Kankakee Valley Post, Volume 1, Number 4, DeMotte, Jasper County, 18 August 1932 — Some Random Shots [ARTICLE]

Some Random Shots

Ridiculous Ramblings Riotously Repeated Rhetorically.

One of our friends says that his pet peeve is to be interviewed by a girl reporter. He sort of hates to be Miss-quoted as it were. Dentist, (looking into patients mouth): "I see a very large cavity.” Patient: “Well, you see doctor, I missed lunch to-day.” One of our traveling salesmen friends has quite a scheme to ward off hitch hikers. As soon as he drives outside the city limits he puts up a sign in his windshield that says “Taxi”. We are going to organize a new married man’s club in this town, and the only thing the by-laws will provide is that every member must be perfectly frank with his wife and tell her everything he does. And the wives must be trustful and believe it. The chap who makes a fool of himself usually helps things along by trying to show everybody that he knows it all. Wife: “Why dear you got one hand tanned browner than the other while on your vacation.” Husband: “Well, I had to have one hand in my pocket so much of the time.” Stage Hand: "What is the leading lady so peeved about?” Assistant: “Well, she was making a quick change back stage, and when she called for tights, I misunderstood her to say lights”. One difference between a clock and a fiddler is that one marks time with his feet and the other with its hands. Down on the Kankakee: Irate land owner: “Hey, you can't fish in here, the water belongs to me.” Fisherman: "Is that your water up around the bend?” Land Owneit: “No, just this side of that fence.” Fisherman: “Well, I’ll wait until that water gets down here.” Old Man Gloom says he would enjoy a little hike in the country if he did not have to walk all the way. Bill the Barber sprung a new one the other day: A traveling salesman had dropped in to sell some soap and a new stock of hair tonic and asked “How is business, Bill?” “Well” replied Bill “It is so darned quiet around here that you can almost hear all the notes drawing interest over in the bank." Lecturer: “Friends, if we were to turn and look ourselves squarely in the face, what would we find?” Small Boy in rear: “We would find we needed a rubber neck, Mister.” One of the outstanding optimists of the times is the barber who sells a customer a bottle of hair tonic on credit. Marriage is the place where a girl stops leaning on your shoulder while you are driving a car, and begins jumping on your neck. Policeman: “Say, young lady you may be beautiful, but I will have to pinch you for driving that car too fast just the same.” Fair Motorist: “Oh please, Mr. Officer, if you must, please do it where it won’t show.”