love is the tenderest thing upon earth.--Thomas Hardy.

poison so long as it is permitted to remain in the system. The new energy men and women feel before one bottle of Dr. Caldwell's syrup pepsin has been used up is proof of how much the system needs this help. Get a bottle of this delicious syrup and let it end that constant worry about the condition of the bowels. Spare the children those bilious days that make them miserable. Save your household from the use of cathartics which lead to chronic constipation. And guard against auto-intoxication as you grow older. Dr. Caldwell’s syrup pepsin is such a well known preparation you can get it wherever drugs are sold and it isn’t expensive.