Jasper Weekly Courier, Volume 50, Number 51, Jasper, Dubois County, 4 September 1908 — Page 1

4

aufirf Jasper, Indiana, Friday, September 4, 1908. NO. 51. Vol. 50.

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Unintended Humor.

Pupils of Public Schools Make Some

Astonishing Statements. Since wit has been defined by Noah Webster as the "felicitous association of objects not usually connected so in mwlnffiji nlfijisant surnrise." mav not the pupils

of public schools who gave the following answers to their . xamination questions lay claim to it? asks the Piladel-

Sunday

Says

Ministers Same

as

I)

to

Yes, We lave Met Hep.

Have you met her the girl who struts the streets trying to make a mash while her poor old mother Its at home doing the family

washing or ironing? Have you

E'ange!':sl Startles Members of WiQft3 Bible ! met her, the girl who is too tired

1 uuiK Have

He Had a Bear. A Freclous Creature Exhibited to Belated Passengers.

When we reached Summit station the train switched

in

Conference With Bold Statement. : ?Jet Jit , " t'E.tf u vö to wait lor tue eastuouna express, anu nen ne ?

Winona Lake, Ind., Aug. 21 "I preach to this bunch just as I do to a lot of bums, and I dnt s e any difference in you. You ministers criticise me, but as long

help cook breakfast' Have you , . . . , , f h t it :fc M Quad

The. passengers were strolling

will find her in every town, in about when a man mounted a box and began: . .! 1 1.. . I. n..v.i A.f r Clin. T .1.'.- (1 avaa f. A -piir vnlc rl"v

is everywhere, a

w j

. i 1 . 1 "VI . . .. .

UnKifa in t ie duck yaru. ivmuy a nam scribe its habits. v ,.nneinninarviin( s med

..IM.- I.I,. hruro OlHI 1 1 1 HP ' SH I! llVta O- . . . . . .

X IltJ UA. 11U UUJI C iwJ ""W'"-) in a stable." , . , , 'If you were traveling across the desert where would vou choote lo rest?" . .I . . . j i

, n m,. K.Y- Bi''y ' .?un?S..i'?.,Ua,S, I ' anniversary of his marriage

.iu.ciii.jvii " ww w- ....... ) i Dill I evangeiiöii uuui wscu mw "Men, woman, children and babies. . yie conference at Winona Lake

i w.i.ihr thp whihfi race and show that it is supenoi todav. He told

to other races.' "A white man will nod at you when he meets jou the street " "Of what is the surface of the eath composed?" "Dirt and people." . "Name a fruit which has its seed on the outside. "A seed cake"

"Name five forms of water." "Hot water, cold water, foucet water, well water and ice water."

S of the face and thefe was as hot and

- -"r - i: 1 1 1 1 1 ouuuw '

mouth in tiie southern. . inn 4.1, i -l Km rlflVG r

"Hitorv cannot answer this question. Science only "Gypsey" Smith gave i his shoul-

'Define 'flinch' and use it in a sentence." . gcfn'said''-ffir'a "Tfiinrth to shrink. Flannel flinches when it is yashed.. V',' with nroach in him

-------i - . t l -1 tim i . .

"Bvwhat is the earth surrounded ana oy wnau ib nihe wii:

'Bv

i ; ion

"It is surronnded by water and lighted by gas and elec tricity " "Name six animals of the artic zone." "Three polar bears and three seals:"

"Yeast is vegetable flying about in the air, hitching itself onto anything.4' . , "Why do you open the dampers in a stove while lightin ir a fire" "To let the oxygen in and the nitrogen out." "What did the constitution do for the country ' "It gave the president a head. " "What are the last teeth that come to a man? "False teeth." Needed Advice.

Ti -d u-,.nbHn wpvp hnck amonc us once more and

IT ITUUU JJCU i liiiiiuiu - .... j. could take part in the excitements of the campaign it is safe to say that he would approve the publication of an appendix ut ü L pinimrrl . Imjinac. The almanac would contain

a number of such timely advices as these: Never set into a political dispute unless you see a chance to make an effective point or a convert to your own views. Never lose your temper in a debate. Never berate your antagonist and call his friends names while at the same time you are trying to persuade him.

When talking about finance use uicib, u&uihsw sciiwauWCO, UnNeveT'into fisticuffs about politics; it does no good, and besides, you are liable to get hurt. Talk only at times and phces when and where you seem to have a f?ir chace of convincing the people you talk to. And don't talk too much. Poor Richard's observations on these points would be highly useful at the present juncture. What Would the Doctor Think?

A ppvrnin well-known specialist on throat affections was

i one occasion called to treat a lady who mamiested so much interest in his surgical instruments that he took inllnite trouble to explain their uses to her, This lavncoscope " he remarked, "is fitted with electric 1 ghts in such a manner that the interior of your throat will be swn by me as clearly as exterior. You would be astonished to know how far down we can soe with an instrument or lllThe operation over, the lady appeared much agitated,

"Poor crirl! It must .have been dreadfully painful. t uru :ir,o'f fW"'" cnirl iho. lnflv. faintlv. "but lUSt

as he fixed that laryngoscope in position I remembered

that I had a hole in the heel oi my scocKinp. jusl uhuk what the doctor will think of me!"-Tid-Bits.

