Jasper Weekly Courier, Volume 50, Number 38, Jasper, Dubois County, 5 June 1908 — Page 2

MR. DOOLEY" ON FUNERALS. Jcyous Oceain In City Boy's Life, According to Hu.-norl.it. -Whin I "&s r littl boy. I classed fanv. , among th' rtt lv me adv - . Tfcy iv an n ride In a I "ugh parts iv town that I'd r v ... cn befur an' out Imo th' c nr wl-'Tt I nlver wlnt oxcept 1 u i trmte to a fun'rnl. an I had j y. -. mji iy an something to eat f- i what I sot at home.

L. V&ci n how I felt whin I was I a k i I can't member that anay distal rpUuofc n de himsllf unpopular v 'h is I y Even If I wasn't lot g r ,a funra. there was something ox nK atx i it. It stirred up th' v. Nrhoo' There was something t r,:i abou. Wry body asked: Did fc. ;faiH amytblit' as if th poor c ii was a burglar or a Are. People g ur their good cloth os an dusted rT he!r high hats. On th day lv th f -al all th' chlldher lv th neighborh t I cathered around th house an' n e.j their little playmates that had t .. k to lose a fond parent." F. P. Panne, fa American Magazine. BAD ITCHING HUMOR. Limbs Belcw the Knees Were Raw Feet Swollen Sleep Broken Cured In 2 Days by Cutlcura. "Some two months ago I had a hurc r :iiak out on my limbs below my k They came to look like raw I . :ak. all red. and no one knows fc a thoy Itched and burned. They w 't so swo'lan that I could not get n sVes on for a wk or more. 1 l 1 t.vf or s x different remedies and g no help, i nly when applying them V. oirruag aas worse and the Itching 1-si For tw r three weeks the suff :vg was intense and during that i rr.- i hd n t sleep an hour at a time. ' I.-n ne ir ming I tried a bit of 1 C . .. -a Fn xxx the moment It touched , n tv itch-.t; was gone and I have I c t t !t a W - f it sinco. The swelling ! k in ur.i in two days l had my s-.. on ar.! was about as usual. J B. Fa .tfy. 50 h.-ath State St, C.uvrd. N. H.. May 14. 1D07." Eccentricities of Genius. Oea.us iE freakish. It Is claimed i- :e bril jtu Dr. Johnson used to . t. e.ery in hts pathway." I kaow oi. '. them geniuses." Ud does he touch ovory post he s a ro8" n . a i;rh- every friend he acrots. or everlastingly tries to Louisville Courier-Journal. DO NT MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY. V at on e . Dr. Chas. F. Simr San Antonio. Texas, for In f. .r- atjun &a it fcw to buy from 10 to t" arre and 2 twn lots of the most v Me land in Texas for $210. payable per monih. Doubting It. Sir said the Imperial ruler of all ib Russia, do you realize what a ; :: of inequality yawns between oriirury humanity and an autocrat?" Ifc-ar me:" answered tho doumaite In nn:d surprise. "Is this gulf proposli a a czarchnsm?" VARNING FARMERS. Write Dr. i as F. Simmons, of San Antonio, " t 1-s for Information about his fine -M'.h Texas farm lands that he is sell in lots from 10 to 610 acres for including two town lots on payits of 110 per month. Youth the Time to Build Wisely. Y uth is the best time for the I .:' line of character and the forming of principle, and the future depends on the decisions and actions of the I t sent Rev. G. Denton. A farm In the most fertile part of a'h Texas, of from 10 to 640 acres, including t town lots for $210. at $10 rer month. You can buy, If you aptly &t once to Dr. Chas. F. Simmons, San Antonio, Texas. A Logical Conclusion. 'Mr. Purslngton says he believes a man should pay as he goes." Judging from the way he gets In debt, he must be accustomed to traveling backward." Washington Star. ATTENTION FARMERS. Do you Know the virgin lands of Texas are going fast? From 10 to 640 acros and 2 town lots of my 95.000 acre tract for $::. pcyable $10 monthly. Dr. Chas. F Simmons, San Antonio, Texas. Ancient City of Thbes. The city of Thebes had a hundred gates and could send out at each gate 10 000 fighting men and 200 chariots In all, 1,000.000 men and 2,000 chariots. It Cures While You Walk. Alton's Foot-Ea!e is a certain cure for Iii swtmtinir, callous, and wollen, nchiriR fee' Sold by all Dnigj;it?. Price 25c. Don't ac f ;t any substitute. Trial package FItBt. Addre Allen S. Olmsted. U Itoy, N. Y. A Good Cook. "I? your wife a good cook?" "I should say so. She knows eight different ways of disguising cold lamb." Detroit Free Press. WRITE AT ONCE to Dr. Chas. ! .nmon. San Antonio. Texas, for Ir r nation how to buy from 10 to 040 o r and 2 town lots of the host laud n South Texas, for $210 payable $10 j r month. One must look downwards as well as upwards In human life, though many have passed us In tho race, there are many' wo have left behind. Sydney Smith. Low i' Single Illwler Cipar has a rich mw. i 'ir a enter or Kcwa factory Pearia, 111. A good many men have tno courage of their convictions simply bocause tthey have never been convicted.

