Kankakee Valley Post, Volume 1, Number 6, DeMotte, Jasper County, 1 September 1932 — Some Random Shots [ARTICLE]

Some Random Shots

A Little Nonsense Now and Then--

One way for your wife to find out how many dishes she has, is for her to come home from a weeks vacation and count the ones stacked up in the kitchen sink and on the table. One of our merchants has been having a little trouble in getting his orders filled by his wholesale house. The other day he got a letter from the credit manager which said: “We cannot fill your order until you send us a check for the previous bills.” The merchant promptly wired back: “Please cancel order, cannot wait that long.” One married man calls his wife “Angel”, just because she is always harping about having nothing to wear. One of our bachelor friends maintains that it is the modern bathing suit that put “wimmin” in “swimmin”. Here’s another kind of a racket, this time no farther away than Logansport. As one of the Pennsy passenger trains pulled in there and stopped for a change of engines, according to the story as it is being told, an innocent-looking man appeared around the corner of the station carrying a basket on his arm. Hurrying to the window of a smoking compartment, he exhibited a black quart bottle which he had taken from Jthe basket and with a knowing wihk said: “Any gent like to buy a bottle of nice-ice cold tea?” He sold every bottle, but concluded each sale with “Better wait till the train has pulled out before you take a drink, you know, for I don’t want any trouble.” The train pulled out and the man was making off when an observant bystander asked him why he had requested the purchasers to wait until the train had started befoe taking a drink. “Because”, he said, with the same sly wink, "them bottles all contained ice-cold tea.” He: I would like to know what my wife really thinks of me.” Pal: That is easy to find out. He: How? Pal: Just sit down on her new hat. Salvation Army Lass: “Won’t you give a quarter to the Lord?” Tightwad: “How old are you Miss?” Lass: “Eighteen, Sir”. Tightwad: “Well, I’m sixty-five, so I’ll probably be seeing him before you do, and I’ll give it to him personally.” Old Man Gloom says he guesses that “neckin’ is just one of them petty crimes. Those two Colored racers who were pitted against each other in the Olympic races were just a pair of fast blacks, but how they could run. Bill the Barber says he once knew a couple who got married in the Lone Star State and due time were blessed with an heir. Some time after they moved to the Twin Cities

and were staggered by the arrival of a boy and a girl. Once again they moved and this time landed at Three Lakes, Wisconsin, and the Lord sent them triplets. Whereupon, while the father viewed the small regiment and bemoaned his fate, a friend attempted to cheer him up by suggesting that it might be worse. “Now don’t move to the Thousand Islands” said the friend. America spent over four billion dollars for amusement last year and yet a lot of fellows are complaining that they did not have a

good time. Maybe the democratic candidates

favor a pork barrel so they won’t have to eat crow after election. A Chicago welfare worked ered a map who was getting poor relief owned two automobiles. Probably that was why he needed help.