A orizzv ha'r is alius hunerv. but about this hour in the

P . i , , T

Quering yuu

most ferocious

see the show.

rbodv with cold

i - i

:ay will oe Drung oacK yere on a

the old homestead near Porte-j , He h d k

:hned Yllle- "? Lv...a "iSriWo in flnrl in th ftenter of the ireoree was a

3 : r r Kiiro 'inn ifiiriiii ciii i Lira xux?w. .. - w--- i o

ministers how to succeed and.tothe numuer 0f nearly fifty 'pole about twenty feet high, to which a cub on grilled those who did not agree rsons were present and the cinnamon bear was chained. He was not only not grizzly,

it rf ; but the f row est, scrawniest-looking bear ever put on wfÄÄÄjgff Several men began to Virmur about the of Christian effort like a $25,000 XSantrv snent in the cool species of the beast and the man rose up to explain:

! limousine. He slapped the üis- and hady ferove where dinner! "Did I say grizzy bar? Wall, it was to gin you an Anguished English evangelist, 1 in social conversation. !afipreeble surprise. The cinnamon ba'r drinks a gallon 11.1 11 . i ' tjivcir W ivi 1 r Y" rf Till - . - t e 1 .1 . 0 . . .. , . i i

i .Imi i iPd him "Gvn " 0,d sonsrA rnü 0 r as,mo"fu of blood 'whar the grizzy drinks a pint, lie's got tne bade and called mm wp ,:crames. At five o'clock tha,...j. i.- J n.i , ravriri V.io

crowd bid Mr. and Mrs. Harrih ;?racuy oi a nun aiiu uuei iyncu uW good bye and wished them aisavage spent as he smells this fresh meat!" life of many years filled with The young bear simply set up his ears. Ihe man the earth's best blessings Our hac about a pound of beefsteak, and this he threw to excellent ' county treasurer and him aR(1 explained: , , S'iPiT'hÄlSÄ Now, watch him!. See Iiis eys blaze with fiendish

social and church circles, and inlierocity, his claws woric and ms längs siana out amiubb

every township in Pike county they have many friends who will unite in wishing that their future life may be -many years and their pathway environed wi h good health, prosperity, the sweetest flowers and the sunshine

of happiness.- Petersburg Democrat.

on

Him" emiiwl fi sour smile ana

looked as pleasant as he could.

While the message oi tne iev.

peppery

received

with fervent "aniens" from over

t,n onflifnvium and at the close

ihe will never get there. Too

many preachers are more inter

ested in drawing tneir salaries than in saving souls. Show me an earnest man and I will show

you a man tnat is nrxnung 1 1

gang sit up and taKe notice ine earnest pastor does not sit

around and wear out the seat of

his pants waiting for something

to turn up. rue only tning umi

wi 1 turn un tor mm is tne soa m

the graveyard.'

f ho f vnth v

All the club did was to reach out, for the meat and .bolt

it down and lick his chops for more;

""Ts ffiarai?" asked öneÖf thekickei

The mun v;.o is a fool today will be ü fuol tomorrow ui.lss ho do. some UjiDR for it. The muu who begins life batTrsffntwo jhw ImntHea may end Ii f -with a willearnad lmudle to Lis name.

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"Thnf". ic nil. lnrlip?- and p-entlemen. It costs VOU a

quarter a head to come in, but you get out for nutnin.

The show is now over.

"But it's a blame swindle! A swindle! Just hear the men talk! You have seen the

insert, fpi-nriniis denizen of the Rockv mountains. You

have seen him seize his prey. You hev l'arned more ! . . . .1 1 1 -.11 ....-.a

about b ars in two minits tnan you ever Knowea in an yuuiiives before, and yet I am called a swindler! Stand back, everybody! Five hours hence I release this tiger of the

mountain irom captiviuy, auu u lie cnc-tiwa uy mcu, inefe nn wimin nnH snp.ks the blood of innercent children

JVKJ W 4 II .-. " " don't blame me-don't say I didn't gin ye yer moneys

wuth!"

ATTRACTIVE!! I

We trvtn make vour advertisement

ifc Attractive. You see this. Give us your order and we will print an adA; vertisement that Will be different from the "other fellars." We know it how. All you have to do is to say so, and we want you to say so.

X Courier Frmtormm, $ JASPER, INDIANA. 'V v k. v4-iktwiv44k-tv ;tv twft ftt"N fs 'i 'YN 'T tn

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BARREL 300 FEET HIGH. It Is the Largest in Existence and is Located in . California. Up to afewVeeks ago the monster hogshead at hnd the distinction of beinjr the

largest barrel in the world. Touring Americans, fond of the wonderful, never left Germany without casting one look into the barrel which could hold 42,000 gallons of liquid, and next to the university at the ancient city the big barrel was the proudest boast of the sober Heidelberger, says the New York Journal. ol

A few davs aero tnere was compietea on ma ot. ucuic

vine nursery in lresno, ai., a oarrei wmwi muu luc Heidelberg vessel completely into the shade. While the loffot pmilfl onntnin n nossible 42.000 crallons. the new one

in California can hold nearly double the number-79,000

gallons with the greatest ease.

me barrel stanas tnuLy iucl m m hwi , ;fc njmnmfovnnpo i niriptv-nne feet. Two

mticiuuvv aiiu ico v-iLv.iiiiivi v.i.v- .w - - - pnvlrmrls nf steel were reauired for the hoops and thirty,

Icarloads of wine can be stored in the interior.

An idea of the ponderous dimensions ol tins barrel may ;fn..,.nri fmm f.hp f'Aot thnt 1S.74S S10 bills would be

required to cover the sides of the barrel, exclusive of the

top and bottom. Standing closely together upon the bottom of the cask 7,23S men can link elbows at one time. . It is futher calculated that if the timber used in the making of the barrel were cut into strips of three inches rls of the strins fastened together,

111 tiiicnuw ..... v.. . , 1 , . , , , :

a column couiu ue erecceu uuuu niuuo uy uueu mtuca umu would pierce the clouds at a distance of two and a half miles from the ground. UNPARDONABLE. i "Barbara broke her engagement with Mr. Blokhed." "Yes, she's so artistic, and he sent her his photograph tin a red plush frame."