W "Is He Sick7" HEX you'll do it. Bill, for the sake of old times 7" queried Capt Brundago anxiously. " Yes." said tho mate, for old times' sake and the 23 bucks you promised. Partlkorly for tho 23 bucks." The captain eyed him disdainfully. "If 'twas me." he com mented, "I'd be glad to help out a pal, even If I didn't get a cent That's the kind of man I am." "An' that's tho kind I ain't." rejoined the mate tartly. "So raobbe you'll stow this here morallsin' business an' hand over tho coin, so as everything '11 be accordln' to agreement" The skipper of the stoamer Arklara muttered something uncomplimentary under his breath, but producing a bulky pocketbook extracted several bills therefrom and passed them to the mate, who thrust them Into his pocket and faced his superior with a satisfied smirk. "Now that's settled, lot's run over your scheme again, so as I can get my right bearin's," ho said pleasantly. "When we got to Buffalo you fix yourself up with a phony board an' wig, an If Miss Antrim comes askln for you I'm to toll her Capt Brundage died werry sudden In Chicago, an' there's a new skipper In charge." Don't forgot as I'm supposed to bo deaf and dumb," warned the captain. "If she once heard my voice It 'ud queer the whole game." "Oh, aw right." responded the mate. Only she must be a bigger fat-head than sho looks if she swallows that Who'd ever believe as a company 'ud hire a deaf dummy for captain of a big steam freighter?" She's got to believe It" returned the captain. "Anyway, If she sees me at all, It'll be only for a few min utes, and the news of my dopt.h '111 upset her so that she won't stop to figure out them little details." "It wouldn't upset me," retorted the mate. "Seems like sho oughter be Joyful to hear It, If she's got any sense." "That'll bo all from you," growled Brundage in high dudgeon. "Just hold your Jaw and do as you're told." Shortly after tho Arklam tied up at the Buffalo docks she was boarded by a buxom young damsel with a determined chin and a pair of snappy black eyes. Tho watchful mato groeted hor at the gang plank, and she acknowledged the salutation with a gracious smile. "Good morning, Mr. Prout" she said. "Is Capt Brundage around?" The mate twisted his features Into a becoming semblance of grief. "I'm sorry to say that I'vo got bad newB for you, Miss Antrim," was tho response. He hesitated and shook his head sadly. "What's tho trouble?" Inquired tho girl, her face a shade paler at the sight of tho mato's dolorous visage. "Is ho sick?" "Worse than that miss," roturned the mate In a hoarse whisper. "He's werry bad that Is, I mean ho ain't now. He's gone, miss, gone for ever." Tho girl drew a sharp breath "What!" sho gasped, "you don't moan to Bay" "That he's doad, miss; yes, that's It, an' sorry I am to toll yoi:." Miss Antrim dabbed a handkorchiof hastily across hor eyos. "How did It happen?" Bho asked. "Why, ho ho was all right when ho left here on his last voyage." "Step Into tho cabin," requested tho wily Mr. Prout "an' I'll toll you all about it" Tho girl followed him, and seating herself, prepared to listen to tho mate's doloful narrative. In accordance with tho instructions of his chief, Mr. William Prout gavo a vary nffuctli'y sketch of tho Incidents rolatlvo to the formor's suddun demise, quo, ns ho declared, t a CM." followed by an attack of inou

