Kankakee Valley Post, Volume 1, Number 14, DeMotte, Jasper County, 27 October 1932 — Some Random Shots [ARTICLE]

Some Random Shots

Phunny Phoolishness Philosophically Published.

Some of the fellows who once thought the world owed them a living now think the world owes them a ride. Maybe the statesmen of the future will not boast that they were born in a log cabin, but will point with pride to the family that they were raised in a one-car family. He: “It makes me a better man everytime I kiss you.” She: “Well, you need not try to qualify for heaven in one evening.” One reason why the women do not grow old as rapidly is that when a man has a birthday, he sometimes takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday after a certain age she takes a year off. Mrs. Smith (to maid) I saw the milkman kiss you this morning, hereafter I will take the milk in myself. Maid: “It won’t do you a bit of good miss, he promised to kiss nobody but me.” “I can tell how much water goes over Niagara Falls to a quart” said the bright young man. “Well, how much?” said his pal. “Two pints.” Fond Mother: “Be quiet dear, the sandman is coming.” Modern Child “Okay, mom, give me a quarter and I won’t tell Dad ” was hired out on a railroad gang. At the close of the first shift he was all tired out and sought the boss. “Mister, yo’ sho’ you all got me down on that payroll?” “Sure,” said the boss. “Here’s your name--Sambo Simpson. That right?” suh,” replied Sambo. “Ah jus, thought you might have me down as Sampson.” “This witness swears he has only one brother,” said the prosecuting

attorney, “while only a little while ago his sister testified under oath that she had two brothers.” “Why does the fire whistle blow for a fire?” asked a lad of Crown Point’s fire chief, the other day. “It, don’t blow for a fire” replied the chief. “It blows for water, we already have the fire.” This happened over in Calumet city. A visitor to that metropolis accosted a policeman and asked: “S-h-ay Officer, “C’n you tell me where I am.” “You are at the corner of State Line and Plummer Ave.” “Pleash, Offischer” replied the lost one, “Will you cut out the details and tell me what town thish is.”