S;wfßMG

CHRONICLES ff OME FRESH- WATER SALTS 1

THE DUPING OF POLLY

monla which had carriod off tho victim In record time. Miss Polly Antrim listened with an odd gleam In her Intelligent oyos. "Wasn't there that is didn't ho leave a message or anything of that kind for mo?" sho demanded, whon tho mate had finished his melancholy recital. "Oh. yes." replied Mr. Prout hurriedly. "The poor chap sent you his love, an' an' hoped you'd meot him in heaven " ho concludod iu a burst of inspiration. Polly Antrim glancod at the mate with tightened lips. "Very nice of him," sho coinmontod coolly. "Who did you say took his place?" "Capt Chostor," returned Prout. "Nothing like poor Brundago, though, he ain't" "I should like to seo him," said

"She'll Never Know Me In This Rig."

Miss Antrim. "Perhaps he could tell me something raoro about Jim." "Not him," responded the mate, hastily. "He didn't know Jim Brundage. an', anyways," ho added as an after thought, "this here Chester's deaf an' dumb; can't speak a word." A look of Intense surpriao deopened on his hearer's countenance "Deaf and dumb!" she repoatod. "Why, good gracious! how can a deaf mute be captain of a steamer?" The mate's face flushed. "It's this wa3" he explained. "Ills uncle's tho main guy of the Sherlock Navigation Company, an' he gave Chester the Job. He ain't much of a sailor, an' all the work falls on me." Tho girl oyed him stoadlly. "All tho same," Bho remarked calmly, "I'm bound to seo him, for I've made up my mind to go to Chicago on tho Arklam." Mr. Prout uttored a horrified exclamation. "Back on tho Arklam!" he repeated. "What for?" "To visit Jim's grau," responded tho artloss Miss Antrim. "It's the loast I can do under tho circumstances. And It'll be a sort of consolation to sail on tho boat ho used to command, poor follow." "Well, Capt Chester's ashore Just now," declared the mate, desperately. "That doosn't matter, I'll seo him later," sho said, airily. "I'm going homo now to pack my things and got ready." Much aghast at this unexpected turn of fortuno's wheel, Mr. Prout sought the presence of his chief, who had prudently remained In seclusion during Miss Antrim's visit Capt Brundage, resplendent In a false beard and wig of Inky blackness, assumed to decolvo his lady lovo's ponotrating optica In case she insisted upon a personal Interview, recoivod his ofllcer's tidings with a violent explosion of highly ornamental profanity. "You'vo bunglod tho whole business, you nlggor-hondod swab!" ho said, hontodly. "What the bluo b'azes aro wo to do now? If that girl ovor lands In Chicago and finds out I'm nllvo nnd have a wife and four kids, thoro'll bo tho dovil to pay." ""Taln't my fault," protested tho mnto, Btillonly. "What business had you to make lovo to her? Might havo known tlioro'd bo troublo." "I wasn't all to bUma Ulli.-' as-

ffi "GEORGE TfCsCCLL

sorted tho captain. "It boats all tho shiuo so many of these girls take to mo. Can't understand why thoy do IL" "Nolther can I," ngreod tho mato, savagoly. "It ain't your beauty, I'll swear. Mebbo it's tho llos you toll 'em. Somo women go daffy ovor a slack-mouthed liar." "That's not tho point," returnod Brundago, sourly. "There's only ono way to square It Wo don't carry passengers as a rulo, and sho'll likely bo tho only ono aboard. What you've got to do now is pass tho word to the crow to keep thoir mouths shut, and I'll koep up this doaf and dumb racket Sho'll never know mo In this rig, 'specially If I only show up after dark." "And who's to stand your watches?" demanded tho mate. "Think I'm a blasted horso to bo doing the work of two men? Anyhow, sho'll be put wise whon she roaches Chicago." "Well. It'll give me timo to think tho matter ovor," said Brundage, hopefully. "You can stand tho day watches and I'll come on at night" Mr. Prout entered a vigorous protest but In the end hia superior's argument prevailed, and ho hastened to give the nocessnry instructions to tho members of the crew. True to her word, Miss Polly Antrim InBtalled horself as solo passonger on tho Arklam, and the mate proceedod to map out a long and dlflicult courso of deception for what promised to bo a mcmorablo voyage. Capt Brundage, In tho rolo of tho silent Chester, pasßed mustor before tho girl's eyes In highly creditable fashion. She made no sign of recognition, nnd he reflected that tho stage must have lost a shining light through his falling to perceive that nature had clearly Intended him for an actor. To Mr. Prout fell tho agreeable task of entertaining tho fair passenger, who oxhibited a liveliness of spirit not wholly in keeping with tho sorrow of a maiden whom death had deprived of a lover. In fact, tho mate, being a single man In the r-arly thirties, found himself yielding to the witchery of her black oyos, and Inwardly congratulated himself upon tho happy chance which had thrown them togothor. On the second day Capt. Brundago saw fit to take tho amorous Mr. Prout aside and expostulate with him on the too evident partiality ho displayed for Miss Polly's ßoclety. The mato listened to his romonstrancoB and then Indulged In a fine burst of longshoro rhotoric. llborally flavored with harsh expletives. "A nlco party you aro," ho concluded, "to conio givln' mo ndvlco. Wot Is It to you If tho girl's took a fancy to mo? Kog'lar dog In tho mangor, that's wot you nrc. Don't want her yourself nn' can't hoar to soo anyono else got hor. For two pins I'd blow tho wholo game, an' thon whore'd you bo?" "I was spoakin' for your good, Bill," ploadod the crestfallen captain. "Yoi don't know wot nn artful dnmo sho Is." ' "An how about yourBclf?" quorlod tho mnto. "You're a lino honosthonrtcd Innocent to preuch about artfulmsB. Anyway the Jig '111 ba up

I

"That Done" when wo mako port an' sho goes hunt In' for your gravo." "That's so," agreed Brundago, dejectedly. "Wo got to think that over, Bill." "Think it over yourself," retorted tho aggrlevod Mr. Prout; "but don't como any nonsense over mo, for I won't stand It." Tho Arklam was noarlng Chicago when Capt. Brundage, sitting alone in his cabin and figuring desperately on some means of oscapo from the not fato had thrown around him, looked up in surpriao as Mis? Polly entered nnd closed tho door behind her with an omphatlc slam. That done, sho sat down and surveyed her quondam suitor with malicious oyos. Brundage stared back with a sickly smile, wondering Inwardly wlmt her visit might portend. Ho was not left long in doubt. She suddenly stretched forth a slim, white hand, und tnru tho blnck beard from his face. Then sho set hor little foot upon it and spoko with much unction. "What an awful silly you are, Jim Brundago, to think that you could pull the wool over my eyoe." Tho captain wagged his head dismally. "All right, Polly." ho said, "you've got mo beat. What do you reckon to do?" "If I was a man," said the girl, scornfully, "I'd thrash you well, but 1 suppose I must get satisfaction another way. What hurts mo most Isn't your falseiiesa. but the Idea that you conslderod me such a fool. I've found out all about you, nnd unless you want your wife to know ovorything, you'll do as I say. "When you passed yourself off as a single man you showed me your bankbook nnd calculated that $500 would start us nicely In housekeeping. Now, whon wo reach Chicago. Jimmy dear, you'll go straight to the bank, draw $250, nnd hand It over to me. Then I'll say good by and you can thank your stars for getting off so easily." Tho unmasked conspirator swore blttorly nnd protested fervently, bul Miss Polly was adamant and ho finally agreed to her tornis. His disclosure to Mr. Prout of the conditions upon which ho had surrendered was rocelved by that unfoellng seaman with a hoarso laugh, which was distinctly aggravating to his commander's trou bled mind. Tho Arklam lay at the Clark street dock with Mlsa Antrim seated In the captain's cabin placidly awaiting his return from tho bnnk. Iloaldo her laughed Mr. William Prout. smoking the pipe of poaco. Brundage entered with a look of intense gloom over shndowlng his countonnnco, and Big nalod the mato to retlro. Miss Polly waved hor hand In dissent. "Stay whote you are." she said, go nlally. "Count out tho money, Jim and hurry up." Tho rnato gilnnod broadly ns his skipper lugged out tho well-known pocketbook, nnd, Blghlng deeply, hand od $250 In United States currency to his female Neniosls. Polly beamed graciously upon tho unchoerful gher "That's a good boy, Jim," she Bald, sweetly, "and now we'll go ashore happy. By tho way. It may Interesl you to know that Mr. l'rout nnd 1 mean to Bet up housekeeping on the strength of your kind gift." Tho captain's emotion was too deep for moro words to express. Ho ros. to his foot, Btlll staring holploasly, as Miss Antrim, leaning on tho arm ol tho gratified mate, tripped merrily along the gang plank to the wharf (CupyrlRht. by V. CI. Chapman.) Editor Appointed Director-General. Gon. .Tamos lCvelyn Pllcher, editor of the Military Surgeon, Is tho new direr tor-goneral of tho National Volunteer limorgency corps. The corps was or gnulzod In 1000, to render aid in time of national calamity or In tho event of war. Tho corps Is now being re. organized on tho linos of tho medical corps of tho United Slulcs army.

yrupTfigs

Lrmrjföonna Clonnsos ilio System Ef f cctun Uyj JJtsipls fcoltLs and Hen A anlios duo to loustiiiaion; Ats naturally, acts truly as a Lmxntive. Beit fbrM.mMimpn ana CliilJ. rcii-younjj anil Old. To get its IWftVial Effects Alwjivs buy the beuume winch linsllio Juli name oHlic Company J CALIFORNIA byuhom it is manufactured, printed on the Iroiil ofi-v-fry uacktiAo. SOLD &Y ALL LEADING DRUGGISTS, one size only, regular jw-icu 50fP.r bottle. A Poor System. Eustaco Mllos, the noted KnKllsh athlete and food expert, said at a re cent vegetarian dinner In Chicago: "They who, with rich sauces and exciting moats, wenkun their digestion In tho effort to strengthen their bodies, practlco n very poor system Indeed. 'Such jicoplo aro llko tho cm barrnssed motorist who pawnod hit automobile In order to ralso $2C0 for a ae.vr set of tires." A BIG MARKET FOR PRODUCTS Highest prires always obtainable, Hi Boll, Puro water, from 10 to G-10 ai . and 2 town lots of the richest la?. . !n Southern Texas for $210, paymer. -$10 per month. Write for lnfnrn. i tlon, Dr. Chas. P. Simmons, San Ar. tonio, Texas. The Contrary Child. Mrs. Poploy Little George wo, t tako milk at all now. Ho used to take It hutMr. Poploy (crossly) No. and it all on account of your imprudence. "My Imprudence?" Mr. Popley Yes, you allowed hx to hoar you say It was good for bin. Important to Mothora. Examine carefully ovory bottlo rf CASTOHIA a safe and sure reiufdv f r Infants and children, nnd seo that it Boars tho SIgnaturo In Use For Ovor ,'! Years. Tho Kind You Havo Always üo t.rLt Unkind Analysis. "Ho seoms to be a vory though. fi and serious man," remarked statesman. "That's nn optical Illusion," ri h J the other. "He's meroly sitting d wr taking lifo oasy aud lotting his ui.nl wnnder." Write for litorature nnd views the richest and host watered land South Toxas, now being sold by t from 10 to CIO acros nnd two town ! for $210 at $10 per month. Dr. Ch x F. Simmons, San Antonio, Texa.After pleasuro follows pain, ard after pain follows virtuo.W J Locke. Lewis' Single Hinder atraißht V Y pay 10c for wear not so g .. '.r u . er or Low' ructory, Peoria. HI. A pretty woman's smile often wrn klcu a man's purso. riT?, Pt. Vltnt' Pnncf nnd Nf irons HIimwi i -manrntlr rnrrdbr J)r.KltnOrmt er II ' sPn.t for KItKIJ .W trial hotllo ftt tr iti- ilt. U. Klliio. 11.. VII Arch Strrfl. 1'lillAdelph. . People never help n man blow h i horn because thoy like the music Mr. Wlnalow'd Hoothlnr Sfnit. forcl lldno tfclhlnf , lufu-n th pitni, reduotM U UatLUoa,lUB Mtin,caras wlaJcollu. 5&c botti. Hope for the best, then try y best to realize your hope SICK HEADACHE Positively cured by these Little Pills. Ther nl relieve I treMfrom IlMMM'"" Ic clIpftionniiJT"'II "T KotliiR Aprfritr cily fur Dltzltif s. " iea, PrownlrifH. I'" Titt? In tho Mouth 1 TotiKUf. I'nln I" H l.lo, TOIU'ID I They regulato tho Uowcln. rurciyee . SMALL PILL. SMALL DÜSE. SMALL PRICE. Genuine Must Bear Fac-Similo Signature REFUSE SUBSTITUTES.

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